Official: Mission report from the mobile unit of Commander in Chief Juliette Terzieff
From the earliest days of the Zombie Survival Crew, command has managed to successfully fend off numerous assaults by the Unnamed Government Agency (UGA),around our collective Z-poc and disaster preparation efforts. After several attempts in 2011, 2012 and early 2103, the UGA went fairly quiet…but we knew it was only a matter of time before they struck out again.
Recent events around ZSC commanders’ participation in a Kentucky event clearly demonstrate that the UGA remains active and interested in ZSC activities. Until ZSC Command is able to fully ascertain the UGA’s interest and intentions, we recommend the utmost caution by all ZSC members.
Consider the evidence from the recent appearance of ZSC Command members in Kentucky:
Red Brigade Sergeant at Arms Amy Sundberg was tailed by a white van, which she had previously spotted outside her residence, on the way to the airport for her journey to Kentucky. Sergeant at Arms Sundberg snapped a photo, and when the van’s occupants realized their cover was blown they passed her and got off the highway.
Both Sergeant at Arms Sundberg and Zombie Survival Crew commander-in-chief, yours truly, had close calls during our arrivals at the event location. Sundberg was faced with a non-English-speaking cab driver who took her through the same intersection three times, sparking concerns the ride might be a UGA kidnap attempt. Sundberg let the driver know she understood he was going in the wrong direction, and insisted she be taken immediately to her destination, prompting him to abort the obvious mission to detain.
As for me, my arrival at the host hotel involved a blatant attempt at destruction of ZSC commander gear by a UGA agent posing as a doorman. The person in question opened the trunk of our vehicle and proceeded to dump gear all over the street.
And that was before the weekend really began…
UGA operatives made their presence felt in the photo op lines, managing to cause significant confusion and frustration. Special Forces Commander Michael Rooker embarked on an impulse undercover mission during the photo ops assault and was ambushed while attempting to move stealthily through a side door. The ever-capable Rooker managed to escape capture and took temporary cover inside a neighborhood bistro.
In addition to blending lines and causing logistical chaos, one UGA operative managed to infiltrate the photo op booth. The agent posed as a hysterical female fan assaulted Sergeant at Arms Sundberg by “accidentally” tipping over Special Forces Commander Rooker’s full cup of hot coffee onto her feet and into the bag of valuable supplies she was guarding. The operative eluded capture in the ensuing chaos and could not be identified. No injury to Sundberg’s feet, significant damage to the contents of the bag.
The attacks didn’t stop ZSC Commanders from having a great time, with some timely assists from friendlies Jason Momoa, Joey Lauren Adams and Brian O’Halloran. Rooker, IronE Singleton, Lew Temple and Vincent Ward engaged in an impromptu football game to entertain waiting fans, and Rooker’s fighting edge was in full display when a fan asked him to “kick his butt.”
In a desperate attempt to thwart our operations, UGA agents managed to successfully shut down both Starbucks in the immediate area around noon on Sunday. Anyone who has spent time around me knows that a lack of coffee is truly cataclysmic. After a brief moment of confusion, ZSC cadres changed tactics and turned to Panera for our caffeine needs.
It is likely that UGA attempts will continue in the coming weeks and months….stay vigilant loyal ZSC members!!!