Command Under Attack

From the Commander-in-Chief

Priority Status: HIGH

Over the last several weeks we at Zombie Survival Crew command have been gathering, sorting and assessing zombie infiltration threats from ZSC loyalists and Commanders around the U.S. and the world.

There have been reports of zombie activity in Vermont, Texas and Illinois.

Confirmed sightings in Florida, Pennsylvania and New Jersey, as well as in Bulgaria and the U.K.

Our bottom line assessment is that the time to act is quickly approaching. With that in mind we prepared the following emergency dispatch PSA to alert Zombie Survival Crew members to the growing danger. But as you’ll see, our communications have been intercepted…several channels compromised. We believe we know who is behind the attack.

Zombie Survival Crew Command urges all members to make personal contact with Command at every opportunity. For those around Chicago next weekend, several senior ZSC commanders including myself, Jinxie G, Anthony Guajardo, Norman Reedus, Sean Patrick Flanery, David Della Rocco and Addy Miller, will be making appearances at the Wizard World Comicon. If you can beat the horde, please visit the official temporary Zombie Survival Crew command post at the event for a debriefing.

For those of you who are not – we hope you will be able to make personal contact over the coming months and rest assured The Oracle is working purple brigade magic to reestablish secure communications.

Stay tuned ZSC cadres…the danger level is rising.

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ZSC Takeover Bid?

Dispatcher: Sean Patrick Flanery

You know all of the ZSC Commanders have duct tape for a reason, right? You’ve seen them talk about it on Twitter, and it’s on their lists for their Go Bag essentials. Well, the duct tape is generally used to keep our fearless leader Juliette Terzieff in line because let me tell you, that woman is crazy sometimes!

All kidding aside, I’m here today to inform you of something I recently discovered. You see, I’ve been going through the files when I’m on duty in the Command Center to make sure I know exactly who these people are that I’m working with now. You can call it snooping if you’d like, but a guy’s gotta know what he’s dealing with around here.

I recently found this beauty:

That’s a picture of Juliette in a burqa, taken in Pakistan in 2004. She’s the one on the left.

Due to said picture, I’m inclined to suspect our fearless leader, folks. She says the outfit was necessary at the time for work, but I think she’s a lot more than meets the eye, and I’m determined to get to the bottom of this.

*looks at RC Murphy* What do you mean Jinxie G speaks Arabic? Hmm . . . I wonder how many other languages she speaks. And why did she keep it a secret from me? After all, I’m her first lieutenant… a commander should never keep secrets from her right hand man.

And speaking of secrets… *steals another look at RC Murphy* …I wonder how many other things commander Murphy knows that she’s not telling. Since she’s the command’s secret keeper, I’ll bet it’s a lot. I’m going to have to try to get close to her and see whether I can get her to spill. Maybe I can get her first lieutenant, Rocco, to help me out. I’m going to need the information she has.

Anyway, as you can see from this video, the one where our fearless leader *snorts* thinks I tried to run her over, that is definitely NOT the case. I pulled it off her phone when she wasn’t looking. Anthony Michael Hall helped me out with that one. Thanks, man.

Oh, she can claim I tried to run her over all she wants, but I think it’s pretty apparent that I was just having fun there.

And speaking of Anthony Michael Hall, I really need to find out what makes his commander tick. How does the Oracle know all that she does? I think she might hold the key to the entire operation. That alone makes me suspicious, but Anthony Michael trusts her, and he’s pretty savvy, so I’ll just keep a watchful eye for now.

In a nutshell, I am beginning to suspect quite a few things around here, but not to worry; I’ll get to the bottom of it all and keep you, dear crew members, informed.

And if I have to take over to get this place running correctly, you can bet I will.

 


Spooky Empire – Mission Completed

Saturday

Saturday morning found ZSC Command members gathered round the resort’s Starbucks in search of coffee cups big enough to hold the amount of caffeine we all needed before the Con doors flew open.

And when the doors opened – it sparked a 10-hour onslaught of zombies, demons, bloody priests and people with chainsaws where their hands should have been.

The Walking Dead and Boondock Saints casts were in front of us, Night of the Living Dead to our right, with Bruce Campbell, Ted Raimi and Anthony Michael Hall behind us.

Rocco came over to work the Zombie Survival Crew table and lend some extra Command support. Rocco’s move brought Blue Brigade Commander Norman over for a bit. Norman jumped right in and completed a few ZSC Command missions, and got so enthusiastic about it we had to physically stop him at one point.

The Command support of his two Boondock Saints cohorts drew Sean’s attention as well – though it later became apparent Sean has a different take on what ZSC Command structure should ultimately look like. It’s a disconnect I thought we had settled out after the Albuquerque Comicon – but he and I are trying to work it out. Or rather, I’m running from, hoping Sean won’t go jujitsu on me!

Norman, Greg Nicotero, Jon, Steve, Anthony and the rest of The Walking Dead took off mid-afternoon for their panel which many fans later picked as one of the highlights of the weekend. Nicotero thrilled the fans with information about effects and the magic he and his team work on The Walking Dead zombies.

While the gang was gone Lisa and I took the opportunity to scarf down the chicken ZSC loyalist Leigh-Anne procured for lunch, and found ourselves embroiled in impromptu Command strategy sessions with Anthony Michael Hall, Ted Raimi and Michael Kenworthy.

Within an hour all three gentlemen convinced me they were valuable assets to ZSC Command – and I enthusiastically issued rank assignments on the spot.

As the sun began to set, the Con wound down and the after events ramped up. Leigh-Anne volunteered to act as scout and went ahead to scope the VIP party crowd for potential UGA attackers. She immediately felt the eyes of surveillance upon her, but communicated the belief it was safe for Command to enter – as long as we were careful to avoid predator drone attacks.

Norman, Sean, Rocco and Anthony held their own, and ultimately it was Leigh-Anne – our brave volunteer – who suffered the first real loss of the evening when a UGA agent managed to procure her room key. As volunteer keeper of the Communication network she would be repeatedly targeted throughout the evening. We have yet to discern the “why” behind these assaults but can only assume it is an attempt by the UGA to remove Command’s support systems.

We bobbed, weaved and shimmied – and unlike the previous night it was because of the rockin’ music at the poolside party. We even managed to eat at a relatively decent hour. I just wish I could report we actually went to bed at a decent hour. Oh, don’t worry. We all paid the price…

 

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Sunday

My alarm might as well have had laryngitis for all the good its squeaking did in terms of waking up the living dead (me) that occupied my room Sunday morning. A text message on the other hand seems to have miraculous regenerative powers. Just sayin’.

The call to Anthony and Lisa – to see if they were still among the living – turned into an exchange of moans and groans any zombie would envy. Pretty sure none of us understood what any of the others were saying.

I didn’t quite realize how bad things were until I turned on the light in the bathroom. And I’ll be honest. I screamed. Puffy swollen eyes. Blotchy skin. A general green tone to the skin. For a few heart-pounding moments I feared the UGA had somehow unleashed another assault and infected me. But no. I was thinking, so I couldn’t be a zombie. I think, therefore I am, right?

Phew. Disaster avoided.

Sort of.

Sunday was a blur of monster assaults and UGA probes that seemed to be occurring within a live-action role play of a Marx Brothers routine.

As I attempted to decode an early morning email from Anthony Michael Hall, and Lisa helped Anthony try out a coffin, Leigh-Anne volunteered for a desert mission under extreme conditions. I couldn’t quite believe she still had enough left in the tank to take on a mission of mercy to resupply ZSC command – but she did, and reported back with biscuit sandwiches and coffee.

It was around this time that I ended up with Anthony Michael Hall’s bank card. The scenario that led me to be guarding the card reminded me of an old Danny Kaye movie scene from The Court Jester where he’s trying to remember this tongue-twister: The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true… What? Oh forget it, don’t ask.

On a mission to get something from the ZSC Command vehicle, I opened loading docks doors only to find myself nearly tackled by one Jon Bernthal, who had apparently managed to get stuck outside under the burning Florida sun for some time. Jon did better than Norman, Rocco and I when we all ended up in the Sahara ourselves a little while later.

When Michael Kenworthy decided to don his new ZSC Command tshirt, he changed mid-room without thinking it through – and ended up with people throwing dollars at him. To say he blushed when he realized his mistake would be the understatement of the decade.

Steve played a quick game of ball with The Walking Dead cast mates Chandler Riggs, Adrian Kali Turner and Addy Miller that involved a ninja strike from Norman before he had to take off for his next mission.


Spooky Empire May-Hem ~ Friday

New ZSC Con procedures after Spooky Empire

Priority Status: High

As a result of events at Spooky Empire, Zombie Survival Crew, we now have a new standard operating procedure for all future Cons. ZSC cadres are requested to check in with Command as early as possible to set parameters for Command protection and integrity for the duration of the event.

Let me tell you why….

It was apparent pretty early on that Spooky Empire May-Hem was going to live up to its name.

My eventually successful attempt to retrieve Light Blue Brigade Commander Anthony Guajardo and his mother Lisa from the airport involved about 35 minutes of driving around in circles – which, I have to say is vastly less exhausting than running around in circles, but still kind of crazy. Shortly after we got to the resort, Lisa crashed in my room. Within minutes? Anthony crashed. Shortly thereafter yours truly was dreaming about sugar plum fairies.

When we awoke – now hopelessly late for set up and early meetings – we immediately discussed the possibility that the Unnamed Government Agency had somehow infiltrated the event and put us all out for reasons we probably wouldn’t want to guess.

Set up involved a crazy mad dash into the celebrity signing room where we would spend the weekend recruiting new members as personalities from The Walking Dead, Boondock Saints, Night of the Living Dead and Evil Dead thrilled the fans.

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ZSC loyalist @buttrscotchboom (a.k.a. Leigh-Anne) showed up shortly after the event opened and adopted a defensive position to assist Command. And she got there just in time – as I was soon to fall victim to a gruesome attack by Bill Hinzman, better known as Zombie #1 from George Romero’s masterpiece Night of the Living Dead. I did manage to escape with an assist from Leigh-Anne and Lisa only to discover that Anthony was passed out on the ZSC table. We revived him – debriefed around the assault that left him incapacitated – and proceeded to scour the room for potential UGA moles.

Put simply? We knew we were in trouble.

Steve Yeun, Jon Bernthal and Chandler Riggs from The Walking Dead were kind enough to jump in and lend a hand on a quick ZSC mission with the Boondock Saints and ZSC First Lieutenant David Della Rocco – while we awaited reinforcements in the form of Blue Brigade Commander Norman Reedus and First Lieutenant Sean Patrick Flanery (both of whom were also waylaid by what we suspect was UGA-crafted roadblocks).

By the time Norman arrived on the scene we were in full defensive deployment mode. We – with our allies from the Dixon’s Vixens – informed Blue Brigade Commander of the multiple attempted attacks just as a predator drone strike took aim at Norman. He was able to escape but inadvertently left Rocco in the line of fire. We bobbed. We weaved. We even retreated at one point to try and regroup. The UGA was relentless. I left Rocco and Anthony with armed guards Leigh-Anne and Lisa and ventured – at 3 a.m. – to find us some food to keep up our strength.

The food resupply was just what we needed to help us strategize – we crafted code words, evac plans and communications to aid us in predator evasion and keeping Command intact for the weekend.

With that, we were ready to face the hordes. Or so we thought ….


Taking The ZSC To You

Convention season is upon us, ladies and gentlemen. Your commanders are packing their bags, checking their weapons, all in preparation to meet YOU, the ZSC faithful. Consider this our thanks to you for having our backs since day one.

Where will you find the Zombie Survival crew on our current string of missions through the end of June?

May 21-22 Dallas Comic Con with ZSC Commanders: Juliette Terzieff, R.C. Murphy, Anthony Guajardo, Neil Brown Jr., and Jim Burleson

May 27-29 Spooky Empire’s MayHem in Orlando with ZSC Commanders: Juliette Terzieff and Anthony Guajardo, plus official MayHem guests Sean Patrick Flanery, Norman Reedus, and David Della Rocco.

June 10-12 Contagion: Outbreak in Omaha with ZSC Commanders: Juliette Terzieff and Jinxie G., plus official Contagion guests Neil Brown Jr. and Anthony Guajardo.

June 17-19 Wizard World Philadelphia with ZSC Commanders: Juliette Terzieff and Anthony Guajardo, plus official Wizard World guests Sean Patrick Flanery, Norman Reedus and IronE Singleton

June 24-26 Contamination in St Louis with ZSC Commanders: Juliette Terzieff and Jinxie G., plus official Contamination guests Sean Patrick Flanery, Norman Reedus and David Della Rocco.

Can’t make it out to visit with us at one of the conventions? Don’t worry. The ZSC has a few contests lined up for you guys. Let’s not forget the Sideshow Collectibles contest to win a zombie to call your own that runs until May 20th.

And site members, be sure to hop over to the Members Only section. There you can leave questions for the commanders. We’ll answer anything you can think of (so long as we’re sure the UGA isn’t watching…)

Hope y’all are prepared for ZSC madness live and in person!


ZSC: From the Beginning

Historian: R. C. Murphy

A lot has happened since the Zombie Survival Crew opened its doors to the public. So much so that we’re having trouble figuring out who is on our side and who is out to destroy us. Are you the crew member turned spy? Have any of your fearless commanders been compromised or brainwashed? Only time will tell. Take a look at our history and see if you can figure out what’s in store for the ZSC.

Everything started out innocently enough. In a bid to be prepared should the worst happen, Juliette began to gather an elite group of persons she could trust at the end of days. We had no clue then that an Unknown Government Agency (UGA) monitored her Twitter feed. Upon releasing the blog post disclosing her plan, Juliette received an invitation from this agency. They would fund her efforts to ready mankind against a zombie invasion and aid her in recruiting efforts globally.

Now, we all know Juliette. She’s very no-nonsense and shoots from the hip (metaphorically, you can’t aim a crossbow that way). Those of us brought in as commanders knew it was only a matter of time before the UGA took exception to how she ran things. I’m mean, seriously, the woman can’t say hello anymore without someone threatening her with an axe, machete, or putting her in a choke hold. Sure enough, not a week after the ZSC began recruiting she got called in to meet with our handlers. Mr. E. and Mr. C. weren’t very forthcoming with details. They picked Juliette up and we lost contact with her for a few weeks.

With a new crew coming into Command, Anthony stepped up to brief them. Because of Juliette’s abduction, he filmed his dispatch to the troops at an undisclosed location. Despite our best efforts to keep him safe, the UGA managed to find him. In a display of bravery and dedication to the Zombie Survival CrewTM, Anthony managed to get the message off to us before someone snatched him. We could only assume our friendly neighborhood UGA handlers were to blame. If he left when they began breaking down the barricade, would he have escaped? We think so – he’s too well versed in evasion tactics to have failed.

Tension rose in the ZSC command center. How many of us would be black-bagged? We searched endlessly for something, anything that would lead us to Juliette and Anthony. Just when it seemed like all hope was lost, our communication experts were able to locate the GPS tracker on Juliette’s phone. The signal didn’t last long, but we traced it to a stretch of desert outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Using her (wicked sweet) stealth skills, R.C. scouted the presumed UGA stronghold. As feared, the encampment was heavily guarded, nearly impenetrable. But we know better than to take appearances at face value. R.C. wrote up her report and handed it over to ZSC loyalists. Several plans were worked out in great detail. Wulfie, one of the best strategists we’ve come across, came up with The Plan. She had a squadron at her disposal and any supplies we could muster.

The plan still failed.

As Anthony and Juliette were exiting the underground labyrinth of the UGA stronghold, security officers overwhelmed our inside crew. Our commanders were recaptured. To this day we do not know what happened to the troops sent inside to perform the rescue mission. We received a video feed, Zulu 1032, which showed just how bad it got at the end of the mission. The losses were heartbreaking.

In the week after the failed rescue, the ZSC commanders attempted to rally the troops and keep morale up. However, there were some strange incidents noticed by SAPPED officer Wulfie that didn’t quite seem… right. First Lieutenant Sean Patrick Flanery began to speak in code and at one point left a strange message scrawled on the wall of the command center. No one saw him accomplish this feat. Rumors began to surface that he gained control of commander LK’s flux capacitor. Possibly with help from the UGA?

We can gloss over the zombie bunny infestation… What? No. We are!

More important than undead cute things, our SAPPED officers discovered devices hidden in the ZSC command center. Analysis proved they were recording phone conversations and anything said within the building. The devices were disposed of. We are unsure of how they got in. There may be a mole in our midst.

Things around Command quieted down for a while. We were struggling to get a lock on Anthony and Juliette’s new location after the UGA’s base was destroyed. Out of the blue Green Brigade commander IronE Singleton received a message from Juliette asking to meet him in Atlanta. With a squadron waiting in the wings, he went to the meeting. Sure enough, it was Juliette there in the flesh, but something seemed… off. Before IronE could secure her and bring her back to Command, Juliette took off. Her location is currently unknown. Members are encouraged to approach her with caution. We do not know what was done to her while in UGA custody.

Another problem came to attention shortly after Juliette’s strange appearance and disappearance. SAPPED officer Grae Wolffe, while attempting to provide technical aid for one of the command team, became a target of interest for the UGA. They intercepted the parcel he shipped off, took the sensitive materials within, and returned the envelope to him with obvious chew marks on one corner. No one could have known he planed to mail anything to Command—unless they’d been monitoring private communications.

The UGA has gone so far to isolate ZSC commanders that they’ve cut off internet service to commander Jinxie G’s residence. She has been forced to communicate through an unreliable cell phone signal and WiFi hotspots. Obviously she hit on something big, but without a secure line of communication we can’t be sure. We need the information in her possession. It could be exactly what we need to gain an upper hand over the UGA.

Late Breaking News: A coded message has been emailed to Command. We are working to decipher the encryption. So far all we know is it’s been sent from a newly made email address via cell phone. When we know more, you will be the first to know.


Wulfie’s Retribution: SAPPED!

Chief’s Note: Newly promoted Special Agent, Premier Protection Enforcement Division (SAPPED) officer @Wulfie_ has observed the following recent activity within Zombie Survival Crew Command.

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SAPPED UPDATE:

At 9:32 PM on Feb 9th a group of ZSC members were gathered together in the Compound Mess Hall when something sped past us. Not everyone noticed, but a couple of us sensed that…something had moved through the room with such speed and stealth that it had to have been supernatural.

While inspecting the room Crew members discovered this message sent out via twitter by Sean Patrick Flanery:

David Cameron sings it out…!!!!!!! …Amen, brother.”

Gibberish? Not if Command knows Sean. Drunk? We think not. It is far more likely one of two things. Sean was showing off his stealth abilities and decided to rub our noses in it by taking the time to leave us a note so we’d know it had been him. Or he has been captured by the same Unknown Government Agency that kidnapped Juliette and Anthony and left us a coded message informing us of the situation.

Personally, I hope Sean was just showing off and, at the same time, teaching us that we need to be on guard AT ALL TIMES. But if this isn’t the case, my guess is that LK Gardner-Griffie‘s Flux Capacitor is now in the hands of the Unknown Government Agency (UGA). LK may or may not be aware of the theft. She may or may not be working with UGA. Further investigation will be required before we’ll know.

A Flux Capacitor is the ONLY thing that explains the way Sean was able to move, undetected, in and out of a room filled with people.  Because he has proven himself to be a highly regarded and trusted member of the ZSC I don’t believe he has betrayed us, or that he’s acting against us. It is far more likely that he has been kidnapped by UGA.

Sean is more than capable of avoiding capture by defending himself – as noted in my earlier report. However, being a loyalist to the ZSC, he is perfectly capable of allowing himself to be captured in an effort to locate Juliette and Anthony. It is my belief that Sean has been kidnapped by UGA and that he somehow managed to find and use LK’s Capacitor long enough to get a message to us, informing us of his abduction without being detected by the UGA. Clearly, he would not abandon Juliette and Anthony to UGA which is, probably, why he returned to wherever it is they’re all being held.

I recommend that a Red Alert be issued at once and that a full investigation begin including the following steps:

  1. Find out if LK and/or her Flux Capacitor are missing. Stealing only the Capacitor would have been the smartest thing for UGA to do because we’d have no reason to suspect anything was wrong or that it was missing, especially if LK is all right.
  2. Establish if Sean has been kidnapped and…who is taking care of Donut in his absence.
  3. Decrypt the coded message Sean left us.
  4. Ascertain if any of these events were the result of the ZSC having been infiltrated with spies and, if so, locate them.

    It may be that there are no spies and that the ZSC Headquarters has been bugged.* If that’s the case we need to run a thorough sweep for all devices and remove them. It would be smart to leave several of these devices in place thus allowing UGA to believe we have no idea what’s going on. We may be able to reverse the spyware so that we can track the signal back to its origin. This may lead us to where the three victims are being held or it may only lead us to an UGA agent or two. If it leads to agents then I highly recommend allowing Neil Brown Jr., RC Murphy, and Norman Reedus to interview them in whatever manner they see fit.

  5. Once everyone is cleared, assign protection details around the other Commanding Officers and First Lieutenants in order to protect them from being kidnapped as well.
  6. Locate where Juliette, Anthony and Sean are, whether they’re being held together, and rescue them. It’s unlikely they’re being held together. At the very least Sean will be separated from them and, perhaps, kept unconscious because of his fighting abilities.
  7. Find, retrieve, or destroy, the Flux Capacitor so that it cannot be used against us again. Perhaps LK, if she isn’t a victim of kidnapping/mind control, or a spy, can help with this plan. Surely she and Jim Burleson can put together a plan to enable us to do this. (If Jim Burleson hasn’t fallen victim and isn’t a spy.)
  8. We need to kick the UGA’s ass once and for all.

*Be sure to check and get rid of the secret #zombiebunneh hidden in the main operations room – what better place for a bug than in the belly of a fuzzy wuzzy zombie bunneh? Whoever gets this job should be prepared to deal with RCMurphy by distracting her with chocolate, striped knee socks, or new blankets for her personal cave.

That is all.

Wulfie


Preparing for all contingencies

 

Chief’s Note: the decision to publish the following assessment from ZSC Member @Wulfie_ was not taken lightly. She has inadvertently uncovered internal Command structure and planning secrets. Retribution is not out of the question.

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Let’s face a few things here. No matter how the Zombie Apocalypse begins or ends it isn’t going to be pretty. Not all of us are going to make it.

Sure, we have the Zombie Survival Crew. We’re gathering forces, training, getting ready to defend ourselves. But there will be battles, and casualties. People we care about will go down and, if they rise up again, are we prepared to take them out? What would you do if one of our Commanders, or First Lieutenants, got infected and decided you’d make a nice snack?

Last week Neil Brown Jr. delivered a valuable dispatch designed to help us survive in the event of a cataclysmic global event. With that in mind I’ve written a report profiling the ZSC officers we look to for advice, protection and communications. Yes, they’re well trained, but if they become infected with the zombie virus, we need to know how to protect ourselves. This is especially true if the zombies we have to deal with aren’t just shamblers but intelligent walkers.

 

FIRST LIEUTENANTS:

David Della Rocco is the one who’s going to catch us off-guard because, while we’re rearing back from his zombie appearance, he’s going to be throwing out the funny one liners. Being stressed out by the apocalypse is going to have us off our game and one good joke will have us snickering, then chuckling, then laughing our backsides off. He’ll be making some wise crack about The Walking Dead. We’ll be trying to hold ourselves up because we’re laughing too hard and that’s when he’ll get us with his weapon of choice: the chainsaw. Watch out for the zombies who can make you laugh; they’ll kill you with the jokes first and their teeth later.

Jim Burleson is trouble from the get go as a zombie, or otherwise. He’s gifted at orchestrating major events which means he’ll be the one putting together the zombie attack plans. His secret weapon is a Ball Pein Hammer. Ouch. The problem in dealing with him as a zombie is that he’s smart enough to have designed a plan hidden within a plan that’s hidden within another plan. By the time you figure out something’s going on, you’ve got a hammer slamming you between the eyes. This one needs to go fast, if he’s turned, or we’re all dead.

If Neil Brown Jr. gets zombified, he’s going to be on the front lines of any planned attack because he can bring it. Our lead vato is going to go ballistic and run off in all directions trying to find out whose fault it was that Neil got turned. (It will probably be Jim Burleson’s fault because he’ll know what a strong zombie Neil will make.) Neil’s dangerous as a mere mortal; put him in a meat suit that doesn’t feel pain and he’s going to cut loose with his martial arts as soon as he’s used up his katana. If he isn’t drop kicking you into your next life, then he’s going to be charming you with that hypnotic voice and calm demeanor, and will probably talk you into believing that it’s a great idea if you allow him to bite one of your fingers; after all, you’ve got nine others, right? Either way – you’re dead meat.

Pauline Campos is our first female zombified Lieutenant. Don’t be fooled by her gender. She’s got a Mexi-fro that no man in his right mind could resist. While said male is distracted by that and trying to help her with her diaper bag, she’s going to be nibbling on his appendages and shooting anyone who tries to stop her with her .45 ACP pistol. As a former newswoman, she intuitively knows where the action is and the best place to position herself to get to the…meat of the matter. Watch out for this little hottie from hell should she be looking in your direction with zombie eyes.

Sean Patrick Flanery as a zombie? All I can say is head for the hills, kids! I’ve seen this guy in action and, the way he takes out a Jedi Warrior with his mad skills, none of us stand a chance. Jus’ sayin’. Besides, having 2 black belts in Karate and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, this guy is walking death to the walking living. After reviewing his portfolio, I’m betting that the first thing he’ll do if he becomes a zombie is to infect his specially trained assassin dog, Donut. Don’t let the name fool you. If you see Sean coming…shoot AND run because if you don’t take him down with the first shot, you’re just going to piss him off. Donut will catch you and be gnawing off your leg, while Sean sidles up to finish you off. If Sean goes Zombie, it’ll take a fleet of us to bring him down.

 

BRIGADE LEADERS:

 

LK Gardner-Griffie was abducted into the ZSC at the point of a crossbow. Not a good sign. If she’s zombified and teams up with Jim Burleson, we might as well give it up…unless they’ve been brain damaged. Because if their brains are in tact then, between the two of them, we’ve had the meat…er…become the meat. She’s got files on us and, if she happens to retain that information, she’s going to know exactly who each and every one of us are and where we live. She’ll assemble groups of Geeks to take us out one by one, moving from the most threatening down to us lesser munchies. If she actually happens to own a functioning flux capacitor…we might as well slit our own throats because the attacks will be like something out of Star Trek. Teams of zombies will be beaming in and out. We won’t know what bit us. In fact, it’s a safe bet that we’ll be zombiefied before we even realize we’re dead. LK will be at the very top of our Most Wanted list if she’s turned.

Don’t let Anthony Guajardo’s youth and pretty face fool you. He never goes anywhere without the protection of his dogs and is extremely dangerous, as proven by the fact that he has survived encounters with Daryl Dixon and “T-Dog”. He may look innocent, but he’s not. Be wary of him because when he’s not side-tracking you with the cuteness, he’s going to be hacking away with his machete looking for some finger food.

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RC Murphy’s weapon of choice of is the sword but she seems to have a somewhat unhealthy obsession with our fearless leader’s sacred crossbow. This one hides behind a facade of outrageously funny mood swings and ADD tendencies. The trouble here is that it’s a clever ruse masking the fact that she’s actually psychotic. Several of her other personalities are made of the stuff that no one, and I do mean NO-ONE, on the ZSC wants, or is prepared to deal with. Don’t be fooled by her mild mannered wife and mother persona. There’s some real evil in her lusting to break free and being zombified might be just the thing that does it. Watch out for this cutie. Trust me on that. Also…avoid the Z’s.

Ah yes, our beloved, multi-tasking and somewhat flighty Jinxie_G. Self-proclaimed creator and destroyer of worlds. On top of being an Amazon, she’s proficient with the compound bow. Being nocturnal and constantly pumped up on caffeine and nicotine makes her hyper-vigilant. As long as she’s one of us, we’re fine. But if she goes zombie, I’d suggest the duck and cover technique. A grenade, or explosive of some kind, might be our only choice in taking her down as a zombie. The problem with this is, she has a gaggle of supernatural buddies who can step in at any time and kick our collective butts. Our best bet is to make sure, she’s not Turned.

IronE Singleton’s weapon of choice is the up-close-and-personal hammer. YIKES! Add his willingness to get a bloody facial to his passion for work, life and family and he’s a formidable opponent. He’s one of the most huggable on the crew and that makes him more dangerous than all the others. The shortage of hugs during any apocalypse makes IronE (a.k.a. Mr. Huggy) particularly dangerous. Watch yourselves! He might look like a teddy bear but embracing this zombie is a fast-track to zombification.

Now we get to Norman Reedus. Oy! Norman’s weapons training, crossbow abilities, and his gift for remaining clear and focused on missions makes him a valuable commodity to the ZSC. He’s an expert survivalist which, I’m sure will save our butts if we’re on the run. He handles stress swiftly and directly – though I have to wonder what’s going on behind those eyes when he’s just sitting around in silence. I believe Norman would make the most dangerous zombie of us all.  In character as Daryl Dixon he’s shown patience, reserve and a willingness and ability to set his personal feelings aside and just get on with surviving. But I think he’s got a long memory and is capable of a multitude of surprises that could prove dangerous if he’s pushed too far. Right now he’s on our side and doing his part. But all of us need to remember that he doesn’t need us and he might very well be better off without us. We’re liabilities to him and I’m sure he knows this. At the same time, in the event of a zombie attack, he’ll have a few bodies to throw at them while he makes his getaway. As a zombie…yeah…I’d be totally unable to predict what he’s capable of so let’s try to make sure he stays human – that’s dangerous enough. 

Our fearless leader, Juliette Terzieff, the humanitarian. She is the official leader of the ZSC and that’s an understatement. She might be known for running around in circles screaming, but don’t let her fool you. She’s not flighty. She’s not overwhelmed. (Tired yes, overwhelmed, no.) There are things we don’t know about her; things she has hidden from us – a move any good leader should make, by the way. But let’s remember that she’s been in actual war zones and heavily involved in international politics. While her human heart is humanitarian, I’m positive her zombie heart would be zombitarian. As the leader of the ZSC, she’d be a primary target for an intelligent zombie invasion.  She’s the one that knows everything about everyone, including information that the rest of us don’t have access to. Information that she may, or may not, share with those under her immediate command. She could turn zombie and set us all up for the biggest fall yet and none of us would know it. As a zombie she could infect each of those closest to her, until the rest of us are wiped out. If that happens it won’t be long before she’s giving out bags of human meat instead of the bags of chocolate that her human self awards us with. Keep an eye on Juliette. Don’t let her height fool you either; one round of ChaCha Ferrigno and you’d be zombie food.

Moral of this report, friends and neighbors? Watch your back and don’t forget for one second that, despite our best efforts to organize and band together in the event of the Zombie Apocalypse, any one of us could become a casualty.