This week, horror fans got their fill of character’s brains on the ground. While the other show took every opportunity to draw out the drama from the character’s deaths, AvED went full splatstick, showing close-ups while Ash attempts to piece his father together again after the Classic mowed him down. It’s no use. There’s not enough skull intact to hold it all in place, plus Brock’s missing an eye—which is neatly embedded in the Delta’s grille. It stares down Pablo and Ash while they discuss a plan of action over Brock’s corpse. The plan, apparently, is for Pablo to charge the possessed car by himself and become its captive alongside the sheriff’s daughter. Pretty sure that’s not how one wins the war against evil.
Pablo’s newfound bravery is a farce. He’s reacting purely from fear and Evil knows it, manipulating Pablo to do what it wants through his bizarre connection to the Necronomicon. Matter of fact, the fallout from one conversation with the book changes everything for Ash and his team. We’ve waited so long for Pablo to finally step up and be the hero, but he’s going about it the wrong way. So now we get to sit and watch him set the world ablaze. Neat. Maybe we’ll get more super-intense visions, like the car crash, along the way. I loved the mild shock from watching Pablo stagger around with a steel bar longer than he is tall through his chest.
The possessed Delta isn’t their only problem. In true men-sense, the guys completely overlook the demonspawn still camped in the crematorium in favor of chasing the Classic to the local demolition derby stadium. Ash even takes a highly intoxicated Chet along for the pursuit. That leaves the ladies on the team to take care of Ruby’s ill-behaved children. What Ruby didn’t take into account is that they’ve spent their time gaining strength in order to fulfill their father’s wishes. The spawn are way stronger than their mother now. Kelly saves Ruby’s bacon a couple times—gratitude is a sensation I’m sure is completely foreign to Ruby. This is the first solid moment the ladies have had where they were just as hardcore as the men without eventually falling back on Ash’s uncanny competence at killing in order to win the day’s battle. They mow through the demonspawn with a couple close-calls on the getting maimed front.
Unfortunately, killing the demonspawn doesn’t do a thing to slow Baal’s roll. Pablo gives him a Get Out Of Hell Free card when he listens to the Necronomicon and together they open a hellgate in the Classic’s trunk. Great. Now we’re cooking with fire. Bring on the big bad. Things are about to get even worse and I cannot wait.
Light Blue Brigade’s First Lieutenant Ted Raimi already has the single most important weapon to survive the pending Z-pocalypse – expertise. With years of experience playing, directing and battling against any and all manner of all dead, undead or just mostly dead behind him, Smith & Wesson in one hand and cattle prod in the other, Mr. Raimi brings his expertise to the front lines, ensuring that the western coast is well protected and prepared.
Ted Raimi first arrived on the screen in 1981, appearing in the now infamous and wonderfully nauseating film Evil Dead, where he got an early taste (excuse me) for dealing with… well… evil dead. He went on to appear in and direct many films, including Midnight Meat Train, The Grudge, Drag Me to Hell, and a small but memorable role alongside fellow First Lieutenant Sean Patrick Flanery in Masters of Horror: The Damned Thing.
On the smaller screen, we’ve seen him in episodes of Supernatural, Code Monkeys, Legend of the Seeker, Xena: Warrior Princess, and Your Dungeon, My Dragon. Mr. Raimi also directed the webseries Playing Dead.
He also wrote and directed several episodes of Morbid Minutes in 2011, as well as the short film My Treat in 2009. In 2012 he appeared in Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader and Oz The Great and Powerful. In 2014 he appeared in Murder of a Cat, and currently in production are the films Purgatory and Semblance.
Not long ago, undercover ZSC operatives discovered what was initially suspected to be evidence of First Lieutenant Raimi’s questionable motives for joining ZSC Command. It seems he has in the past connected with the Zombie Rights Campaign, a fringe operation devoted to supporting the rights of the mindless creatures that may replace us at the top of the food chain in the very near future. We suspected then and now that such a group was a cover for something far more nefarious. However, we have now learned that he was in fact working in a deep-cover operation with long-time friend and covert operative Bruce Campbell, until their cover was blown by an unusually observant zombie. First Lt. Raimi was forced withdraw and report back to Command empty handed.
First Lieutenant Raimi is currently on special assignment in an undisclosed location, and we are confident that this mission will be fully successful. Be sure to check out his website www.tedraimi.com for more updates!
If you’re just joining us for this series, please be sure to check out our previous Commander Monday reports!
With years of experience playing, directing and battling against any and all manner of all dead, undead or just mostly dead behind him, Light Blue Brigade’s First Lieutenant Ted Raimi already has the single most important weapon to survive the pending Z-pocalypse – expertise. Situated in an undisclosed location somewhere near Los Angeles alongside Commander Anthony Guajardo, Smith & Wesson in one hand and cattle prod in the other, Raimi brings that expertise to the front lines, and ensures that the western coast is well protected and prepared.
Ted Raimi first arrived on the screen in 1981, appearing in the now infamous and wonderfully nauseating Evil Dead, where he got an early taste (excuse me) for dealing with… well… evil dead. He went on to appear in many films, including Midnight Meat Train, Drag Me to Hell, and a small but memorable role alongside fellow First Lieutenant Sean Patrick Flanery in Masters of Horror: The Damned Thing. On the smaller screen, we’ve seen him in episodes of Supernatural, Code Monkeys, Legend of the Seeker, Xena: Warrior Princess, and Your Dungeon, My Dragon.
After very extensive investigations, this reporter has uncovered what may be an awkward and uncomfortable truth about First Lt Raimi’s true intentions. It seems he has in the past connected with the Zombie Rights Campaign, a fringe operation devoted to supporting the rights of the mindless creatures that may replace us at the top of the food chain in the very near future. It is this reporter’s opinion that such a group could only be a cover for something much more nefarious, which brings to light the possibility that LT. Raimi’s motives for accepting the role of ZSC leadership may not be what they seem. However, more extensive recon has failed to turn up any further evidence of questionable activities. For now, we will adopt a cautiously optimistic wait-and-watch stance, and trust in Our Fearless Leader’s decision to bring him in without question. He is Ted Raimi after all. When it comes right down to it, he’ll be right there with us on the second rung from the top of the food chain on Z-Day.
Be sure to keep an eye out for Mr. Raimi’s future endeavors, including Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader in 2012. In 2013 we’re expecting to see Mr. Raimi in Oz The Great and Powerful, a prequel to The Wizard of Oz which will (unfortunately) probably not have any zombie story lines. We’re also keeping a watchful eye on High Midnight, which is currently in production.
With the holidays upon us, things have been a little hectic around the command center. Not only are processing all the reports coming in of suspected zombie activity, and with the cold temperatures who knows what will happen, the Oracle is dancing around sprinkling tinsel everywhere and has put up so many blinking lights the command center looks like a 70’s discotech. So despite the serious task at hand, command does have the holiday spirit.
And now to bring you a little holiday cheer is the commander of the Orange Brigade, our very own RC Murphy. And if this isn’t proof that she’s been spending too much time with the zombie bunnies, then I don’t know what is.
Walkin’ in a Zombiepocalypse (to the tune of Winter Wonderland)
lyrics by RC Murphy
Zombies groan, can you hear ’em? On the walls, blood is glistenin’ A horrific sight, A world full of fright Walkin’ in a Zombiepocalypse.
Gone away is the old world, Here to stay is a new world Of death everywhere And being so scared, Walkin’ in a Zombiepocalypse.
On the sidewalk lays a rotting body, It begins to twitch and moan and groan. He’ll rise, very hungry We’ll arm up then And blow that sucker’s Brains all over town.
Later on, he’ll expire, As we set him on fire His face full of rage We’re saving the day, Walkin’ in a Zombiepocalypse
Everybody SING! Walkin’ in a Zombiepocalypse… Walkin’ in a Zombiepocalypse… Walkin’ in a Zombiepocalypse…
It has been a wild, crazy, and sometimes downright chaotic twelve months. For those of us who were here when the foundation was laid for the Zombie Survival Crew, those twelve months have flown by. When we sat back recently to look over the progress we’ve made we realized how truly astonishing an accomplishment this empire really is.
And we couldn’t have done it without you, our ever-faithful crew members.
Day by day our numbers grow and we’re introduced to new folks that are eager, ready to take on the shambling horde coming our way with nothing more than a 2×4 and their courage to aid them. The sentiment warms our hearts. It also makes us realize how lucky we are that you all have accepted us so readily. Your support has taken the ZSC from, “I wonder if…” to reality with enough energy left over to drag us into our second year of existence.
Somehow, someway, you’ve found yourself neck deep in the Zombie Survival Crew website. Don’t worry, this is a good thing. Whether you wandered in off the street after meeting us at a convention, or had a well-meaning friend slip the link onto your Twitter/Facebook page, you are welcome and encouraged to participate and browse around the site.
You may be asking yourself, why do I need to be prepared for the zombie apocalypse? We ask, why aren’t you already? The survival skills imparted on this website will not only help you escape being eaten by a reanimated corpse, but also ensure you are capable of surviving any number of natural or man-made disasters such as flooding, tornadoes, or even a full-scale riot in your home town. You can never be too prepared, a motto we take to heart.
There is a softer, though far from cuddly side to the ZSC. When we aren’t scouring the globe for new recruits, your commanders let their hair down and get to know site members better. We introduce fans of the zombie, horror, and sci-fi genres to movies, television shows, and art they may not have been aware of before. There are also numerous contest opportunities coming up in the near future. (Our prize room is getting somewhat cluttered…)
The ZSC also does it part to help those in need when disaster DOES strike. When we can, we help our celebrity commanders pass on information and aid relief efforts the world-over.
So how do you become an official member of the Zombie Survival Crew? Our registration page is easy, straight forward, and FREE. Once you’ve signed up and confirmed via email, you will be randomly slated into one of our Brigades. Each brigade has a commander and a certain set of skills they are to master in order to help the ZSC as a whole continue to move forward with our efforts. From there on out, how much you want to participate is purely up to you. If you wish to sit back and absorb information posted by the command team, go for it. Feel like you have something to say? We encourage members post their thoughts on the articles posted. Or, if you are an artist, writer, or filmmaker, we’d like for you to contribute articles, stories, art, or videos.
Get it? Got it? If not, feel free to ask us whatever questions you have about the site. We don’t bite, honest! The Command team is here not only to teach you how to survive, but to help you.
Brace yourselves Zombie Survival Crew. Light Blue Brigade First Lieutenant Ted Raimi knows what it means to battle the undead and will mince no words when addressing the Zombie Survival Crew troops.
Now, some might find Commander Raimi’s warning a bit chilling. But the bald truth is that this commander is demonstrating true leadership with a no-holds-barred assessment of the threats we’re all preparing to face.
The approach was unexpected. I was re-sorting gear for the umpteenth time at the Zombie Survival Crew temporary command post at Spooky Empire recently when a voice called out: “Zombie Survival Crew. I need to know about this.”
Now there really isn’t much that will leave your fearless commander-in-chief speechless but when I looked up and saw Ted Raimi standing there my jaw dropped. I did a lightning-fast mental check to regain my senses and sputtered out a greeting.
Over peppermint candies and gum I walked Ted through ZSC command protocols and mission parameters with permagrin he was kind enough not to comment on. I do believe I even stuttered a few times. Nonetheless, Ted accepted a Command mission and assignment on the spot and walked away with ZSC gear to call his own.
Ted’s years of experience fighting demons, the possessed and all manner of the undead gives him a definitive edge against the zombie hordes. He thinks fast but strategically, and has an unnerving store of knowledge about weapons.
Saturday morning found ZSC Command members gathered round the resort’s Starbucks in search of coffee cups big enough to hold the amount of caffeine we all needed before the Con doors flew open.
And when the doors opened – it sparked a 10-hour onslaught of zombies, demons, bloody priests and people with chainsaws where their hands should have been.
The Walking Dead and Boondock Saints casts were in front of us, Night of the Living Dead to our right, with Bruce Campbell, Ted Raimi and Anthony Michael Hall behind us.
Rocco came over to work the Zombie Survival Crew table and lend some extra Command support. Rocco’s move brought Blue Brigade Commander Norman over for a bit. Norman jumped right in and completed a few ZSC Command missions, and got so enthusiastic about it we had to physically stop him at one point.
The Command support of his two Boondock Saints cohorts drew Sean’s attention as well – though it later became apparent Sean has a different take on what ZSC Command structure should ultimately look like. It’s a disconnect I thought we had settled out after the Albuquerque Comicon – but he and I are trying to work it out. Or rather, I’m running from, hoping Sean won’t go jujitsu on me!
Norman, Greg Nicotero, Jon, Steve, Anthony and the rest of The Walking Dead took off mid-afternoon for their panel which many fans later picked as one of the highlights of the weekend. Nicotero thrilled the fans with information about effects and the magic he and his team work on The Walking Dead zombies.
While the gang was gone Lisa and I took the opportunity to scarf down the chicken ZSC loyalist Leigh-Anne procured for lunch, and found ourselves embroiled in impromptu Command strategy sessions with Anthony Michael Hall, Ted Raimi and Michael Kenworthy.
Within an hour all three gentlemen convinced me they were valuable assets to ZSC Command – and I enthusiastically issued rank assignments on the spot.
As the sun began to set, the Con wound down and the after events ramped up. Leigh-Anne volunteered to act as scout and went ahead to scope the VIP party crowd for potential UGA attackers. She immediately felt the eyes of surveillance upon her, but communicated the belief it was safe for Command to enter – as long as we were careful to avoid predator drone attacks.
Norman, Sean, Rocco and Anthony held their own, and ultimately it was Leigh-Anne – our brave volunteer – who suffered the first real loss of the evening when a UGA agent managed to procure her room key. As volunteer keeper of the Communication network she would be repeatedly targeted throughout the evening. We have yet to discern the “why” behind these assaults but can only assume it is an attempt by the UGA to remove Command’s support systems.
We bobbed, weaved and shimmied – and unlike the previous night it was because of the rockin’ music at the poolside party. We even managed to eat at a relatively decent hour. I just wish I could report we actually went to bed at a decent hour. Oh, don’t worry. We all paid the price…
My alarm might as well have had laryngitis for all the good its squeaking did in terms of waking up the living dead (me) that occupied my room Sunday morning. A text message on the other hand seems to have miraculous regenerative powers. Just sayin’.
The call to Anthony and Lisa – to see if they were still among the living – turned into an exchange of moans and groans any zombie would envy. Pretty sure none of us understood what any of the others were saying.
I didn’t quite realize how bad things were until I turned on the light in the bathroom. And I’ll be honest. I screamed. Puffy swollen eyes. Blotchy skin. A general green tone to the skin. For a few heart-pounding moments I feared the UGA had somehow unleashed another assault and infected me. But no. I was thinking, so I couldn’t be a zombie. I think, therefore I am, right?
Phew. Disaster avoided.
Sunday was a blur of monster assaults and UGA probes that seemed to be occurring within a live-action role play of a Marx Brothers routine.
As I attempted to decode an early morning email from Anthony Michael Hall, and Lisa helped Anthony try out a coffin, Leigh-Anne volunteered for a desert mission under extreme conditions. I couldn’t quite believe she still had enough left in the tank to take on a mission of mercy to resupply ZSC command – but she did, and reported back with biscuit sandwiches and coffee.
It was around this time that I ended up with Anthony Michael Hall’s bank card. The scenario that led me to be guarding the card reminded me of an old Danny Kaye movie scene from The Court Jester where he’s trying to remember this tongue-twister: The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true… What? Oh forget it, don’t ask.
On a mission to get something from the ZSC Command vehicle, I opened loading docks doors only to find myself nearly tackled by one Jon Bernthal, who had apparently managed to get stuck outside under the burning Florida sun for some time. Jon did better than Norman, Rocco and I when we all ended up in the Sahara ourselves a little while later.
When Michael Kenworthy decided to don his new ZSC Command tshirt, he changed mid-room without thinking it through – and ended up with people throwing dollars at him. To say he blushed when he realized his mistake would be the understatement of the decade.
Steve played a quick game of ball with The Walking Dead cast mates Chandler Riggs, Adrian Kali Turner and Addy Miller that involved a ninja strike from Norman before he had to take off for his next mission.