Zombies Ahead

On March 21, 2011 a flurry of news articles sprang up surrounding a construction sign on highway 160 in South Carolina. Commuters were warned that there were zombies ahead. As you know, your command at the Zombie Survival CrewTM take these reports seriously and investigates them to help determine the threat level and whether we need to send out the alert to the brigades to get their go-bags and launch into action.

The sign was immediately dismissed as a prank, however, through due diligence, we have uncovered that similar so-called pranks also took place in 2009 in Texas and Illinois. And we’re not the only ones who are taking this threat seriously. We managed to intercept some communication by the UGA (no, I’m not saying how it came into our possession), and they have a stealth task force deployed to Fort Hill, SC to dig deeper into this occurrence. We learned, before we lost the transmission, they believe this to be someone from the university who is trying to warn the general public.

Digging deeper we found the pranks all occurred near a college or university. Most reports drawing the connection to proximity of the universities conclude college students are most likely the perpetrators of the “hoax“. We disagree. While the warnings may come from a college student, or group of students, our intel strongly suggests these signs are not a hoax or prank in any way. Based on information received, we believe the universities are dealing with various cultures, serums, and viruses, and without proper authorization have begun to dabble in necromantic experimentation. The students, who have been sworn to secrecy, have become uneasy with the direction of the experimentation and are attempting to warn the general public.

We have it on good authority that the UGA has put pressure on the media to continue to report these incidents as pranks, because it is “politically inopportune” for the truth to be released to the general public. Your ZSC command will continue monitoring the situation, and we have raised the threat level. Are you ready to respond?

My flux capacitor has been tuned up and is in excellent working order. #justsayin