The Evil Cute
From the laboratory of the Oracle
Alert Level: Orange
As you know, for quite some time we’ve been keeping an eye on our Orange Brigade Commander, RC Murphy. Her obsession with zombie bunnies and keeping them in the command center, despite the mischief they do, has been a cause for concern. I banned them from my laboratory last year … the third time they chewed through the top-secret communication lines was the last straw. There was much pleading and pouting, but I stood firm.
You’d have thought I was sending them all out to face a firing squad or something. *rolls eyes* Because of the delicate operations being conducted in my laboratory and all the top-secret communications being processed, compiled, and analyzed, I need a clean room environment and simply can’t have rabbit droppings everywhere. Out they scampered, little ears drooping, while following Commander Murphy as she shuffled in the lead. But enough of that ….
Our concern escalated when RC attended San Diego Comic-Con, ostensibly in stealth mode, but carrying her furry infatuation with her through the crowds. Please note the white fur-ball attached to her waist in the picture to the right. How she managed to pull off incognito while strapping a zombie to her side, even if it was a bunny, is beyond me, but it is a testament to Commander Murphy’s ninja skills. It is a known fact that zombies become excitable in crowds, like a busload of senior citizens when dropped off at a smorgasbord, so on the surface it would seem our Commander carried her fascination to the point of jeopardizing the security of the Zombie Survival Crew. However, there were no incidents. How did she convince the bunny to play dead, instead of undead?
To be clear—it is not Commander Murphy’s dedication to the Zombie Survival Crew that is in question. Her loyalty is beyond reproach. I have wondered, as the bunny horde has increased, whether or not one or more of them have been plants by the UGA (Unnamed Government Agency), exploiting the Commander’s love of small furry objects for their own nefarious ends. There has been a distinct behavioral change and Commander Murphy is not to be seen outside the command center without one of her pets lashed to her side. Come to think of it, even while IN the command center, she doesn’t move without at least one or two as her cadre.
In order to protect the Zombie Survival Crew and the safety of its members, I have taken matters into my own hands and have begun testing on the zombie bunnies. We need to know with certainty that our actions are not being reported, despite all precautionary measures, through these bunnies. So far, no recording devices, cameras, or anything foreign has been identified, but I will continue my investigation. Hmmmm—I am beginning to see why Commander Murphy has a fascination with them …
… they are EVIL CUTE.
The PROBLEM is that while they are cute, they are ALSO bunnies—which means we are quickly approaching bunny infestation level.
*ACTIVATES CRISIS MODE*
So here’s the deal *leans in and whispers* Don’t tell Commander Murphy … I have been keeping back those which I have vetted and ensured are nothing more than a normal zombie bunny. I don’t want to return them to the regular population—and they are too cute to kill—so the Zombie Survival Crew will let them go to a good home for $16.95. Let us know your brigade colors and we’ll make sure their bandages are brigade specific.