Eureka! I’ve done it, I’ve figured out where Ground Zero for the Zombiepocalypse will happen… and you won’t believe it when you find out.
Mother’s Day found your fearless commander braving the hordes in Disneyland for a bit of fun, excitement, and communing with like-minded souls during the Bat’s Day in the Fun Park event. It was also a covert scouting mission. See, I hoped with the security measures Disneyland takes that it would be the perfect place to use as a Safe Haven. There’s plenty of food on-hand to keep a small group of survivors fed for a pretty long time. Bathrooms galore. Plus enough space to keep the group from feeling trapped in an impossible situation.
First I encountered a gentleman wearing a shirt that said, “Have you seen my zombie?” Admittedly, the shirt got a laugh. (And I made him stop so I could take a picture to add to the scouting report… okay, maybe it was for my own personal amusement.) The blatant show of support for the undead made this commander slightly uneasy. Not only that, but I’d blown my cover by snapping the picture. Thankfully I didn’t spot any UGA agents creeping around. That doesn’t mean they weren’t there, though.
As the evening progressed, I began to notice something strange about the people around me. It wasn’t that I found myself surrounded by a couple hundred Goths, oh no, not at all. The “normal” folks had taken on strange behaviors and movements. Children screamed louder than usual and rammed their tiny bodies into their parent’s legs. Adults in the park seemed listless, short-tempered, and walked in jerky steps. Everyone devoured greasy snack foods by the fist full, their appetites insatiable. Language skills seemed to be forgotten almost entirely at some point, replaced by a series of angry snarls and muttering. The happy-go-lucky patrons in the park were changing into something, something too horrific to truly comprehend. Unfortunately as a commander with the ZSC, I felt obligated to watch and document the rapid decline in human behavior.
By 9:00 pm the crowds inside Disneyland began to gather together in large packs. The largest, with approximately 1500 bodies crammed together, stood in Main Street USA staring blankly at Sleeping Beauty’s castle as the colored lights changed. They were transfixed and it reminded me of the “sky flowers” from Land of the Dead, something so simple that distracted the zombies so completely.
That’s when it dawned on me. The “magic” within the Magic Kingdom isn’t derived from fairies, happiness, and dreams brought to life. Oh no. Disneyland utilizes necromancy to turn perfectly healthy, joyful people into an army of zombies to do their bidding. I gotta give it to them, the idea is brilliant.
Brilliant and scary as all get-out.
My plans to use the park as a Safe Haven were dashed. The fences I hoped to utilize in order to ensure the survival of the human race took on a more menacing implication. Would they hold and keep the newly made zombies locked inside or would Anaheim fall victim to the first wave of attack? I can’t be certain.
After making my ghastly discovery, I used every ounce of skill in my arsenal to escape Disneyland undetected. The effects of long-term exposure to powerful magic made my thought processes slow. I staggered down the street towards the secure spot where I’d left my car. For a few tense moments it felt as though I’d fall on the next person I saw and rip their throat out. Luckily no one passed by and when I reached the car some of the more adverse effects of the magic began to fade.
Consider this your only warning, ZSC faithful. If you insist on visiting, pack accordingly. Charms to ward off evil should keep you safe. Just to be sure, bring along a vial of salt as well. One can never be too safe when it comes to dark magics.
As a safety precaution, I’d advise steering clear of any and all theme parks after the first zombie sightings have been reported. It is in my humble opinion that these places are indeed ground zero for the Zombiepocalypse. Who’d have known!?