Don’t ask me why I’m on a foreign movie kick lately. They are just… there and some of them happen to look halfway decent before clicking play. Dead Snow (2009) is a good example of judging a book by its cover. The poster art for this film was what caught my interest while looking for the next movie to sink my remaining teeth into. So, I thought, why not give it a go?
Great idea. (Note the mild sarcasm.)
Dead Snow starts with a random scene where a mostly unseen menace chases a girl through a snow-covered forest. Makes not a lick of sense and I’ve come to expect that with a lot of the movies I review, to be honest. We’re then introduced to the main cast, a group of pre-med students who’ve decided to spend their Easter vacation at an isolated cabin. These early scenes where the friends banter back and forth are painful and drag on for long enough to be considered torture by the Third Geneva Convention. Things don’t begin to get interesting until a Creepy Old Man™ shows up out of nowhere to explain why the students are idiots for staying on that mountain.
What has the old coot shaking in his fur-lined boots?
Nazi Zombies.
That’s not a typo. The old guy tells a (rather long) story about a regiment of Nazis that were chased out of a local village after tormenting the residents and stealing all of their gold. No one knew where the regiment disappeared to after they made their way into the mountains, but legends suggested they became the undead, hunting the landscape for people stupid enough to tread on their turf.
After that we finally get in on the zombie action. The Nazi zombies are surprisingly agile and quick, despite the extremely cold temperatures. And, I’ve got to say, the makeup used for the movie is great. Aside from the cheesy plot and questionable acting at times, the best parts are during the series of attacks that round out the latter half of Dead Snow. It was easy to get wrapped up in the action when blood flowed like water in a stream during spring. I’d estimate that filmmakers used enough of the red stuff to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool.
I’m giving Dead Snow 3 ½ dismembered bodies out of 5. The ½ being for my favorite scene, a moment shot from the point-of-view of someone being eaten by zombies. I’ve never seen anything like it before… except at the moment of my own death. This is a good movie to watch on a lazy weekend afternoon. I’d skip the popcorn, though.
The Walking Dead: Chupacabra (205) Reviewer: RC Murphy
This episode had a lot going for it. A. Lot. So much so that I had to sleep on an idea on how to tackle this review. Which, by the way, didn’t help one dang bit. My head is still spinning. The writers for TWD are mean, mean people. I’m just going to jump right in and hope this makes sense.
Carol broached the subject of an internal power ranking system for the original group of survivors. For Hershel’s family, it is obvious who is in charge. With the other group it gets fuzzy because there are so many males vying for that top spot. You have to look at them like a pack of wolves. As Carol sees it, and others as well, Rick and Lori are the Alpha mating pair. Where it gets murky is trying to rank the rest of the group. Who is the Omega member? That one person left to fend for them self until they prove their worth, takes the brunt of everyone’s aggression, but also is there to ease tension in their own way. Can you guys figure it out?
Glenn and Maggie get a lot of grief this episode as people begin to connect the dots and see something brewing between the two. Maggie is treated like a child, scolded for making the decision to get close to someone not approved by Hershel. He has such a tight grip on everyone who lives on that farm that the idea of one of his slipping free to interact with the newcomers tweaks his nose big time. She’s lonely and wants to reach out to feel alive again after god knows how long of simply existing. Glenn flat out admits to Dale his reason behind wanting Maggie. Any day could be his last. In a world where the dead don’t stay dead nothing is certain, least of all tomorrow. That being said, poor Glenn needs lessons in wooing a lady. Maybe Shane, the ladies man that he is, can teach him a few things. Or not. Shane can gather notches on his headboard, but none of them are meaningful relationships. I don’t think he’s capable of that.
Speaking of, Shane makes a very telling statement about the passage of time after the zombie outbreak:
“It’s like we’re old folks, the people in our story are all dead.”
They’ve been living on the run for less than a year, from what I can tell. In that time everyone they knew, except for the family and friends traveling with them, have probably been eaten, turned to walkers, or just died. A year for your life to flip completely upside down and turn “I know her” to “I knew her”. It’s really a hard concept to grasp. This also means that time is not measured in days, but resources. Rick’s guilt over leaving Sophia doesn’t cause Shane to lash out about time wasted, but people injured or killed during the hunt. Yes, people are resources, especially after you’ve established a camp and everyone has their separate duties to uphold.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t address the Dixon brothers. Honestly, when I heard Merle would be back I could not figure out how the heck the writers were going to make that one work. A lot of far-fetched things happen on the show, but the long-lost brother walking out of the shrubbery? Impossible.
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[Slight spoiler below. If you haven’t watched, turn away now.]
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That being said, how messed up does your family have to make you in order for your subconscious to kick up the image of your abusive, druggie brother to play cheerleader? I mean, it is very obvious that Merle never did anything to help Daryl, even when he was a child. Daryl has been left to fend for himself over and over again by his brother. So what the heck? Leaning on personal experience, I know how far one will go to prove to their sibling that they aren’t needed any more. Everything is moving on just fine without them there to muck up the gears. Even in the end of that scene, Daryl did not reach for Merle. He got himself out of the bad situation. Only to walk into another one that he has no control over. No Merle cheerleader to provoke him into action that time.
Normally I’m all about women fighting against gender roles and branching out to do “manly things”. Unfortunately, Andrea goes about it all wrong. She is very fragile emotionally, I get that. The last few weeks of her life have been spent planning how to opt out of existence so she can join her dead. Then Daryl pops some sense into her head, but she is still torn. If she can’t leave then she wants a bigger role; she wants to move up within the “pack”, so-to-speak. Her drive to be more nearly costs someone their life. Where is that line between challenging the “norm” and knowing when to fall back and follow orders? Andrea crossed it, no doubt about that. Will this incident throw her back into where she was or can she press on with her reforming backbone?
One last note… Who the heck is in the barn?! I want to hear your theories about the barn’s occupants. Next week we’ll see if any of us were correct.
I think I’ve figured out why most modern zombie movies are aimed at teenagers. One- Teenagers are very tender. I’m not talking about mushy love stuff, here. Their muscles are still growing, developing. That makes them easier to chew. Two- Sex sells. Easy to understand that, right? Teens are driven by hormones and it is too easy to prey on that. Throw in boobs, a splash of blood and a few intestines; ta-da! instant zombie movie.
Night of the Living Dorks (2004) is the English translation of a really crass, humorous German zombie flick. Actually, it is the only film I’ve reviewed to date that I’ve seen once, before re-watching to review it. Even the undead have funny bones to tickle.
The movie dumps us into the world of three friends who aren’t exactly the most popular kids in school. As a matter of fact, they are laughing stalks, constantly being harassed by the school’s rugby team. And of course, one of the so-called “dorks” has a crush on a jock’s girlfriend. This is where things get weird. In a bid to win her affection, he turns to a group of Goths that dabble in Voodoo in order to convince them to do a love spell. The girl in the group, an old friend (and maybe someone that likes our dork), tells him to meet them at the cemetery to watch a ritual meant to revive the dead.
Needless to say, something went wrong.
Bumbling antics and a good, stiff breeze, alter the spell and after our trio of awkward friends leave the cemetery, they die in a car accident… only to wake up hours later in the county morgue. Great. Now they’re dead, dorky, and still don’t have any luck with the ladies.
Their luck slowly changes. As do their appetites, but devouring humans comes with a price. They begin to decay… and some “favorite” parts are snapped off just when victory is in hand. Luckily one of them carries a staple gun for emergency reattachments. (Can you say, ouch?!)
For them, like so many, the life of a zombie isn’t all they thought it would be and they turn back to the cute Goth girl for a cure. Wimps!
The juvenile humor in this movie alone gets a 3 ¾ severed fingers out of five. It’s American Pie with rotting body parts.
It has to be said, Greg Nicotero and his crew really, really, really outdid themselves for this episode. If you haven’t watched yet, just be prepared for a scene worse than Rick taking an ax to a decomposing walker in season one’s “Guts” episode. Oh, and don’t even think about eating. I had to leave a bowl of ice cream to melt on my side table.
With the nod to outstanding and epic grossness out of the way, lets dig into the meat of the episode. (Did you just gag a little? So did I. Promise that’s the last intestinal pun in this review.)
Can we address the Shane problem? Last week’s review lit off a small debate in the ZSC command center about whether or not Shane acted within reason given the circumstances he was in. I was hoping this week he’d give us a clear direction his head is going, but it became impossible to tell if the guilt eating him alive stems from using a good man as zombie bait or because he feels that he failed Otis in some way by leaving him behind. Later in the episode he tells Andrea that in order to kill you basically have to turn off everything that makes you human and act on instinct. The need to survive is a strong instinct, I’ll give him that. But… wasn’t there another way? A humane way at least?
This episode brought our core group of survivors back together. Once they were all gathered two people stood out, T-Dog and Daryl. T-Dog had a bad patch in the last episode, meaning he lost his ever-loving mind while burning up with a fever. Some of what he told Dale made sense in a way and that is what haunts him. The idea that because the group may see him as weak, it could cost him his spot with them. How rough would things have to get for any of them to look at T-Dog and, essentially, vote him off the “island”? He could simply be paranoid with a bit of brain fry from the infection… or maybe he’s got every right to fear being left behind.
Then you’ve got Daryl who seems from the get-go to want nothing to do with anyone on the farm, whether they are original survivors or part of the new group living there. As soon as they parked he was off into the woods alone. All of that progress he made being a decent man around Andrea vanished. Only thing I can think of is he fears opening up, at least until the Cherokee Rose. Daryl gave Carol a deeper look into himself than he has with anyone. Again he knew exactly what she needed to hear and gave it to her in this wonderfully sad story about the flower. He knows that crying won’t bring him Merle back, but also understands that Carol needs the tears to voice her grief, worry, and the sliver of hope that Sophia will come back.
Seeing where everyone ended up this episode has me rethinking what I said about Glenn last week. I assumed that he would likely jump at the chance to ride at Rick’s side again when he resumes the hero role. Only… Glenn became his own hero this week. Sure there was a lot of awkward moments where he became really goofy and cute, however you’ve got to give the man a hand at lassoing a bloated zombie like that. We know he’s not exactly a smooth talker with the ladies, but Glenn is growing out of the sidekick role if he keeps this up. Go, Glenn, go!
I’ll wrap this up with a quick thought on something Hershel said to Rick. Faith seems to play a huge part in how Hershel approaches life. He sees God’s hand in everything around him. If a rainbow forms after a storm, God sent it. A car hits a man on his way to dinner with his wife; God decided it was his time to go “home”. But, you see, I cannot fathom how his faith holds up when faced with the animated corpse of someone he knew. Is Jesus cleverly disguised in the blood splatter and we just can’t see it because the need to survive has blinded us to faith? Or is Hershel clinging to the one thing he has left to give him hope for his family? That’s got to be it. Mankind will tell themselves anything to maintain hope, even if it means believing in a miracle cure that’ll never come, from God or mankind.
The only warning I got before tuning into a replay of this week’s “The Walking Dead” came from my mother, of all people. I told her I needed to catch up, she replied, “All I’ll say is, when Daryl is the sane one, you know things got bad.” With that statement in mind I tuned in… and quickly realized how right she’d been.
I’ll get back to Daryl in a moment, but we’ve gotta talk about Shane. This man strives to be the hero that Rick is, and fails miserably. He tries too hard. Doesn’t plan his strategy. Shane barges in headfirst and damn anything or anyone that gets in his way. That would be a good trait except for the fact that Shane’s motives are purely selfish. He didn’t go off to fetch supplies for Carl. He rode into the sunset, hoping that the display he made would get him back in Laurie’s good graces. I spent a good chunk of the hour grinding my teeth at Shane.
And because Shane has his head wedged, Glen is beginning to have an identity crisis. His main purpose in the first season was to be the sidekick to the hero. Well, our actual hero isn’t in the game. He’s sidelined with his family, holding their breath to see what the future holds for Carl. Glen can’t help there and he realizes it. The guy trying to be the hero isn’t, leaving Glen to flounder around searching for someone to connect to that he can help. It seems he’s found that in Maggie, but what will happen when Rick is ready to don the white hat again? Will his Tonto abandon the potential Maggie presents to be just a sidekick again? Only time will tell there. I don’t even try to predict what TWD’s writers will do. They’re kinda crazy.
Speaking of crazy… I can’t believe my mother was right about Daryl. It is a trip to watch this character slowly open up to the other survivors. From the get-go we were supposed to think he’s like his brother, but this episode shot that to hell. We actually see Daryl for the first time. It isn’t the hardass squirrel killer in those woods with Andrea, but an intelligent man who was given the short stick in life and still managed to make the best of it. The way he dealt with Andrea and her determination to opt out of life was brilliant. This is a character to watch, not that you guys weren’t already.
The overall tone of this episode was hopelessness. Each character had a moment when they looked at the world around them and the pressure became too much to handle. Our survivors are beginning to buckle. They are getting desperate and we all know that desperate people do stupid things. The next couple of episodes are going to be interesting, to say the least.
I’ll admit, I went into this movie fully expecting the name to be the most entertaining part. Aaah! Zombies!! (2007) was originally released under the name Wasting Away and usually when a movie goes from a darn good name to a slapstick one, it bodes ill. Not the case here, folks.
This film makes no bones about it, from the get go you realize it is going to be campy. Campy and well acted. The opening sequence is straight out of a 1950’s era nightmare: Government doctors practicing potentially dangerous experiments on soldiers and all with a catchy tune to liven everything up while things get good and undead. Because of how well this sequence works, I didn’t mind in the least that the footage was in black and white (with select colorization). It just seemed to… work.
I’ve got to hand it to the filmmakers (not an actual hand. I lost one of mine months ago…) they made some very, very smart decisions. One of them being highlighting the way the zombies perceive the world by putting everything in color. It is such a vast difference that you sit up and take notice the first time it happens. Shifting between color and black/white also leads to some comical moments when we’re bounced back and forth between points of view.
Another moment of brilliance, albeit immature brilliance, is the string of disgusting food jokes throughout the flick. Yeah, I know its stupid for a zombie to get grossed out by food jokes, but there were a few stomach-churning concoctions devoured that forced me to look away for a moment, and not to grab a snack, either. Nacho cheese and chocolate? Puke me a river.
There was a moment while watching that I forgot to take notes. (Yes, even zombies need notes to write reviews off of.) My last coherent note is, have the duct tape handy. Aaah! Zombies!! will make you split your sides open laughing, and that is the best part. Hardcore zombie movies are all well and good, but sometimes we need to sit down and simply laugh. This is the film to get your laughs with. I give this movie a shiny gold brain sticker.
I seem to have stumbled into a cesspit of teen horror flicks. However, while wading through the muck one film caught my eye: Boy Eats Girl (2005). It held just enough “different” elements from the other movies on the list to catch my interest. And, lets be honest, it’s hard to keep a zombie’s attention what with ravenous hunger pains driving us to keep moving.
The first major difference to set Boy Eats Girl away from most teen horror movies is the fact that it was filmed in Ireland. It isn’t often I even hear of a film coming out of the country, let alone one capable of biting and holding on. The second difference to set the film apart? Voodoo. The use of Voodoo in zombie movies went out of vogue a long time ago. Most filmmakers resort to biological warfare or a “Romero” take to zombie creation, and while these are still entertaining, zombie flicks originated with voodoo. It’s nice to see filmmakers digging back to the origin of a genre.
We meet our band of slightly heroic teenagers doing ordinary teenage things, most notably preparing for the end of school disco and coping with the idea of forming new relationships under the watchful eye of some rather strict parents. Think of it like Romeo & Juliet. Actually, the build up to the zombie bits are straight up influenced by the Bard with an equally tragic end for one of the characters. Distraught over her son’s choice, his mother uses a Voodoo text to bring him back to life. Only the book had been damaged. Her spell, partially completed, didn’t resurrect him, but brought him back as a zombie. Whoops!
Parents, magic is never the answer when learning how to cope with the loss of your child. Please observe safe magical practices. (The more you know…)
After this point the Voodoo portion of things is murky and the spell is passed on via the main character biting a classmate, who just happens to be a right jerk and deserved what he got. There are a few characters in this film that will make you to cheer when their fate is decided. This is in part to the script. Though I did find a few flaws with the way things were written. At one point it felt like they forgot the magic element and decided to go the gory, Saw route.
Despite that, don’t think the gore wasn’t entertaining. If anything, stick through to the end to see the most horrific use of a tractor this zombie has ever witnessed.
I’m going to give Boy Eats Girl 3 ½ bites out of five. If some of the characters had been utilized better (what was up with the priest guy?), it’d be a solid 4, maybe even a 4 ½. Watch this flick for a fun, teen zombie movie and to get a dose of blood and guts. Don’t watch expecting any in-depth look into how humanity works during the Zombiepocalypse. Some movies are just for the fun of it.
First, before anyone calls foul, I’m an educated zombie. Reading a few subtitles is not beyond my skill set. Don’t act all surprised. I manage to write these reviews, right? Good. Now… on to La Horde (The Horde).
The first few seconds of this film are striking. I’m not saying this to garner favor with our French counterparts. We’re dragged instantly into a world of extreme violence. That scene set a dark, disturbing tone and made it impossible to glance away from the screen. Forget trying to snack during The Horde. My finger sandwiches spoiled because I just couldn’t look away.
The movie puts us smack dab in the midst of a group of corrupt cops hell-bent on revenge. Their anger over the abduction of one of theirs carries the plot despite a noticeable lack of undead action for roughly the first twenty minutes as the cops track down the group of gangsters responsible. Our first taste of real blood and guts is startling, graphic, very real and not at the hands of a zombie. Few movies utilize the ungodly death rattle the dying make. It was music to my ears, or at least the one still attached.
A note on the zombies in The Horde; they are not Romero’s vision of shambling, decomposing corpses. These are freshly dead, revived only seconds after passing. Watch the resurrections, it is clear that an outside source is pulling the strings when we get the first good look at the transformation process. Even I was a tad creeped out. Undead marionettes with huge hungers and quick reflexes… I’m not a spring chicken. They’d beat me in a race for food.
Can zombies starve to death? I shudder to think so.
The characters in this film aren’t likable. At no point did I find myself pulled towards a particular person hoping they’d make it out alive. The cops are a family, but a highly dysfunctional one and the pair of brothers within the group of gangsters are ten times worse. Nevertheless, watching them band together in order to survive is still compelling in a very basic way. The need to escape a deadly situation is all consuming. Before my death I felt that driving need to make it out alive. After, well, it became all about the chase.
I will say, The Horde is a very bloody film. The language would make undead sailors blush. And there are a couple scenes that are really tense and flat-out wrong. My inner lust for gore was sated with this film. That’s saying a lot right there. I also picked up a new favorite kill, as demonstrated by the lone female in the band of survivors. She put that zombie on ice. (Bad pun, yes I know.)
My verdict? If you enjoy the grittier side of zombie flicks, pick up this movie. It feels real. The characters aren’t inaccessible because of some strange moral high ground. They were plucked out of a harsh gang-fueled reality and shoved into a situation where, for an unknown reason, the dead have been brought back and yet the most shocking violence is human against human. The living are worse than the undead. They are conscious of their decision to harm others and still do it. La Horde may not be suitable for everyone, but those it is aimed towards will love it.
Teens battle angst. Teens become all over-dramatic about silly things, like who kisses whom and who is going to prom. Oh and then a nuclear power plant pollutes the town and they are forced to band together and become badass zombie slayers. Dance of the Dead (2008) is your typical teen flick, tuned up to 11.
I remember my prom like it was yesterday. Everyone was envious of me. I had the captain of the cheer squad by my side. Screaming. Dinner that night was real romantic. We could have been soul mates… for a whole ten minutes before I ate my way into her chest cavity. Who says true romance is dead?
What caught my attention about Dance of the Dead is that right away we get zombie action. Sure, it isn’t much, but gives us a taste of gore to tide undead fanatics through the lull where the cast of teenagers is established. The opening sequence also handed me my new worst nightmare, hedge clippers.
The hardest parts of the film to sit through were the segments where our not-so-popular heroes antagonize about the prom. Respite came from a couple music video-esque moments- where, I’ll admit, I did find myself bobbing my head. But not too hard, else my stitches would break. – And let’s not forget the completely stressed and insane teachers running the school. They’re as pissed as a starved zombie. How do any of them still have jobs?
We get dragged back into the undead action with a bang. Actually, it wasn’t so much of a bang as whatever noise a springboard makes. The dead didn’t just rise; they were launched out of their graves. It made me jealous. I spent an entire day clawing my way through wood, dirt, and grass. Modern zombies, psh! They’re spoiled rookies. No one eats faces now-a-days. Go for the gut, plenty of meat there. And for hell’s sake, if you’ve been taking yoga, do not show off your agility. We voted to keep that skill secret!
Back the subject of food, why couldn’t the heroes be jocks? Geeks are too lean, most of the time, and very hard to chew through. Besides that, they also watch far too many zombie movies. It gives them an unfair advantage. (Don’t point fingers; I know I watch too many zombie movies as well.) The zombies are walking into a trap with this group… or not.
A few lessons for fledgling zombie slayers- I shouldn’t be doing this, but the embarrassment is bordering painful with how easy a meal you all are. First, car lighters are not a viable weapon against anyone, let alone a zombie. Second, keep your gun loaded. Third, and this is the most important, listen to the woman brave enough to use her stiletto shoes as a weapon. Lastly, learn what your weapon is:
“Little lady, you’ll get the machete.”
“But I don’t know how to shoot a machete.” -I smell my next meal.
Overall Dance of the Dead is a fun little flick to get your zombie fix with. It puts a twist on the typical teen movie, one that genre fans have no problem sinking their teeth into. The campy parts are as important to the show as the serious blood and gore being flung during the fight sequences. This zombie gives it a thumbs up.
I hate when a piece of skin gets caught in my throat! What was I doing? Writing about Doghouse, right. This film came out a few years ago, back when I still breathed. (Really don’t want to go into those days…) Doghouse is focused on a group of guys looking to have a weekend away from the soul-sucking harpies they are dating, divorcing, or married to. I’m not being harsh; these chicks devour men’s spirits like I devour spleens.
The guys take off in a minibus in search of a small village where they hope to do manly things like drink, smoke, and golf. Not bad for a boy’s weekend, honestly. But none of them thought to call ahead and make sure the place hadn’t been taken over by a group of women, ones with an intense craving for male flesh. Whoops! Egg on their face.
You know, I almost miss eating eggs… Sorry. Skipped lunch, he was too fast.
Very quickly the band of macho men realize the village isn’t quite right. Matter of fact, there’s not a soul to be seen when they arrive. Intelligent people might have gotten back on the bus to find another place to party in, but not our group of unlikely heroes. They want to see this thing through to (their) end.
The first of the infected females we meet is a gorgeous blonde in a wedding dress. Too bad she’s married, I say. She’s quite a looker. As a matter of fact, most of the women in the village hold a certain appeal for me. Can’t put my finger on the reason why, though.
Watching the initial attack sequence (and all of the ones after) gave me the munchies. That alone is testament to the detail used in the gore, I’ll tell you. And, oh look. There is a man in fatigues pinned like a butterfly to a fence. Didn’t the folks at the Zombie Survival CrewTM warn about government involvement during the primary stages of the zombie outbreak? Glad no one listened to them.
The movie straddles the line between zombie flick and splat-stick and does it well. Zombies are depicted with intelligence, cunning, and just the right amount of puss. On the flipside, it was difficult to feel bad for some of the men trapped in the village given their total disregard for women. I mean, one resorted to rambling about necrophilia in order to cope with what happened to them. Even I was a little disturbed.
Overall, Doghouse is a very entertaining movie. Excellent performances from the core cast of men and the lead zombie-women. Next time I watch, I’ll be sure to have a snack handy. Preferably gagged so I don’t miss funny bits of dialog.
Don’t ask me why I’m on a foreign movie kick lately. They are just… there and some of them happen to look halfway decent before clicking play. Dead Snow (2009) is a good example of judging a book by its cover. The poster art for this film was what caught my interest while looking for the next movie to sink my remaining teeth into. So, I thought, why not give it a go?
