Yes, we know it’s a commercial, but honestly, what would you do in this situation? Would you make it to your car, or would you become zombie food?
For example, I (Jinxie) have an Avalanche. It’s pretty. Anyway, the key fob allows me to open one door or all doors. Don’t really want all doors unlocked when I’m trying to escape zombies and if I’m alone. Maybe zombies know how to open doors? You never know. Watch Land of the Dead. *shudders* So my ‘lanche allows me to open the only door I need in the event I must escape the shambling hordes. I’m not too concerned with key confusion, like the girl in this video. I don’t have that many keys on my key chain.
So, what would you do, dear crew? Do you have a plan for this?
We in the Command Center decided to show you our New Year’s resolutions for when the Zombiepocalypse happens this coming year . . . or so. It could happen, people! Did you not read that Cracked.com story? Frightening stuff and PROOF that it’s inevitable.
R.C.:
This year I will make an effort to clarify the differences between the undead and emo kids that wander around the mall.
In 2011 all of my swords will be sharpened and stay sharpened even after repeated use. (practice!)
I will lose 20 pounds this year. No wait, sorry; I will cut off 20 pounds of flesh from any zombies that may appear in 2011.
This year I will make an effort to go to the gym, because I hear that steroids may be one of the causes of the zombie virus. (Aside from licking bathroom doors… Juliette?)
Juliette:
Take every stinkin’ turncoat out there who thought the pink horns was a funny idea and string ’em up as zombie bait.
Identify system to better vet crew members to help pinpoint those who are only in it to make an attempt on gaining possession of the crossbow.
Get “Cold, Dead Hands” added to tattoo of crossbow on lower back.
Recruit rapid response team of trusted ZSC members to protect the crossbow from @DarylTWD
Jinxie_G:
I resolve to have a plan—detailed—to escape the shambling hordes that I hope won’t involve my being trapped in any structure, such as a mall, with a bah-jillion zombies surrounding it. *shudders at Dawn of the Dead image*
To spend more time on target practice and note that it is still illegal to shoot people for being stupid—but not for long. Thus, I resolve to learn how to use the compound bow sitting in the corner collecting dust. Oh, and I need arrows. —>
To focus, focus, focus on the job ahead as co-captain and to keep as many as possible safe from the walking dead. However, if you are bitten, I’ll shoot you before you’re dead. Hey, I intend to blow my own head off if one bites me. Lead by example, right?
LK:
To build a Zombie Farm detector so we can pinpoint them and eradicate the farms with zombie seeking missiles, thereby reducing the chance of becoming infected with the zombie virus. And while we’re at it, why don’t we take out Farmville at the same time.
Develop a serum which allows ZSC members to infiltrate zombie camps undetected for intelligence gathering.
Perfect my crossbow deflection shield for times when I irk our numero uno fearless leader (’cause let’s face it – it will happen on a regular basis)
So tell us a few of your resolutions in the comments below!
We have received the following from R.C., who has located the detention facility where Anthony and Juliette are being held.
Command needs help from the Zombie Survival Crew brigades to craft a successful escape plan.
Take your best shot, get creative, get nasty . . . and post your escape strategy in the comment section or email it to Command at zombiesurvivalcrew (at) gmail (dot) com. You have until January 7.
Command will pick the best plan to execute, and its creator will get official ZSC gear (being unveiled publicly mid-January) as a prize!!
***************
Field Report: R.C. Murphy
You want something with a high level of difficulty? Try finding a living soul in the middle of a desert. No, tumbleweeds don’t count. Though by the end of my second day in New Mexico I sure wished they did.
The signal from Juliette’s GPS came from somewhere between Santa Fe and Albuquerque. I traced it to one of two locations. A run-down shack sitting all on its lonesome in the desert, or the hydroelectric power plant two miles away. Neither looked like a secret government agency’s stronghold, but as with most things looks can be deceiving.
I targeted two men to gather info. The first had been in and out of the shack frequently. The second worked at the power plant. On both I planted a small button camera. They should have been more careful with their coats while having a cup of joe.
The first, I’ll call him Glasses, drove to the shack after his caffeine fix. Inside wasn’t much, a typical storage shed. He headed for a red cabinet on the back wall. The doors opened and two armed soldiers greeted him. They stepped aside to expose two sets of elevators doors. Another single door sat to the side of those, marked “stairs.”
Glasses swiped an ID card over a black box on the wall. The elevator doors opened and he began the very long ride down. When the doors opened again, they showed three sets of double doors. Through the small windows I saw more soldiers.
The right door bore a sign reading “Administration”. The left, “Power plant”. Center, “Laboratory”.
He took the center doors. More men in white lab coats milled around. Like camouflage sprinkles in whipped cream were a few armed soldiers, stationed just far enough apart to not look too threatening despite the semi-autos hanging from their shoulders.
Glasses walked past rooms filled with medical equipment. A large steel door slipped by, “Cold Storage” the sign said. He went on to the end of the hall. There the doors were shut. His thumb slid over a fingerprint scanner and the window on the door opened.
Jesus, it was Anthony.
The footage after that was useless. Something blocked the camera’s eye. In desperation I pulled up the footage from the second man’s button cam. I named him Suspenders.
Suspenders approached the large steel door of the power plant and tapped a card against a small black panel identical to the elevator locks inside the shack. The door eased open; he gave a wave to one of the cameras keeping watch over the entrance.
A stairwell door and a pair of elevator doors waited. Suspenders took the elevator, his ride down just as long as Glasses’. When the doors opened I half expected to see the dreary circular room from before, but no. He was let out right smack dab in the midst of a bustling power plant.
Large machinery took up most of the space. What wasn’t filled with machines was taken over by people. Amongst them, some shrewd looking security officers. Their eyes took in everything, I mean everything.
One approached Suspenders, saying something I couldn’t read on his lips. My target followed him down the row of machines, passing more security and a few wary workers. At the end of the hall sat a double set of doors and a black ID scanner like the elevator locks. The guard opened the doors with his ID. Beyond was the circular room.
They took the door reading “Administration”. As soon as Suspenders hit the hallway a shadowy hand covered the button cam. Dangit!
The only other information I managed to find were blueprints for the power plant. It’s made of solid steel and enough concrete to fill in half an ocean. The other wings of the facility? It’s as though they don’t exist.
We have to get Juliette and Anthony out of there. This is where I need your help.
***************
This is the only photo R.C. was able to get to us. They’re locked down tight, folks.
If you’re not up for this challenge, have no fear. A variety of other contests are around the corner!
There’s been a lot of discussion on Twitter in regards to the types of weapons Zombie Survival Crew members prefer …. There’s quite a few pink crossbows being raised, and apparently every single person in the Texas brigade is packing some serious heat.
Command thought the following might be helpful for those who aren’t yet armed and ready for the zombiepocalypse ( – and of course you will soon be armed or risk being tossed out as zombie bait!)
After some rather amusing Twitter shenanigans and some soul searching inside the ZSC Command Center we have decided to take the following out to the broader Zombie Survival Crew brigades for a vote.
It was suggested by “someone” that we make @Squirrel_TWDan official (not THE official, but AN official) #zombiesurvivalcrew mascot, despite the squirrel’s very public – and often nasty – blood feud with the Dixon brothers from The Walking Dead.
We were assured by a Command Center discussion that the following Tweet had nothing to do with putting our furry little friend up for vote!
Wonder how long it it’ll take to chew through a wire on a crossbow. 2:55 AM Dec 23rd via web
So Zombie Survival Crew brigades, let us know what you think!
Vote yes, if you support @Squirrel_TWD as an official mascot; vote no, if you don’t! If you have an alternative suggestion for ZSC mascots, put them up in the comments section of this post.
We’ll keep voting open until Friday, December 31, 2010.
Sorry, there are no polls available at the moment.
A little Christmas caroling for y’all on this blessed day.
Zombies roasting on an open fire, paramedics reattaching toes.
Freaking Vatos are stealing your tires and dang, their pants are really low.
Everybody knows some bullets and a crossbow, kill the zombies right on sight.
Daryl’s squirrels with their eyes so dull will make a great feast tonight.
You know that zombies like to slay. They’re sinking rotting, nasty teeth into your leg.
And the fever will make you fry, in the morning you’ll walk after you die.
And so we’re offering this simple pledge, to folks from all around the world.
If you’ve been bitten by a zombie redneck, we’ll shoot you humanely.
