From Inside the Desk of RC Murphy Alert Level – Medium-High
For months now we’ve allowed Zombie Survival Crew brigadiers to assume that the danger from the Unnamed Government Agency (UGA) has been a low-level threat. That their persistence in “meeting” with commanders had ended. We cannot in good conscience allow this to continue.
Our new recruits are probably scratching their heads and asking, “Who the heck is the UGA?” Before the ZSC was formed, they contacted our commander-in-chief, Juliette Terzieff, and asked her to gather a crew of like-minded folks to help them determine the severity of the zombie threat and then teach the public important survival tips so that humanity isn’t wiped off the face of the earth. After that, they wanted the newly formed ZSC to expand, bringing in recruits to form a tight-knit group of “survivors”. During the recruiting process we encountered several problems with UGA agents. Shortly after, commanders Juliette and Anthony Guajardo were abducted. During a rescue mission ZSC forces discovered the UGA were actively experimenting on creating undead soldiers.
The ZSC promptly broke from the UGA and they’ve been on our trail ever since.
Below is a series of communications we’ve intercepted between various UGA agents and their command base, starting in January of this year. You will notice a startling trend in their locations. Actions are being taken to counteract their attempts. Do not worry.
Mission Report—January 2012
Agents on duty: M. Hollister, S. Barr
Location: New Mexico
Status: Op. Rental failed. YBC* and OBC* found alternate transport from AZ before we made contact. Backup plan instated. Followed to their meet with RBC*. Listening devices failed. Event location utilized cell blocks in-room. Face-to-face contact confirmed YBC, OBC, RBC, and LBBC* present. Too many witnesses for Op. Curtain Call.
Mission Report—March 2012
Agents on duty: C. Wolf, V. Smith
Location: New Jersey
Status: First contact established with GBC* and SFC*. RBC in attendance as well. One of the target’s recruits caught our tail. Executed erratic and impressive sweep through freeway traffic to lose us. Recruit has been tagged. Smith will do a follow up with her to use as possible inside agent for the region.
Mission Reports—April 2012
Agents on duty: C. Wolf, F. Williamson
Location: Virginia
Status: Op. abandoned. SFC spotted surveillance equipment and utilized a massive group of costumed civilians to keep us from gathering useful information.
Agents on duty: B. White, G. Robinson
Location: Calgary
Status: Suggest updating the photos on file. We could not locate RBC based on what we were sent and lost her in the air terminal. SFC was easier to spot. Bypassed pursuit and went straight to event. Observation only. Canadian counterparts refused to assist in Op. Curtain Call.
Mission Reports —May 2012
Agents on duty: M. Hollister, S. Barr
Location: Texas
Status: Tailed RBC from TX border to DFW. Thought she made us, then realized she’d gotten lost—not an attempt to shake us despite driving in circles for an hour. SFC, GBC, and OBC arrived. Observation only during event, too many civilians. TSA agents failed to hold departing targets as requested, despite planting lead powder on seat OBC used in shuttle. Request inter-department meeting regarding this failure.
Agents on duty: V. Smith, D. Wiggins
Location: Florida
Status: RBC flying solo. Attempted Op. Curtain Call. She vanished inside a gigantic fast food restaurant. Lost contact for six hours. Tracking on RBC vehicle has been compromised. Attempt to re-tag unsuccessful. Target too suspicious after suspicious attack hours south of locale. (Excuse me, sir, but who made that call?) Suggest agents in Pennsylvania make secondary attempt to plant bug on RBC vehicle.
Over the course of the years, we’ve heard a lot of people claim they know the perfect way to avoid becoming a Happy Meal for the undead set. Sometimes these ideas seem so founded in fact that they may actually work when the Zombiepocalypse kicks into high gear. Unfortunately, after some digging most of these claims prove to be well thought out wishes, but provide little in the way of real safety.
In this series, your Zombie Survival Crew commanders will take a look at some of the more prevalent myths surrounding surviving once the earth is overrun by the undead.
Myth: Zombies can’t swim, so I’m going to live on a boat, yacht, island, etc.
Fact: To put it bluntly, this is a very naïve idea. If we all used this train of thought, people would be digging moats around their neighborhoods after the first zombies crawled out of their graves. All a moat would do is ensure other humans couldn’t gain access to the supplies you’ve stored. But it also isolates you, keeps you separated from those who are capable of helping to protect your family.
The truth is, zombies don’t breathe. Fear of drowning is what keeps a large percentage of people from learning how to swim or going into the water at all. However, after death there is nothing to stop them. Cadavers found in water are somewhat buoyant; they float near the surface during decomposition because of gasses trapped in the chest and abdomen. For normal bodies, this lasts for as long as it takes to dispel the gas. It is unknown how much of the gasses from decomposition stay in a zombie. So while the undead may lack the coordination to compete in the 100 meter freestyle in the Olympics, they can float and move around enough to execute a very basic “doggy paddle” to propel themselves through water.
“Well, what if the zombies don’t float?”
Then you will have a situation like in Land of the Dead (2005) where the zombies entered the water and sank like stones (which is what happens to the dead once their chest cavities burst and release built-up gasses anyways). Once submerged, the undead simply walked along the bottom of the lake. In this instance your only chance to use water to keep the zombies at bay is to find a chunk of land surrounded by swift-moving rivers. The force of the water would knock them downstream, but then you are back to my original point… isolation. How long could you survive on what you have stored and the limited hunting available on an island?
What zombie myths have you heard? Submit your myths in the comments below and we’ll do our best to prove if they are fact or just plain nonsense.
Video gaming industry insiders gathered Monday to kick off the four-day Electronic Entertainment Expo, or E3, in Los Angeles to give the public a sneak peak at what they plan to release console and game-wise during the next year. And like any good geek, yours truly happened to catch some of the news between writing up ZSC mission reports…
Only to set those reports aside and start writing this one.
The game play footage for Call of Duty Black Ops 2 is amazing, loud, bloody, and full of so much action that I couldn’t soak it all up in my first viewing. In the game, the main cast of characters struggles to escort the President of the United States safely through Los Angeles, which is under siege from futuristic, unmanned war machines and more enemy soldiers than you can shake a stick at.
But all that wasn’t what made me pause. A familiar voice came out of the television’s speakers during the game’s video package. A singular voice I heard just a few weeks ago in Dallas, Texas.
We have been unable to confirm if our Special Forces Commander Michael Rooker is indeed the voice I noted in Black Ops 2. He is on a top-secret mission and currently unavailable through normal lines of communication. As soon as we’re given word, we will let you know.
The game will be a great at-home training exercise for developing strategy and survival skills—and if it is indeed, as we suspect, Michael Rooker driving the game play, ZSC members and gamers can look forward to some intense sessions with our Special Forces head.
In the meantime, check out the game play footage and decide for yourself:
Earlier this week we brought you reports of a man in Miami, Florida that attacked and consumed his victim’s face before being shot and killed by local police. Official reports are stating that the attacker may have been suffering severe psychosis from use of a synthetic drug with the street name of “bath salts” (Not to be confused with the rose and lavender bath salts you gave your grandmother for Mother’s Day). As more witness statements are released, we realize that if the drugs are indeed to blame, then manufacturers may have found a way to turn living, breathing humans into the closest thing we’ve seen to a zombie.
On the heels of that startling attack comes another. In Baltimore, Maryland a college student claims to have murdered a man and then proceeded to eat portions of his brain and the entirety of his heart before dismembering his body. The assailant kept the head and hands, then disposed of the remaining pieces of the body in a dumpster at a nearby church. As of right now authorities are unsure if Alexander Kinyua actually ingested any portion of his victim—pending a full autopsy report from the coroner.
Unlike the Miami incident, there are no noticeable signs that drugs fueled the attack. Local police refused to comment or make assumptions on the mental health of Kinyua to determine if that factors into his disturbing behavior.
Kujoe Agyei-Kodie
What would push a seemingly healthy human to attack, kill, and supposedly eat someone that’d lived with his family for the last six months? This wasn’t the first time this month that Kinyua attacked another person. The first assault happened about a week prior to his cannibalistic confession. It was reported that, after sitting with a baseball bat clutched in his hands and muttering to himself for several minutes, Kinyua beat a fellow student. That victim was treated for severe injuries, including a fractured skull that cost him the sight in one of his eyes. Before that, classmates and neighbors considered Kinyua to be a decent guy, a little quirky, but always willing to help. His behavior did a full turnabout in the matter of weeks. But why? That is the most difficult part to figure out.
We’re growing increasingly concerned at the news reports coming across the Command Center desk. This report of cannibalism is not the second, but third, extremely violent incident in a matter of weeks—all located on the east coast.
Two of the locations coincide with the travel schedule of our leader, Juliette. Last weekend, she was just hours from Miami during the assault. This week, she made her way to Baltimore in preparation for the Philadelphia Comic-Con within days of the attack. She had no clue about it until we sent out a warning broadcast to commanders in the area.
Is there something in the water? The locations are too far spread out for any sensible source to be pinpointed. All we can do is warn brigadiers to remain vigilant.
If you see someone or something suspicious, do not engage. This is not an outbreak as far as we’ve determined. Report all incidents to local police. We will be monitoring things from ZSC Command. If any more details surface that alter our opinion on a possible outbreak, you will be notified.
From behind the zombie bunny cages of RC Murphy Alert Level: High
We interrupt our regularly scheduled Commander Monday segment to bring you vital information which may indicate the zombie apocalypse may be heating up.
Often we hear news tidbits that force us to double-check our go bags and weaponry. However, nothing caught our attention about the reality of what we’re facing in the near future like this news article from the Miami Herald.
Here’s a rundown of what the police have released so far. On Saturday May, 26th at approximately 2:00 PM local time, police received reports that two men were in an altercation on a bicycle path alongside a freeway off ramp. Police arrived on the scene and described the situation as a nude man hunched over another man…apparently eating his face.
Yes, you read that right. They claim that the attacker chowed down on the victim’s face. Police used verbal warnings to break up the situation. When that proved ineffective, they shot him. The first shot had no apparent affect. Five more shots were fired into the attacker, according to witness reports. The attacker died on the scene. Paramedics took the victim to a nearby hospital in serious condition—his face unrecognizable.
Police theories right now state that the attacker was suffering from “cocaine psychosis”, which drives a person insane as they literally cook from the inside out (this also explains why he was found nude during the assault).
The police are allowed their theories. We’re allowed ours. Numerous ZSC brigadiers brought this article to our attention, and we thank them for that. This may indeed be a drug-induced psychosis as Miami police claim. Or it could be the first wave in zombie activity. The fact that the man did not react as a human should when the first shot was fired is disconcerting. Lack of pain response is one of the first signs we look for when determining if a person is in fact infected by the zombie virus. It is very rare that psychotic rages push someone to the point of devouring a living human, despite what we’ve seen in the movies. There must be something more to the story than what they’re telling the public.
Also, it is significant to note this incident took place while our commander-in-chief, Juliette Terzieff, is at Spooky Empire May-hem educating the masses on how to respond during a zombie apocalypse. Coincidence? We don’t think so. The chief has checked in to assure everyone her go bag is with her and ready to go. She has given the pre-deployment signal to command, so we are standing by awaiting her further instructions at this time. We are on high alert, and this is NOT a drill.
Please, be on your guard. We will be keeping a close eye on any further reports from the Miami police regarding this situation.
Rating: Unrated (mild violence and adult language)
Starring: Dominic Monaghan, Ron Perlman and Larry Fessenden
I stepped outside my norm with this film. First, I Sell the Dead is a period piece. Secondly, this isn’t so much a zombie flick as it is a movie that happens to have zombies in it. Third, I let the casting sway my decision to watch. Hey, Dominic Monaghan made an impression in those movies about a ring or some such. Curiosity forced my hand. Good thing I’m not a cat, huh?
The film takes us through the career of a grave robber while he’s delivering his gallows speech to a no-nonsense priest. Right off the bat, what caught my attention was the humor laced in the script. There were moments that felt like one of those weird stage shows, very Waiting for Godot without all the, you know, waiting. Well there was some waiting, but that was me waiting for zombies (until I got impatient and looked in the mirror).
Via flashbacks we watch our friendly neighborhood grave robber become an apprentice and learn how, exactly, to break into a coffin. As time progresses he teams up with his mentor to grave rob as a full time job. They are forced by the tight grip of the law to look to other sources outside graveyards to procure corpses for the doctor that’s hired them. Their first try introduces the pair to the reality of vampires. After they successfully deliver the vampire’s body, the strange dead and undead begin to find them. Including the corpse of an alien, which sparks a turf war between rival grave robbing gangs. Apparently, being a ghoul is profitable enough to kill over. Who knew!
Eventually, as always happens, the final bit of fun and games happened when someone accidentally discovered packing crates filled with zombies. Our grave robbers are led into the fray by a pair of perky breasts disguising a ruthless heart and there’s a proverbial tug of war with the animated corpses that ends with someone losing their temper…and several important body parts.
While witty, some viewers may find the pacing of I Sell the Dead a bit of a turn off. This is not your usual horror flick with tons of jump scares, though it has a few moments where you don’t know whether to laugh or shriek. I give this movie three and a half severed arms out of five. If you want a dose of British humor with a swig of the morbid and dash of paranormal monsters, check out I Sell the Dead.
Starring: Brandon Routh, Sam Huntington, Anita Briem, and Taye Diggs
Zombies, and vampires, and werewolves… oh hell.
Poking around the internet usually leads me to a few shining gems as far as zombie movies goes. This isn’t exactly a zombie movie, but yet another film that utilizes zombies in some fashion. Never one to discriminate against my fellow undead, I decided to give Dylan Dog: Dead of Night a chance.
The film follows a private detective, Dylan Dog, and his assistant Marcus as they are dragged back into the realm of the supernatural for a murder case. This isn’t Dylan’s first trip around the paranormal merry-go-round and his past quickly catches up to pay a visit as he uses old connections to investigate the death of his client’s father. Luckily he’s used to dealing with the dead, while working Marcus meets with the toothy side of a zombie and is turned, without losing an ounce of his sense of humor.
Apparently in the universe of the film there are two types of zombies, those who feed on humans and those who don’t. Zombies who abstain from flesh eat worms and other gross things to get necessary nutrition. They are somewhat frail and decay quicker than their flesh-eating counterparts. All of the zombie rules were run through pretty quickly after Marcus awakes in the morgue, conveniently run by a pair of the vegan-esque zombies. I’m glad to see that for once the undead aren’t the bad guys, but instead function as comedic relief and sidekicks. About time, if you ask me.
Despite Marcus’s undead state, he and Dylan go on to do their sleuth thing. They go toe to fang with vampires and werewolves, even taking on the mother of all zombies. Oh and insert random demon, because we didn’t have enough paranormal entities to keep track of. (I had to take notes, no kidding!)
Dylan Dog: Dead of Night had a lot of potential. Unfortunately this movie suffered from casting problems. Actually, only one big, glaring problem… Routh as the jaded Dylan Dog. The character was written for someone at least ten years older. Unless there is a plot point, such as Dylan has an extended lifespan and only appears to be around 30, there’s no way to believe some of the dialog coming from his mouth. He talks of old times with the vampires and I can’t help but think, “What, you were chatting up vampires in your Pampers, dude?” If they’d tweaked the character I would have enjoyed Routh’s performance more. Instead it felt like he tried to do a bad Constantine impression.
I’m going to give Dylan Dog:Dead of Night three and three-quarter decaying feet out of five. Most of that goes to Sam Huntington for amusing me so much as a newly dead zombie. Brought back fond memories.
A shambling horde descended on Dallas, Texas early Friday morning. They moaned, groaned, and went in search of the nearest source of caffeine. Then the fans started pouring in. Your brave commanders roused from their jet lag and sprang into action.
Texas Frightmare Weekend brought us face to face with a lot of die-hard horror fans—many of who came up to the tables and wowed us with their amazing costumes. I will admit to jumping any time a zombie shuffled by or stopped to speak with commanders IronE Singleton and Michael Rooker. However, we were assured that these particular zombies were more interested in speaking with us than eating us. (Juliette cuddled her trusty crossbow in preparation for an attack, nonetheless. My plan involved ducking behind our Special Forces commander. Have you seen the way he fights? Dang!)
Friday night we met with potential ZSC recruits until horses turned back into mice and our coach became a pumpkin. Everyone seemed very eager to chat about proper zombie-slaying etiquette (Always double-tap!) and we even learned a few new techniques. Color this commander impressed. Texas breeds good recruits, folks. Though I must say the funniest part of the night came after we said goodbye to everyone and settled down to eat a late dinner. Juliette flipped through her photos to see what she got and realized that Tom Towles photobombed IronE. He is an outstanding individual…with great comic timing. We’re still giggling.
The following morning, we were back in the swing of things. More jaw-dropping costumes came in through the doors. By the time we got over the shock of how cool they were and how kind the fans were, it was time for the Walking Dead panel. I’ve never in my life seen so many people cram into a room to sit through a panel. Every seat was filled and folks lined up three-deep along the walls. Rooker, IronE, Reedus, Madison, and Chandler fed off of the energy coming from eager fans and gave them a lot of insight into the show. That was after Rooker hosted an impromptu fight demo backstage, teaching us how to use our elbows for defense and attack. See guys, we never stop learning new things to keep you all safe during the Zombiepocalypse.
Our Saturday ended with hula-hoops, terrifying folks in elevators, and exhaustion nipping at our heels, but it was worth it to see so many smiling faces during the day.
I like to imagine Sunday mornings at all cons are what would happen if someone yanked the rings out of a circus in the middle of all the nifty animal tricks. Tigers, elephants, and zebras run amok in a mass of confusion. Inevitably one or two get lost in the panicked crowd. Yeah, you guessed it. We managed to “misplace” some of the commanders. No, they weren’t hiding in the coffee shop on the lobby floor. They were recovered later in the day with no explanation, nor recollection about where they’d been. Possible UGA interference? I think so. This served as a stark reminder that while things have been quiet, never drop your guard.
Parting from our fellow ZSC commanders is never easy, but we made sure everyone arrived safely to their various modes of transport to [classified locations].
We would like to extend a huge amount of gratitude to the folks running Texas Frightmare Weekend and their staff, who worked tirelessly to make sure we had everything we needed. Special thanks to Nic and James (Cowboy) for being by our sides the entire weekend without running scared. And of course, our last thank you goes to the ZSC brigadiers and potential recruits that we saw over the weekend. You were all so wonderful. We can’t wait to visit Dallas again.
Our next Zombie Survival Crew event is Spooky Empire’s May-Hem May 25th – 27th in Orlando, FL.
Bonus! I asked a few people what is in their go bag. Nic, one of our volunteers, told me what his wife, Kim, wanted in hers. It made me laugh so hard, I just had to add it to the con rundown.
Hang on to your hats! Convention season is in full swing for your Zombie Survival Crew commanders. So far we’ve scouted new troops in Albuquerque, New Jersey, Virginia Beach, and Calgary. Our next stop puts us in Dallas, TX for Texas Frightmare Weekend. How many loyal brigadiers will we see there?
The brave Commanders attending Texas Frightmare are:
We’ll be holding a brand new Con-test during the Saturday and Sunday of Texas Frightmare! The zombie bunnies RC keeps as pets in the Command Center have escaped and we think some of them stowed away in her luggage. Find the zombie bunny hiding on the ZSC table and win something special from us!
One prize per day, so you better be quick! Never know where the zombie bunnies will show up…
If you are following us on Twitter (@TheZSC) you’ve probably noticed that we’re creeping up on 2,000 followers over there. Pass the word along to your friends, family—anyone you want to be safe and secure when the Zombiepocalypse begins. When we reach 2,000 Twitter followers, we’ll pick a random follower to win a signed copy of our first anthology, Undead is Not an Option!
Hey you. Yes, you in the back trying to hide behind the weapons rack… we need your help!
A couple months ago, JL Coburn (SAPPED) assisted the Oracle in creating a map of resupply stations within the United States. While having identified our meeting locations is great, we must secure additional information to build these locations into the appropriate resupply stations that can save our collective backsides once the Zombiepocalypse kicks off. This is where you, the Zombie Survival Crew loyalists, come in.
ZSC Command is officially calling for volunteers to staff this two-part mission, codename: RESUPPLY. Portion one (I) is to scout locations for information; the second part (II) is to actually man the supply centers when disaster strikes.
RESUPPLY I:
There are twenty-three resupply stations currently mapped out, divided into six sectors within the US. We need folks from each city or a neighboring city to scout out a few things. ::cue Mission Impossible music::
A large, secure area to act as a meeting zone.
Shopping centers, grocery stores, hardware stores, pharmacies, etc… around the meeting zone the ZSC can use to gather supplies.
Three to four routes to the meeting zone from each direction (north, east, south, west)
For the Phase II cities (marked below), we need a large building capable of housing supplies for 100+ people and is easy to secure against attack.
Email all intel to Command [at] zombiesurvivalcrew [dot] com with the headline “Resupply Station [city name]”. If you wish to include photos of the locations, please do. It will provide vital information to ensure we know what we’re dealing with. Multiple scouts in a city are welcome. The more information accumulated the better for solidifying our official Escape Route plans.
RESUPPLY II:
We will also need volunteers to coordinate and run the resupply stations in each of the cities below. If you wish to assist, leave a comment below telling us which city you’d like to volunteer in.
Resupply Stations:
North West Group (Yellow) 1A. Pocatello, ID (Phase II site) 1B. Lakeview, OR 1C. Yakima, WA 1D. Helena, MT
South West Group (Purple) 2A. Madera, CA (Phase II site) 2B. St. George, UT 2C. Phoenix, AZ 2D. Anaheim, CA
North Central Group (Red) 3A. Duluth, MN (Phase II site) 3B. Waterloo, IA 3C. Alliance, NE 3D. Bismarck, ND
South Central Group (Aqua) 4A. Midland, TX (Phase II site) 4B. Liberal, KS 4C. Springfield, MO 4D. Monroe, LA 4E. San Antonio, TX
North East Group (Blue) 5A. Burlington, VT (Phase II site) 5B. Wilmington, DE 5C. Cleveland, OH
South East Group (Green) 6A. Atlanta, GA (Phase II site) 6B. Berea, KY 6C. Kissimmee, FL
To read more on all resupply stations, please go to our (for members only) Key Links under the Escape Routes/Resupply Stations section
For months now we’ve allowed Zombie Survival Crew brigadiers to assume that the danger from the Unnamed Government Agency (UGA) has been a low-level threat. That their persistence in “meeting” with commanders had ended. We cannot in good conscience allow this to continue.
Fact: To put it bluntly, this is a very naïve idea. If we all used this train of thought, people would be digging moats around their neighborhoods after the first zombies crawled out of their graves. All a moat would do is ensure other humans couldn’t gain access to the supplies you’ve stored. But it also isolates you, keeps you separated from those who are capable of helping to protect your family.
Often we hear news tidbits that force us to double-check our go bags and weaponry. However, nothing caught our attention about the reality of what we’re facing in the near future like this 
I stepped outside my norm with this film. First, I Sell the Dead is a period piece. Secondly, this isn’t so much a zombie flick as it is a movie that happens to have zombies in it. Third, I let the casting sway my decision to watch. Hey, Dominic Monaghan made an impression in those movies about a ring or some such. Curiosity forced my hand. Good thing I’m not a cat, huh?
Zombies, and vampires, and werewolves… oh hell.
