Rated: PG (scary action and images, thematic elements, some rude humor and language)
Starring: Kodi Smit-McPhee, Anna Kendrick and Christopher Mintz-Plasse
They let me out of the Zombie Survival Crew command center. Freedom! Well, not really. I was bound in chains and hidden in the back row at an undisclosed movie theater to watch Paranorman. I should have known they’d only let me out to work. Admittedly, though the movie is for young, delicious children, I did thoroughly enjoy it.
Paranorman is centered on Norman, a quiet outcast who has a very strange ability—he talks to ghosts. In his quest to remain on the fringe of society in order to not draw attention from bullies, Norman is dragged further into the weirdness that surrounds his life. His crazy uncle tracks him down and passes on a family legacy tied to his talent with the paranormal. Norman must take a book and read it at a certain location to keep a three-hundred year old witch’s ghost from hatching her curse, a curse that would unleash a band of zombies on Norman’s small home town. Except Norman runs out of time and the zombies crawl out of their graves, seeking and end to the curse.
The film opens with Norman watching a bad zombie movie with his grandmother. Within the first few minutes, both adults and children were giggling at the screen. You can’t help yourself. The humor is done in levels, entertaining the target audience and the folks forced to go with said audience.
I should note that I saw the film in 2D. 3D glasses don’t work well if you’re missing an ear. Even without the bells and whistles, the artistic talent put into the creation of the stop-motion puppets was astounding. Each of the characters, major or background, were fully detailed—down to the stitching on Norman’s mother’s ugly-as-sin “mom jeans”. The zombies were very well realized. Not too graphic so as to not terrify the children, but still pretty banged up and decayed. One can only hope to look that good after three hundred years in a pine box.
Portions of the story seem contrived to push Norman to reach certain decisions. He makes a leap in logic that left me scratching a hole in my scalp before being reminded that kids don’t have the patience to wait for a character to learn certain lessons. They’d rather see the outcome of the lesson than the learning. Doesn’t mean the filmmakers left out important moral lessons about bullying, anger management, and tolerance, though. One off-hand reveal at the end should be applauded. You’ll know it when you see it.
Overall, Paranorman is a great movie to introduce children to zombies, especially those that can’t handle overly scary things. There is an ample amount of humor laced with traditional horror elements to act as a buffer. A huge bonus is that filmmakers throw in a lot of old horror movie references for adults.
I give Paranorman four dismembered feet out of five. It is undead fun for the entire family.
SITUATION: Dire. Recon footage shows rural and suburban fortifications have been completely overrun. The viral outbreak to the east, once limited to these outer regions, has gone full-scale, spreading westward like wildfire among the dense populations of the city. Most citizens have been infected and quarantined.
MISSION: You are part of a small band of survivors on a scouting mission who must enter the quarantine area under the cover of darkness. Avoid the ravenous zombie hordes roaming the night and make it back to safety.
October 13 – Holly State Recreation Area, Michigan
Be Prepared:
Do you have $1,550 burning a hole in your pocket and an itchy trigger finger whenever anyone mentions the Zombiepocalypse? Yankee Hill Machinery has produced a stunning zombie-inspired AR-15 rifle, the SOC-150 “Zombie Hunter”. (via Guns.com)
Dead Island Riptide First Look Preview — We Have to Go Back…and Kill More Zombies! (via G4)
‘ZombiU’ Buckingham Palace escape trailer unveiled (via Digital Spy)
Commander Corner
Sean Patrick Flanery and J. LaRose sighting! On October 23rd, sinners will be able to purchase the DVD and Blu-ray for The Devil’s Carnival.
“In THE DEVIL’S CARNIVAL sinners are invited to a theme park where they endure the repetition of their transgressions. What chances do a conniving kleptomaniac, a gullible teenager, and an obsessed father stand when facing their own moral failings? Lucifer and his colorful cast of singing carnies invite you to grab a ticket to THE DEVIL’S CARNIVAL to find out!”
We’re back to tackle another round of myth bashing Zombie Survival Crew style. This segment is here to help you, loyal brigadiers, from using bad information to protect yourselves during the Zombiepocalypse. Your safety is important to us.
Myth: There is no way to build a functional zombie trap.
Fact: Well, not if you go into the planning stages expecting to remake a mousetrap in human size. Laying a bloody arm on a wood platform and rigging a pressure switch to release a giant iron bar to crush whatever happens to get in the way seems like a cool idea (and yes, I did consider building one just because it seemed cool) but that isn’t what we’re talking about here.
The idea behind a zombie trap is to capture and dispose of as many undead as possible with minimal risk or loss of human life. Given that we’re placing these traps in what will likely be a wasteland after the first wave of attacks, there isn’t much concern about how much collateral damage these traps cause.
With that in mind, I say kill them with fire.
Many of the zombie trap designs I came across while researching involved making modifications to your home that would contain one or two zombies at a time, allowing you to dispatch them with a blow to the skull. That’s all well and good if you live in a rural area with a low population. The more people around you, the more potential zombies are lurking next door.
Down the road from my current undisclosed location is a string of abandoned warehouses. These were businesses that went belly-up in the latest financial crisis and just locked the doors, leaving everything inside. A few of them have mountains of wooden pallets. While scouting locations, I came up with this zombie trap plan:
Cut off a quarter of the building’s interior with chain link fencing that will withhold a good amount of weight. Make sure this portion of the building has at least three exit points. This is your staging area, be sure to secure the exterior of each exit point with solid walls of metal sheeting. In the rest of the building, lay down old carpeting and stack up anything flammable to create a maze of sorts. Cover all but one door and seal any windows that can be used to escape in that portion of the space.
Now for the part that can get a tad hairy if your team isn’t prepared. You’re going to have a party. Not really, but that is about the noise range you need to reach in order to draw the zombies in. Be loud. Light a barbecue (outside, that place is rigged to ignite FAST). Basically, you’re advertising that humans are present and waiting to be slaughtered like teens at a summer camp.
Once the zombies find a way to get to the yummy humans inside the building, you need to act quickly. Prepare about half a dozen or so Molotov cocktails and have them ready to go. Light and chuck them into the stacks of flammable materials. Once the building goes up, so will the zombies. Don’t worry about blocking the door they came into. They’ll bottleneck trying to escape.
The important part is to get out of the building as quickly as possible once it ignites. Outside forces need to make sure there is a clear line to your vehicles to get out of dodge before the building comes down.
Is my zombie trap a loss of resources? Yes. But if you plan to stay in the city, sacrifices will need to be made in order to put a serious dent in the undead population. It isn’t the perfect zombie trap, however it will work if done right.
Do you have a zombie trap planned? Share it with us in the comments.
Is there a zombie myth you think we should dig into? Send to us in the comments
Rated: Not Rated (Extreme violence, gore, and strong adult language.)
Starring: Craig Fairbrass, Jamie Murray, and MyAnna Buring.
Very, very rarely does a film I’ve been asked to review surprise this cantankerous rotting corpse. The last few have been nightmares. Not because they were particularly terrifying, but because they weren’t all that good.
Devil’s Playground (2010) was a pleasant change from the current trend in extra-cheesy and poorly realized zombie films—even when, at times, it feels like a domesticated version of Resident Evil.
In an effort to find a safe life-enhancing drug, pharmaceutical company N-Gen accidentally infects all of its test subjects with a virus that mutates, turning them into ravenous beasts. The drugs affects transform all but one trial subject. A mercenary for the agency, Cole, is sent to find her. Along the way, he is infected and has roughly eighteen hours to track her down and bring her back before he becomes a zombie. Angie may be the only way to stop the zombies from taking over the UK one city at a time. That is if her friends, family, and fellow survivors allow her to do what is best for mankind.
There is the usual genre tropes tossed around in the movie. Utilizing the opening credits to run a series of vignettes that catches viewers up to the current time frame of the film is tired. However they shot it well enough that, even though it has been used to death, it didn’t bore me right away. The film also made ample use of television and radio clips to keep the characters and viewers in touch with what was happening away from what was on screen. It did get repetitive after a while, though. Oh and the flashbacks. Those were far overdone and, frankly, as useless as nipples on a male pig.
One other thing that comes back again and again is tied to the back-story between some of the lead characters. We get it; this guy is extremely jealous and protective of Angie. Beating that idea into viewers head will garner absolutely no sympathy for the character because by the time we’re supposed to feel that way, we just want him to shut up and quit getting in the way.
As far as the zombies themselves, the makeup isn’t the most detailed I’ve seen in a genre film, but it is somewhat unique. The zombies are revealed in stages, with the final stage being visibly gruesome without going too far into decay. It fits with the method of infection really well and doesn’t distract from how holy-hell-fast the infected are. Lace up your running shoes, folks, and pray these aren’t the zombies that take over during the Zombiepocalypse.
Overall, the film is grossly underrated. I’m giving it three-and-three-quarter mangled faces out of five—by far one of the better films to be slid under my cell door in over a year.
It’s time for another round of myth bashing with your Zombie Survival Crew commanders. We do all of the research on the myths you guys send our way to be sure none of us end up chow during the Zombiepocalypse.
Myth: Cutting off a zombie’s head is just as good as destroying their brain.
Fact: Taking shortcuts will get you killed.
Did you know that the human brain can survive up to two minutes without blood being actively pumped to it from the heart? That is a normal brain in a normal body, without any zombie funny business mucking things up. Neat, huh?
Now we have to mix in the various definitions of zombies—all of whom in fact have no heartbeat to drive their bodily systems. Zombies undergo a reversal of sorts from how we are hardwired to function. The animalistic portion of the brain drives them and that’s it. The nervous system, which regulates heartbeat and lung function as well as pain receptors, doesn’t come back on line. Essentially a switch is flipped and they become eating machines without the ability to step away from the meal and say, “I’m full” because that portion of their body just doesn’t function.
What does that have to do with decapitation? Everything.
Zombies do not need their bodies to be attached to their heads in order to “live”. Everything is contained within their grey matter. So even if you send their head flying a good fifty feet away from the rest of their body, the zombie will still attempt to sate the unrelenting hunger propelling them through the world. This doesn’t pose much of a threat unless you leave the head lying somewhere without destroying the brain. Someone could walk past unawares and get within biting range. Ankles biters are still fully capable of infecting someone. That infection will be brought back to your base camp.
Boom. Outbreak amongst the survivors.
Not to mention, leaving a zombie’s head to lie there snapping at passing squirrels and hikers is simply inhumane. The ZSC has always taken the stance that if you must kill an infected human or dispatch a zombie, do it as humanely as possible. If you were in their shoes would you want to become a potential soccer ball for the undead? I think not. So yes, decapitation works, but only to neutralize the threat. After that, you must destroy the zombie’s brain so there are no accidental attacks.
What zombie myths have you heard? Submit your myths in the comments below and we’ll do our best to prove if they are fact or just plain nonsense.
Since the mishap in Florida, we’ve been closely monitoring communication lines between UGA (Unnamed Government Agency) agents and their superior commanders. Things have been quiet on that front for the most part, until this past week. Below is the decoded message we intercepted from Agents Smith and Wiggins to the field office in northern Utah.
We are declaring a state of emergency for the South East quadrant. The serum released in May as an in-field study of our ZSF program has mutated and spread beyond what the lab techs predicted. Attempts to keep the attacks have been mostly successful, but we cannot contain this on our own.
Send assistance ASAP.
The field office sent the following reply:
In an effort to remain under the radar, we cannot at the present send additional forces to the South East quadrant without alerting the ZSC to our plans. Dispose of the infected and maintain efforts to keep the media silenced.
Further orders will be sent via usual channels.
We were correct to assume UGA interference in the current rash of strange news hitting the airwaves. What is project ZSF? How far has this serum of theirs spread? Rest assured that your ZSC commanders are looking into this current problem.
Again, we ask that if you witness unusual behavior, please contact local authorities. Double check your weapons and go bags, brigadiers. Plans have been put into motion to counteract the UGA threat. Remain vigilant and hopeful. We will get to the bottom of this.
We are back for another installment of myth bashing with your Zombie Survival Crew commanders. This series strives to separate fact from fiction so that you all have a snowball’s chance in Hades of surviving the Zombiepocalypse.
Myth: Save the space program! We can use the space shuttles to haul all of the zombies out into space and watch them blow up.
Fact: You’ve been watching one too many Sci-Fi movies.
A few facts about space: First, space is a vacuum. It is devoid of air pressure. In contrast, Earth has approximately fourteen pounds of pressure weighing us down. To counteract, our bodies push back against this pressure with equal force. When exposed to a vacuum, the pressure inside the human body doesn’t magically turn off to balance things out. Instead the unchecked pressure builds, creating tiny gas bubbles in bodily fluids that expand, testing the elasticity of human skin and the capacity of our chest/stomach cavity. (Imagine a marshmallow in the microwave here.) It doesn’t take very long for swelling from the gasses to cut off blood and oxygen, leading to brain death.
Got all of that? Good.
Now we need to look at physical characteristics of a zombie. They don’t breathe, so they wouldn’t asphyxiate when dumped into space, which is what generally kills humans first. Almost all zombies have wounds deep enough to pierce the dermis, if not rupture the body cavity, so in theory it would take longer for the pressure to build in a reasonably fresh body. (I say in theory because, lets be honest, it would take years of studying to know all the facts on this stuff.) But once the pressure did build, brain damage would be severe enough to dispatch the zombie permanently. That and they’d be a deadcicle from the water vaporizing out of their body and freezing as gasses expand.
“What if space aliens find the zombies?”
Really? Okay, fine. We’ll go there.
As I’ve stated, the undead would be frozen. Freezing does preserve certain bacteria, but it could also destroy the microbes. It is impossible for us to know if the temperature would drop low enough to destroy whatever it is that reanimates the corpses. Barring any cellular changes from the radiation found naturally in space, it could be possible if an alien species found the Earth’s dirty laundry floating in space for them to be exposed to it once the zombies defrost.
That doesn’t mean there would be alien zombies navigating through space, though. If the species is, say, reptilian in nature, they likely won’t have enough in common genetically for the zombie virus to jump over to them. That isn’t to say that they wouldn’t be infected by it. It just wouldn’t affect them as it affects humans. The virus may even begin to mutate through the generations to eventually turn this alien species into zombies. That would be far off from the discovery of Earth’s undead, however.
(Of course, seeing as we have no proof of alien species existing, that whole explanation was simply to appease Sci-Fi fanboys. We live to serve.)
What zombie myths have you heard? Submit your myths in the comments below and we’ll do our best to prove if they are fact or just plain nonsense.
Starring: Ving Rhames, Taryn Manning, and Johnny Pacar.
Is there a complaint form available for an undead guy being tortured by a group of slayers? Honestly, forcing me to watch a Syfy movie and then retain enough of my decomposing brain cells in order to review it is cruel and unusual punishment. Governments have laws against this sort of treatment. It isn’t fair that those laws only extend to the living. I want to call my senator!
I still have to review the movie, don’t I? Let’s get this over with.
2012: Zombie Apocalypse (2011) was the Syfy channel’s answer to the current trend in zombie-related movies and television shows. Essentially, they took every single genre stereotype and crammed it into a ninety-minute film.
A virus sweeps over the globe and infects over 90% of the population in a matter of weeks, turning them into ravenous corpses. In an effort to contain the zombies, the United States government wipes out all modes of transport and communication.
After being holed up in a cabin during the beginning of the outbreak, a trio of survivors is forced out of hiding to find supplies. As they gather food, they are attacked and nearly-simultaneously saved. The survivors band together with their rescuers to stay alive. The group decides to head west—where there’s been a rumor of a safe haven on Catalina Island off the coast of California.
The dialog is predictable, as are the frequency of zombie attacks and the method of their demise. Half of the cast didn’t seem to know the hell to hold the weapon they’d been given, let alone how to swing it in a way that’d believably kill anything more threatening than a dust bunny. And can we stop with the computer-generated blood splatter, already? It never looks right. Use the extra money from that to buy backup wardrobe pieces and use real fake blood.
While I’m on makeup effects…there are typically a few “layers” from camera to background as far as extras are concerned. The zombies closer to the camera are “hero” zombies, extras or stunt persons who have extensive work done on their makeup for close-up shots. Back from them are main zombies, who are made up to be on camera a good amount of time, but not with enough detail for close ups. Behind those are “filler”—extras with minimal makeup, a lot of blood, and never get close to camera. Sometimes when a makeup department is small, they will make up masks similar to the zombie look needed for the film and put those on the filler extras. You shouldn’t be able to count seven of these masked extras in frame. It looked awful, watching them run right up to the camera and seeing the latex masks jiggle.
My final word on 2012: Zombie Apocalypse—Zombie Tigers. That is when I quit the movie.
I’m giving this film two-and-a-half partially-eaten brains out of five. If you want to torture yourself or friends, go ahead. Grab some popcorn and adult beverages; you’re going to need them to get through the whole thing unscathed.
From the undisclosed location of RC Murphy – find her if you can
On the weekend after the Fourth of July, AMC ran a two-day marathon of The Walking Dead, starting with season one and going all the way through season two. The marathon was capped off by a live one-hour edition of Talking Dead, hosted by uber geek, Chris Hardwick. He interviewed cast and crew from TWD while they were out in Atlanta, Georgia filming season three.
Executive producers Glenn Mazzara and Gale Anne Hurd were the first TWD guests. Along with Drew Carey, who is a huge fan of the show and very into survival stuff. (Hey, Juliette, I think we need to go on a new mission for the ZSC…)
Glenn stated that the “Ricktatorship”, which we saw at the end of season two, is just beginning. It won’t be an easy road for Rick. He’s lost his best friend and second in command. His people are tired. Their loyalties are torn after discovering he kept a huge secret from them since leaving the CDC. He has to push the group to keep going, but if he pushes too far, he’ll lose them. The big question is, how will he deal with not having Shane around? Can Daryl step into that position and help out?
Gale adds in that Rick’s personal life isn’t peachy keen at the moment. Lori thought that Shane would be her savior, that he could be a father to Carl. A father that’d stay put because Rick is too keen to run off and save the world. She’s very much feeling Shane’s blood on her hands after pushing Rick to take care of things. But worst of all, she’s completely torn up over Carl’s involvement in the whole ordeal.
For the first time, they’ve announced ahead of time what the interactive fan treat for San Diego Comic-Con will be. Greg Nicotero, co-executive producer and SFX makeup wizard, walked us through the process of recreating Michonne and her pet zombies. They did lifecasts of Danai Gurira and the one of the walkers. Actual wardrobe pieces from the set will be worn by the statues to achieve a very unique interactive experience. Fans of the show that attend SDCC will be able to strap on a collar and take the place of Michonne’s second walker.
Laurie Holden, who plays Andrea, said that her time with Michonne will be spent kicking zombie butt and taking names. She forms a friendship with the other woman after being saved from the horde out in the forest at the end of season two. Laurie went on to talk about David Morrissey, who will play the Governor, saying he is perfect for the role—sexy, charismatic, evil, yet very sweet when not in character.
Glen Mazzara added that the Governor “is a guy that thinks the zombie apocalypse is all about him.” He fully believes that people will look back at this point in history and see him as the light that kept humanity going. The Governor thinks he is the messiah and will do anything to prolong the existence of humans.
Chandler Riggs called in to the show and was very adamant that Carl would not be going into the house any more. He is growing up. Carl wants to pull his weight. He feels it is his responsibility to be a soldier, to protect the group. His experience with Shane is taking him a little towards the dark side. Not quite sure what that means, but it will be interesting to see how being surrounded by death affects a child of that age.
Steven Yeun took Chris Hardwick through a tour of the prison set. Everything was built specifically for the show. It’s all fake, but looks so incredibly real because of the great attention to detail. The prison is dirty, dank, and uncomfortable. The actors aren’t being spoiled between shots, either. They get dirt caught in their throat. It coats their sinuses. All in all, the set makes for very true performances from everyone.
Executive producers David Alpert and Robert Kirkman came on and teased fans mercilessly. It was hard to tell what information they gave was for giggles and what fans can look forward to. David admitted that there will be a lot of death in season three—zombie deaths, human deaths, the deaths of characters we love. Basically he warned fans to watch the next season with a box of tissues in hand.
They confirmed, for the umpteenth time, that Merle Dixon will indeed be back for season three of TWD. Merle is a character that you never know what to expect from him—other than racism and hatred. Maybe this season Merle will adopt a stray kitten or something likewise fluffy and cute to redeem himself.
In other Dixon news, it was announced that in 2013, Activision will release a first-person-shooter The Walking Dead video game. The game will allow players to go through the first stages of the zombie apocalypse as Daryl Dixon, with his brother Merle at his side.
We will have more information about season three of The Walking Dead after San Diego Comic-Con.
Welcome back to another round of myth bashing, Zombie Survival Crew style. This series is dedicated to uncovering the truth behind the tales one might hear while preparing for the Zombiepocalypse. We’re here to make sure you don’t end up digesting in a zombie’s stomach early on because you followed bad advice.
Myth: When being chased by zombies, the only safe place is to climb up a tree.
Fact: There may actually be some truth to this one.
It takes a good amount of coordination to be able to climb a tree. Most adults loose the flexibility (and lack of sense) necessary to traverse the tricky feat of making it more than one or two branches off the ground. Zombies are often encumbered by broken or missing limbs and severe muscle damage resulting from decomposition. They can hardly walk in a straight line, let alone direct their bodies to accomplish the difficult task of climbing.
But that isn’t to say they cannot make it up the tree somehow.
What the undead lack in motor skills, they make up for in sheer numbers. So sure, you think you’re fine and dandy sitting up in the branches of a tall tree, carefully picking off the zombies clawing uselessly at the trunk, but they’re drawn to the noise of the gun and the fuss their cohorts are making. Bodies pile up quickly. It is a lot easier to scramble on a writhing pile of moving corpses that don’t get upset when you step on their faces—there’s more horizontal surface to work with, therefore requiring less muscle. It wouldn’t take a large horde very long to build up enough for one zombie to body surf up and cling to a branch.
The question is, how dangerous would a treed zombie be?
Probably not very dangerous. What would kill you is dehydration, starvation, and exposure to the elements. Even if you make it up the tree with your heavy go bag in tow, it won’t have enough in it to tide you over until the horde disperses. They have one focus—food. And guess what? You’re the only item on their menu once they catch your scent.
However, we are not opposed to camping out in a sturdy and well-secured tree house. First of all, the idea just sounds cool. Secondly, if you use a rope ladder that can be pulled up and a very tall tree, there is very little chance of a zombie making it all the way up to your safe haven. This idea only works for individual survivors and not on a permanent basis. Hauling enough supplies to live on up a rope ladder would be backbreaking work, even if you pre-stored most of your items before the attacks began. We suggest using a tree house as an initial “get out of Dodge” location before moving on to a ZSC resupply station in your sector. But make sure you aren’t followed. Once a group of zombies surrounds your tree, getting back down to the ground to move on to a safer location will be very dangerous.
What zombie myths have you heard? Submit your myths in the comments below and we’ll do our best to prove if they are fact or just plain nonsense.
They let me out of the Zombie Survival Crew command center. Freedom! Well, not really. I was bound in chains and hidden in the back row at an undisclosed movie theater to watch Paranorman. I should have known they’d only let me out to work. Admittedly, though the movie is for young, delicious children, I did thoroughly enjoy it.
Top Stories:
Fact: Well, not if you go into the planning stages expecting to remake a mousetrap in human size. Laying a bloody arm on a wood platform and rigging a pressure switch to release a giant iron bar to crush whatever happens to get in the way seems like a cool idea (and yes, I did consider building one just because it seemed cool) but that isn’t what we’re talking about here.
Fact: Taking shortcuts will get you killed.
Myth: Save the space program! We can use the space shuttles to haul all of the zombies out into space and watch them blow up.
Is there a complaint form available for an undead guy being tortured by a group of slayers? Honestly, forcing me to watch a Syfy movie and then retain enough of my decomposing brain cells in order to review it is cruel and unusual punishment. Governments have laws against this sort of treatment. It isn’t fair that those laws only extend to the living. I want to call my senator!
Fact: There may actually be some truth to this one.