For the second time in a week Zombie Survival Crew has become embroiled in news of the zombie invasion nature. While the immediate threat levels remains, in ZSC Command’s informed assessment, low –the events in questions have made one thing perfectly clear: Now is the time to get prepared.
Last Saturday, Zombie Survival Crew cadres sprung into action after one of our own – Kim in TX – put out the word that “Sudden Zombie Attack” was trending. While our collective response was impressive even though the event was later determined not to be a zombie infestation, we identified some areas for improvement.
Then Wednesday news broke across the Internet of an official Center for Disease Control warning on preparation for a zombie pandemic*. (*note: the site takes a while to load, so please be patient. There are just that many people looking at it.)
The CDC’s preparation guide event tells ZSC Command two things:
1 – We have been right to suspect the UGA is not being completely honest with us, and may actually be working against us as we prepare to meet the onset of a cataclysmic event. After the CDC guide went viral the link stopped working. Government spokespeople blamed increased site traffic –our sources implicated the UGA’s hand. A few lucky souls were still able to access the CDC’s preparedness post. Feel free to keep trying here.
2 –There are those still within the government structures who agree with me and ZSC Command.
Zombie pandemic preparedness is serious business. The Zombiepocalypse may not unfold tomorrow, but an earthquake, war or other natural disaster could. Having a “go bag” and a pre-agreed escape plan is just plain smart.
Over the next several weeks ZSC Command will be rolling out official, brigade specific “go bag” packing lists in the Members Only area. Make sure to check in and see when your brigade goes up.
We’re also working on revamping our member skills/capabilities lists and escape routes to better accommodate our growing numbers.
And we need to move fast…zombie events are simply becoming too common to be a coincidence.
Without having to steal, I mean, borrow LK’s flux capacitor, I took a trip back in time to better understand the origin of the weapons we’ve been encouraging you all to use in the event of the Zombiepocalypse. It was no small feat to travel back in time, either. I had to ride for an entire hour in an air-conditioned SUV to get there. What? It was a long hour, dangit!
Much like Juliette’s trip to the Dagorhir event, I made my way to the 22nd annual Tulare County Renaissance Faire in hopes of not only finding information on weaponry, but also recruit a few folks ready and able to survive a zombie attack. And boy oh boy did I find what I was looking for. Most of them were right there fighting on the battlefield, proving they knew how to handle a weapon. It was an impressive sight. I began to mentally picture the opposing army as zombies, though. The sun may have gotten to me a bit.
Let us tackle the big boys first, the cannons. For reenactment purposes the cannons at renaissance faires are not loaded. They do, however, actually use black powder. If you haven’t smelled black powder after its been ignited, it kinda smells like Lucifer himself his walking the battlefield, very sulfurous. Cannons are not very accurate. They do work well at whittling down armies to give foot soldiers a fighting chance and would cut down, say, a horde of zombies shambling across the field. A modern counterpart to the cannon has better aim and does more overall damage. The downfall is a lack of mobility unless the device is mounted on a vehicle.
For more mobile firepower, the Italian troops on the battlefield used matchlock muskets. As far as older guns go, the matchlock musket had the best firing mechanism was used everywhere and for a pretty long time. The downfall to the matchlock musket was that they take a long time to load. Often musketeers would be put into formations, giving them two to eight lines of men. The first line fired, moved to the back, and reloaded. Each subsequent line after would do the same. It worked well enough to take out armored soldiers on the opposite side, but like cannons there was no accuracy. For our purposes the load time on the musket would label someone “lunch”. But, modern guns are far more reliable and easier to use and reload. Remember, the ZSC’s number one weapon for the Zombiepocalypse is a rifle for a dang good reason.
Nothing gets me as jazzed about a fight as hearing the ringing clang of steel against steel. So, is it really that surprising that I’d mention swords in this? The Tudor era saw a few styles of sword blade. Thinner swords, designed to slip between joints in plate armor and pierce important parts of your opponent, were very useful as soldiers began to better resemble cans of tuna. Wide-bladed broadswords, as used in the battle I witnessed, were weighted to do the most amount of bludgeoning damage as they could. Fighters knocked their opponent senseless and used the slashing edge to cut up the other man. Lack of medical attention was usually what killed their opponent in the long run unless they got a clear deathblow in. Gangrene isn’t pretty. I’d rather take a sword to the head.
Speaking of oversized cans of tuna… There are a few layers to a full set of armor. First, clothes (don’t roll your eyes, this is an educational piece). On top of the clothes sits a chain mail shirt made of rings that have been riveted together. Chain mail makes it harder to pierce between the joints of the armor, but not impossible with the proper weapon. The suit of armor came last. The various pieces of the upper body all strapped together with leather belting. Leg armor wrapped around the soldier’s leg, held in place by more leather strapping and left a huge vulnerable spot if he were attacked from the rear. While a full set of armor weights upwards of 45 pounds, soldiers remain surprisingly agile. I’ve seen some of them doing somersaults on the battlefield with no problems whatsoever. The downfall of plate armor was that it provided little protection against bullets and arrows, a problem modern armor is designed specifically to protect again. However, with the exception of the exposed sections of leg, plate armor would be more effective to keep the undead from sinking their teeth into you.
Going back in time via a renaissance faire is an excellent way to learn more about the origins of the weaponry you all will be expected to use when the dead decide they’ve got a mad case of the munchies. Study up. And if you can, visit a local faire. The men and women there can tell you a lot, not only about weapons, but about how to survive in times without cell phones and computers.
There was brief moment when I entered the Gates of Fire this past weekend where I seriously considered bolting. I’d like to say it had nothing to do with the orcs and elves and dudes with swords traipsing past me –but actually it was a conversation that I suppose was in English that involved units, realms, Urk Kuldar and something called a Dragonhood that really freaked me out.
But the Zombie Survival Crew commander-in-chief is no chicken.
Since we discovered the Unnamed Government Agency is not the ally we once thought it was, Zombie Survival Crew Command is actively recruiting fighters for the Zombiepocalypse. And where better to find true warriors than a Dagorhir event?
As the weekend unfolded in a haze of campfire smoke, exotic foods, even more exotic drinks and a mystery “skunk” that walked past the tent led by a ‘being’ called Dante, I learned some valuable lessons about the Dagorhirim and their world (and picked up a posse of protectors). There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that not only are these gentlemen and ladies perfect recruits for the ZSC, but engagement with them will enhance any ZSC member’s combat readiness. They’re experts in hand-to-hand combat, have survival gear by the truckload and can make a fire (and a meal) out of just about anything.
In order to save both sides from any potential friendly fire incidents, I suggest the following as reasons and rules of engagement for Zombie Survival Crew cadres and the Dagorhirim:
Rule #1 – Smile and nod. Zombie Survival Crew brigade members are unlikely to understand half of what the Dagorhirim say anyway, so just smile.and.nod
Rule #2 – Top recruitment target units are Sparta and Rome. These units are among the most cohesive and organized. And, hell, just look at this Spartan, Lith, striking out with his sword.
Rule #3 – Beware of Merkwood off the field of battle They are a lively, uber-friendly bunch but you are quite likely to find yourself in a “dare, double-dare” kind of situation with these guys that you can’t quite get out of without injuring yourself.
Rule #4 – Top individual recruits are Dagorhirim along the lines of Ogre, Mac, Viccer, Vors and Cancer. These guys are either tall or big, or both, and excellent to hide behind. I’ve already staked claim to the space behind Viccer during battle –the guy’s sword is as tall as I am, so I’m calling that a win.
Rule #5 – Do not accept anything to consume from the Apollyon leader Blackhawk –especially after dark when it is harder to see what he’s handing you. Just trust me on this one.
Rule #6- When you find yourself in battle with the Dagorhirim, you *may* find it a little confusing at first. At one point, I couldn’t tell if I was coming or going and then I got clocked by an arrow in the head so it really didn’t matter. However, Zombie Survival Crew Command recommends brigade members consider attending Dagorhir events and participating in the melee fights to prepare for urban-setting fighting during the Zombiepocalypse.
Rule #7 – It is probably wisest to avoid those who appear to be speaking in tongues. While they’re not zombies, and thus should not be put down, attempting to carry on a conversation with these individuals will give you a headache. Please, just trust the chief on this one.
Rule #8 – It might seem natural to focus recruitment efforts towards the males of Dagorhir. This is a mistake. The female fighters –like Fyxe, Havok, and Arzus– are tough, trained and worth a dozen men.
Rule #9 – Beside combat and basic survival skills, the Dagorhirim have among them talented seamstresses and tailors, like Kevat, who should be considered high value recruits. When the Zombiepocalypse hits it’s going to be hell on the wardrobe, and when the inevitable rips and tears occur you won’t be able to just wander into a Wal-mart for quick replacements.
Rule #10 – Don’t let the pallor of their skin fool you. Unlike Tolkien’s Orcs, the Orcs of Dagorhir –like Gix, Vors and Surg– are actually quite friendly. They’re also quick on their feet and loyal.
You’ve been a good crewmember, done all of the necessary prep work. Your go bag is packed and next to the front door. A map with various escape routes and possible safe havens is sitting nearby. Your trusty shotgun is cleaned, loaded, and standing by. Heck, you’ve even taken up jogging to make sure you can outrun the zombies when the time comes. But I fear even some of your die-hard and supremely prepared ZSC commanders have forgotten a key component to survival in the Zombiepocalypse…
Vehicles.
All the jogging in the world will not sustain you in the long run after the zombies take over. Feet can only get you so far. What if you find yourself trapped in a large city when the disease begins to spread throughout the population? Within days the undead to living ratio will be completely skewed, and not in the survivor’s favor. At that point the only option is to flee heavily populated areas for rural outposts.
Choosing a vehicle is much like choosing what items to include in your go bag or what weapon to use an extension of your arm. It is important to keep in mind personal comfort as well as utility. Obviously a family isn’t going to be able to travel and pack enough supplies into a Volkswagen Bug. Likewise, single people would make a huge target of themselves by traveling in a motor home, or something that massive in scale.
We should take a moment to note that if you do plan to relocate during the Zombiepocalypse, you need to do so within the first weeks. Gas supplies will likely run out quickly and it is doubtful that fuel tankers will be making a trip to your local station to top off the tanks while walkers are trying to gnaw on their arms. You can give yourself a buffer of sorts by storing gasoline in a safe place, but only by days, maybe. There are simply too many variables at play during times of crisis. Even the best-laid plans can go awry. Plan on traveling as early into the crisis as possible to ensure you have enough gas to get to your destination, with enough left in the tank to move in case of an emergency.
Back to vehicle choices… Sports Utility Vehicles (SUVs) are ideal for our purposes. Generally SUVs have plenty of storage space and adequate seating for a family. A small family could even sleep inside, however we do not encourage making this arrangement permanent. There is enough sound dampening inside an SUV (or any car, really) to rob you of the ability to hear the undead closing in. Sleeping inside your vehicle should only be done in an emergency and in an area you’ve scouted and found free of zombies.
Mini vans, despite their bad rep as an ego killer, offer a little more space to sit in. They are tight on storage space, though. We do not recommend tying anything to the roof of your vehicle to make up for this lack of space. It is too easy dragged off if you find yourself surrounded by walkers. You are also left vulnerable while awkwardly balanced on the tire of your car and rooting around to get what you need. Make sure everything you plan to take fits inside with you.
Pickup trucks, while seemingly perfect for survival, are actually a huge liability. The cab space will only accommodate maybe three people comfortably and all of your supplies are out of reach. In order to get to anything you have to step outside of the safety of your vehicle. Not ideal unless you are traveling a short distance and have a safe haven to store all of your stuff in as soon as you get there. We suggest avoiding trucks if possible.
Is there a perfect vehicle for surviving the Zombiepocalypse as a nomad? You bet your Aunt Fanny! Unfortunately, it only exists on film. Dead Reckoning (as seen in Romero’s Land of the Dead) was made to barrel through zombie hoards. She’s equipped with enough guns to make even us jealous, is fully armored, and comes with a system to shoot off fireworks. Fireworks? In Romero’s films the zombies are so simple-minded that fireworks keep them completely distracted and unaware of what was driving past. A big vehicle like Dead Reckoning can sneak by without so much as a snarl. It became very useful when time came to head out to collect supplies.
Would it be great to have a vehicle like Reckoning? Totally. Reasonable? Only slightly. If there were a large city to help maintain, then the answer would easily be yes. But you become sitting ducks gathering together in one place. The sounds, smells, and lights from the people in the city would draw the attention of the undead eventually. It is better to be alone or in a small group than stuck in a large population of people who are a zombie horde waiting to happen.
So take a moment while you are planning your escape routes and decide on a vehicle that will best suit your purposes. Once you’ve decided, head over to GetFanged.com. The ZSC has started a discussion over there about which car you think would be key to surviving the Zombiepocalypse.
This past week was certainly… interesting. Some of my fellow Commanders decided it was necessary to duct tape me to a chair in command to keep me from publicly releasing the contents of the Zombie Survival Crew Anthology: Undead Is Not An Option.
I was more than a little peeved. I mean, come on, I managed to keep the exciting news private for months what made them think I couldn’t keep my yap shut for a few more days?
To make it worse, while I was busy gnawing through three layers of industrial strength duct tape so I could put out this little missive, Purple Brigade Commander LK went ahead and revealed the cover art!
Well now it’s finally my turn and I am honored to announce some of the talented contributors to Undead is Not an Option.
The following authors and artists have crafted some truly haunting material examining the many terrifying facets of a zombiepocalypse and what survival will ask of all of us:
Tasmin Bowerman, Jim Bronyaur, EC, Jessica Capelle, Natalie Cutrufello, Andrew Jack, Gary James, Maria Kelly, Samantha Lahue, Sonya May, RC Murphy, Chris Philbrook, Wendy Sparrow, Kelene Toups and Austin Wulf.
We are also absolutely thrilled to announce that cast members from AMC’s hit television show The Walking Dead have graciously agreed to increase Undead Is Not An Option’s creep factor with contributions of their own!! Huge thanks to IronE Singleton, Neil Brown Jr., Anthony Guajardo, and everyone else for their participation.
Make sure you leave space for Undead Is Not An Option in your go bags – because this is one guide you won’t want to be without!
Once upon a time my life was normal…or as normal as it ever gets for me. Married. Son grown, out on his own and doing well. I had a job, several hobbies and I was finally finding the time to get back to my writing. Then I began hearing quiet rumblings that the end of the world was coming in 2012.
Uh huh. Right.
Again?
Didn’t we just have one a couple years ago? How many apocalypses….apocalypti?…do we get, anyways?
I didn’t believe in the apocalypse, but events began piling up around my ears until I had no choice but to investigate the possibility that one might actually be headed our way. During my investigation I came across a small group of people, led by a woman with an outstanding resume. You can check her out for yourself: Juliette.
I watched as, one by one, people from all over the world began listening to her. Then they began banding together to inform and protect each other, their families, and friends. They became the Zombie Survival Crew. Curious about the members of the group, I checked them out thinking that they were a bunch of lunatics who needed to up the dose on their meds.
That’s not what I found though. Yes, they’re a motley crew and a few really are lunatics but they’re also on the ball, well-informed, armed and ready to face the zombiepocalypse. You’ll find a lot of what I discovered here.
Shortly after joining the Zombie Survival Crew ranks I began to suspect someone within the Command structure itself might be a double agent, or under the control of the Unnamed Government Agency. I dug deeper and profiled the leaders of the ZSC. You can find that report here.
Within days after that report someone hacked into my email. My computer began acting odd and, during a scan for malware and viruses, I discovered spyware and a tracking cookie. I traced the source code but was picked up almost immediately. I managed to catch a few words just before the screen blacked out:
Νέο στέλεχος ενεργοποιηθεί. Απροσδόκητα αποτελέσματα. Πολύ συνέχεια …
Χωρίς άδεια πρόσβασης Ενεργοποίηση αυτοκαταστροφής σκουλήκι.
My computer grumbled, flashed then went dead. Whatever was sent back through my system burnt out the processor and power supply completely destroying my computer and everything on it. The translation of the message that flashed on my computer screen before it died is:
New strain activated. Unexpected results. Much more pow …
Unauthorized Access Enable feedback worm.
That’s all I needed to know. I hit the road and have spent the last month on the run. I’ve had to change identities in order to avoid capture. An unknown entity @Cher_Dawn_ appeared on twitter in my place. She’s not to be trusted and, for all I know, is a member of UGA trying to infiltrate the ZSC presenting herself as me. She’s not. You may be tempted to delete her but perhaps it is wiser if we keep our collective eyes on her activities. And please check to make sure you are following me: @Wulfie_
It was foolish of me, I know but, once I found out that this @Cher_Dawn_ was masquerading as me, I began watching my home. No-one was there but the place had been ransacked and bugged. I grabbed a few things I’d left behind and, on my way out the door found something disturbing. It must have fallen out of someone’s pocket…or been ripped off during a struggle. One thing is clear: UGA is on to me.
Hey Command, if you manage to intercept this message: We are being targeted. The UGA may have originally come only after central command figures, but your Special Agents are now being hunted as well. It is only a matter of time, really, until the UGA takes aim at all the ZSC cadres. But then it’s possible that one of YOU is a double agent, isn’t it? I should’ve expected some sort of treachery.
Grae, if you happen to get this, good work on that last report. Watch your back, pal and trust no-one.
Jinxie_G, if you’re out there. Keep moving. It’s the only way you’ll be safe. Check all your gear for bugs and tracking devices. They’ve found me twice because of a GPS hidden in my cell phone. Be safe, chica.
Anyways, what I found on the floor is a piece of cloth with a design on it. I’ve seen it before but can’t remember where. There’s a little blood on it.
I have to go now. I don’t dare stay in one place long. I’m tired and so hungry that squirrels are starting to look tasty. Will report back when I can.
Your command takes great pleasure in finding sources of information about walkers to add to our knowledge base. The more we know, the better we’ll be equipped to fight come the zombieapocalypse. This feature is brought to us by writer Heather McCorkle and though a work of fiction, it provides an interesting insight to the zombie psyche. Important stuff for us to know.
* * * * *
Welcome to the hive. I’d say it’s a pleasure to have you but competition for food isn’t exactly a good thing. As long as you contribute meat as often as you can you’ll be allowed to stay. We run in packs not because there are so many of us, but because it makes it easier to hunt. Bet you didn’t know that. Everyone thinks there are an insurmountable number of us because that’s what we want them to think. Frightened prey are easier to run down.
I’m not what you expected I know. Newcomers are always surprised. Everyone paints us to be these mindless creatures that do nothing but eat. We aren’t like that at all. We’ve evolved. Now we’re one of the most dangerous predators on the planet, dangerous enough even to challenge humans.
If you eat enough fresh meat your body won’t decay as much so feed as often as you can. The more you eat the stronger and faster you’ll be. Brains have the most regenerative power but be sure to save a portion of those for the hive queen. It is all she eats and we must keep her well fed. Come then, let’s go hunting. All this talk of meat has made me hungry.
* * * * *
A big Thank You!! to Heather for allowing us to cross post her piece. Stop by her blog, Heather’s Odyssey or catch her on Twitter (@HeatherMcCorkle).
I knew the day would come. Doing what I do, there are certain risks to be expected. That’s why it didn’t strike me as too big a surprise when the letter slid through my mail slot a few days ago. The envelope had my name printed on it and a postal mark from Omaha. No other way to trace where it came from or who sent it. For the only time in my life, I feared a plain brown envelope.
Ridiculous, huh?
Not if you’re me and especially not if you’re a commander with the Zombie Survival Crew. The last four months turned our lives upside down, sideways, and threw in a few loop-dee-loops for fun. What we thought would be a great way to express our creativity and do some good for humanity became so much more than that. Of course, that’s what happens when you’re approached by a government agency that refuses to give you a name. They tend to make things really difficult. (Ever seen season four of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? We’re talking Initiative-style mayhem here.)
So there I was, sitting cross-legged on the couch in my living room and staring across the burgundy cushions at an envelope that probably held horribly bad news. Or maybe even a psychotropic drug so that Mr. C, and Mr. E. could kidnap me too. They fooled us once with Juliette. Simply asking for a meeting wasn’t going to work with any of us. But drugs, no amount of street smarts or weapons could save us from that.
Okay, even I have to admit that sounds a little paranoid. But you guys haven’t seen first-hand what the UGA is capable of.
I strapped on a facemask, snapped on a pair of latex gloves, and carefully cut open the mystery letter. No white power wafted into the air. No hidden wires were exposed. All that sat in the envelope were two pieces of paper—
From the Joint Terrorism Task Force.
Well… that’s new.
What I understand from all the legal mumbo-jumbo is that they are concerned about my activities on the Internet. Apparently my research materials for the ZSC have been tagged as potentially dangerous to the welfare of US citizens. For a few minutes after I finished reading, I just sat there starting at the first sheet of paper. They had to be kidding, right?
Then I looked at the second paper. Every single website I’d visited since joining the ZSC had been highlighted. It read like a serial killer’s handbook. Weapons galore. Information on how certain poisons and drugs work. Magical resources. Explosive manuals… No wonder they’d tagged me! A sane person couldn’t possibly be looking at all of that and not be planning to do some damage. The JTTF’s vigilance is reassuring, though I’m not sure how to continue my zombie-slaying research without raising their suspicions again. One thing is for sure…I’m turning this over to the Oracle so she can put it under the microscope – we need to find out as much as we can about this new group on our tail.
But on the bright side, it wasn’t the UGA trying to determine my location and abduct me.
On March 21, 2011 a flurry of news articles sprang up surrounding a construction sign on highway 160 in South Carolina. Commuters were warned that there were zombies ahead. As you know, your command at the Zombie Survival CrewTM take these reports seriously and investigates them to help determine the threat level and whether we need to send out the alert to the brigades to get their go-bags and launch into action.
The sign was immediately dismissed as a prank, however, through due diligence, we have uncovered that similar so-called pranks also took place in 2009 in Texas and Illinois. And we’re not the only ones who are taking this threat seriously. We managed to intercept some communication by the UGA (no, I’m not saying how it came into our possession), and they have a stealth task force deployed to Fort Hill, SC to dig deeper into this occurrence. We learned, before we lost the transmission, they believe this to be someone from the university who is trying to warn the general public.
Digging deeper we found the pranks all occurred near a college or university. Most reports drawing the connection to proximity of the universities conclude college students are most likely the perpetrators of the “hoax“. We disagree. While the warnings may come from a college student, or group of students, our intel strongly suggests these signs are not a hoax or prank in any way. Based on information received, we believe the universities are dealing with various cultures, serums, and viruses, and without proper authorization have begun to dabble in necromantic experimentation. The students, who have been sworn to secrecy, have become uneasy with the direction of the experimentation and are attempting to warn the general public.
We have it on good authority that the UGA has put pressure on the media to continue to report these incidents as pranks, because it is “politically inopportune” for the truth to be released to the general public. Your ZSC command will continue monitoring the situation, and we have raised the threat level. Are you ready to respond?
My flux capacitor has been tuned up and is in excellent working order. #justsayin
You know… for months now Juliette has insisted that the Command Center is infested by zombie termites. At first we all laughed at her very obvious ploy to pass blame on a fictional creature. But after reading what Anthony sent our way… she might have a point. Only this commander thinks the termites are actually ants.
Along with the message we received assurance from Anthony that the article’s content is legitimate. His current condition is unknown. We are attempting to establish contact again, but so far no luck.
When you stop to think about it— we’re all doomed.
What? We are. Look at the facts. This fungus very effectively shuts down a host’s system while still remaining in control of all the motor skills. Not only that, it uses the host to replicate itself. Should the fungus morph and take over larger beasts, we’re doomed!
I don’t know about you all, but I’m double checking my go bag and stashing it right next to the door. With this fungus in scientist’s hands the waiting game has begun. How long until they find a way to make a biological weapon based on these zombie ants? I hope we never find out the answer.
Now, does anyone have an extra bowie knife? I dented mine during training the other day.
Dispatcher: Juliette Terzieff
On March 21, 2011 a flurry of 
