There was a brief span of time when I pulled up in front of the hotel for Monster Mania 17 where I considered not stopping at all. Front of the hotel was jam packed with big, long-haired, tattooed guys standing in groups and looking like they could kick my backside with a toothpick.
Turns out? I probably should have taken the hint it was going to be a wild weekend….
I was on my own as our brave #zombiesurvivalcrew volunteer Lora – known on twitter as @loral31377 – was going to arrive at the venue a bit later in the evening. And, seriously? I swear I did do my best to stay out of trouble until she arrived.
Frankie and Guy at the table next to us – who would collectively become the ZSC saviors for the weekend – took one look at your fearless leader and realized they needed to spring into action. Those of you who know me? Yeah. You know I don’t do well without backup from the faithful Zombie Survival Crew cadres. I forget to eat, remain hydrated, sit down, sleep, or stop moving for even a split second. In this case, it wasn’t until Frankie shoved a piece of pizza in my hand that I realized I hadn’t eaten in almost 24 hours.
Within minutes I was accosted by Michael Myers (twice), three versions of Jason Voorhees and a dude with fangs in a top hat. Huh? Have no fear, your fearless leader sprang into action and promptly dispatched all comers. Yeah, moving on. By the time Lora arrived, I was a little jumpy, and *may* have responded just a bit sharply when a male voice suddenly queried: “Are you Juliette?”
Much to Command’s delight it was Kevin – @KgOr3693 – a ZSC loyalist who was promptly crushed in a bear hug by yours truly and then forced to smile for pictures immediately afterward. I know for a fact Lora was shocked he had enough left in him to come back for a second visit on Saturday! (Just kidding! Kevin was awesome and we had a blast! He even saved us seats at The Walking Dead panel Saturday night.)
I left Lora to protect the temporary command center we’d established and hiked off to hunt The Walking Dead, and make contact with Norman and Steven. Neither one of them ran away screaming when they realized I was in the room, so I’m counting that as a win. We talked ZSC strategy for a bit but covert ops would have to wait until later.
Even with the Freddy’s, Jason’s, zombies, ghosts and bloody-what-the-hecks roaming around it was after the Con shut down for the evening that things got really interesting.
Norman and I discussed ongoing missions and discovered our communication lines may be somewhat compromised. Needless to say I agreed to some adjustments in strategy with Norman, and have instructed Command to thoroughly check our security precautions in the coming weeks.
Shortly after this most important meeting, it was brought to my attention *clears throat* that someone *points at Lora* forgot to grab the computer cord so we could charge the machine overnight. I had to laugh when Lora insisted there was no way security could stop me so I should go on the retrieval mission.
When I entered the vendor room, I realized Lora is a lot smarter than I initially gave her credit for – and she should either get a promotion, or a crossbow bolt. To get the necessary accessory I had to walk across the empty darkened room, with the creepy muzak coming from a location unknown, then squeeze my backside in between tables while ignoring the life-sized Hannibal and Michael Myers dummies that were right behind me. Seriously? I think I completed the mission in Olympic time.
At some point before we collapsed in heaps, we wandered into the uber-crowded hotel bar where Lora ended up accosting a waiter – in the nicest way possible – in a desperate bid to get us drinks. (This is important later.) We wandered outside for a bit of fresh air only to have me physically manhandled by a rather “happy” gentleman insisting on telling us really, really bad jokes. Lora ducked. He didn’t. It wasn’t pretty…
…and then? The fun really started.
(Come back for Monster Mania – Part II on Wednesday, March 23)
On a recent foray out of ZSC Command to secure resupply of vital commodities for the zombiepocalypse, I stopped off at Monster Mania in Cherry Hill, New Jersey on a quick reconnaissance mission for new recruits. You can check out the visual evidence of the ZSC mission here.
I encountered zombies and ghosts, and spent a significant amount of time being chased by a masked man with a knife I later learned goes by the name Michael Myers. I will shortly share more details of the Monster Mania mission but wanted to relay the results of one meeting in particular right away.
Actor Jon Bernthal opted to take the opportunity to express his concerns as a citizen for a possible impending zombie invasion and deliver a message of support for the Zombie Survival Crew.
There are three things captured on film that frighten yours truly; Samara from The Ring, Pennywise the clown from It, and the kid from Pet Sematary. (Notice how two of those are from Stephen King? He’s terrifying.) So know this, ZSC faithful, your commanders will suffer unspeakable horrors to bring you information about the pending Zombiepocalypse.
Today we’re looking at the film Pet Sematary to learn more about how zombies are created, controlled, and dispatched. Genre purists are probably rolling their eyes as they read, but even we admit that it is a zombie movie. The dead come back to life and exhibit all of the signs we watch for in order to identify the first wave of zombie attacks.
A note before continuing, we’ve noticed a lot of the “predictions” put on film about the Zombiepocalypse have wonderful rural settings. Sure, in this film there’s a major flaw with truck traffic, but for the most part it is an ideal place to raise a family. Cute, serene, quiet… and totally without secure buildings to hide in when the dead rise. The ZSC would like to issue a warning to members living in rural areas; please be sure to have your escape routes planned and planned well.
In the film there are a couple false starts to the pending zombie problem. A jogger is brought in, brains leaking everywhere, and yet is still able to talk after dying. Put your weapons down, he is the resident ghost, not a walker. But don’t get too comfortable; the ghost knows way too much about whatever it is that creates the zombies.
The kindly old man, Judd, also knows about the potential for zombies. “Do you know what a graveyard is? … A place where the dead speak.” Only, in their neck of the woods the dead tend to forget they’re actually dead. One saving grace; the trek to the stretch of land that spits out zombies like a baseball player spits sunflower seeds is extremely dangerous. The downside; most of the locals know about the burial ground and the strange power it possesses. If an epidemic hit the area, how many would risk the danger to bring back their family?
That’s the truly dangerous part of the cursed Indian burial ground. It isn’t so much the power within the ground, but the potential for mass armies of the undead to be created by people who think they are doing the right thing. When dealing with grief, one simply does not stop to think of the repercussions. It certainly didn’t stop Louis after the family cat came back acting not quite right. The thing was half mad and smelled like a corpse. Zombie Cat, dude.
The land encompassing the Indian burial ground is said to have “gone sour”. Some religions believe that in order for the dead to rest peacefully the ground has to be blessed. Consecrated graveyards are not immune from zombies, but they aren’t pitching them out like this place. Other forces are at play, possibly connected to the beliefs of the dead originally buried in that place. We never learn exactly why the dead simply get up and walk after being buried there, though.
Pet Sematary reminds us, yet again, that zombies are not the people they were when they died. These are not our friends, children, significant others, or pets. They are abominations. Walking corpses with one thing in mind, to destroy the living. We do not know why they come back this way. In the movie, it could be some sort of magic gone wrong. These undead are highly intelligent and utilize weapons like a living person. Luckily they can be easily dispatched, but that may not be enough to save the living if the magic in the burial ground is abused and an army is raised. We need to be prepared on the off chance places like this exist, guys. Check your go bags.
Outtakes (R.C. took notes while watching the film. Here are some highlights):
– Ooo, a kitty! Sorry, where was I?
– Dude, it took you 6 hours to dig a hole. Not Worth It.
– “Church smells bad.” Duh? Zombies stink!
– I love my crew. I love my crew… they must not hear me scream because of a zombie child.
Chief’s Note: We here at ZSC Command take all possible Zombiepocalypse strategies into consideration, even those that defy official established protocol. It’s immensely helpful to weigh the varying viewpoints (especially when it comes to making the “who we’re going to trip first” list… #justsayin)
Today author Mark Allen Gunnells provides insight into his survival plan.
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Only the Lonely Survive
Having recently released my first zombie novella Asylum and plotting out my second, it got me to thinking, how would I react in a zombie apocalypse? What would I do to ensure my survival? So I studied up on my zombie fiction and zombie films and think I’ve come up with a fool-proof plan.
I’d avoid the living like the plague.
If you look at the popular zombie tales, they usually involve a bunch of people banding together to form a group, looking for someplace to act as a fortress where they can hunker down and ride out the undead invasion. My own novella follows said format. The majority of these stories do not have happy endings, and how do the hordes of flesh-hungry zombies finally get the upper hand? Do they outsmart the living? No. Are they stronger than the living? Not necessarily. Do their sheer numbers overwhelm the living? Seems the most likely scenario, but that isn’t typically the case either.
What usually serves as the undoing of our band of survivors is one or more members of their own group. Prejudices arise, friction develops, power struggles, sometimes even good old fashioned madness. These issues usually weaken the group and allow the zombies to sneak in when everyone is distracted.
So to me the answer is clear. If the dead arise and start feasting on the populace, don’t expect to find me seeking out my friends or family so that we can weather the storm together. In fact, if I see survivors out on the street, I’ll likely hide until they pass. I may even work on perfecting my “zombie walk” so that any survivors who spot me may mistake me for one of the undead. Won’t actually fool other zombies, but it will ensure no one living wants to get to close to me.
I consider myself a fairly sociable person, outgoing and friendly. Compassionate also. But when the zombies attack, I’m going to be one self-isolating hermit. On my own, I won’t have to find a shelter big enough for a group. As a matter of fact, the smaller the better. Zombies seem drawn to large places, but I can certainly make due with something as tiny as one of those self-storage cubicles. With its lack of windows, might just be perfect for a single man hiding out. There will only be myself to feed, so I can stock up and cut down on trips out for supplies.
As long as I’m on my own, there will be no one to question who should call the shots, no one to keep it a secret if he or she gets bitten, no one to harbor resentments or prejudices against me that will eventually come to the surface at the most inconvenient time, no one to lose his or her grip on reality and threaten my continued existence. There will be only me to worry about, and at least I know I can trust myself.
Also, without any attachments I will never be put in the situation of having to save someone who has been grabbed by zombies. If I see you and the zombies are pulling your entrails out and chewing on them like sausages…so sorry, but you’re nothing to me but a liability. Gives me more time to run. May sound harsh, but we’re talking survival here people. Not the kind you’re used to from Survivor, but real life-or-death survival.
So if I were to offer any advice on the best course of action to survive the zombie apocalypse, it would be to stick to yourself, avoid forming attachments or groups. You stand a better chance on your own.
Plus you won’t have to share your supplies.
~ Mark Allan Gunnells
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Gunnells is the author of Asylum (The Zombie Feed/Apex Publications, Dec. 2010) the story of Curtis, a young college student dragged to his first gay club by his best friend when the dead start to rise and attack the club. Trapped inside the Asylum are a small band of survivors, including a drag queen, a male stripper, a Vietnam vet bartender, a pretentious gay couple, and an unstable DJ. In addition to Asylum, Gunnells, a South Carolina-based horror writer has Tales from the Midnight Shift, Volume 1 (Sideshow Press) and Whisonant (Sideshow Press) due out in 2011. You can purchase Asylumhere, if you dare.
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And if you’d like a sneak preview of what Asylum is about, here is the book trailer.
The following letter was received from a crew member over the weekend. We can confirm that while attempting to aid commander R.C. Murphy, Grae Wolffe (@grae42) was targeted by the UGA. While we are unsure of how they knew of his involvement, the photo evidence is proof enough. Someone is watching every move we make. Commanders and crew members alike must remain vigilant.
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The truth is out there…
At least that’s what they keep telling us on television. But I think it is reverse psychology at work; “They” don’t really want us to know the truth, but prefer us to stay in a semi-ignorant state, stupefied by reality tv and celebrity gossip. There are some shows out there that try to keep us prepared, but very few people seem to take those seriously.
I was recently introduced to a small group of proactive thinkers, planning ahead for the inevitable apocalypse They don’t want us to know is coming. This crew is dispersed throughout the world, in small pockets, and in a short time have gotten organized and prepared to handle the reality behind this veil of secrecy They are keeping from us.
Who they are is as much of a question as what they have planned. Is it some mega-corporate conglomerate, or some Unknown Government Agency pulling the strings in clandestine fashion until such time as They feel empowered enough to announce Their presence to the masses? We who have been duped all this time need to wake up to the reality behind that veil They try to keep in place.
The envelope pictured is proof that someone out there is monitoring the correspondence of the Crew. I am a relative unknown in this arena, only recently becoming involved online. But in my first attempt to provide assistance to one of the leaders that envelope was the result.. and it didn’t even make it out of the town I live in. This is the measure of Their influence already.
If They are this aware already, have infiltrated to such depths as to affect things on the local level at the town level, we must all prepare. The belief is this UGA Conglomerate has something nasty prepared, and indications are it will be some kind of pandemic leading to mass chaos – a Zombie Apocalypse.
So prepare now. Reach out and investigate for yourself.. Don’t get caught, be one of the survivors.
The Zombie Survival Crew is all about supporting our fellow members. First Lieutenant Neil Brown Jr. has been waving the ZSC flag with pride since being brought on to the crew. And wouldn’t you know it, our katana-wielding friend has a new movie coming out on 3-11-2011.
From Sony Pictures:
For years, there have been documented cases of UFO sightings around the world – Buenos Aires, Seoul, France, Germany, China. But in 2011, what were once just sightings will become a terrifying reality when Earth is attacked by unknown forces. As people everywhere watch the world’s great cities fall, Los Angeles becomes the last stand for mankind in a battle no one expected. It’s up to a Marine staff sergeant (Aaron Eckhart) and his new platoon to draw a line in the sand as they take on an enemy unlike any they’ve ever encountered before.
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To celebrate the release of Battle: Los Angeles,
we’re offering ZSC members a way to not only show support for one of ours, but win a little swag as well.
Requirements:
A picture of yourself with a Battle: Los Angeles ticket stub in hand at your local movie theater.
Entries must be submitted by 11:59 PM PST on 3-25-2011.
Images containing nudity, obscene gestures, or illegal activity will be disqualified.
When submitting entries, you give the Zombie Survival Crew permission to post your image on zombiesurvivalcrew.com and it’s associated social media outlets.
Winners will be notified via the email address given with entry photo.
To whet your appetite for the movie, take a look at the trailer below:
The zombies have risen. Your friends, your family, everyone has been turned or is on the run to find a safe haven. Madness reigns on the streets. Death is on every corner. Miss Manners is probably chomping on little Billy from next door… Nevertheless, just because the world has gone to hell in a hand basket, that doesn’t mean you have to be rude. We’ve compiled a list of things you can do in order to not become “That guy (or gal)” during the Zombiepocalypse.
Hygiene – Soap will likely be in very short supply after the zombies rise. However, a dirty human and a dirty zombie start to look and smell the same after a couple of weeks without indoor plumbing and running water. A quick rinse-off and clothes wash might save your life. (See below)
Communication – There’ll be occasions when you run into someone who has not bathed, washed their clothing, or for some reason is covered in blood. We suggest trying to talk to anyone you might think may actually be a human. Killing the living is frowned upon in the Zombie Survival Crew, so please; communicate with others to avoid any unfortunate mishaps.
Call Your Shots – Ammunition in the Zombiepocalypse will be sparse. If you find yourself in a hunting group, call out which zombie you are aiming at. This way other members of your party can focus on the remaining undead shambling your way and no unnecessary shots are taken. Calling your shots ensures quick dispatch of the undead as well. You don’t want to linger too long in an infested area.
Sharing is Key – No; you haven’t been transported back to grade school. We believe that cooperation between the living will ensure that they remain healthy and without an uncontrollable desire to devour the flesh of their friends. So if you find yourself in possession of extra supplies, please do not hoard them. Share with your fellow man and in return they may give you something you are in need of. You never know when that extra bullet you gave away will be used to save your life.
Privacy – In most of the predictions we have witnessed of the coming zombie uprising, the living have been forced to live together in small communities. Sometimes several families find themselves sharing a house. Other times, as with The Walking Dead, the living are on the run and residing in tent cities. Nylon fabric doesn’t offer any privacy. It is up to you to turn an eye and allow your fellow human the idea of privacy when they are without. The Zombiepocalypse will expose us for what we really are, sometimes a moment without prying eyes is needed to regroup and maintain sanity.
Humor – A well-developed sense of humor will make the end of days easier to bear. We totally get that here at the ZSC. However, jokes need to be tempered to the situation. If your best friend was forced to put down his infected dog, that is not the moment to make an Old Yeller joke.
Don’t Toy With the Zombies – Remember, these creatures used to be your friends, neighbors, milkman, etc. Living people you knew and cared for before the undead rose. Please kill them humanely. Shooting off their arms and legs to watch them flail around is cruel! With most breeds of undead, a single shot to the head will suffice. Though, feel free to have a little fun should your mother-in-law join the shambling hordes. We’ll turn a blind eye just that once.
Chief’s Note: Newly promoted Special Agent, Premier Protection Enforcement Division (SAPPED) officer @Wulfie_ has observed the following recent activity within Zombie Survival Crew Command.
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SAPPED UPDATE:
At 9:32 PM on Feb 9th a group of ZSC members were gathered together in the Compound Mess Hall when something sped past us. Not everyone noticed, but a couple of us sensed that…something had moved through the room with such speed and stealth that it had to have been supernatural.
While inspecting the room Crew members discovered this message sent out via twitter by Sean Patrick Flanery:
“David Cameron sings it out…!!!!!!! …Amen, brother.”
Gibberish? Not if Command knows Sean. Drunk? We think not. It is far more likely one of two things. Sean was showing off his stealth abilities and decided to rub our noses in it by taking the time to leave us a note so we’d know it had been him. Or he has been captured by the same Unknown Government Agency that kidnapped Juliette and Anthony and left us a coded message informing us of the situation.
Personally, I hope Sean was just showing off and, at the same time, teaching us that we need to be on guard AT ALL TIMES. But if this isn’t the case, my guess is that LK Gardner-Griffie‘s Flux Capacitor is now in the hands of the Unknown Government Agency (UGA). LK may or may not be aware of the theft. She may or may not be working with UGA. Further investigation will be required before we’ll know.
A Flux Capacitor is the ONLY thing that explains the way Sean was able to move, undetected, in and out of a room filled with people. Because he has proven himself to be a highly regarded and trusted member of the ZSC I don’t believe he has betrayed us, or that he’s acting against us. It is far more likely that he has been kidnapped by UGA.
Sean is more than capable of avoiding capture by defending himself – as noted in my earlier report. However, being a loyalist to the ZSC, he is perfectly capable of allowing himself to be captured in an effort to locate Juliette and Anthony. It is my belief that Sean has been kidnapped by UGA and that he somehow managed to find and use LK’s Capacitor long enough to get a message to us, informing us of his abduction without being detected by the UGA. Clearly, he would not abandon Juliette and Anthony to UGA which is, probably, why he returned to wherever it is they’re all being held.
I recommend that a Red Alert be issued at once and that a full investigation begin including the following steps:
Find out if LK and/or her Flux Capacitor are missing. Stealing only the Capacitor would have been the smartest thing for UGA to do because we’d have no reason to suspect anything was wrong or that it was missing, especially if LK is all right.
Establish if Sean has been kidnapped and…who is taking care of Donut in his absence.
Decrypt the coded message Sean left us.
Ascertain if any of these events were the result of the ZSC having been infiltrated with spies and, if so, locate them.
It may be that there are no spies and that the ZSC Headquarters has been bugged.* If that’s the case we need to run a thorough sweep for all devices and remove them. It would be smart to leave several of these devices in place thus allowing UGA to believe we have no idea what’s going on. We may be able to reverse the spyware so that we can track the signal back to its origin. This may lead us to where the three victims are being held or it may only lead us to an UGA agent or two. If it leads to agents then I highly recommend allowing Neil Brown Jr., RC Murphy, and Norman Reedus to interview them in whatever manner they see fit.
Once everyone is cleared, assign protection details around the other Commanding Officers and First Lieutenants in order to protect them from being kidnapped as well.
Locate where Juliette, Anthony and Sean are, whether they’re being held together, and rescue them. It’s unlikely they’re being held together. At the very least Sean will be separated from them and, perhaps, kept unconscious because of his fighting abilities.
Find, retrieve, or destroy, the Flux Capacitor so that it cannot be used against us again. Perhaps LK, if she isn’t a victim of kidnapping/mind control, or a spy, can help with this plan. Surely she and Jim Burleson can put together a plan to enable us to do this. (If Jim Burleson hasn’t fallen victim and isn’t a spy.)
We need to kick the UGA’s ass once and for all.
*Be sure to check and get rid of the secret #zombiebunneh hidden in the main operations room – what better place for a bug than in the belly of a fuzzy wuzzy zombie bunneh? Whoever gets this job should be prepared to deal with RCMurphy by distracting her with chocolate, striped knee socks, or new blankets for her personal cave.
Chief’s Note: the decision to publish the following assessment from ZSC Member @Wulfie_ was not taken lightly. She has inadvertently uncovered internal Command structure and planning secrets. Retribution is not out of the question.
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Let’s face a few things here. No matter how the Zombie Apocalypse begins or ends it isn’t going to be pretty. Not all of us are going to make it.
Sure, we have the Zombie Survival Crew. We’re gathering forces, training, getting ready to defend ourselves. But there will be battles, and casualties. People we care about will go down and, if they rise up again, are we prepared to take them out? What would you do if one of our Commanders, or First Lieutenants, got infected and decided you’d make a nice snack?
Last week Neil Brown Jr. delivered a valuable dispatch designed to help us survive in the event of a cataclysmic global event. With that in mind I’ve written a report profiling the ZSC officers we look to for advice, protection and communications. Yes, they’re well trained, but if they become infected with the zombie virus, we need to know how to protect ourselves. This is especially true if the zombies we have to deal with aren’t just shamblers but intelligent walkers.
FIRST LIEUTENANTS:
David Della Rocco is the one who’s going to catch us off-guard because, while we’re rearing back from his zombie appearance, he’s going to be throwing out the funny one liners. Being stressed out by the apocalypse is going to have us off our game and one good joke will have us snickering, then chuckling, then laughing our backsides off. He’ll be making some wise crack about The Walking Dead. We’ll be trying to hold ourselves up because we’re laughing too hard and that’s when he’ll get us with his weapon of choice: the chainsaw. Watch out for the zombies who can make you laugh; they’ll kill you with the jokes first and their teeth later.
Jim Burleson is trouble from the get go as a zombie, or otherwise. He’s gifted at orchestrating major events which means he’ll be the one putting together the zombie attack plans. His secret weapon is a Ball Pein Hammer. Ouch. The problem in dealing with him as a zombie is that he’s smart enough to have designed a plan hidden within a plan that’s hidden within another plan. By the time you figure out something’s going on, you’ve got a hammer slamming you between the eyes. This one needs to go fast, if he’s turned, or we’re all dead.
If Neil Brown Jr. gets zombified, he’s going to be on the front lines of any planned attack because he can bring it. Our lead vato is going to go ballistic and run off in all directions trying to find out whose fault it was that Neil got turned. (It will probably be Jim Burleson’s fault because he’ll know what a strong zombie Neil will make.) Neil’s dangerous as a mere mortal; put him in a meat suit that doesn’t feel pain and he’s going to cut loose with his martial arts as soon as he’s used up his katana. If he isn’t drop kicking you into your next life, then he’s going to be charming you with that hypnotic voice and calm demeanor, and will probably talk you into believing that it’s a great idea if you allow him to bite one of your fingers; after all, you’ve got nine others, right? Either way – you’re dead meat.
Pauline Campos is our first female zombified Lieutenant. Don’t be fooled by her gender. She’s got a Mexi-fro that no man in his right mind could resist. While said male is distracted by that and trying to help her with her diaper bag, she’s going to be nibbling on his appendages and shooting anyone who tries to stop her with her .45 ACP pistol. As a former newswoman, she intuitively knows where the action is and the best place to position herself to get to the…meat of the matter. Watch out for this little hottie from hell should she be looking in your direction with zombie eyes.
Sean Patrick Flanery as a zombie? All I can say is head for the hills, kids! I’ve seen this guy in action and, the way he takes out a Jedi Warrior with his mad skills, none of us stand a chance. Jus’ sayin’. Besides, having 2 black belts in Karate and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, this guy is walking death to the walking living. After reviewing his portfolio, I’m betting that the first thing he’ll do if he becomes a zombie is to infect his specially trained assassin dog, Donut. Don’t let the name fool you. If you see Sean coming…shoot AND run because if you don’t take him down with the first shot, you’re just going to piss him off. Donut will catch you and be gnawing off your leg, while Sean sidles up to finish you off. If Sean goes Zombie, it’ll take a fleet of us to bring him down.
BRIGADE LEADERS:
LK Gardner-Griffie was abducted into the ZSC at the point of a crossbow. Not a good sign. If she’s zombified and teams up with Jim Burleson, we might as well give it up…unless they’ve been brain damaged. Because if their brains are in tact then, between the two of them, we’ve had the meat…er…become the meat. She’s got files on us and, if she happens to retain that information, she’s going to know exactly who each and every one of us are and where we live. She’ll assemble groups of Geeks to take us out one by one, moving from the most threatening down to us lesser munchies. If she actually happens to own a functioning flux capacitor…we might as well slit our own throats because the attacks will be like something out of Star Trek. Teams of zombies will be beaming in and out. We won’t know what bit us. In fact, it’s a safe bet that we’ll be zombiefied before we even realize we’re dead. LK will be at the very top of our Most Wanted list if she’s turned.
Don’t let Anthony Guajardo’s youth and pretty face fool you. He never goes anywhere without the protection of his dogs and is extremely dangerous, as proven by the fact that he has survived encounters with Daryl Dixon and “T-Dog”. He may look innocent, but he’s not. Be wary of him because when he’s not side-tracking you with the cuteness, he’s going to be hacking away with his machete looking for some finger food.
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RC Murphy’s weapon of choice of is the sword but she seems to have a somewhat unhealthy obsession with our fearless leader’s sacred crossbow. This one hides behind a facade of outrageously funny mood swings and ADD tendencies. The trouble here is that it’s a clever ruse masking the fact that she’s actually psychotic. Several of her other personalities are made of the stuff that no one, and I do mean NO-ONE, on the ZSC wants, or is prepared to deal with. Don’t be fooled by her mild mannered wife and mother persona. There’s some real evil in her lusting to break free and being zombified might be just the thing that does it. Watch out for this cutie. Trust me on that. Also…avoid the Z’s.
Ah yes, our beloved, multi-tasking and somewhat flighty Jinxie_G. Self-proclaimed creator and destroyer of worlds. On top of being an Amazon, she’s proficient with the compound bow. Being nocturnal and constantly pumped up on caffeine and nicotine makes her hyper-vigilant. As long as she’s one of us, we’re fine. But if she goes zombie, I’d suggest the duck and cover technique. A grenade, or explosive of some kind, might be our only choice in taking her down as a zombie. The problem with this is, she has a gaggle of supernatural buddies who can step in at any time and kick our collective butts. Our best bet is to make sure, she’s not Turned.
IronE Singleton’s weapon of choice is the up-close-and-personal hammer. YIKES! Add his willingness to get a bloody facial to his passion for work, life and family and he’s a formidable opponent. He’s one of the most huggable on the crew and that makes him more dangerous than all the others. The shortage of hugs during any apocalypse makes IronE (a.k.a. Mr. Huggy) particularly dangerous. Watch yourselves! He might look like a teddy bear but embracing this zombie is a fast-track to zombification.
Now we get to Norman Reedus. Oy! Norman’s weapons training, crossbow abilities, and his gift for remaining clear and focused on missions makes him a valuable commodity to the ZSC. He’s an expert survivalist which, I’m sure will save our butts if we’re on the run. He handles stress swiftly and directly – though I have to wonder what’s going on behind those eyes when he’s just sitting around in silence. I believe Norman would make the most dangerous zombie of us all. In character as Daryl Dixon he’s shown patience, reserve and a willingness and ability to set his personal feelings aside and just get on with surviving. But I think he’s got a long memory and is capable of a multitude of surprises that could prove dangerous if he’s pushed too far. Right now he’s on our side and doing his part. But all of us need to remember that he doesn’t need us and he might very well be better off without us. We’re liabilities to him and I’m sure he knows this. At the same time, in the event of a zombie attack, he’ll have a few bodies to throw at them while he makes his getaway. As a zombie…yeah…I’d be totally unable to predict what he’s capable of so let’s try to make sure he stays human – that’s dangerous enough.
Our fearless leader, Juliette Terzieff, the humanitarian. She is the official leader of the ZSC and that’s an understatement. She might be known for running around in circles screaming, but don’t let her fool you. She’s not flighty. She’s not overwhelmed. (Tired yes, overwhelmed, no.) There are things we don’t know about her; things she has hidden from us – a move any good leader should make, by the way. But let’s remember that she’s been in actual war zones and heavily involved in international politics. While her human heart is humanitarian, I’m positive her zombie heart would be zombitarian. As the leader of the ZSC, she’d be a primary target for an intelligent zombie invasion. She’s the one that knows everything about everyone, including information that the rest of us don’t have access to. Information that she may, or may not, share with those under her immediate command. She could turn zombie and set us all up for the biggest fall yet and none of us would know it. As a zombie she could infect each of those closest to her, until the rest of us are wiped out. If that happens it won’t be long before she’s giving out bags of human meat instead of the bags of chocolate that her human self awards us with. Keep an eye on Juliette. Don’t let her height fool you either; one round of ChaCha Ferrigno and you’d be zombie food.
Moral of this report, friends and neighbors? Watch your back and don’t forget for one second that, despite our best efforts to organize and band together in the event of the Zombie Apocalypse, any one of us could become a casualty.
Rest assured, your commanders have heard the cries of anguish from our crew and we are in full agreement; the Vatos need to return to The Walking Dead.
Our undercover agents have located targets for a campaign launch in order to make sure they are aware of the overwhelming love the Zombie Survival Crew has for the Vatos.
We will begin sending #BringBackTheVatos tweets to the targets at 12:00 PM on Friday February 11th. The retreat will be called at 12:00 PM the following day, Saturday February 12th. Times are local to whatever time zone you live in.
Now I know we all feel strongly that our Vatos deserve more screen time, but please keep this civil. -R.C. twirls a sword and gives a stern look-
Sample tweets:
@GunnerGale We at the #zombiesurvivalcrew would LOVE for The Walking Dead to #BringBackTheVatos! Please pass the word along.
@RobertKirkman Who loves Vatos? The #zombiesurvivalcrew! We’d like The Walking Dead to #BringBackTheVatos. Please pass the word along.
@valhallapics The #zombiesurvivalcrew really wants #TheWalkingDead to #BringBackTheVatos.
Get the point? Good. Now go forth and tell the world at large to #BringBackTheVatos!
Frankie and Guy at the table next to us – who would collectively become the ZSC saviors for the weekend – took one look at your fearless leader and realized they needed to spring into action. Those of you who know me? Yeah. You know I don’t do well without backup from the faithful Zombie Survival Crew cadres. I forget to eat, remain hydrated, sit down, sleep, or stop moving for even a split second. In this case, it wasn’t until Frankie shoved a piece of pizza in my hand that I realized I hadn’t eaten in almost 24 hours. 
Within minutes I was accosted by Michael Myers (twice), three versions of Jason Voorhees and a dude with fangs in a top hat. Huh? Have no fear, your fearless leader sprang into action and promptly dispatched all comers. Yeah, moving on. By the time Lora arrived, I was a little jumpy, and *may* have responded just a bit sharply when a male voice suddenly queried: “Are you Juliette?”
Much to Command’s delight it was Kevin – @KgOr3693 – a ZSC loyalist who was promptly crushed in a bear hug by yours truly and then forced to smile for pictures immediately afterward. I know for a fact Lora was shocked he had enough left in him to come back for a second visit on Saturday! (Just kidding! Kevin was awesome and we had a blast! He even saved us seats at The Walking Dead panel Saturday night.)
I left Lora to protect the temporary command center we’d established and hiked off to hunt The Walking Dead, and make contact with Norman and Steven. Neither one of them ran away screaming when they realized I was in the room, so I’m counting that as a win. We talked ZSC strategy for a bit but covert ops would have to wait until later.
Shortly after this most important meeting, it was brought to my attention *clears throat* that someone *points at Lora* forgot to grab the computer cord so we could charge the machine overnight. I had to laugh when Lora insisted there was no way security could stop me so I should go on the retrieval mission.
When I entered the vendor room, I realized Lora is a lot smarter than I initially gave her credit for – and she should either get a promotion, or a crossbow bolt. To get the necessary accessory I had to walk across the empty darkened room, with the creepy muzak coming from a location unknown, then squeeze my backside in between tables while ignoring the life-sized Hannibal and Michael Myers dummies that were right behind me. Seriously? I think I completed the mission in Olympic time.
