In a continuation of our Member’s Only Monday feature (must be a member to view), we bring you the Blue Brigade.
The easiest way to get nice and dead in the Zombiepocalypse is to wander around lost. The ZSC’s Blue Brigade is here to help you stay alive and intact. Login to the site, or take the opportunity to sign up, and delve into the tactics used by Norman Reedus and his brigade to keep the rest of us on the map.
Warning: Any information herein is CLASSIFIED. Leaking such information about brigades is considered a grave offense and will be dealt with using the pointy end of a crossbow bolt.
The approach was unexpected. I was re-sorting gear for the umpteenth time at the Zombie Survival Crew temporary command post at Spooky Empire recently when a voice called out: “Zombie Survival Crew. I need to know about this.”
Now there really isn’t much that will leave your fearless commander-in-chief speechless but when I looked up and saw Ted Raimi standing there my jaw dropped. I did a lightning-fast mental check to regain my senses and sputtered out a greeting.
Over peppermint candies and gum I walked Ted through ZSC command protocols and mission parameters with permagrin he was kind enough not to comment on. I do believe I even stuttered a few times. Nonetheless, Ted accepted a Command mission and assignment on the spot and walked away with ZSC gear to call his own.
Ted’s years of experience fighting demons, the possessed and all manner of the undead gives him a definitive edge against the zombie hordes. He thinks fast but strategically, and has an unnerving store of knowledge about weapons.
As you know, our fearless leader, Juliette, has been on the move of late. She’s been trying to stay one step ahead of the UGA, so they can’t slow down the progress of the Zombie Survival CrewTM. Covering ground as she zigzags across the United States, searching for new recruits for the crew, our leader is traveling stocked with ZSC gear and that stock is depleting with each mile.
Then a curious thing happened on Twitter. We sussed out a hashtag of #RedBrigade, where loyalist @Infernal_Racket was showing her brigade pride by posting pictures of herself wearing Zombie Survival CrewTM gear. What fabulous representation of our crew!!! So, we decided we should give EVERY crew member a chance to show how they represent….
Under our newly established Brigade Central, where soon you will find brigade specific information, you’ll see a sub-menu of Brigades Represent and a section for each of the Brigades to house YOU showing your brigade pride. So get your ZSC gear, have pictures taken of you in it, and send it to command [at ] zombiesurvivalcrew ( dot ) com along with a statement that you are giving us permission to post it or post it on Twitter under the #zombiesurvivalcrew hash, and state your brigade with pride. (Oh and if you come to a convention to see us, the boss lady may just take a snap or two… #justsayin) Which brigade will be the best at showing their Zombie Survival CrewTM pride? That’s up to you!!
Special thanks to @Infernal_Racket for showing her pride and posting the pics.
Eureka! I’ve done it, I’ve figured out where Ground Zero for the Zombiepocalypse will happen… and you won’t believe it when you find out.
Mother’s Day found your fearless commander braving the hordes in Disneyland for a bit of fun, excitement, and communing with like-minded souls during the Bat’s Day in the Fun Park event. It was also a covert scouting mission. See, I hoped with the security measures Disneyland takes that it would be the perfect place to use as a Safe Haven. There’s plenty of food on-hand to keep a small group of survivors fed for a pretty long time. Bathrooms galore. Plus enough space to keep the group from feeling trapped in an impossible situation.
But as I surveyed the crowds that chill Sunday evening, my plans vanished in a cloud of smoke.
First I encountered a gentleman wearing a shirt that said, “Have you seen my zombie?” Admittedly, the shirt got a laugh. (And I made him stop so I could take a picture to add to the scouting report… okay, maybe it was for my own personal amusement.) The blatant show of support for the undead made this commander slightly uneasy. Not only that, but I’d blown my cover by snapping the picture. Thankfully I didn’t spot any UGA agents creeping around. That doesn’t mean they weren’t there, though.
As the evening progressed, I began to notice something strange about the people around me. It wasn’t that I found myself surrounded by a couple hundred Goths, oh no, not at all. The “normal” folks had taken on strange behaviors and movements. Children screamed louder than usual and rammed their tiny bodies into their parent’s legs. Adults in the park seemed listless, short-tempered, and walked in jerky steps. Everyone devoured greasy snack foods by the fist full, their appetites insatiable. Language skills seemed to be forgotten almost entirely at some point, replaced by a series of angry snarls and muttering. The happy-go-lucky patrons in the park were changing into something, something too horrific to truly comprehend. Unfortunately as a commander with the ZSC, I felt obligated to watch and document the rapid decline in human behavior.
By 9:00 pm the crowds inside Disneyland began to gather together in large packs. The largest, with approximately 1500 bodies crammed together, stood in Main Street USA staring blankly at Sleeping Beauty’s castle as the colored lights changed. They were transfixed and it reminded me of the “sky flowers” from Land of the Dead, something so simple that distracted the zombies so completely.
That’s when it dawned on me. The “magic” within the Magic Kingdom isn’t derived from fairies, happiness, and dreams brought to life. Oh no. Disneyland utilizes necromancy to turn perfectly healthy, joyful people into an army of zombies to do their bidding. I gotta give it to them, the idea is brilliant.
Brilliant and scary as all get-out.
My plans to use the park as a Safe Haven were dashed. The fences I hoped to utilize in order to ensure the survival of the human race took on a more menacing implication. Would they hold and keep the newly made zombies locked inside or would Anaheim fall victim to the first wave of attack? I can’t be certain.
After making my ghastly discovery, I used every ounce of skill in my arsenal to escape Disneyland undetected. The effects of long-term exposure to powerful magic made my thought processes slow. I staggered down the street towards the secure spot where I’d left my car. For a few tense moments it felt as though I’d fall on the next person I saw and rip their throat out. Luckily no one passed by and when I reached the car some of the more adverse effects of the magic began to fade.
Consider this your only warning, ZSC faithful. If you insist on visiting, pack accordingly. Charms to ward off evil should keep you safe. Just to be sure, bring along a vial of salt as well. One can never be too safe when it comes to dark magics.
As a safety precaution, I’d advise steering clear of any and all theme parks after the first zombie sightings have been reported. It is in my humble opinion that these places are indeed ground zero for the Zombiepocalypse. Who’d have known!?
We have a new contest for you and this one involves David Della Rocco!
“What’s the contest, Jinxie?” you may be asking. Well, let me tell you.
We want you to guess the top three (3) items in Rocco’s Go Bag. The person to guess those top three items, or the closest to them, wins Rocco-signed ZSC gear! Easy, right? Only if you know Rocco.
So, use the comment section to place your guesses (one comment entry per person, please) or email Command at command [ at] zombiesurvivalcrew (dot) com and let’s get this contest rolling, Rocco-style, baby! But let’s try to keep the language PG-13, please!
Contest begins June 5, 2011 and will run through to June 20, 2011.
I recently had the opportunity to be interviewed by author Shannon Mayer on her blog. She had some survival and zombie apocalypse questions, and in general, just wanted to pick my brain . . . er, wait a minute. That may be why I’m so sluggish lately.
I had fun doing this interview, so go check it out:
I’m going to say it was a sixth sense that led me to break ZSC Command protocol and answer the cell phone when the “BLOCKED” call came through.
“Is this the head of the company?” a gruff voice asked.
I almost hung up. But I’m no chicken. Yeah, yeah I am the head of the “company” so gotta keep it together.
It was the Texas Policemen and Sheriff’s Association.
He instructed me to pull off the side of the road.
“But I’m in Baton Rouge traffic and it says ‘shoulder closed’,” I told him. “This is totally illegal, dude, if a Louisiana cop shows up you’d better back me.”
He laughed long and hard, and I couldn’t stop chills from racing up my back and down my arms as I pulled the truck off to the side of the road. Considering it was about 94 degrees in the shade, that was saying something… but it’s not every day I get pulled over by a law enforcement official from a state away.
The Texas sheriff assured me if one of his Louisiana counterparts showed up I was to put the two of them on the phone and he would take care of it. “We need to talk now,” he told me.
As it turns out… the Association was looking for partners, and the ZSC has been chosen. I can’t divulge any details yet for strategic reasons. We’re due to have another conversation as soon as I stop shaking long enough to hold a phone again and I hope I can fill you all in.
For the second time in a week Zombie Survival Crew has become embroiled in news of the zombie invasion nature. While the immediate threat levels remains, in ZSC Command’s informed assessment, low –the events in questions have made one thing perfectly clear: Now is the time to get prepared.
Last Saturday, Zombie Survival Crew cadres sprung into action after one of our own – Kim in TX – put out the word that “Sudden Zombie Attack” was trending. While our collective response was impressive even though the event was later determined not to be a zombie infestation, we identified some areas for improvement.
Then Wednesday news broke across the Internet of an official Center for Disease Control warning on preparation for a zombie pandemic*. (*note: the site takes a while to load, so please be patient. There are just that many people looking at it.)
The CDC’s preparation guide event tells ZSC Command two things:
1 – We have been right to suspect the UGA is not being completely honest with us, and may actually be working against us as we prepare to meet the onset of a cataclysmic event. After the CDC guide went viral the link stopped working. Government spokespeople blamed increased site traffic –our sources implicated the UGA’s hand. A few lucky souls were still able to access the CDC’s preparedness post. Feel free to keep trying here.
2 –There are those still within the government structures who agree with me and ZSC Command.
Zombie pandemic preparedness is serious business. The Zombiepocalypse may not unfold tomorrow, but an earthquake, war or other natural disaster could. Having a “go bag” and a pre-agreed escape plan is just plain smart.
Over the next several weeks ZSC Command will be rolling out official, brigade specific “go bag” packing lists in the Members Only area. Make sure to check in and see when your brigade goes up.
We’re also working on revamping our member skills/capabilities lists and escape routes to better accommodate our growing numbers.
And we need to move fast…zombie events are simply becoming too common to be a coincidence.
For a moment I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me when the tweet came through Saturday night. It was a loyal #zombiesurvivalcrew member with a stark warning: “Sudden Zombie Attack is trending!” We’ve had a few jokesters try to get one over on us. I calmly looked over to the side expecting to see that she’d misread something–
But she was right.
After a double take at Twitter to see that the trend was actually there, Command put out the word, and the Zombie Survival Crew cadres leapt into action.
Within 20 minutes of the distress call, Zombie Survival Crew members from across the United States and around the world raised their weapons. They were more than ready to back up @TheZSC Command as we sought to identify the source, gauge the risk level, and determine a course of action. Via Twitter, Facebook, and cell phone, ZSC cadres fed information into Command—allowing us to make the determination that the threat level was, in reality, minimal.
In other words – ZSC, you guys rocked!
Saturday’s exercise left Command with the following observations:
Our communication lines are pretty solid, but we are working on alternatives in case the Internet goes down.
Y’all are armed! Wow. From rifles to baseball bats, ZSC people are ready to fight off any challenge.
Those of you who do not have Go Bags need to get them ready. Command has brigade specific packing lists we will be putting up over the next few weeks in the Members Only area on the site. Feel free to pack according to your individual needs, but make sure your “Go Bag” has your brigade’s items.
Some Zombie Survival Crew members reported a startling lack of fellow crew members in their area – particularly in Europe and parts of South America. In order to ensure you aren’t left alone when the real event happens, we ask that you increase recruiting efforts in your neighborhoods. If the worst should happen and you do end up stranded, contact command @TheZSC, raise your weapons high so we can send help your way.
Also, we have a crew working hard on improved escape route maps. Utilize these maps to identify the closest concentrations of ZSC members in the United States.
Overall, your commanders are impressed with the speed in which you responded to a potential threat. Command salutes Kim, Kevin, Brooke, Christine and David for rapid deployment efforts on behalf of the ZSC!!!
Keep up the good work, guys!
::salutes with crossbow::
*For full access to ZSC Command dispatches and info, become a member here.
There was brief moment when I entered the Gates of Fire this past weekend where I seriously considered bolting. I’d like to say it had nothing to do with the orcs and elves and dudes with swords traipsing past me –but actually it was a conversation that I suppose was in English that involved units, realms, Urk Kuldar and something called a Dragonhood that really freaked me out.
But the Zombie Survival Crew commander-in-chief is no chicken.
Since we discovered the Unnamed Government Agency is not the ally we once thought it was, Zombie Survival Crew Command is actively recruiting fighters for the Zombiepocalypse. And where better to find true warriors than a Dagorhir event?
As the weekend unfolded in a haze of campfire smoke, exotic foods, even more exotic drinks and a mystery “skunk” that walked past the tent led by a ‘being’ called Dante, I learned some valuable lessons about the Dagorhirim and their world (and picked up a posse of protectors). There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that not only are these gentlemen and ladies perfect recruits for the ZSC, but engagement with them will enhance any ZSC member’s combat readiness. They’re experts in hand-to-hand combat, have survival gear by the truckload and can make a fire (and a meal) out of just about anything.
In order to save both sides from any potential friendly fire incidents, I suggest the following as reasons and rules of engagement for Zombie Survival Crew cadres and the Dagorhirim:
Rule #1 – Smile and nod. Zombie Survival Crew brigade members are unlikely to understand half of what the Dagorhirim say anyway, so just smile.and.nod
Rule #2 – Top recruitment target units are Sparta and Rome. These units are among the most cohesive and organized. And, hell, just look at this Spartan, Lith, striking out with his sword.
Rule #3 – Beware of Merkwood off the field of battle They are a lively, uber-friendly bunch but you are quite likely to find yourself in a “dare, double-dare” kind of situation with these guys that you can’t quite get out of without injuring yourself.
Rule #4 – Top individual recruits are Dagorhirim along the lines of Ogre, Mac, Viccer, Vors and Cancer. These guys are either tall or big, or both, and excellent to hide behind. I’ve already staked claim to the space behind Viccer during battle –the guy’s sword is as tall as I am, so I’m calling that a win.
Rule #5 – Do not accept anything to consume from the Apollyon leader Blackhawk –especially after dark when it is harder to see what he’s handing you. Just trust me on this one.
Rule #6- When you find yourself in battle with the Dagorhirim, you *may* find it a little confusing at first. At one point, I couldn’t tell if I was coming or going and then I got clocked by an arrow in the head so it really didn’t matter. However, Zombie Survival Crew Command recommends brigade members consider attending Dagorhir events and participating in the melee fights to prepare for urban-setting fighting during the Zombiepocalypse.
Rule #7 – It is probably wisest to avoid those who appear to be speaking in tongues. While they’re not zombies, and thus should not be put down, attempting to carry on a conversation with these individuals will give you a headache. Please, just trust the chief on this one.
Rule #8 – It might seem natural to focus recruitment efforts towards the males of Dagorhir. This is a mistake. The female fighters –like Fyxe, Havok, and Arzus– are tough, trained and worth a dozen men.
Rule #9 – Beside combat and basic survival skills, the Dagorhirim have among them talented seamstresses and tailors, like Kevat, who should be considered high value recruits. When the Zombiepocalypse hits it’s going to be hell on the wardrobe, and when the inevitable rips and tears occur you won’t be able to just wander into a Wal-mart for quick replacements.
Rule #10 – Don’t let the pallor of their skin fool you. Unlike Tolkien’s Orcs, the Orcs of Dagorhir –like Gix, Vors and Surg– are actually quite friendly. They’re also quick on their feet and loyal.
In a continuation of our Member’s Only Monday feature (must be a member to view), we bring you the Blue Brigade.
I recently had the opportunity to be interviewed by author Shannon Mayer on her blog. She had some survival and zombie apocalypse questions, and in general, just wanted to pick my brain . . . er, wait a minute. That may be why I’m so sluggish lately.
Dispatcher: Juliette Terzieff
