Rating: Unrated (intense violence, disturbing images, and adult language)
Even zombies get the holidays off, apparently. I even received some gifts from the fat guy in a red suit. Unfortunately most of what he gave me consisted of more movies to review. Nice going, Santa. You’re on their side, I know it. Once the holidays were over, I picked a flick at random and ended up watching Colin.
In the early days of the Zombiepocalypse, Colin is attacked and infected. After his death and revival, he ventures out into a city both generous in meals yet dangerous for the undead. Humans—zombie slayers—do their best to keep Colin and his kind down for the final count, his sister amongst them. Will she save him or join him?
Sounds awesome, right? It would have been had the plot not taken until an hour into the movie to actually manifest. Most of the footage ended up being random shots designed to show off special FX makeup skills. While I admit the gore was fun to watch, it would have been even more enjoyable if I could make sense of what was happening. Hardly any of the characters talked. Not just because they’re zombies. The few humans in the film uttered all of two lines each. By forty-five minutes in I realized all the thought and prep work went into the zombie attacks and makeup, with little thought left for an actual script.
There were a few bits that were enjoyable. Colin’s first fight sequence proves that not everyone has a knack for fighting. He must have tried to jab a pairing knife into that zombie’s skull about fifteen times before finally accidentally hitting a spot soft enough to do any damage to the thing’s brain. Why can’t more zombie slayers be this bumbling? I wouldn’t be locked up watching these movies, then.
I know that the filmmakers were trying to make the zombies sympathetic. It only worked in the case of Colin, and even then not very well. The humans in contrast with the undead were too stupid to survive. There wasn’t a challenge for them until towards the end. Even then the zombies took out half the humans that attacked them. Next time these folks want to make a movie, I’d suggest more time on the plot, less time playing with blood. You would have had something here with more thought put in.
I give Colin two-and-a-half diseased brains out of five.
There comes a point where you judge a movie by its cover… and fail miserably—complete with flailing arms and desperate cries of agony. No, the cries weren’t from victims of a zombie attack on the screen. It was me. Crying and beating against the door of my cell. Lets just get this review of DIE-ner over with, shall we?
Here’s the story we were promised: A serial killer hitches a ride to a failing diner in the middle of nowhere. Realizing the opportunity handed him when the place is nearly deserted, he kills the minimal staff and sets up his own sort of murderer’s paradise. That is, until his victims start coming back to life with a hunger for flesh.
What came across felt, for the most part, like a string of bad auditions. There was even the bad audio where one actor could be heard clearly while the other’s performance sounded muffled as they stood behind the camera. Top that off with plain ol’ bad acting and five minutes in I wished for someone to come put me out of my misery. Only one actor, the guy playing the witless sheriff, seemed to be trying to do his part with any believability.
Normally I’d say, well… if the acting sucks and the script isn’t worth a damn, lets see how the makeup effects hold up. These too were disappointing. Protip for wannabe filmmakers: fake blood from the Halloween store looks awful on screen. Opt for a higher quality “Stage Blood” or make your own. A gallon of homemade blood is cheap and doesn’t look like you dipped your actors in red food coloring, then left them to dry in the sun.
This is one of those movies where everyone, even the zombies are Too Stupid To Live. That does not make for entertaining viewing. And where I’d normally try to find something nice to say, I can’t in this case. Oh wait; there was lots of duct tape. Everyone likes duct tape, right?
DIE-ner is bad heaped on bad, topped with bad. I give it one-and-a-half severed feet out of five. Save yourself the misery and avoid this film.
It is no big secret that Orange Brigade commander RC Murphy enjoys creating chaos in the ZSC Command Center. Inevitably, we’re left bracing ourselves any time she’s let loose, wondering what will go wrong this time. Because of that, we’ve created a list of Top Ten Things RC Isn’t Allowed To Say In The Command Center.
10. We can totally turn weapon’s training into karaoke hour!
9. Does this sword match my skirt?
8. Yes, I will trade weapons for a piece of dark chocolate.
7. Is the ammunition closet supposed to be smoking?
6. Trust me, this is a great idea!
5. I found an awful movie; you guys should watch it.
4. ::Loud Crash:: Oopsie…
3. You can clean machine guns in a bubble bath, right?
2. I switched the coffee to decaf.
And the number one thing RC isn’t allowed to say in the Command Center is…
1. Oh no, the zombie bunnies are perfectly safe to pet.
We’ve been busy little bees in the ZSC Command Center the last few weeks—all thanks to you, our extremely talented brigadiers. After a lot of reading, we’re ready to announce the second round finalists for our second anthology contest (try saying that ten times fast…).
FICTION STORIES:
– Jessica Capelle – “Save Us”
– Moira Jones – “My Story”
– Wendy Sparrow – “A Fixed Point in Time”
– Amber Revelt – “Clinical Zombie”
– Tiffany Flynn – “Diary of an Undead Dead Girl”
– Christopher De Voss – “Zombie Tracker Program”
– Amy Sundberg – “Southern Harmony”
– Craig Sabin – “Subway Zombie”
– RC Murphy – “And Now…I Die”
POETRY:
– Laura McPherson – Kingdom of the Dead
– Robin Sellman – Migration
– Kaolin Imago Fire – brain cookies
– Stephanie Allen – The Last Stand in Zarmageddon
– Deepdarkred – Staring
– Heather Serbanjak – Untitled
– Kerry Bennett – Soulless Dead
– Desiree White – Ballad of the City of Glass
– ZombieJacks666 – The End
– Robin Sellman – Silent, and Somewhere
Congratulations to the second round finalists and a huge thank you to everyone that submitted pieces for the anthology. Finalists, you will be receiving coded transmissions from Zombie Survival Crew command about your entries.
Keep your eyes peeled. We will be announcing the title for our second anthology soon!
We’ve been busy little bees in the ZSC Command Center the last few weeks—all thanks to you, our extremely talented brigadiers. After a lot of reading, we’re ready to announce the second round finalists for our second anthology contest (try saying that ten times fast…). BUT in order to see who moves on to the second round, you have to be a member (or login). Once you’ve created your account (or have logged in), check out the Second Round Anthology Finalists.
Yes, I am well aware that it’s only been a little over a week since the season two finale of The Walking Dead aired. However, that does not change the fact that I sat down in front of my television this past Sunday and whimpered, hoping by some miracle that they managed to write, film, and run the premiere of season three through post-production in a week. No such luck.
So to pass the time, I took a look back through my review notes. These are all from the hand written notes that I took while watching TWD. They reflect, sometimes a little too honestly, my reactions to what’s happening on the screen as it happens.
But, uhm… the zombie bunnies ate the notes from episodes one and two, so we’ll pick up with a couple favorites from episode three.
Episode three:
“The only warning I got before watching was from Mom, ‘When Daryl is the sane one, you know things got bad.’” (Yes, my mother is a fan of the show.)
“Glenn can’t be a sidekick when the wannabe hero has his head wedged and the actual hero is beyond needing his help.”
Episode four:
“Where is God, hidden in the rotting face of a walker?”
“Glenn bait! He’s growing into a hero/walker roper!”
Episode five:
“Glenn needs wooing lessons. Maybe he can ask Shane, apparently women’s underwear melt around him.”
“Daryl’s subconscious kicked up… Merle?”
Episode six:
“Let me play poker against Glenn. Cha-ching!”
“Andrea and Shane are going to shoot each other… (Scene change) or not. Wow.”
Episode seven:
Oops… Apparently episode seven didn’t produce anything amusing note-wise. This may be because I spent all my time yelling at the television and not writing.
Episode eight:
“Go Maggie! Slap Shane again!”
“Do not trust new people… Holy s— Rick!”
Episode nine:
“Rick, honor will get your a– full of buckshot!”
“Do not scare my (yes, I wrote a typo) by trying to shoot Glenn!”
“Andrea drank Shane’s Flavor-Aid”
“Look at big girl Lori using her words…”
Episode ten:
“What the heck?” (That one was repeated a few times…)
“Meat shield!”
Episode eleven:
“Daryl—master of the art of torture.”
“Too close, Carl. [censored]!”
“Oh my God, Dale!” (After that the notes are gibberish)
Episode twelve:
“Yes, Andrea, baby-sit the psychopath.”
“Hey, T-Dog can talk. Wow.”
The rest is variations of yelling at Shane. None of which I can print here due to language.
Episode thirteen:
“Yeah Rick, because the barn is totally walker-proof…”
“I ain’t riding with T-Dog. Crazy driver!”
“Aww… whatshisname died.”
“Jesus promised zombies. Neat!”
“What the heck? Pet zombies with ninja slayer?”
As you can see, I have a lot of fun while watching amidst all of the really tense, biting-my-fingernails-off moments. Did any of you have moments while watching where you unleashed your inner smart aleck at the television screen? Share your witty commentary below in the comments.
Well, hopefully none of you tried to keep a tally of how many walkers kicked the bucket in the season two finale of The Walking Dead. For about a minute I considered trying to keep track, then realized it’d be impossible without a DVR and a lot, and I mean a lot, of spare time, which is in short supply around here. Hey, who do you think cleans out the zombie bunny cages? It certainly isn’t a magical fairy, I’ll tell you that.
We’re going to tackle this in the order that it happened because otherwise someone will get lost. Two guesses who, the first doesn’t count (hint: the person typing…).
That helicopter is going to give me a migraine. We don’t hear anything about it since the pilot episode, and then suddenly bam! There it is again, taunting us with secrets we can’t figure out. My theory is that whoever owns the helicopter is using it to attract the walkers to a central location. Not sure if it is to kill them or contain them. What I do know is that Shane and Carl’s gunshots distracted the walkers chasing the helicopter. Talk about awful timing. One day later and the herd would be gone—all of that death and destruction could have been avoided. Except for one. Shane sealed his fate weeks ago. He just needed the right variables to put it in motion.
A few characters came into their own during the course of this episode. Daryl stepped up to the plate and is set to be Rick’s second in command if he wants it. Hershel flat-out gave me a heart attack. He was awesome with that shotgun, keeping the zombies away from the house with far more skill than I gave him credit for before now. And Andrea…wow. We knew from her training sessions with Shane that she’d become one of the group’s best assets with a gun. However, she proved that any weapon in her hands can and will be used to kill a walker. She’s also come a long way from waiting to die to fighting tooth and nail to survive—even after running so far for so long that her legs just gave out.
Which brings us to the biggest mystery of the season two finale: who was the hooded figure rocking the katana? Fans of the comic book recognized her right away, no doubt. Michonne plays a vital part in the season to come. She is a character to keep a close eye on, folks. Also, did you see her pet zombies? Why can’t I have pet zombies like that, Juliette? Is it because I use a broadsword instead of a katana? I’ll switch weapons! Ahem… ignore that outburst.
Another huge reveal is the fact that the virus isn’t contracted through swapping bodily fluid with walkers (ew) but thrives within every single living person. The disease activates when a human’s body begins to die. This would explain the vast differences in time from when someone is bitten or severely injured and changes to them dying and coming back. Amy’s turnover time still baffles me. She turned at the pace of a living conversion instead of dead. Probably to draw out Andrea’s misery. The writer’s are evil like that.
The Shane Issue segment may turn into the Lori Issue segment. Her behavior as of late irks me to no end. The topper this week is three-fold. First, she managed to lose her kid…again. Then because she couldn’t keep him in the house, she got mad at Rick after Carl was forced to save his life. The icing on the Lori-is-awful cake came when, instead of admitting her role in Shane’s death, she turned her back on the man that literally walked through hell to get back to her and keep her safe once he was there. Some gratitude, Lori. Really. You should give lessons on how to thank people for their sacrifices. It’d give a whole generation of people the fuel you threw on Rick’s fire to make him lay down the law once and for all.
In the end, is Rick’s declaration of a dictatorship really going to fly? As far as I see it, Shane won. He succeeded in what he tried to do since day one when Rick walked into camp and Lori shoved him aside to resume a life with her husband. The group doesn’t trust him now. Most of all, they don’t respect him, or if they do, it is a respect created from terror that some day if they step out of line, they’ll be the next with Rick’s knife buried between their ribs. Will he go that far to maintain order? It’s hard to tell, but we know that season three promises to be as intense as the last three episodes of season two. If that holds true, we may need to start duct-taping Juliette to her seat before new episodes air.
What did you think of The Walking Dead’s season two finale? Have a favorite moment? Share your opinions in the comments below.
Two weeks in a row it’s been impossible to find a place to start with a review. Days later, I’m still dizzy from the turn of events. Pacing for the second half of season two took a one-eighty degree flip from how we started the season—that painfully long wait to learn what happened to Sophia only to end in heartbreak. We’re still ending on heartbreak, but it seems harsher, more in our faces. If there was any doubt that I correctly labeled TWD’s writers as evil, this week’s episode proved me right. Only twisted minds could create characters like these and make us forget to breathe while they run around a fictional world causing chaos.
This week began with a bittersweet eulogy for Dale, contrasted by the group patrolling the farm for walkers. Something about the combination of scenes left something to be desired for me. They say they’re going to do what Dale would have wanted, make him proud and salvage a broken community. Would he want them to do it that way? They needlessly beat those walkers instead of delivering a humane blow to the head. Taking out pent up anger on the undead is understandable, but doing it in the name of a man that wanted nothing but peace seems wrong.
On a side note, did you all notice that T-Dog used a hammer to dispatch one of the walkers? IronE got to put his weapon of choice to use. Awesome! T-Dog also got to step out of the background more. Hopefully this trend lasts.
There is a glimmer of hope for the survival of the group as a whole in the unlikely form of Daryl. In the weeks prior, we’ve seen him pull further and further from the group. Heck, he set his camp up a good half a mile away from the others to get away from them. But last week he stepped up and did what no one really had the heart to do. After, he told Rick, “You shouldn’t have to do all the heavy lifting.” Daryl sees the stress leadership puts on Rick. He wants to help again. I’m not entirely sure what triggered his change of heart. There are too many variables at work to pinpoint one exact cause.
One variable no one can seem to keep a handle of is Carl. Last week I got a tad nasty and pointed blame where it belongs, on his parents. Shane was right (don’t die of shock) when he told Rick that Carl needed to discuss Dale’s death with his father. That isn’t because a male’s opinion on the matter is any better than a woman’s. Oh no, that is a reflection on how poor Lori’s parenting skills are. I’ve lost count of how many times Carl’s been found far away from the house after she’s been asked to keep him inside. The kid isn’t a magical creature. He has a physical form and can’t dematerialize only to reform in the midst of trouble. How the heck can she consistently fail at keeping him away from danger?
Instead of parenting, Lori is still obsessed with saving her reputation. She confronts Shane yet again about their sort-of relationship. At this point I can’t tell if she is stringing him along on the off chance that Rick dies and she needs a male in her life (and bed) or if she sees the dark path he’s going down and is trying to placate his crazy to keep him in line. No matter her motivation, all she has done is cause trouble between Rick and Shane. It’s hard to tell if this sort of thing would have happened after Rick was shot in the line of duty without the walker uprising putting her in Shane’s protection.
Pro tip for ZSC brigadiers: While it is important to board up possible weak spots in your Safe Haven, spending a day hammering boards in place could have unforeseen problems. The undead in The Walking Dead respond to sound. All of that hammering the group did on the barn and house echoed through the forest, drawing the walkers in closer. The only reason they couldn’t pinpoint the source is because the sounds were too faint to follow after bouncing around the trees. However, something like a gun shot after they are searching for the noises… someone may have well rung the dinner bell.
It wouldn’t be one of my reviews if we didn’t address the Shane Issue. This week I need to put a Spoiler Warning before it. If you have not seen episode 212 of The Walking Dead, turn around and head to safety. After you watch, come back and finish reading.
Shane, Shane, Shane. I’ve spent nearly a year despising you and defending that opinion tooth and nail. You are ruthless, cutthroat, obsessive, and your only redeeming quality is being a good shooter. No one trusts you, not even the people you tried to lure to your side with promises of cookies, or whatever the emotional equivalent is for a psychopath. You could never be a leader of men, not in the way Rick is, and your jealousy over that fact will be your downfall.
Oh wait, it was.
The creepiest scene in this episode possessed no dialog. Heck, there wasn’t even much sound to it at all. Watching Shane sit in the shed contemplating his plans for Randall sent goosebumps up my arms. It takes a great actor and great writing to make me loathe a fictional character so much. Hats off to Jon Bernthal and the TWD writers. This ride watching Shane spiral further and further to madness has been the most entertaining bit of television in years. Shane’s condition created so many discussions about morals in extreme crisis situations. Even when we thought he acted poorly, part of our minds wondered if it actually was the right thing to do. Could we reach that level of practicality he delved into and maintain what it is that makes us human? I’m not entirely sure it is possible.
However, there was nothing right or humane about how he dealt with poor Randall. Was Randall a threat? In my opinion, yes. He acted too much like a weasel to trust him at his word. Rick’s plan to drive him an hour out and drop him off would’ve worked or at least given them time to prepare the farm for possible human attack, which they should have done beforehand. Shane couldn’t leave it be. He had to have his way and in the process illustrated that any dead body, bitten or not, will come back as a walker.
Much respect to Rick for realizing Shane’s plan and confronting him man to man. By that point there were two possible outcomes. Either way, someone would die. Losing Shane is a blow to the group. For all of his insanity, he did a good job protecting them. That is when he wasn’t plotting ways to undermine the authority of the group. If he’d succeeded, the group would have collapsed. None of the others would believe the story he cooked up. Not after the Otis incident came to light.
Will everyone understand why Shane died, though? Can our survivors continue on as they have been? Hell broke loose and is knocking on their front door. The season two finale next week is going to be a doozey.
What do you think about Shane’s demise? Let us hear your opinion in the comments below.
Actor, director, writer, motivational speaker and singer…. Green brigade’s commander IronE Singleton brings to the table an invaluable combination of strength, determination and passion possessed by some but unmatched by none. IronE hails from Atlanta, Georgia and has already faced the shambling horde, looked it right in the eye and refused to give up the good fight for even a moment. Outgoing, gregarious and quick to smile, Irone’s laughter is more infectious than any zombie plague and his endless determination is a shining example to all.
IronE recently got his feet wet in the convention scene by attending Monster Mania 21 in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. While a seemingly endless horde of adoring fans and admirers might have caused some to tremble in abject fear, IronE faced them all with his trademark disarming smile and made each one feel as welcome as if they were stepping into his home rather than standing in line at a noisy, crowded convention.
IronE’s many varied talents have taken him from the University of Georgia to television, theatre and film. He has appeared on the big screen in several films, including The Blind Side, Lottery Ticket, Seeking Justice. And the upcoming film A Box For Rob. Television appearances include pilots for ABC’s Detroit 1-8-7, VH1’s Single Ladies, and TNT’s Franklin & Bash, and he has also appeared in CW’s One Tree Hill and BET’s Somebodies… but most notably he is the one and only Theodore Douglas, a.k.a. T-Dog on AMC’s The Walking Dead. On the theatre side, be sure to check out his inspiring one-man show: IronE . . . The Resurrected. This inspiring story of survival, heartbreak, transformation and healing is a must-see for all.
Under IronE’s experienced leadership, Green Brigade is best equipped to keep up the morale as the battle for survival wages on and we would surely find ourselves in one fine mess without him.
There are very few moments where yours truly is struck speechless. This week’s episode of The Walking Dead ended on one such moment. A huge round of applause to Greg Nicotero for his efforts directing “Judge, Jury, Executioner”, there were some really beautiful moments captured on screen. As well as some instances that ripped the audience’s heart out, stomped on it, dropped it down a well, and then fed it to a walker. Yeah, this one was emotional on so many levels.
We’re going to start this week with the Shane Issue to make room for the main topic this episode. Right away, we knew Shane would go ballistic if they didn’t off the prisoner. In typical fashion, he tries to worm his way into Andrea’s ear to turn her to his side in the matter. Not that she needed much pushing to get there. Andrea—despite her background as a civil rights lawyer—is all about capital punishment. I’m not too sure how much of that is her being willing to do anything to survive or an attempt to immolate the men in how they deal. Shane’s continued efforts to stage a mutiny to oust Hershel and Rick may fall on deaf ears with Andrea, no matter how much he tries to poison her ear. Also, how long has he been stealing ammunition? Personally, I don’t think Shane plans to stay with the group much longer.
Daryl is likewise pulling away from the group, setting his camp further away from everyone else. He’s also distanced himself even more from Carol, which breaks my heart. I wanted to see what would bloom between those two if given the chance. Daryl displays a moral code in this episode, despite what he’d have us believe about being a hard-as-nails man with no limits or boundaries. His anger at Randall shifts to blind fury after hearing the unspeakable things his crew has done to innocents. Is beating someone associated with rapists right? No. But seeing that Daryl cares about anything at all is reassuring. He’s pulled so far into himself that there wasn’t much left to watch other than a snarling squirrel catcher.
There was all of one happy moment in this episode. We’ve been waiting a few weeks to see how Hershel would change after the attack in the bar. He’s continued down the path allowing Rick to do what he sees fit to protect the farm. However, Hershel also had a change of heart about a much more pleasant matter. In a very touching moment he gave his approval of Glenn and Maggie’s relationship. Won’t lie, I cheered. Go Team Glenn!
Normally I don’t do this, but . . . SPOILER WARNING!! The text blow contains spoilers from episode 211 of The Walking Dead. If you have not seen the episode, what are you waiting for? Go watch! Then come back and finish reading.
The big question—which is literally underlined three times and written in all capital letters on my review notes—Who is to blame for the last moments of the episode?
On one hand you have Carl, who is acting out more and more. Not only did he wander away from camp on his own, but also stole a gun from Daryl. The icing on the cake came when he tried to take on a walker by himself and nearly got eaten. He also said some very nasty things to Carol. Yes, Carl is also mourning Sophia’s loss, but that gives him no right to speak as he did.
However, whenever you see a child misbehaving, you need to look at the parents. Rick is consumed with the idea of doing what is right for everyone. In the process of solving the world’s problems, he’s lost sight of the things closest to him. Carl needs a father more now than ever and between the two men who could be a father figure to him—his actual father and Shane—he spends most of his time with Shane… a man not well known for being a role model, or even all that nice. And forget about Lori being an actual parent. She’s got her nose in everyone else’s business to make sure they’re not all talking about her. Get over yourself and take care of your child, please. Before he gets anyone else in camp killed.
No matter whom you blamed, the group has lost their voice of reason. A loss born out of sheer neglect. Dale fought so hard for so long to remind everyone that they are human despite what happened around them. He assured them that even with walkers knocking down their doors that being a decent person still mattered. Through Dale’s efforts they kept that vital piece of themselves that distinguished the living from the walkers. If they go around executing people for no valid reason, how are they better than the undead?
“The world we know is gone, but keeping our humanity, that’s a choice.” –Dale
Jeffrey DeMunn gave a brilliant performance in this episode. You can tell that he put everything into the role. Dale never slowed, never wavered in his belief that an alternate solution could be found to deal with Randall. What really broke my heart was in the end he won. The kid lives to see another day, but Dale won’t. I’m tearing up again thinking about it—tears of impotent rage aimed at fictional characters and their messed up fates. That is testament to the skill of everyone involved in creating The Walking Dead.
What do you think, who is really to blame for Dale’s death? Let us hear your opinions in the comments below.
Rating: Unrated (intense violence, disturbing images, and adult language)
Rating: Unrated (Violence, Adult language)
From behind the zombie bunny cages of RC Murphy
