I recently had the opportunity to be interviewed by author Shannon Mayer on her blog. She had some survival and zombie apocalypse questions, and in general, just wanted to pick my brain . . . er, wait a minute. That may be why I’m so sluggish lately.
I had fun doing this interview, so go check it out:
Shannon Mayer – How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse
Field Report by Honorable Brigadier Grae Wolffe, SAPPED
There is no denying the Zombie Survival Crew is onto something. For all the talk and preparations, various members of the hierarchy find themselves targeted in inconvenient ways, from the simple annoyances in daily routine, to the full pursuit of more than a couple of our strongest. Other posts here have discussed some of the issues we all have experienced since the founding of the Crew.
Recently, it was brought to light the difficulties our own Jinxie has had, and the need for her constant moving and limited contact due to that infamous UGA making a living hell out of her life. To the point of nearly faking her death, Jinxie has kept one step ahead for the last few months, dodging those black SUVs and silent helicopters. From the limited contact we have maintained, it is known that she is alive and well, still avoiding the black hats and keeping her head down. Quite recently, she sent out a distress call with the above photo, where she was stuck in this blue elevator. Local ZSC members were able to locate and extract her before the UGA could collect her.
After months on the run, though, it seems the pursuit has waned, with exception to this last recent attempt at capture. Pictures have surfaced which show a secure area, and dispatches from Jinxie indicate good news ahead. With a hardened location, and careful screening of those nearby, her command center is being reestablished. Word is she has secured her location and will soon have an untraceable connection for communications. Once again, proving the resourcefulness of our commanders in keeping at least one step ahead of the UGA.
The lessons we can learn from Jinxie’s plight are many, but the most important one is to make sure we remain vigilant and stay ahead of those anonymous agents who are watching, trying to keep the ZSC from enlightening the public of the dangers from their planned pandemic. The “powers that be” have only maintained that control by keeping the public in the dark, working from the shadows and stretching their influence quietly. In the short months since our founding though, the Crew has quickly entered their sights, but we will not back down from informing the public, and preparing to fight back the hordes which the UGA plan to unleash upon the otherwise unsuspecting masses.
Field Report by newly promoted Honorable Brigadier Grae Wolffe, SAPPED
Most people laugh off talk of government or private industry conspiracies, and even the sensationalism Hollywood adds to the theories just makes the general unknowing public skeptical at best. It is much easier for the masses to believe there is no Grand Scheme undermining their normal routine, no secret conglomerate or Unknown Government Agency hiding in the shadows…
…until you become the target of one.
Even without being the direct target, there are some of us who just feel something isn’t quite right with the world, no matter what the media and masses try to make us believe. There may not be a tangible reason, or incontrovertible truth, but that niggling feeling in the back of the head won’t go away just because others don’t see what we see, or feel what we feel in the pit of the stomach.
Recently I made an offer of aid to one of the commanders of the Zombie Survival Crew. It was an innocuous thing, just the sharing of software which I had in my possession and no longer used. The archive file was too large to just share via email or chat, so I took an old thumb drive and thought nothing of sticking it in an envelope and shipping it via standard mail. The story of that attempt was reported here earlier; and now I go from being just one of the questioning but otherwise apathetic masses to one of the questioning few who are looking over their shoulder.
I’ve been friends with another of the founding commanders of the ZSC for a few years, but until recently she has been quite active online – blogging, writing, an active twitter user – available almost any night for a fun time or serious conversation. But looking back at some of the things she told me about her life up to the time we met, and the more recent events which have caused many changes recently in her life, it feels like she has become the target of some kind of plot.
Jinxie G in an undisclosed location
Four moves in less than two years – most of them within the last year. “Official” assistance which has disappeared nearly as quickly as it was offered. And ever since helping form the ZSC, she has been on the run and unable to maintain her usual daily contact and routine. Yes, our own Jinxie has become a target of that Unknown Government Agency that is hiding in the shadows, trying to control the secret of invasion and infestation, which she and others have uncovered and are trying to prepare the defense of the human race.
Her recent move has forced her into a location without direct internet access – not even a local wifi signal to gain access with. Jinxie has been forced to roam the area with her laptop, using coffee shops, libraries, and even McDonald’s to gain access and relay orders. Although they haven’t been able to silence her, and can’t stop her signal completely, our fearless commander is obviously targeted as a “person of interest” to the UGA; communication is sporadic instead of consistent, and it is happening in such a way that none of the upper echelons of the ZSC are able to aid more directly to restore Jinxie’s communications.
There must be something They want to keep hidden, and the ZSC is on track to expose whatever it is. And the UGA is already in place, large enough to affect communications of many types, on many levels, monitoring those of us who are learning to think for ourselves more, act together in uncovering the fact which have so far eluded the unknowing masses. From small town USA on one side of the country, to large metropolitan areas on the other, and surely in place around the world, the UGA is trying to keep their secrets from escaping.
We must remain diligent. Our commanders have stirred the pot, and must be coming close to something. Their recent activities are being monitored, and those of us who make it publicly known we are helping the ZSC Command may find ourselves targeted next.
Chief’s Note: the decision to publish the following assessment from ZSC Member @Wulfie_ was not taken lightly. She has inadvertently uncovered internal Command structure and planning secrets. Retribution is not out of the question.
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Let’s face a few things here. No matter how the Zombie Apocalypse begins or ends it isn’t going to be pretty. Not all of us are going to make it.
Sure, we have the Zombie Survival Crew. We’re gathering forces, training, getting ready to defend ourselves. But there will be battles, and casualties. People we care about will go down and, if they rise up again, are we prepared to take them out? What would you do if one of our Commanders, or First Lieutenants, got infected and decided you’d make a nice snack?
Last week Neil Brown Jr. delivered a valuable dispatch designed to help us survive in the event of a cataclysmic global event. With that in mind I’ve written a report profiling the ZSC officers we look to for advice, protection and communications. Yes, they’re well trained, but if they become infected with the zombie virus, we need to know how to protect ourselves. This is especially true if the zombies we have to deal with aren’t just shamblers but intelligent walkers.
FIRST LIEUTENANTS:
David Della Rocco is the one who’s going to catch us off-guard because, while we’re rearing back from his zombie appearance, he’s going to be throwing out the funny one liners. Being stressed out by the apocalypse is going to have us off our game and one good joke will have us snickering, then chuckling, then laughing our backsides off. He’ll be making some wise crack about The Walking Dead. We’ll be trying to hold ourselves up because we’re laughing too hard and that’s when he’ll get us with his weapon of choice: the chainsaw. Watch out for the zombies who can make you laugh; they’ll kill you with the jokes first and their teeth later.
Jim Burleson is trouble from the get go as a zombie, or otherwise. He’s gifted at orchestrating major events which means he’ll be the one putting together the zombie attack plans. His secret weapon is a Ball Pein Hammer. Ouch. The problem in dealing with him as a zombie is that he’s smart enough to have designed a plan hidden within a plan that’s hidden within another plan. By the time you figure out something’s going on, you’ve got a hammer slamming you between the eyes. This one needs to go fast, if he’s turned, or we’re all dead.
If Neil Brown Jr. gets zombified, he’s going to be on the front lines of any planned attack because he can bring it. Our lead vato is going to go ballistic and run off in all directions trying to find out whose fault it was that Neil got turned. (It will probably be Jim Burleson’s fault because he’ll know what a strong zombie Neil will make.) Neil’s dangerous as a mere mortal; put him in a meat suit that doesn’t feel pain and he’s going to cut loose with his martial arts as soon as he’s used up his katana. If he isn’t drop kicking you into your next life, then he’s going to be charming you with that hypnotic voice and calm demeanor, and will probably talk you into believing that it’s a great idea if you allow him to bite one of your fingers; after all, you’ve got nine others, right? Either way – you’re dead meat.
Pauline Campos is our first female zombified Lieutenant. Don’t be fooled by her gender. She’s got a Mexi-fro that no man in his right mind could resist. While said male is distracted by that and trying to help her with her diaper bag, she’s going to be nibbling on his appendages and shooting anyone who tries to stop her with her .45 ACP pistol. As a former newswoman, she intuitively knows where the action is and the best place to position herself to get to the…meat of the matter. Watch out for this little hottie from hell should she be looking in your direction with zombie eyes.
Sean Patrick Flanery as a zombie? All I can say is head for the hills, kids! I’ve seen this guy in action and, the way he takes out a Jedi Warrior with his mad skills, none of us stand a chance. Jus’ sayin’. Besides, having 2 black belts in Karate and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, this guy is walking death to the walking living. After reviewing his portfolio, I’m betting that the first thing he’ll do if he becomes a zombie is to infect his specially trained assassin dog, Donut. Don’t let the name fool you. If you see Sean coming…shoot AND run because if you don’t take him down with the first shot, you’re just going to piss him off. Donut will catch you and be gnawing off your leg, while Sean sidles up to finish you off. If Sean goes Zombie, it’ll take a fleet of us to bring him down.
BRIGADE LEADERS:
LK Gardner-Griffie was abducted into the ZSC at the point of a crossbow. Not a good sign. If she’s zombified and teams up with Jim Burleson, we might as well give it up…unless they’ve been brain damaged. Because if their brains are in tact then, between the two of them, we’ve had the meat…er…become the meat. She’s got files on us and, if she happens to retain that information, she’s going to know exactly who each and every one of us are and where we live. She’ll assemble groups of Geeks to take us out one by one, moving from the most threatening down to us lesser munchies. If she actually happens to own a functioning flux capacitor…we might as well slit our own throats because the attacks will be like something out of Star Trek. Teams of zombies will be beaming in and out. We won’t know what bit us. In fact, it’s a safe bet that we’ll be zombiefied before we even realize we’re dead. LK will be at the very top of our Most Wanted list if she’s turned.
Don’t let Anthony Guajardo’s youth and pretty face fool you. He never goes anywhere without the protection of his dogs and is extremely dangerous, as proven by the fact that he has survived encounters with Daryl Dixon and “T-Dog”. He may look innocent, but he’s not. Be wary of him because when he’s not side-tracking you with the cuteness, he’s going to be hacking away with his machete looking for some finger food.
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RC Murphy’s weapon of choice of is the sword but she seems to have a somewhat unhealthy obsession with our fearless leader’s sacred crossbow. This one hides behind a facade of outrageously funny mood swings and ADD tendencies. The trouble here is that it’s a clever ruse masking the fact that she’s actually psychotic. Several of her other personalities are made of the stuff that no one, and I do mean NO-ONE, on the ZSC wants, or is prepared to deal with. Don’t be fooled by her mild mannered wife and mother persona. There’s some real evil in her lusting to break free and being zombified might be just the thing that does it. Watch out for this cutie. Trust me on that. Also…avoid the Z’s.
Ah yes, our beloved, multi-tasking and somewhat flighty Jinxie_G. Self-proclaimed creator and destroyer of worlds. On top of being an Amazon, she’s proficient with the compound bow. Being nocturnal and constantly pumped up on caffeine and nicotine makes her hyper-vigilant. As long as she’s one of us, we’re fine. But if she goes zombie, I’d suggest the duck and cover technique. A grenade, or explosive of some kind, might be our only choice in taking her down as a zombie. The problem with this is, she has a gaggle of supernatural buddies who can step in at any time and kick our collective butts. Our best bet is to make sure, she’s not Turned.
IronE Singleton’s weapon of choice is the up-close-and-personal hammer. YIKES! Add his willingness to get a bloody facial to his passion for work, life and family and he’s a formidable opponent. He’s one of the most huggable on the crew and that makes him more dangerous than all the others. The shortage of hugs during any apocalypse makes IronE (a.k.a. Mr. Huggy) particularly dangerous. Watch yourselves! He might look like a teddy bear but embracing this zombie is a fast-track to zombification.
Now we get to Norman Reedus. Oy! Norman’s weapons training, crossbow abilities, and his gift for remaining clear and focused on missions makes him a valuable commodity to the ZSC. He’s an expert survivalist which, I’m sure will save our butts if we’re on the run. He handles stress swiftly and directly – though I have to wonder what’s going on behind those eyes when he’s just sitting around in silence. I believe Norman would make the most dangerous zombie of us all. In character as Daryl Dixon he’s shown patience, reserve and a willingness and ability to set his personal feelings aside and just get on with surviving. But I think he’s got a long memory and is capable of a multitude of surprises that could prove dangerous if he’s pushed too far. Right now he’s on our side and doing his part. But all of us need to remember that he doesn’t need us and he might very well be better off without us. We’re liabilities to him and I’m sure he knows this. At the same time, in the event of a zombie attack, he’ll have a few bodies to throw at them while he makes his getaway. As a zombie…yeah…I’d be totally unable to predict what he’s capable of so let’s try to make sure he stays human – that’s dangerous enough.
Our fearless leader, Juliette Terzieff, the humanitarian. She is the official leader of the ZSC and that’s an understatement. She might be known for running around in circles screaming, but don’t let her fool you. She’s not flighty. She’s not overwhelmed. (Tired yes, overwhelmed, no.) There are things we don’t know about her; things she has hidden from us – a move any good leader should make, by the way. But let’s remember that she’s been in actual war zones and heavily involved in international politics. While her human heart is humanitarian, I’m positive her zombie heart would be zombitarian. As the leader of the ZSC, she’d be a primary target for an intelligent zombie invasion. She’s the one that knows everything about everyone, including information that the rest of us don’t have access to. Information that she may, or may not, share with those under her immediate command. She could turn zombie and set us all up for the biggest fall yet and none of us would know it. As a zombie she could infect each of those closest to her, until the rest of us are wiped out. If that happens it won’t be long before she’s giving out bags of human meat instead of the bags of chocolate that her human self awards us with. Keep an eye on Juliette. Don’t let her height fool you either; one round of ChaCha Ferrigno and you’d be zombie food.
Moral of this report, friends and neighbors? Watch your back and don’t forget for one second that, despite our best efforts to organize and band together in the event of the Zombie Apocalypse, any one of us could become a casualty.
ZSC Commanders Still in Peril
As you know, we had one of you formulate a rescue plan to extricate Anthony and Juliette from the containment facility where they were being held. Anthony led the charge to rescue our Fearless Leader and fell prey to the unnamed government agency. It wasn’t what we planned, but when Anthony tried to rally the troops in this video, he was captured. The rescue attempt wasn’t an easy job by any means, but we (the crew) did manage to get our captain and co-captain to a certain point using @Wulfie_‘s plan. Unfortunately, some casualties took place during the attempt . . .
We’d sent in crews equipped with small cameras so the other co-captains, first lieutenants and I could keep track of the situation. I retrieved this satellite transmission Zulu 1032 during my shift in the Command Center in the midst of my ZSC tweet-a-thon.
As far as we know, they’re not out yet, and I haven’t found anymore feeds so I’m a little concerned. I’ll keep searching and whatever I find, you’ll be notified. Let’s just hope they’re safe.
As an aside, arm yourselves, just in case. *grabs compound bow and looks at Sean and Donut, the zombie assassin dog* Man, I should have trained Moon for that. *looks at Moon, who just pants with playful puppy look* That’s great.
Jinxie G over and out.
The Albuquerque Comic Con was the first time some of the Zombie Survival Crew Command team got together in one place at the same time . . . .
We thought it would be a good opportunity to hone our collective battle plans. Instead, it was complete chaos. And that was just Friday night!
It all started when Juliette cha-cha-cha’d by accident in front of Lou Ferrigno. You know, the original Hulk? And this was AFTER she had her infamous fangirl moment in the hotel lobby that I tweeted about. Lisa and I barely managed to stay standing when that little number went down. That was our first indication that Juliette’s street cred might be more bluster than substance.
Keep an eye on the crossbow, peeps. I’m not saying mutiny. I just want to know where it’s pointed . . . and I hope not at my backside.
By the time Lisa, Juliette and I managed to meet up with Sean, Rocco and Norman (having left Anthony at the hotel to get his beauty sleep), we got mooned by a short bus full of college-aged boys during the taxi ride, and Lisa spilled almost an entire drink on Juliette after Juliette spilled part of my drink on herself.
I can’t say I was completely surprised that Rocco’s first reaction to Juliette was to start throwing punches.
I’m kidding . . . though he did elbow her in the back and aim a faux-blow at her jaw later in the night. Don’t ask.
We found him by the dance floor, introduced ourselves, talked to him for a bit only to discover Rocco’s kinda quiet, like me . . . or so it seemed. Look, I know y’all don’t believe I’m shy, but I am. You’ll find out when you meet me the first time. Juliette did.
Sean wandered around the bar and got mobbed by people, and blinked a lot from having his picture taken repeatedly. I don’t think he sat down all night.
When Norman walked in, Lisa and I stuttered (not really . . . who’s writing this post?) and Juliette put her war zone journalism skills into action before the crowds pounced. Good thing too. Because that was just about the time Anthony called to see if we were still alive. Barely, dude. Just barely. Read more…
Yes, we know it’s a commercial, but honestly, what would you do in this situation? Would you make it to your car, or would you become zombie food?
For example, I (Jinxie) have an Avalanche. It’s pretty. Anyway, the key fob allows me to open one door or all doors. Don’t really want all doors unlocked when I’m trying to escape zombies and if I’m alone. Maybe zombies know how to open doors? You never know. Watch Land of the Dead. *shudders* So my ‘lanche allows me to open the only door I need in the event I must escape the shambling hordes. I’m not too concerned with key confusion, like the girl in this video. I don’t have that many keys on my key chain.
So, what would you do, dear crew? Do you have a plan for this?
