Wondering how a brigade of ZSC members wearing bright orange shirts can become virtual ghosts? What motivates them to keep going when the undead are on their heels? And what exactly goes in their go bags?
Would you like to know just what the Lt Blue Brigade is all about and how they operate? Login to the site to get the skinny on Anthony Guajardo, Commander, and the Lt Blue Brigade’s survival secrets for when the Zombiepocalypse hits.
All information herein is CLASSIFIED and as you’ll see, Anthony Guajardo and his Lt Blue Brigade members know exactly how to deal with unsavory folk. Watch out for that machete!
As with most girls, Addy Miller kept her doll close to her while at the Comic Con in Philadelphia. The difference? Addy’s doll was missing part of it’s face…because it was a doll modeled after her part as a zombie in The Walking Dead. As our booth was right next to hers, I was able to keep an eye on for the entire weekend, making sure she was made of the stuff to be a 2nd lieutenant in the Zombie Survival CrewTM. Let me tell you, she may be the youngest to join the command, but Addy Miller is grace under pressure — something necessary in a leader. With creatures like Chewbaca, zombie Hulk, and Zumby (Zombie Gumby) wandering by Addy kept her cool — even when the worst of all… the StayPuft Marshmallow dude, who caused our fearless leader to tremble, didn’t rock our new 2nd lieutenant one iota. And doesn’t she look sweet with her 1st lieutenant, Sean Patrick Flanery?
I knew I was taking a risk by flying a commercial airline to rendezvous with our fearless leader, Juliette, in Philadelphia. It was a risk which had to be taken, though. The UGA has been trying to get a bead on me for months, and I felt exposed as I drove up to the airport. Fortunately, there were enough people around that they didn’t attempt an outright snatch in broad daylight. And yes, I knew where the danger lay… the security checkpoint.
Why would the Purple Brigade Commander travel via commercial air when I have a working flux capacitor at my disposal, you ask? Well, the answer lies in keeping the flux capacitor under wraps until it is absolutely necessary. The UGA doubts that I have a working model, and I want to play to those doubts. If they had any idea of some of the modifications I’ve made… well, let’s just say I might become numero uno on their list of commanders to abduct–along with my gadget.
The sweat beaded my brow as I approached the license checkpoint. I arrived at the airport via a circuitous route, and was fairly certain I was not followed, but the security officer would alert the UGA immediately upon checking my identity, I was sure of that. After detaining me so bin stands could be moved from one place to the next, she waved me on to the security checkpoint. I took off my shoes, and placed them with my keys in one bin, and put all of my electronics in another bin. The tension mounted as the bins slid toward the scanner. An agent approached me from behind and said my bins could be consolidated, which she did. I quickly double checked to ensure nothing was planted among my possessions. Phew!!! I continued toward the scanner.
Once my articles were on the conveyor belt, I stepped through the people scanner and an alarm went off. I stepped back, my heart slightly accelerating. I KNEW I didn’t have any metal on my person and suspected foul play. But when I stepped back through the x-ray, I came through clean. Then it was a matter for waiting for my bin to come through. And that’s when they nearly had me.
<-- I have had one of those on my keychain. A pink plastic stick. Yes, I know it’s a kubaton which is potentially a weapon, but it’s pink and plastic for pete’s sake–how can anyone take it seriously?? But here’s where the genius of the UGA comes into play…I was right to suspect the agent who “assisted” me with the bins, and here’s why. Apparently, as long as airport security catches what they consider to be a contraband item prior to exiting the scanner, and you freely surrender the item, then no harm–no foul. BUT if it makes it all the way through the scanner and someone identifies that you have it after the fact, and you didn’t surrender it prior to going through the security check point, then you get a little trip to see the judge… in other words, you’re under arrest.
Fortunately for me, I was alert (I’m always preaching constant vigilance… and it pays off) and took note of everything that was happening, so that security, when they realized I would make them laughingstocks in front of the judge, decided that even though I did not surrender the mighty kubaton (and no I can’t say it without laughing) prior to going through the security checkpoint, that I was free to go. Why did they let me off? If they attempted to prosecute me, they would have had to explain how they not only missed stopping me 3 times, but also, I knew that at least 3 of their agents were unable to identify the kubaton as a weapon.
By the way, my electric toothbrush would be a much better weapon than a pink plastic stick… it has a sharp metal tip which is strong, vibrates at an extreme rate and would easily go through someone’s temple or throat. #justsayin Anyway, the first failure… the agent who scanned my license noticed the kubaton when I placed it in the bin and radioed to another agent to have him stop me. He failed to reach me prior to going through the security check point. Next failure, although I’m sure this agent was a UGA agent masquerading as airport security… the agent who moved my keys with the kubaton attached not only failed to note that it was a weapon, but definitely didn’t stop me. It was in her best interest that I be detained long enough to miss my flight. Oh and the UGA tampered with our fearless leader’s car as well, so she had difficulty in reaching our rendezvous point. The third failure? The agent scanning the items thought that the kubaton was a pencil, and let it go through unquestioned, but was sure my inhaler (from my recent bout with bronchitis) was a lethal weapon… until they looked. And then there was the discussion about whether the kubaton attached to my keys was “real” or not. Although the guard responsible for detaining me, took himself and the situation extremely seriously and accused me of knowing it was a weapon. Yes, I carry it for self-defense…and have never used it.
The kicker? I flew last month on business (non-ZSC business) and no one questioned the fact that I had a pink plastic stick on my keychain.
Want to know just what the Yellow Brigade is all about and how they operate? Login to the site for the down-lo on Commander Jinxie G and the Yellow Brigade’s survival secrets for when the Zombiepocalypse hits.
All information herein is CLASSIFIED and as you’ll see, Jinxie G and her Yellow Brigade compadres will punish accordingly for any leaks, especially to the UGA, which Jinxie has been hiding from for the last fifteen months.
Teens battle angst. Teens become all over-dramatic about silly things, like who kisses whom and who is going to prom. Oh and then a nuclear power plant pollutes the town and they are forced to band together and become badass zombie slayers. Dance of the Dead (2008) is your typical teen flick, tuned up to 11.
I remember my prom like it was yesterday. Everyone was envious of me. I had the captain of the cheer squad by my side. Screaming. Dinner that night was real romantic. We could have been soul mates… for a whole ten minutes before I ate my way into her chest cavity. Who says true romance is dead?
What caught my attention about Dance of the Dead is that right away we get zombie action. Sure, it isn’t much, but gives us a taste of gore to tide undead fanatics through the lull where the cast of teenagers is established. The opening sequence also handed me my new worst nightmare, hedge clippers.
The hardest parts of the film to sit through were the segments where our not-so-popular heroes antagonize about the prom. Respite came from a couple music video-esque moments- where, I’ll admit, I did find myself bobbing my head. But not too hard, else my stitches would break. – And let’s not forget the completely stressed and insane teachers running the school. They’re as pissed as a starved zombie. How do any of them still have jobs?
We get dragged back into the undead action with a bang. Actually, it wasn’t so much of a bang as whatever noise a springboard makes. The dead didn’t just rise; they were launched out of their graves. It made me jealous. I spent an entire day clawing my way through wood, dirt, and grass. Modern zombies, psh! They’re spoiled rookies. No one eats faces now-a-days. Go for the gut, plenty of meat there. And for hell’s sake, if you’ve been taking yoga, do not show off your agility. We voted to keep that skill secret!
Back the subject of food, why couldn’t the heroes be jocks? Geeks are too lean, most of the time, and very hard to chew through. Besides that, they also watch far too many zombie movies. It gives them an unfair advantage. (Don’t point fingers; I know I watch too many zombie movies as well.) The zombies are walking into a trap with this group… or not.
A few lessons for fledgling zombie slayers- I shouldn’t be doing this, but the embarrassment is bordering painful with how easy a meal you all are. First, car lighters are not a viable weapon against anyone, let alone a zombie. Second, keep your gun loaded. Third, and this is the most important, listen to the woman brave enough to use her stiletto shoes as a weapon. Lastly, learn what your weapon is:
“Little lady, you’ll get the machete.”
“But I don’t know how to shoot a machete.” -I smell my next meal.
Overall Dance of the Dead is a fun little flick to get your zombie fix with. It puts a twist on the typical teen movie, one that genre fans have no problem sinking their teeth into. The campy parts are as important to the show as the serious blood and gore being flung during the fight sequences. This zombie gives it a thumbs up.
You know all of the ZSC Commanders have duct tape for a reason, right? You’ve seen them talk about it on Twitter, and it’s on their lists for their Go Bag essentials. Well, the duct tape is generally used to keep our fearless leader Juliette Terzieff in line because let me tell you, that woman is crazy sometimes!
All kidding aside, I’m here today to inform you of something I recently discovered. You see, I’ve been going through the files when I’m on duty in the Command Center to make sure I know exactly who these people are that I’m working with now. You can call it snooping if you’d like, but a guy’s gotta know what he’s dealing with around here.
I recently found this beauty:
That’s a picture of Juliette in a burqa, taken in Pakistan in 2004. She’s the one on the left.
Due to said picture, I’m inclined to suspect our fearless leader, folks. She says the outfit was necessary at the time for work, but I think she’s a lot more than meets the eye, and I’m determined to get to the bottom of this.
*looks at RC Murphy* What do you mean Jinxie G speaks Arabic? Hmm . . . I wonder how many other languages she speaks. And why did she keep it a secret from me? After all, I’m her first lieutenant… a commander should never keep secrets from her right hand man.
And speaking of secrets… *steals another look at RC Murphy* …I wonder how many other things commander Murphy knows that she’s not telling. Since she’s the command’s secret keeper, I’ll bet it’s a lot. I’m going to have to try to get close to her and see whether I can get her to spill. Maybe I can get her first lieutenant, Rocco, to help me out. I’m going to need the information she has.
Anyway, as you can see from this video, the one where our fearless leader *snorts* thinks I tried to run her over, that is definitely NOT the case. I pulled it off her phone when she wasn’t looking. Anthony Michael Hall helped me out with that one. Thanks, man.
Oh, she can claim I tried to run her over all she wants, but I think it’s pretty apparent that I was just having fun there.
And speaking of Anthony Michael Hall, I really need to find out what makes his commander tick. How does the Oracle know all that she does? I think she might hold the key to the entire operation. That alone makes me suspicious, but Anthony Michael trusts her, and he’s pretty savvy, so I’ll just keep a watchful eye for now.
In a nutshell, I am beginning to suspect quite a few things around here, but not to worry; I’ll get to the bottom of it all and keep you, dear crew members, informed.
And if I have to take over to get this place running correctly, you can bet I will.
Wondering how a brigade of ZSC members wearing bright orange shirts can become virtual ghosts? What motivates them to keep going when the undead are on their heels? And what exactly goes in their go bags?
