Teens battle angst. Teens become all over-dramatic about silly things, like who kisses whom and who is going to prom. Oh and then a nuclear power plant pollutes the town and they are forced to band together and become badass zombie slayers. Dance of the Dead (2008) is your typical teen flick, tuned up to 11.
I remember my prom like it was yesterday. Everyone was envious of me. I had the captain of the cheer squad by my side. Screaming. Dinner that night was real romantic. We could have been soul mates… for a whole ten minutes before I ate my way into her chest cavity. Who says true romance is dead?
What caught my attention about Dance of the Dead is that right away we get zombie action. Sure, it isn’t much, but gives us a taste of gore to tide undead fanatics through the lull where the cast of teenagers is established. The opening sequence also handed me my new worst nightmare, hedge clippers.
The hardest parts of the film to sit through were the segments where our not-so-popular heroes antagonize about the prom. Respite came from a couple music video-esque moments- where, I’ll admit, I did find myself bobbing my head. But not too hard, else my stitches would break. – And let’s not forget the completely stressed and insane teachers running the school. They’re as pissed as a starved zombie. How do any of them still have jobs?
We get dragged back into the undead action with a bang. Actually, it wasn’t so much of a bang as whatever noise a springboard makes. The dead didn’t just rise; they were launched out of their graves. It made me jealous. I spent an entire day clawing my way through wood, dirt, and grass. Modern zombies, psh! They’re spoiled rookies. No one eats faces now-a-days. Go for the gut, plenty of meat there. And for hell’s sake, if you’ve been taking yoga, do not show off your agility. We voted to keep that skill secret!
Back the subject of food, why couldn’t the heroes be jocks? Geeks are too lean, most of the time, and very hard to chew through. Besides that, they also watch far too many zombie movies. It gives them an unfair advantage. (Don’t point fingers; I know I watch too many zombie movies as well.) The zombies are walking into a trap with this group… or not.
A few lessons for fledgling zombie slayers- I shouldn’t be doing this, but the embarrassment is bordering painful with how easy a meal you all are. First, car lighters are not a viable weapon against anyone, let alone a zombie. Second, keep your gun loaded. Third, and this is the most important, listen to the woman brave enough to use her stiletto shoes as a weapon. Lastly, learn what your weapon is:
“Little lady, you’ll get the machete.”
“But I don’t know how to shoot a machete.” -I smell my next meal.
Overall Dance of the Dead is a fun little flick to get your zombie fix with. It puts a twist on the typical teen movie, one that genre fans have no problem sinking their teeth into. The campy parts are as important to the show as the serious blood and gore being flung during the fight sequences. This zombie gives it a thumbs up.
I hate when a piece of skin gets caught in my throat! What was I doing? Writing about Doghouse, right. This film came out a few years ago, back when I still breathed. (Really don’t want to go into those days…) Doghouse is focused on a group of guys looking to have a weekend away from the soul-sucking harpies they are dating, divorcing, or married to. I’m not being harsh; these chicks devour men’s spirits like I devour spleens.
The guys take off in a minibus in search of a small village where they hope to do manly things like drink, smoke, and golf. Not bad for a boy’s weekend, honestly. But none of them thought to call ahead and make sure the place hadn’t been taken over by a group of women, ones with an intense craving for male flesh. Whoops! Egg on their face.
You know, I almost miss eating eggs… Sorry. Skipped lunch, he was too fast.
Very quickly the band of macho men realize the village isn’t quite right. Matter of fact, there’s not a soul to be seen when they arrive. Intelligent people might have gotten back on the bus to find another place to party in, but not our group of unlikely heroes. They want to see this thing through to (their) end.
The first of the infected females we meet is a gorgeous blonde in a wedding dress. Too bad she’s married, I say. She’s quite a looker. As a matter of fact, most of the women in the village hold a certain appeal for me. Can’t put my finger on the reason why, though.
Watching the initial attack sequence (and all of the ones after) gave me the munchies. That alone is testament to the detail used in the gore, I’ll tell you. And, oh look. There is a man in fatigues pinned like a butterfly to a fence. Didn’t the folks at the Zombie Survival CrewTM warn about government involvement during the primary stages of the zombie outbreak? Glad no one listened to them.
The movie straddles the line between zombie flick and splat-stick and does it well. Zombies are depicted with intelligence, cunning, and just the right amount of puss. On the flipside, it was difficult to feel bad for some of the men trapped in the village given their total disregard for women. I mean, one resorted to rambling about necrophilia in order to cope with what happened to them. Even I was a little disturbed.
Overall, Doghouse is a very entertaining movie. Excellent performances from the core cast of men and the lead zombie-women. Next time I watch, I’ll be sure to have a snack handy. Preferably gagged so I don’t miss funny bits of dialog.
What would happen if an alien force invaded Earth? If Battle: Los Angeles is even 75% correct, put me out of my misery before they get further than the beach.
As far as film openings go, typically war footage gets some yawns and expectant foot tapping. However, given the conflicts and recent disasters the audience was rapt. Silent. Dare I even say, thoughtful? This film comes about at a very strange time in the world’s history and hands us a look at war on the home front.
Right away, we’re driven to like the platoon of marines. They are funny, and I’m not saying this because ZSC’s own Neil Brown Jr. delivered some of the most amusing lines. The cast they put together for the film is astounding. Their performances make Battle: Los Angeles work. Without an emotional connection to the characters it’s just another alien shoot-em-up movie.
The most difficult parts of the film aren’t scenes where they show civilian casualties, though they are striking. No, what caught me was moments where, alongside the marines, we see the full scope of the damage to the city unfold. It became a macabre beauty of sorts painted in fire and smoke. Landscapes most city dwellers take for granted are leveled in no time at all.
During combat scenes the audience is put in the middle of the action. They’re “grab you by the gonads” intense, but a little confusing. The pacing of the movie hits hard then backs off to allow us to regroup and figure out what the heck just happened. It literally became an edge of your seat watch for us.
Battle: Los Angeles works hard to show how combat can mess with a person’s head. There are moments when we forgot the aliens outside because the marines dive so deep into their own issues. Only once did I feel the attention to their mental plight took from the movie itself. However, with the way the film is shot the audience gets a really good grasp of what happens to people during war. It’s not all physical damage out on the battlefield.
Holy S#!% moments that ZSC members should look out for in order to learn new battle techniques? How to quickly discover the enemy’s weakness. A unique way to dispatch a rather large enemy combatant. (A technique this commander will utilize should I ever be surrounded by zombies) Oh and what happens when a tough as nails female is injured.
Teens battle angst. Teens become all over-dramatic about silly things, like who kisses whom and who is going to prom. Oh and then a nuclear power plant pollutes the town and they are forced to band together and become badass zombie slayers. Dance of the Dead (2008) is your typical teen flick, tuned up to 11.
