Given the amount of undead action on our plates, and the ferocity with which we love the shows, it’s only right to have a survival plan in place to make it through those rough episodes.
Note: this is not to replace your current go bags, escape routes, or safe haven plans.
Prepare your viewing room.
Remove any and all breakable items from the room. There may be random bouts of flailing or flinging things at the television screen. We don’t want to ruin anything important.
Ensure there’s a clear path to the bathroom. You’ve only got a couple minutes during commercial breaks to answer nature’s call. Don’t waste a second tripping over shoes or toys. Miss one second of the action and you may miss saying goodbye to a favorite character.
Build yourself a squishy fort. Load it with pillows and blankets. Pillows come in handy when you need to hug a character, yet can’t. Blankets provide the perfect Gore Shield, lest the blood and guts on screen become too much to handle.
Kleenex. Trash can. Need we say more?
Secure your noise-sensitive pets in a quiet room with their favorite toys and a goody or two. Some animals don’t react well when their owners randomly shout at the television.
Keep a roll of duct tape on the coffee table. Just in case you have that one friend over. You know, the one who stands and paces while yelling at the TV.
Refreshments. You need to keep your strength up.
The ideal foods to serve should be cold or room temperature. Soft, yet not too messy. This is in case you drop the food during a tense moment. Hot foods will burn your lap. Messy foods stain clothes/carpets/furniture. Hard foods, when thrown, have the potential to break glass. Like a TV.
Beverages should be cold to prevent burns. Preferably clear. Again, to prevent personal harm or property damage if spills happen in the heat of the moment.
Plastic or paper serving dishes, plates, and cups.
Avoid foods and drinks which resemble blood, internal organs, or raw meat if you have a weak stomach for gore.
Drink plenty of water. Exciting shows raise your heartrate and blood pressure—just like jogging*. Maintaining adequate hydration will keep you comfortable. (*Do not use TDW or FtWD as a replacement for your regular exercise program.)
Play nice with others.
Call dibs on bathroom use to avoid a stampede when commercial breaks hit.
Warn your neighbors if you feel you will yell at the show. This is especially important for apartment dwellers, those with noise-sensitive roommates, or folks living in otherwise quiet neighborhoods.
Do not, under any circumstance, discuss potential spoilers while the show is airing. Your viewing party pals may enjoy being surprised. Don’t ruin it for them.
Don’t let the boyish charm fool you. Purple Brigade Second Lieutenant Michael Kenworthy is no slouch when it comes to fighting back the horde. With his finely-honed evasion and clandestine operations skills Michael knows exactly when to make a stand, and when to retire from the field of battle.
A little note of warning though, Michael’s enthusiasm for the disaster preparation efforts of Zombie Survival Crew command might just be contagious.
Green Brigade Commander, IronE Singleton, took some time out of his busy schedule to bare his feelings (and his chest???) about his beloved brigade. So Green Brigade members are you going to answer his call? Show your pride and leave your commander a message to let him know that YOU are on your toes and READY to face the Zombiepocalypse with him.
Disclaimer: The Zombie Survival Crew is not responsible for the whereabouts of Commander IronE’s shirt and cannot be held accountable for its absence. No shirts were harmed in the filming of this public service announcement.
Brace yourselves Zombie Survival Crew. Light Blue Brigade First Lieutenant Ted Raimi knows what it means to battle the undead and will mince no words when addressing the Zombie Survival Crew troops.
Now, some might find Commander Raimi’s warning a bit chilling. But the bald truth is that this commander is demonstrating true leadership with a no-holds-barred assessment of the threats we’re all preparing to face.
The Zombie Survival Crew celebrates the diversity of its troops, boasting members from every walk of life, of all ages, political outlooks, religions and races, in fourteen countries. We even, upon the boss lady’s insistence, have not instituted a “no zombie” policy.
We do, of course, keep a watchful eye on the walkers in our midst but this PSA from Yellow Brigade Second Lieutenant Addy Miller has Command considering letting down our collective guard…just a little.
I recently had the opportunity to conduct a joint mission with Orange Brigade First Lieutenant David Della Rocco. And while he is definitely in possession of a wicked sense of humor, it is the intensity he possesses for completing the task at hand that leaves the most lasting impression.
When the chips are down and the zombies swarming, there’s no doubt David will be found on the front line urging Zombie Survival Crew troops through battle.
As we all make our preparations for the onset of a cataclysmic event David’s left a message for the ZSC faithful.