I’ll admit, I went into this movie fully expecting the name to be the most entertaining part. Aaah! Zombies!! (2007) was originally released under the name Wasting Away and usually when a movie goes from a darn good name to a slapstick one, it bodes ill. Not the case here, folks.
This film makes no bones about it, from the get go you realize it is going to be campy. Campy and well acted. The opening sequence is straight out of a 1950’s era nightmare: Government doctors practicing potentially dangerous experiments on soldiers and all with a catchy tune to liven everything up while things get good and undead. Because of how well this sequence works, I didn’t mind in the least that the footage was in black and white (with select colorization). It just seemed to… work.
I’ve got to hand it to the filmmakers (not an actual hand. I lost one of mine months ago…) they made some very, very smart decisions. One of them being highlighting the way the zombies perceive the world by putting everything in color. It is such a vast difference that you sit up and take notice the first time it happens. Shifting between color and black/white also leads to some comical moments when we’re bounced back and forth between points of view.
Another moment of brilliance, albeit immature brilliance, is the string of disgusting food jokes throughout the flick. Yeah, I know its stupid for a zombie to get grossed out by food jokes, but there were a few stomach-churning concoctions devoured that forced me to look away for a moment, and not to grab a snack, either. Nacho cheese and chocolate? Puke me a river.
There was a moment while watching that I forgot to take notes. (Yes, even zombies need notes to write reviews off of.) My last coherent note is, have the duct tape handy. Aaah! Zombies!! will make you split your sides open laughing, and that is the best part. Hardcore zombie movies are all well and good, but sometimes we need to sit down and simply laugh. This is the film to get your laughs with. I give this movie a shiny gold brain sticker.
I seem to have stumbled into a cesspit of teen horror flicks. However, while wading through the muck one film caught my eye: Boy Eats Girl (2005). It held just enough “different” elements from the other movies on the list to catch my interest. And, lets be honest, it’s hard to keep a zombie’s attention what with ravenous hunger pains driving us to keep moving.
The first major difference to set Boy Eats Girl away from most teen horror movies is the fact that it was filmed in Ireland. It isn’t often I even hear of a film coming out of the country, let alone one capable of biting and holding on. The second difference to set the film apart? Voodoo. The use of Voodoo in zombie movies went out of vogue a long time ago. Most filmmakers resort to biological warfare or a “Romero” take to zombie creation, and while these are still entertaining, zombie flicks originated with voodoo. It’s nice to see filmmakers digging back to the origin of a genre.
We meet our band of slightly heroic teenagers doing ordinary teenage things, most notably preparing for the end of school disco and coping with the idea of forming new relationships under the watchful eye of some rather strict parents. Think of it like Romeo & Juliet. Actually, the build up to the zombie bits are straight up influenced by the Bard with an equally tragic end for one of the characters. Distraught over her son’s choice, his mother uses a Voodoo text to bring him back to life. Only the book had been damaged. Her spell, partially completed, didn’t resurrect him, but brought him back as a zombie. Whoops!
Parents, magic is never the answer when learning how to cope with the loss of your child. Please observe safe magical practices. (The more you know…)
After this point the Voodoo portion of things is murky and the spell is passed on via the main character biting a classmate, who just happens to be a right jerk and deserved what he got. There are a few characters in this film that will make you to cheer when their fate is decided. This is in part to the script. Though I did find a few flaws with the way things were written. At one point it felt like they forgot the magic element and decided to go the gory, Saw route.
Despite that, don’t think the gore wasn’t entertaining. If anything, stick through to the end to see the most horrific use of a tractor this zombie has ever witnessed.
I’m going to give Boy Eats Girl 3 ½ bites out of five. If some of the characters had been utilized better (what was up with the priest guy?), it’d be a solid 4, maybe even a 4 ½. Watch this flick for a fun, teen zombie movie and to get a dose of blood and guts. Don’t watch expecting any in-depth look into how humanity works during the Zombiepocalypse. Some movies are just for the fun of it.
First, before anyone calls foul, I’m an educated zombie. Reading a few subtitles is not beyond my skill set. Don’t act all surprised. I manage to write these reviews, right? Good. Now… on to La Horde (The Horde).
The first few seconds of this film are striking. I’m not saying this to garner favor with our French counterparts. We’re dragged instantly into a world of extreme violence. That scene set a dark, disturbing tone and made it impossible to glance away from the screen. Forget trying to snack during The Horde. My finger sandwiches spoiled because I just couldn’t look away.
The movie puts us smack dab in the midst of a group of corrupt cops hell-bent on revenge. Their anger over the abduction of one of theirs carries the plot despite a noticeable lack of undead action for roughly the first twenty minutes as the cops track down the group of gangsters responsible. Our first taste of real blood and guts is startling, graphic, very real and not at the hands of a zombie. Few movies utilize the ungodly death rattle the dying make. It was music to my ears, or at least the one still attached.
A note on the zombies in The Horde; they are not Romero’s vision of shambling, decomposing corpses. These are freshly dead, revived only seconds after passing. Watch the resurrections, it is clear that an outside source is pulling the strings when we get the first good look at the transformation process. Even I was a tad creeped out. Undead marionettes with huge hungers and quick reflexes… I’m not a spring chicken. They’d beat me in a race for food.
Can zombies starve to death? I shudder to think so.
The characters in this film aren’t likable. At no point did I find myself pulled towards a particular person hoping they’d make it out alive. The cops are a family, but a highly dysfunctional one and the pair of brothers within the group of gangsters are ten times worse. Nevertheless, watching them band together in order to survive is still compelling in a very basic way. The need to escape a deadly situation is all consuming. Before my death I felt that driving need to make it out alive. After, well, it became all about the chase.
I will say, The Horde is a very bloody film. The language would make undead sailors blush. And there are a couple scenes that are really tense and flat-out wrong. My inner lust for gore was sated with this film. That’s saying a lot right there. I also picked up a new favorite kill, as demonstrated by the lone female in the band of survivors. She put that zombie on ice. (Bad pun, yes I know.)
My verdict? If you enjoy the grittier side of zombie flicks, pick up this movie. It feels real. The characters aren’t inaccessible because of some strange moral high ground. They were plucked out of a harsh gang-fueled reality and shoved into a situation where, for an unknown reason, the dead have been brought back and yet the most shocking violence is human against human. The living are worse than the undead. They are conscious of their decision to harm others and still do it. La Horde may not be suitable for everyone, but those it is aimed towards will love it.
Teens battle angst. Teens become all over-dramatic about silly things, like who kisses whom and who is going to prom. Oh and then a nuclear power plant pollutes the town and they are forced to band together and become badass zombie slayers. Dance of the Dead (2008) is your typical teen flick, tuned up to 11.
I remember my prom like it was yesterday. Everyone was envious of me. I had the captain of the cheer squad by my side. Screaming. Dinner that night was real romantic. We could have been soul mates… for a whole ten minutes before I ate my way into her chest cavity. Who says true romance is dead?
What caught my attention about Dance of the Dead is that right away we get zombie action. Sure, it isn’t much, but gives us a taste of gore to tide undead fanatics through the lull where the cast of teenagers is established. The opening sequence also handed me my new worst nightmare, hedge clippers.
The hardest parts of the film to sit through were the segments where our not-so-popular heroes antagonize about the prom. Respite came from a couple music video-esque moments- where, I’ll admit, I did find myself bobbing my head. But not too hard, else my stitches would break. – And let’s not forget the completely stressed and insane teachers running the school. They’re as pissed as a starved zombie. How do any of them still have jobs?
We get dragged back into the undead action with a bang. Actually, it wasn’t so much of a bang as whatever noise a springboard makes. The dead didn’t just rise; they were launched out of their graves. It made me jealous. I spent an entire day clawing my way through wood, dirt, and grass. Modern zombies, psh! They’re spoiled rookies. No one eats faces now-a-days. Go for the gut, plenty of meat there. And for hell’s sake, if you’ve been taking yoga, do not show off your agility. We voted to keep that skill secret!
Back the subject of food, why couldn’t the heroes be jocks? Geeks are too lean, most of the time, and very hard to chew through. Besides that, they also watch far too many zombie movies. It gives them an unfair advantage. (Don’t point fingers; I know I watch too many zombie movies as well.) The zombies are walking into a trap with this group… or not.
A few lessons for fledgling zombie slayers- I shouldn’t be doing this, but the embarrassment is bordering painful with how easy a meal you all are. First, car lighters are not a viable weapon against anyone, let alone a zombie. Second, keep your gun loaded. Third, and this is the most important, listen to the woman brave enough to use her stiletto shoes as a weapon. Lastly, learn what your weapon is:
“Little lady, you’ll get the machete.”
“But I don’t know how to shoot a machete.” -I smell my next meal.
Overall Dance of the Dead is a fun little flick to get your zombie fix with. It puts a twist on the typical teen movie, one that genre fans have no problem sinking their teeth into. The campy parts are as important to the show as the serious blood and gore being flung during the fight sequences. This zombie gives it a thumbs up.
I hate when a piece of skin gets caught in my throat! What was I doing? Writing about Doghouse, right. This film came out a few years ago, back when I still breathed. (Really don’t want to go into those days…) Doghouse is focused on a group of guys looking to have a weekend away from the soul-sucking harpies they are dating, divorcing, or married to. I’m not being harsh; these chicks devour men’s spirits like I devour spleens.
The guys take off in a minibus in search of a small village where they hope to do manly things like drink, smoke, and golf. Not bad for a boy’s weekend, honestly. But none of them thought to call ahead and make sure the place hadn’t been taken over by a group of women, ones with an intense craving for male flesh. Whoops! Egg on their face.
You know, I almost miss eating eggs… Sorry. Skipped lunch, he was too fast.
Very quickly the band of macho men realize the village isn’t quite right. Matter of fact, there’s not a soul to be seen when they arrive. Intelligent people might have gotten back on the bus to find another place to party in, but not our group of unlikely heroes. They want to see this thing through to (their) end.
The first of the infected females we meet is a gorgeous blonde in a wedding dress. Too bad she’s married, I say. She’s quite a looker. As a matter of fact, most of the women in the village hold a certain appeal for me. Can’t put my finger on the reason why, though.
Watching the initial attack sequence (and all of the ones after) gave me the munchies. That alone is testament to the detail used in the gore, I’ll tell you. And, oh look. There is a man in fatigues pinned like a butterfly to a fence. Didn’t the folks at the Zombie Survival CrewTM warn about government involvement during the primary stages of the zombie outbreak? Glad no one listened to them.
The movie straddles the line between zombie flick and splat-stick and does it well. Zombies are depicted with intelligence, cunning, and just the right amount of puss. On the flipside, it was difficult to feel bad for some of the men trapped in the village given their total disregard for women. I mean, one resorted to rambling about necrophilia in order to cope with what happened to them. Even I was a little disturbed.
Overall, Doghouse is a very entertaining movie. Excellent performances from the core cast of men and the lead zombie-women. Next time I watch, I’ll be sure to have a snack handy. Preferably gagged so I don’t miss funny bits of dialog.
by A. Zombie
