Meet our newest corpse, Syd Wicked. It’s a stage name, of course. Syd is a magician, in town for an industry convention. His body is found in his hotel room, a metal-edged playing card embedded in his jugular. The only person seen entering the room on security camera footage is the maid who found the body and the three security guards who answered her distress call. After Liv takes her lunch break, she decides to hold a not-really-real séance in the morgue where she communes with Syd’s body and is generally, stupidly goth-weird. It’s so stereotypical, my eyes rolled across my cell on their own.
Blaine interrupts the tête-à-tête. Thank goodness. Maybe. Seeing as Blaine doesn’t shamble amongst the half-dead anymore, he comes to Liv for a little zombie mojo to help figure out who’s kidnapping the rich zombies in town before Agent Bozzio puts the insane puzzle pieces together herself and exposes not only Liv, but Blaine and his business. That’s if she has everything she needs to track them down. Only one way to find out. That evening, Liv and Blaine stake out Bozzio’s house. They wait for Clive to take Bozzio to the movies. The couple have other plans for a randy night in. Drat. Gotta come back the next day. This time they successfully make it inside Bozzio’s house. Wouldn’t you know it; the files are all organized on the dining room table. Convenient. Liv suggests they divide and conquer the files. Mistake. Blaine flips past a picture of Miner, the one clue which would have solved the case. It’s a cheap misdirection; kinda like the worm in Labryinth leading Sara away from the path directly to the castle beyond the Goblin City. The only productive part of the break-in is when they intercept the report on the mystery brain from Suzuki’s fridge. Liv takes the report, doctors it to say the brain is bovine, and returns it to Bozzio’s house.
Back on the magical murder, Clive has an army of potential suspects to weed through. Turns out, Syd was kind of an a-hole. Anytime a fellow magician snubbed him, Syd took to Youtube and exposed their signature tricks. Two notable names are Houdina and The Magnificent Magnus. Houdina was on stage during the murder. Magnus, well, the old guy still has gas in his tank and had a lovely red-headed companion occupying his time—though he cannot remember her name. Houdina raises their interest later in the episode when Liv has a vision starring Houdina, wearing a wedding dress and throwing a diamond ring at Syd. Then they learn she may not have been on stage when they thought, according to Mr. Smoak of magic duo Smoak and Meers. Houdina exposes the secret ending to her show—she uses a disguise to vanish in plain sight, posing as a clueless waitress after pulling a vanishing act.
Lightbulb.
Liv’s observational skills do not fail her, for once, and she spots eerily familiar handwriting on a message board in the maid’s break area at the hotel. Meers, a mute performer, uses a specific ampersand when he writes. The now-missing maid who found Syd’s body used the same ampersand to note missing items on the message board.
With lackluster flair, Liv exposes Meers’ real identity and her partner’s involvement in ensuring the other suspects in the case didn’t have an alibi. Ta-da! Yawn. The only intriguing part of the episode is a mysterious woman at Bozzio’s door. She hesitates for a while before dropping a package on the welcome mat and leaving, obviously torn over whatever is in the envelope.
This is a poor mid-season episode. There’s not even humor to keep it going. Liv isn’t just annoying with her death-obsessed brain, she’s stuck on the notion that she and Major cannot have sex. Like it’s the end of the world if they can’t do it all day, every day. She harps on the idea so much, if I hear the word sex from her or Major one more time this season, I’ll swallow razors. Can we request her next working lunch be from an a-sexual person?
Here’s your spoiler warning. Proceed at your own risk.
…They make a run on the food pantry, ignoring Olivia when she reminds them they have to ration until the walkers clear and they can make a supply run. Spencer, Deanna’s son, steps in to lend a voice of reason. Then he turns around after everyone is gone to pillage what he wants. My opinion of the guy was already pretty low, but after he left the gate open for the Wolves and stole much needed food? I hope his drunk self falls off the wall while he’s on guard duty. Spencer isn’t the worst off emotionally, either. Betsy, wife to David who died in the last episode, and a few others paint the names of the dead lost in the attack and partially failed mission on the wall—including Nicholas and Glenn.
After creating the tribute, Betsy returns home and slashes her wrists. Jessie finds her after, zombified and banging on her front door. This leads to Jessie making one of several drawn out speeches during this episode. Not every speech comes from her, though she has to say something after Betsy dies in order to keep the others from seeing suicide as a viable option. It just feels like anytime there’s a sliver of tension, Rick or someone yanks out the soapbox and lets it rip. For heaven’s sake, Rick makes a loud speech about being quiet to avoid riling the walkers while standing next to the compromised wall section with about a thousand zombies leaning against it trying to get to the booming voice on the other side. There’s a point where the writers need to give up this trope and move on to other ways to motivate a crowd. Start a conga line or something. I don’t care so long as I don’t have to listen to another sermon from the Ricktatorship pulpit.
Healthy ways to cope with the stress do not involve attacking each other about a girl. A lesson Carl and Ron desperately need to learn. Enid is still presumably on the outside. Carl asks Ron to help and is rejected, with a threat to tattle to Rick if Carl hops the fence. He ends up going to Rick anyway in order to cash in the rain check on those shooting lessons Rick promised back at the quarry. Another unhealthy coping mechanism is attempting to tenderize a walker with a broken bottle. Deanna, I’m looking at you. Your cool flew out the window the minute the Wolves attacked. Get your act together. Tara seems to be the best adjusted to the stress. She manages successfully to talk Denise off the metaphorical ledge when the new doctor cannot find a way to clear the infection in Scott’s bullet wound. And, hey, she gets kissed for her efforts. It’s a win-win.
Desperate for answers, Maggie prepares to drop over the wall and search for Glenn. Aaron, heavy with guilt because the backpack he lost when the Wolves tricked him and Daryl with the tucks led the attackers to their door, insists she let him help. He even knows a way out which won’t break her leg if she falls wrong. They take to the tunnels running under Alexandria. Down there, they face walkers so soggy and muddy, Maggie’s hand goes right through one’s chest. She’s nearly bitten, yet still tells Aaron to go back and tend to his wounds. Yeah, not happening. Then again, neither is the mission. The tunnel exit is too close to the herd.
Despite everything in her demanding she find Glenn, Maggie won’t risk losing the baby. It’s the last piece of her husband left; she doesn’t even have a picture. That night when Maggie and Aaron search the area for a signal from Glenn, they take a moment to erase his and Nicholas’ names from the memorial wall.
There’s a change in the guard coming to Alexandria. After Deanna snaps and attacks a stray walker—Carol lost track of only one Wolf she killed and he turned in the walls—Rick swoops in and makes the actual kill. Crouched on the pavement, covered in walker blood, Deanna tells Rick, “I wanna live. I want this place to stay standing.” She realizes her mental capacity cannot handle the stress from all the losses, but Rick seems to be doing just fine. Obviously he’s the better choice for leader, right? NO. WRONG. But the decision is made. Rick celebrates his new position by kissing Jessie. Okay, that wasn’t the real purpose to their conversation, but it might as well have been for all the sense it made. Somewhere along the line, the writers forgot how to have Rick talk in coherent thoughts.
The future is not so bright for Alexandria. The fence, though reinforced, is failing where the truck hit. Four of their best fighters are still in the field. Morale is in the tank. There’s a crazier leader taking the throne. Oh and let’s not forget the crazy guy waiting in a jail cell. Yes, they survived to see another day, but how long will their luck hold out?
10k and Doc are all aboard the alien theory train. It just gets worse when the crew rolls into Roswell, New Mexico in a Thing—no, not the orange rock-looking guy; it’s a car. On the way into town, they encounter a strange aircraft. It kills the Thing’s electrical system, garbles the radio, and slap-chops a zombie down the road with a light beam, ensuring they travel safely.
In town, there’s people gathered at a UFO-themed restaurant. Roy, the gentleman organizing the orientation, says they’re waiting for Bernadette to relay a message from the aliens: It’s time to hop onboard and take to the stars. According to her, it’ll be six days until the exodus. How does she know so much about alien plans? They talk to her, of course. The aliens picked Bernadette to be their voice to the masses after saving her from a zombie one evening. Since then they’ve been thick as thieves, planning how best to save the human race. They were just waiting for one key element—Murphy. Yeah, it’s not enough to save mankind, but he’s also the emissary for the human race, as chosen by the aliens.
Not everyone is on her side. Dan Scully—yes, they went there—swears Bernadette has it all wrong. The aliens aren’t coming to Earth, they’re already here. He goes on to warn the crew not to listen to Bernadette; she’ll get them all killed. Dan is my favorite part of the episode. He’s played by veteran creature actor Doug Jones, who frankly does not get enough credit in the genre. It’s great to see him playing human for once.
Roberta asks Bernadette—who has an uncanny ability to simply appear in the conversation—to take them to the nearby air force base. Maybe they can score a ride on that UFO or a forgotten plane. At the very least, they can salvage supplies to stock the Thing for the last push to California. The base itself isn’t impressive and has been picked clean by scavengers or military personnel before they packed it in and ran from the zombies. 10k calls Bernadette out; she knows more about the base than she’s letting on.
Now things get weirder. She takes them to an office and practically demands Doc take a pack of gum from the vending machine. Hey, why is she putting on a seatbelt? Moments later, the room lurches and they descend to a hidden facility deep under the base. Underground, they encounter their first alien. Only, something’s not right about this guy. It attacks. The crew puts it down and nearly dies themselves when the creature’s flight suit self-destructs. Well, that’s a first. At least zombie aliens can be killed the same as the others.
They search the facility. Addy spends some quality time with a high-tech computer. There’s hundreds of files on Murphy and their travels since Colorado. Weird. Not as weird as Bernadette, though. While Addy attempts to use the computer to contact Citizen Z, the others split off to find the aliens. They finally find a living alien. It approaches cautiously, but the moment is broken when an alien zombie interrupts. 10k takes out the alien-z—zalien? The living alien abducts Bernadette, dragging her upstairs. Roberta, Vasquez, and 10k give chase. They find Bernadette caught in the UFO’s light beam. Murphy joins them and the alien’s focus shifts to him. Desperate to save him from abduction, Roberta grabs a future-tech gun 10k found and shoots down the UFO.
Turns out, aliens still aren’t a thing. Dan planned the entire thing. His job was initially to salvage the aircraft for the government. Then he saw Bernadette and wanted to take her with him. I’m not sure how fancying a woman turns into making an alien invasion plot to convince her to go somewhere safer makes sense, but there it is. Poor Dan doesn’t make it. Bernadette gives him Mercy after he turns zombie. What about the other aliens? Test pilots who turned in their suits. Nothing freaky at all. Well, freakier than zombies existing.
The crew rolls out of town without any more incidents. Bernadette returns to her people . . . and lies to their faces. She can’t bring herself to dash their hopes for salvation, so she simply says they have to wait, the aliens don’t feel they’re ready yet.
This episode is a fun diversion to alleviate the mid-season doldrums. Which means the next episode will probably return to the high-tension action from the season’s premiere. I can’t wait.
Honestly, if Morgan hadn’t been loonier than a cartoon wabbit, the Crazy Nest would have been an ideal place to set up camp for a while and rest. But his lunacy drove everyone away. Then it destroyed his secured safe haven. One night, probably agitated by the surprise visit from his past—Rick— Morgan flies into a rage, yelling and pacing. He knocks over an oil lamp, setting the apartment ablaze.
Heads up! There are spoilers in the following review.
Losing his home doesn’t slow Morgan’s murderous roll one bit. He’s equally dangerous camping in a meadow. Methodically, Morgan clears the walkers from the surrounding forest and burns them in a pyre. The fire attracts more walkers, which he knocks out and adds to the fire. Walkers aren’t his only focus. To Morgan, everyone is a threat. He kills human and walker with the same passion. When the area around his camp is clear, he ventures further out. There’s a gorgeous meadow with purple wildflowers . . . the shot somewhat ruined by a weird visual effect they used to make it clear, Morgan is cray-cray. Yeah, we didn’t need you guys to do wobbly camera tricks. The acting alone shows the truth just fine.
You ready for this? Morgan hears a goat. For once, he’s not hallucinating. There’s actually a goat leashed in front of a cozy stone house. The goat isn’t alone.
Morgan is given ample opportunity to put down his gun and walk into the house like a civil human being. He’s too far gone to realize this strange man is offering food and shelter, at least temporarily. Sensing the threat, the stranger knocks Morgan unconscious. But he apologizes first. Morgan wakes inside a prison cell. Well, a makeshift one, at least. Eastman, his accommodating host, left food for him. It’s not what Morgan wants. He screams at Eastman to kill him. In response, Eastman drops a worn copy of The Art of Peace in the cell, then resumes building an indoor pen for Tabitha, the goat, to keep her safe from walkers. Before Eastman says goodnight, he asks Morgan not to hurt the goat.
Days pass. Morgan observes Eastman; watching him easily kill walkers approaching the house and practicing with his staff. When Morgan seems calmer, Eastman opens up about his background pre-apocalypse. Eastman worked for the state as a forensic psychiatrist. He lived in Atlanta. The men talk. Eastman digs into Morgan’s relentless need to “clear,” as he calls it. “Because that’s why I’m still here,” Morgan explains. He’s called on his BS.
There’s a lot of conversation in this episode delving into PTSD, how humans react not only to losing loved ones, but also being forced to kill—humans aren’t built to handle murder mentally. Eastman wants to help Morgan. In his career, he only met one man beyond saving. Then comes the shocker; Morgan isn’t locked in the cage. Matter of fact, there’s no key to lock the cell; Eastman threw it in the river a while ago. It says so much about Morgan’s state of mind. He never once tries the door, yet uses a zipper pull to pry away the board holding the window bars in place. It’s almost like he made the minor escape attempt to keep himself occupied, but he doesn’t really want to be alone anymore. The subconscious is a tricky beast.
What does Morgan do with this news? He certainly doesn’t leave peacefully or take the offer to crash on the couch. Nope. He attacks Eastman, who knocks Morgan on his ass. In the struggle, a piece of drywall with a child’s drawing on it is broken. For one instant, Eastman forgets himself and his deep respect for life. He stops short of driving his staff into Morgan’s forehead. Yet again he makes the offer: Door or couch. Morgan, petulant to his core, chooses the cell and closes the door. Eastman opens it, only for Morgan to close it again.
They’re at an emotional standoff. Eastman goes about his daily life, preparing to go on a trip to anywhere. While he’s on a supply run. Morgan is charged with Tabitha’s safety. Yeah, you guessed it. Walkers try to eat the goat. For a heat-stopping moment, I thought he’d let them get Tabitha. There was yelling. Saving the goat is the turning point. The respect Eastman shows the deceased walkers is the cincher. Morgan becomes Eastman’s aikido student. Cue many, many training scenes. Too many, really. The episode is pretty solid, but drags with just two men and a goat. Hey, I smell a new sitcom.
But it’s not all training and cheese-making. One night during dinner Morgan finally asks why the heck there’s a prison cell in the living room. It tracks back to the one truly evil man Eastman interviewed for his job. Crighton Dallas Wilton fooled everyone except Eastman with his sociopath mind games. After Eastman was nearly killed by Wilton, he recommended the man never see freedom again. Of course Wilton was livid. He broke out of prison, tracked down Eastman, and killed his family. Moments after, Wilton turned himself in, saying he just wanted to destroy Eastman’s life. Driven mad by the loss, Eastman built the cell intending to abduct Wilton and starve him to death. When he tells the original story, he hedges around confirming or denying if he went through with the plan.
At the episode’s end, we learn he did murder Wilton. It took forty-seven days to starve him to death. There was no magical peace in Eastman’s life after. “I found my peace when I decided to never kill again,” Eastman tells Morgan.
If they’re going to actually make this trip to anywhere, they need a few more things. Just so happens, Morgan left those very things at his camp. While there, Eastman finally asks about Morgan’s family and makes him say their names. It’s a huge healing moment . . . ruined when the man Morgan strangled shambles toward the camp. He freezes, unable to put the walker down. Eastman steps in, but not soon enough. Eastman is bitten.
It’s the last straw. Morgan snaps again. All the guilt he felt from failing to save his family quadruples watching blood blossom across Eastman’s back. He screams for death.
Eastman is ruthless and calm, collecting the walker to bury and leaving Morgan. On the hunt to clear again, Morgan ventures into the forest. It’s easy to find another walker. Two frightened survivors stumble into his path. The woman carefully sets chicken noodle soup and a bullet on the ground before thanking him and walking away.
Morgan snaps out of his mental fog and rushes back to Eastman’s. Tabitha is dead in the front yard. He takes her body to the graveyard behind the house. Despite his injury, Eastman is burying the walker who signed his death certificate. He gives Morgan the house and supplies, but with a warning that security alone isn’t enough. The isolation from living alone isn’t healthy. Before he dies, Eastman calmly walks to the shed to get his gun. It’s unclear who does the job.
So why did we have yet another flashback episode? Morgan has a hair-brained idea to use Eastman’s technique with the Wolf resting in Alexandria’s jail cell. Yeah, that’s not going to work. This guy is hellbent on killing the townsfolk. He found the scouting photos, found the town to be safe, possibly full of supplies he needs to fix the cut on his side, and decided Alexandria should be his. He vows to kill them all, even the children. His cell door is locked.
Yet again, we’ve made little plot progress. A show can only tread water in the same spot for so long before it sinks.
Once again, the crew is on their last legs—two gallons of gas in the car, six bullets between them, no food, no water, and even less patience with each other. Doc and Murphy venture out to find edible tree bark; a fruitless mission. On the way back, Murphy is distracted by a yumtastic looking brain dangling from a cord. Yeah, like that doesn’t just scream trap. His gut leading the way, Murphy goes down the hole. He’s not alone. Another zombie in the pit offers a taste from his lunch. Murphy takes a polite taste. Hey, it’s not horrible. They don’t languish in dusty luxury long, someone covered head-to-toe in armor comes in, leashes Murphy, and kills his companion.
Meet The Collector. He has a real name, but it’s not as fun. The Collector is an odd nut. He admits he’s not a doctor, yet likes to play one on the weekends. Seeing as no one works anymore in the apocalypse, technically every day is the weekend. To save his skin, Murphy attempts to talk and reason with TC. It has the exact opposite outcome than what Murphy desired. TC heard Citizen Z’s broadcast. Now he’s overjoyed to have a chance to poke and prod The Murphy. Someone has to properly document Murphy’s case, of course. TC doesn’t trust the CDC. Matter of fact, he gets downright violent talking about how they refused to read his letters.
This guy doesn’t have a lot of friends. Obviously, since anyone who walks in is fitted with a shock collar. As a consolation prize, they can take a hot shower. It’s almost worth a billion jolts running through your body. TC was kicked out of comic-cons for carrying weapons. The CDC has him perma-blocked on every communication platform known to man. There’s no one living aside from TC in his self-made zombie museum.
His collection is impressive; film posters from nearly every zombie film to date, real live zombies, and his crowning glory, undead George R. R. Martin—portrayed by the A Song of Ice and Fire author himself.
George is about to be overshadowed now that TC has his hands on The Murphy.
First, there must be a proper analysis of Murphy’s condition. TC sets up what looks like a talk show and records the process of taking blood, DNA, and marrow samples from his newest exhibit. The plan is clear, if the CDC wants any information on Murphy, they’ll finally have to acknowledge their least favorite whackjob. There’s a few more tests for Murphy. TC force-feeds him a piece of brain. It triggers an insatiable appetite and Murphy eats the whole thing. The final test, after Murphy refused to admit he can control the zombies, comes when TC leaves. A zombie doctor shuffles in. Immediately, Murphy takes control. He’s caught when the zombie can’t quite get it together enough to cut his restraints with the bone saw.
The museum tour is Murphy’s prize for cooperating on stage. He makes another escape attempt, but doesn’t make it out the front door—it’s electrified. There’s a near-miss with 10k investigating the museum’s front doors. TC tells 10k he hasn’t seen the kid’s friend. 10k smells something fishy and breaks in, leaving his gear where the others will find it. The rescue mission lasts about a minute. The Collector zaps 10k with a cattle prod and fits him with a shock collar. There’s actually one more experiment TC wants to run with Murphy—biting a live person. 10k is said live person. Despite heavy blood loss from TC’s attempt to drain him dry, Murphy plays along. What alternative does he have? Well, there’s always the option to disable the invisible fences around the other zombies on display, then control them. That’s be my choice, at least. TC is zombie chow. Murphy is ruthless. For about ten seconds. He passes out, losing control of the toxic zombie, phyto-zombie, and blaster.
Roberta and crew to the rescue—for real this time. They use their meager ammunition supply to kill the zombies. After a quick pillage through the museum for supplies, and Murphy’s blood, they head back to the car.
In another shocking emotional moment from Murphy, he makes Roberta promise not to leave him alone when they finally reach the lab in California. All these attempts to abduct him changed Murphy. Or is fatherhood to thank? Whichever, the others have to be grateful for a calmer Murphy during the next portion of their trip.
Yup. You guessed it; this review contains show spoilers.
Nearly every death in this episode is simply to whittle down the Alexandria citizens openly opposing Rick, just like Carter. It doesn’t make for compelling television when viewers know Joe Blow #5 will bite the big one after he mouths off against the Ricktatorship. Don’t believe me? The only person in this episode who openly questions Rick and survives is Heath. Will every Rick-centric episode become an execution to secure his place in the town? Sure, he’s not pulling the trigger himself, but why should he have to raise a finger when the writers are making the deaths so convenient?
Nearly every death in the episode was ridiculous and the result of writers confusing frightened characters with lazy writing. I imagine the writer’s room sounded like this the afternoon they read through this scene:
“We have this dude in Rick’s face, what do we do?”
“Kill him, duh.”
“But they’re in a clearing in the woods with seven able-bodied fighters.”
“Sneak attack.”
“There’s four-inch wide trees for cover.”
“We’ll use a quick cut in post to catch them by surprise.”
And it happens twice. Are we expected to believe Glenn and Michonne are so comfortable now with their lush digs in Alexandria that they’ve forgotten everything they learned in five previous seasons? It’s rubbish. Then they try to show what happens when the Alexandria natives are set upon by a small herd. Common sense and logic fly out the window. I kinda understand the one guy freaking and pulling his gun. I’ll buy the friendly fire injury. What I cannot comprehend is that this happened after the first surprise attack. If this guy were going to fail his gut-check, he should’ve bolted when the walkers killed Rick’s bad-mouthing opponent. It almost feels like this scene was written in another order and cut together haphazardly out of order in post-production. Matter of fact, most of this season comes across the same way.
Onto plot things. This episode, as with the last, is set in the same timeframe with the episode ending about the time Carol and Morgan secure Alexandria. Rick and company are still in the woods, rushing to get ahead of the herd heading toward Alexandria. Rick, realizing they need to divide and conquer—or he’s tired of being snapped at by soon-to-be walker meals—tells Glenn and Michonne to push the others forward. He’s going to double back for the RV. The plan is to join Daryl, Abe, and Sasha in the RV then help them lure the larger horde twenty miles from their home. There are a few walker encounters in the forest. One man dies, Barnes—the man who confronts Rick early in the episode. Scott is shot in the leg by friendly fire from Sturgess. David is bitten on the shoulder. The only other woman in the small crew, Annie, twists her ankle sprinting uphill. Glenn and Heath end up becoming crutches for Scott and Annie, making their reaction times slow, along with their progress across the five mile stretch from the road to Alexandra.
At the halfway mark, they reach the nearby town. The half-hour lead they have on the herd diminishes, and they’re trapped in town.
Glenn and Nicholas leave the others, searching for the feed store to set it ablaze and hopefully stop the herd from shambling to their home. The others remain in the tiny pet store to hide and tend to the wounded. David knows he won’t make it and asks Michonne to pass on a message to his wife. Like a fool, she promises him he’ll at least make it home to tell her himself. Scott and Annie, realizing their limits, ask to be left behind. Their surrender to the inevitable makes Heath confront Michonne about Rick’s earlier warning: Not all of them will make it home during this mission. He feels Rick’s assessment of their skills is harsh and uncalled for. It takes approximately thirty seconds for Michonne to put him in his place; until he’s reached the moment when he’s covered in so much blood, he can’t tell what’s his, what’s walker blood, and what blood belongs to his friends, he has no clue how to survive in the outside world.
There’s a catch in the plan; the feed store has already been burnt to the ground. Nicholas, addled because of his PTSD, struggles to find an alternative building to torch. He leads Glenn away from the encroaching herd . . . right into a fenced off alley. In moments they’re surrounded by at least a hundred walkers. The men run out of ammunition. They can only stab so many before the walkers push them back against a dumpster.
Up they go like a 1950’s housewife who spots a rat in the kitchen. The struggle is too much for Nicholas. He turns to Glenn and says, “Thank you,” before shooting himself in the head. The last we see of Glenn and Nicholas, they’re both on the ground under the hungry horde.
Michonne, Heath, and the injured trio fight their way through the town. Annie, unable to keep up with her makeshift crutch, falls and is eaten. The remaining crew end up in yet another fenced-off alley. Cue eye roll. Couldn’t they think of two different ways to torment the characters? Luckily for the gang, there’s no walkers on the other side of this gate. Up and over they go. Well, not all of them. The herd finds them, claiming David’s life. Not one of them stops to put the man out of his misery. Michonne, Heath, and Scott make it back to Alexandria.
While they’re in the midst of the herd, Rick runs a half-marathon, kills a walker, hurts his hand, and retrieves the RV, which was back at the curve in their zombie parade route. He arrives at the spot where he thinks he can cut off a portion of the wayward horde. His arrival coincides with the Wolves escaping Alexandria. There’s no contest. Rick kills them all. And in the process shoots up the RV so bad, the thing won’t start. Whoops. Did I mention the walkers are about twenty feet away, too? Bravo, Rick.
Daryl’s bit in this episode is simply to give fans Reedus face time. He hems and haws about going back to help Rick, leaves the parade route, then turns around and goes right back to driving with Abe and Sasha. There’s literally no point to his scenes other than to show that Abe and Sasha will see their mission through to the end. Which we knew. Once Sasha cleaned her nose, she’s a reliable team member again.
The big OMG moment is Glenn’s fate. You guys know how I feel anytime they try to kill him. I have been and will always be Team Glenn. Though I have a feeling he will indeed be the next big loss for the crew. It’s been coming for a while. Out of all of them, he has the best prospects for making an actual life in Alexandria. Following show logic, he has to die. There’s no happiness in TWD. It makes the show utterly predictable when it comes time to off another character fans actually like.
First problem, how will they get down the river? The gang finds a zombie-infested pontoon boat out on the water. After clearing it, they find the boat’s rather talkative driver. Cool. A ride and someone else to do the driving. Maybe everyone can relax. Yeah, right. They’re not on the water long before Doc spots someone in a pedal boat crammed with gear in the back. Sketch and Skeezy are the bad pennies in this show. Anytime mischief must happen, they’re involved. Already things are looking up. And then everything looks wet. The river is plagued with what the guys call zombie jams—similar to log jams, only with teeth and much fouler stench. Zombies scramble onto the boat. Roberta orders everyone into the drink—not exactly wise considering all the zombies, but sure. We’ll go with it.
In the rush to safety, the team splits. 10k ends up on the eastern shore with Sketchy and Skeezy. Roberta, Doc, Addy, Murphy, and Vasquez head west. Almost immediately, Murphy wants to leave the kid behind. Vasquez is on his side, but only because a search would cost time. There’s no love lost between Murphy and 10k. After Cassandra’s death, those two will never be on the same side again. Murphy’s ego simply won’t allow it. He saw Cassandra as his creation, then comes this little nothing human who takes her from him; it’s too much for Murphy to handle when he’s already lost control of everything else in his life. To keep the peace, and keep Doc with the crew, Roberta gives twenty-four hours to find 10k. Eventually Doc does split from the group, taking a canoe across the river the next morning. His search is fruitless.
All’s not lost. 10k is in good hands with the luckiest men alive. Boy do they take the kid on an adventure. First, there’s a group of kind, highly intelligent men who—okay, I can’t do it. The first group they meet is dumber than a boulder and just as ugly. Quick thinking Sketchy reels them in with another tale of The Murphy, portrayed by Skeezy, seeing as he kinda resembles the wanted poster. By the end of two minutes, they have these guys convinced a bite from Skeezy will make them immortal. So he bites them, Sketchy steals the guys’ drugs, and 10k watches in wonderment. Until he drops the drugs Sketchy passes off and they have to run. Luckily—ha ha—there’s a truck nearby. But, wait . . . isn’t that the truck we saw kidnap two guys at the beginning of the episode?
Yes it is, and the guys just so happen to drive the thing back to the town it came from—Burrtown, named after it’s founder. It doesn’t take long for Sketchy and Skeezy to work their magic on this last great confederate holdout. Before sunset, they have them eating from their hands. Fecal matter hits the fan when the truck’s actual owners finally catch up. Not to worry, 10k found an inside man to help. Okay, it’s a woman. A very angry woman named Sadie. She’s not part of Burr’s hillbilly paradise. She just wants to give Mercy to her second husband, who is enslaved by the town as part of their undead workforce. Her plan: Watch the town burn. It’s a good plan. I have no problem with it.
The Zeros might have differing opinions, seeing at Burrtown is one of their territories. When Sketchy and Skeezy and caught in their tangled lie net, Escorpion is brought in to judge their case. Sketchy does his best to blow enough hot air to inflate the Hindenburg. It’s not enough. Not when Skeezy’s bite victims provide damning testimony against them. Escorpion sentences the troublemakers and 10k to death by hanging.
Never fear, there’s a plan. I think. Sadie makes a run for the bridge near Burrtown where the crew plans to turn west again. How 10k knew they’d be there, I haven’t the foggiest idea, but not a lot makes sense on this show if you pay attention. Regardless of how they were alerted to the impending execution, the gang gears up and attempts a daring escape. Doc and Addy shoot down 10k and Sketchy the second Escorpion orders the execution to proceed. Skeezy dangles for a while before all’s clear and Addy shoots him down. While the others are doing the rescuing, Murphy and Sadie free the zombies. From there on out, it’s child’s play. The crew, plus their hilarious sidekicks, take off to the bridge ahead of a speedy zombie horde. Sadie lingers in Burrtown to give Mercy to her husband.
At the bridge, Sketchy and Skeezy stay behind to play with the zombies and their new weapons cache courtesy of Sadie. The others pile into a conveniently placed car, driving west once again.
Will they ever reach California at this rate? They’re down to one person with the cure in their blood since Lucy is with her adoptive parents. If anything happens to Murphy, they’re doomed. Yet he still thinks he’d make it anywhere without the crew. It’s The Murphy Show in his mind. Even if they do make good time on the road, someone may get annoyed enough to put a knife in his dome. Mankind has been through worse, right? What’s one measly apocalypse? They don’t need a savior whose ego can’t fit in Central Park.
Whoa! You sure you want to proceed? There’s spoilers in this review.
The manipulation games seen early in this episode started long before we all sat on our couches to watch. Back at San Diego Comic-Con, they swore up, down, sideways, bothways, whateverways, that the Wolves would not be a large part in the early episodes. Second episode—BOOM. Wolves at the gates. Yay. You finally got one over on us, guys.
Within the episode, the games serve a far different purpose. Carol continues to wheedle her way into Alexandria’s bosom with her perfect housewife routine. A routine which slips a little when Shelly talks smack about a dish Carol hasn’t even cooked yet, then proceeds to whine about dried pasta and how she could feed them all like kings if she had a pasta maker. In typical Carol fashion, she digs the emotional knife in under Shelly’s ribs, offering to teach her how to make pasta without a machine, but the cigarettes? They have to stay outside. Such a disgusting habit. Plus, they have enough things trying to kill them. Carol’s mood follows her home, where Jessie’s youngest, Sam, waits for her. She tells him point-blank, your dad beat your mom, he died, get over it. Seeing as it’s a great parenting technique, Jessie employs a similar technique with her eldest, Ron. She calls him down on the premise of cutting his hair. He sees through her ploy. But then the conversation stops making sense; until Ron says Rick is just as dangerous as Pete. There are ways to write scenes where characters are hiding secrets. This is not one of those ways. It’s clunky and far more awkward than it should be, almost like the actors had no clue what they were saying when it came to the context of the fight and Ron’s secrets.
Maggie does a little emotional manipulation of her own while Glenn is off dealing with the horde. Much like her father, Maggie believes every successful safe haven must be self-sustaining; that includes producing their own food. Raising cattle is a long way off, but Maggie scored crates of seeds recently and knows what to do. She takes Deanna outside the fence to a spot she’s picked for the garden. The catch? Deanna has to approve and put into motion the town’s expansion project, plus it will take a lot of backbreaking work to prepare the ground for planting. It seems like hard physical work may be what shakes Deanna from her mental fog.
The Wolves attack without any warning whatsoever. One moment Carol smugly watches Shelly puff away on a cigarette, the next Shelly has a machete in her head. Within moments, Alexandria is in chaos. How? Why? Rick left people on watch. Why was the gate unguarded? There are at least ten able-bodied fighters in town when the attack happens. Not one of them is armed nor at a guard position. The one guy with a rifle, Spencer, nearly wets himself when he misses his first shot. He’s taken out of the game completely when the Wolves drive a truck into the church, knocking him from the belfry. This is the truck Rick and company hear out on the road.
Carl holds his own pretty well, protecting his sister and their house by himself until Enid stops by on her way out of Alexandria. He convinces her to stay, but it won’t last; she’s a nomad. We see Enid’s introduction to Alexandria before the opening sequence. Why? Probably just to show a teenage girl eating a raw tortoise and create some oddness with the initials “JSS.” The scene has no real purpose other than to establish a mental mindset for a character handled as a throw-away since her introduction. This happens too often. Writers realize they have no substance for a character they need to do something vital, so they cram in a half-assed backstory to fill the gaps. Do your character building before they’re on the final script copy, guys.
It’s almost hilarious how inept these characters are. Carol is literally the only one to realize the Wolves don’t have guns, but if they get to the town’s armory, it’s game over for every single person in the fence. She alone prevents the first pack from breaking into the armory, then leaves poor, frightened Olivia to guard their only saving grace. There’s no help coming. Everyone else is armpit deep in walkers out on the road. But so long as they have the guns, they have the upper hand. Morgan’s world view is too narrow. Yes, he knows Carol doesn’t really enjoy the killing, but he has to see the necessity in the moment, appreciate the sacrifice she’s making for everyone. He’s so busy nagging her about the deaths, he still doesn’t understand what she’s telling him about the armory or the mentality of these people.
I think I know why . . . . Morgan has dealt with these people before. Nearly every one of the Wolves he encounters who manages to speak recognizes him, either directly or through stories they’ve heard. When they fight, he’s quick to knock them out cold. No brawling. Very few swings. One, two—pup on the ground. He even talks a small pack into retreating with little physical convincing. I’m not going to jump on the “Morgan is awful” bandwagon. He’s always been neutral. It’s possible he has a deeper connection to the Wolves, but I’d say it’s an old acquaintance telling undead war stories to his cronies with the occasional physical encounter to reestablish territories since they’ve all been in the same general area for a while, apparently.
In the end, the attack lasted about thirty minutes, maybe less. There’s no clear picture of how many or who died. Bodies remain on the street. Fires smolder along the fences. Carol and Morgan are on the prowl, clearing straggling Wolves or stray walkers.
Is Alexandria safe? Aaron finds scouting photos on one man’s corpse. The attack was planned. By who? Did they die in the fight or flee with the others? Or were they present at all for the Wolves’ shindig? I can’t imagine planning something with that much care and not watching. Unfortunately, the mastermind may remain a mystery for a while, giving them enough time to attack again.
This episode is all about beauty over brains. No, beauty isn’t a new hot sauce brand. Liv sinks her teeth into a socialite who is thrown over her balcony by a man posing as a realtor, real name Joe Fricano. As a result, 90% of her dialog is about clothes. I’m trying really hard to keep an open mind about this show—it helps that there’s a bit of rot on my left temple letting in a nice breeze—but every time they dig into this stereotypical female personalities, I want to put my hand through the screen. We get it, it’s fun to make bright, motivated Liv into a mindless clotheshound.
Wait. That’s not fun. I’d much rather watch Liv use her intelligence and not her powers to solve a case. Two seasons of accidental visions is enough. This problem wasn’t as prevalent in season one, but now it’s pretty much all we’re seeing—Liv being weird, not helpful, and they manage to close cases by pure chance. At least she looks nice while doing it?
Let’s dig into the case. Taylor Fowler, our brain donor for the episode, is married to businessman Terrance Fowler. Clive is convinced the husband is involved. Dead end there when the guy hems and haws about a time to sit down for an interview. Instead, they visit with the actual relator whose identity the killer used to gain access to the house. She tells them Vaughn Du Clarke is selling his house and she’d kicked the killer out of Du Clarke’s place during an open house after she caught him snooping. Off to Max Rager they go. Liv has a rather unpleasant vision during the meeting—Du Clarke and Taylor in bed together. Full. Body. Shudder. But there’s still no motive for anyone to off Taylor. Finally Terrance is ready to talk to them. The meeting goes smoothly, until they drop the bomb about the affair. Terrance puts his hand through a glass coffee table. I think he’s a little angry. Eventually they track down two of Taylor’s so-called friends. If friends are the people with a knife to your back at any given moment. The demons in Prada did provide a couple helpful tidbits: Terrance knew about Taylor’s affair with Du Clarke and he isn’t Mr. Perfect himself, using a social media site to hook up with younger women. Now we’re back to Terrance Did It. Yawn. Naptime.
Oh, that was only half of the episode?
To establish Fowler’s alibi, they stop to visit his personal stylist, Bethany. Newly fashion-savvy Liv falls in lust with the woman’s style. They quickly become best friends, bonding over shoes. It turns into a shopping date the following day. Liv ditches Clive, who wants to do actual police work to interview Fricano’s manager at the auto shop. They’d assumed Fricano worked for Terrance at his home, giving him access to Taylor in order to figure out her schedule and kill her. Nope. Manager says Fowler isn’t the guy who hired him. However, Joe had been seen with a hot, yet slutty woman who he was obsessing over for a while. Just so happens, Clive has the book of skanks from the website where Terrance picks his mistresses.
One guess who the manager points out? Yup, Liv’s new BFF, Bethany. When Clive calls to tell Liv while she’s out shopping, Bethany overhears. There’s a rumble amongst the couture dresses. Bethany maces Liv, which does nothing except make her go Full-Blown Zombie. Case solved.
But what about the case of Liv’s weird desire to have the guys go to dinner with her? Turns out, it’s her birthday. She doesn’t want to make a big thing, have a bash, just a quiet dinner with the handful of friends she has left. Ravi ditches her to go visit a girl he met during his Utopium high—they’re actually hitting it off. Clive just says no. Major? Well, seeing as Liv finds out he’s working for Max Rager in this episode, he’s not high on her e-vite list. Oh and he’s shagging her roommate/Max Rager spy, Gilda. The only person who does anything for Liv which isn’t purely selfish is Peyton. You know, the ex-roommate who watched Liv murder a zombie in their kitchen? She’s back in town, working on a taskforce to hunt down Utopium dealers and manufacturers. Even with her plate full, Peyton still managed to bring Liv a personalized cake.
The rest of her friends are jerks. Or is Liv the jerk? She lied to all of them about her condition. Each brain she eats makes her an entirely different person. It’s difficult to hang onto friends when your diet essentially turns you into the worst flavor of bipolar person alive—or undead. Yet she chooses to continue putting strain on her relationships to supposedly help with police work. When in reality she takes a fun ride on the brain acid-like trip, dropping one, maybe two useful visions, and acting like she’s Batman saving the city. Liv isn’t perfect, the show would be boring if she were. However, the way she’s written gets progressively less appealing with each episode. Somewhere along the way, the writers lost track of who, exactly, they’re creating. Liv isn’t a blank canvas. She was an entire person, which they established in episode 101, before Blaine turned her. Let’s get back to that Liv.
The gang is stuck in a horde when the episode opens. Lucy is used as a football, passed from person to person to draw zombie attention so others can kill them. Unfortunately, when Doc takes her and runs for cover, he stumbles into a bus of Abe Lincolns. No, seriously. None of us hallucinated that part. The last kill in the opening scene, a headshot from 10k on a zombie dressed as Lincoln on a penny, is perhaps my favorite sight gag on the show in two seasons.
The zombies aren’t their only problem. They still haven’t secured food resources for Lucy and their own supplies are extremely limited. Again. Roberta is afraid what’ll happen if they fail to keep Lucy alive. On the other hand, what will happen when the little hybrid grows? Will she take after her father? Is the zombie cure in her veins? There’s more questions than answers about Lucy in this episode, to be honest. The tension in their makeshift camp gets so tense at one point, Murphy takes Lucy for a walk. Lest the others get ideas, he orders Cassandra to keep them from following him.
Roberta has bigger fish to fry. She leaves Addy, 10k, and Doc to deal with Cassandra and Murphy. Why when the fate of the world rests on Lucy’s wee bald head? Turns out Vasquez may not be what he seems. 10k spots Vasquez sneaking off through the forest, heading back toward town and reports it when he returns to camp with what is likely their only meal that day—fish. While the others debate Lucy, fish, and whether or not Cassandra is herself anymore, Roberta and Vasquez sneak into town. Once there, Vasquez meets three Zero cartel members outside the hospital. They proceed to kick his backside. With no other option—yeah right, I would have left the liar—she jumps into the fray. Vasquez is shot in the gut. Roberta’s bravery reward is a through-and-through shot in her left shoulder. Luckily there’s a hospital right there. Oh, it’s overrun with napping zombies? That’s cool.
The bleeding duo manage to lock themselves in the Optometry department. A wise move. Not every pillager through the hospital would think to look there for necessary supplies, though it is just as well stocked as the rest of the hospital. Vasquez sutures Roberta’s shoulder first. He gives her a hearty helping of grief about women really being tougher than men. The slap he gets is well-deserved. When the tables turn, Roberta takes the chance to interrogate her patient. Turns out, Vasquez is former DEA with a history with the Zero cartel. They tried to buy his loyalty once; he rejected them. Zeroes stepped up the game, kidnapping his wife and daughter. Either he cooperates or they die. Then a Zero higher-up steps in, saying he’ll save the women if Vasquez does him a favor. In the end, his family dies. His wife was the first zombie he saw turn. So sad. Much drama.
Vasquez nearly dies after Roberta patches the hole in his gut. He is the lucky one.
Back at camp, the gang make a few attempts to shake Cassandra off their tails. During the first attempt, Cassandra catches Addy and nearly breaks her arm, using Addy’s pain to draw 10k and Doc back to camp. Finally, 10k says he’ll deal with Cassandra personally. Addy and Doc kick up dust running away from the fight to come. Cassandra bounces 10k off the ground, some boulders, probably a tree, and a kitchen sink if she finds one. All that butt-kicking solidifies an idea in 10k’s head—Cassandra isn’t alive anymore; they’ve been travelling with a monster. The fight takes a turn. Cassandra pins 10k to the ground, ready to break his neck. Saving himself, he stabs her in the neck. Cassandra is buried without pomp and circumstance.
Murphy isn’t going to like that. He’s got other things on his mind, like a daughter who draws every undead creature within earshot. At the end of his walk, Murphy finds a house with a man and his wife. The man invites him inside. His wife gives Murphy a little rabbit’s milk for the baby. In a rare vulnerable moment, Murphy breaks down weeping and asks the couple to take Lucy to raise as their own. At first they’re elated. Then they get a look at the precious blue bundle. There’s a fix for their terror. Murphy bites them and, much like how he’s handled Cassandra since turning her at the lab, orders them to do his bidding.
Lucy is safe from Roberta’s scheming. Murphy is utterly alone again without his gal pal and daughter. 10k will be a mental wreck for a while; water can wash away the evidence, but it won’t erase the memory of Cassandra’s warm blood dribbling down his cheek. Two crew members are seriously injured. Addy has a sprained shoulder/arm after her fight with Cassandra. Essentially the only one fully functional is Doc. Even his mental stability is questionable.
It’s going to be an interesting second half to this season.
