Official: Mission report from the mobile unit of Commander in Chief Juliette Terzieff
From the earliest days of the Zombie Survival Crew, command has managed to successfully fend off numerous assaults by the Unnamed Government Agency (UGA),around our collective Z-poc and disaster preparation efforts. After several attempts in 2011, 2012 and early 2103, the UGA went fairly quiet…but we knew it was only a matter of time before they struck out again.
Recent events around ZSC commanders’ participation in a Kentucky event clearly demonstrate that the UGA remains active and interested in ZSC activities. Until ZSC Command is able to fully ascertain the UGA’s interest and intentions, we recommend the utmost caution by all ZSC members.
Consider the evidence from the recent appearance of ZSC Command members in Kentucky:
Red Brigade Sergeant at Arms Amy Sundberg was tailed by a white van, which she had previously spotted outside her residence, on the way to the airport for her journey to Kentucky. Sergeant at Arms Sundberg snapped a photo, and when the van’s occupants realized their cover was blown they passed her and got off the highway.
Both Sergeant at Arms Sundberg and Zombie Survival Crew commander-in-chief, yours truly, had close calls during our arrivals at the event location. Sundberg was faced with a non-English-speaking cab driver who took her through the same intersection three times, sparking concerns the ride might be a UGA kidnap attempt. Sundberg let the driver know she understood he was going in the wrong direction, and insisted she be taken immediately to her destination, prompting him to abort the obvious mission to detain.
As for me, my arrival at the host hotel involved a blatant attempt at destruction of ZSC commander gear by a UGA agent posing as a doorman. The person in question opened the trunk of our vehicle and proceeded to dump gear all over the street.
And that was before the weekend really began…
UGA operatives made their presence felt in the photo op lines, managing to cause significant confusion and frustration. Special Forces Commander Michael Rooker embarked on an impulse undercover mission during the photo ops assault and was ambushed while attempting to move stealthily through a side door. The ever-capable Rooker managed to escape capture and took temporary cover inside a neighborhood bistro.
In addition to blending lines and causing logistical chaos, one UGA operative managed to infiltrate the photo op booth. The agent posed as a hysterical female fan assaulted Sergeant at Arms Sundberg by “accidentally” tipping over Special Forces Commander Rooker’s full cup of hot coffee onto her feet and into the bag of valuable supplies she was guarding. The operative eluded capture in the ensuing chaos and could not be identified. No injury to Sundberg’s feet, significant damage to the contents of the bag.
The attacks didn’t stop ZSC Commanders from having a great time, with some timely assists from friendlies Jason Momoa, Joey Lauren Adams and Brian O’Halloran. Rooker, IronE Singleton, Lew Temple and Vincent Ward engaged in an impromptu football game to entertain waiting fans, and Rooker’s fighting edge was in full display when a fan asked him to “kick his butt.”
In a desperate attempt to thwart our operations, UGA agents managed to successfully shut down both Starbucks in the immediate area around noon on Sunday. Anyone who has spent time around me knows that a lack of coffee is truly cataclysmic. After a brief moment of confusion, ZSC cadres changed tactics and turned to Panera for our caffeine needs.
It is likely that UGA attempts will continue in the coming weeks and months….stay vigilant loyal ZSC members!!!
From Inside the Desk of RC Murphy
Alert Level – Medium-High
For months now we’ve allowed Zombie Survival Crew brigadiers to assume that the danger from the Unnamed Government Agency (UGA) has been a low-level threat. That their persistence in “meeting” with commanders had ended. We cannot in good conscience allow this to continue.
Our new recruits are probably scratching their heads and asking, “Who the heck is the UGA?” Before the ZSC was formed, they contacted our commander-in-chief, Juliette Terzieff, and asked her to gather a crew of like-minded folks to help them determine the severity of the zombie threat and then teach the public important survival tips so that humanity isn’t wiped off the face of the earth. After that, they wanted the newly formed ZSC to expand, bringing in recruits to form a tight-knit group of “survivors”. During the recruiting process we encountered several problems with UGA agents. Shortly after, commanders Juliette and Anthony Guajardo were abducted. During a rescue mission ZSC forces discovered the UGA were actively experimenting on creating undead soldiers.
The ZSC promptly broke from the UGA and they’ve been on our trail ever since.
Below is a series of communications we’ve intercepted between various UGA agents and their command base, starting in January of this year. You will notice a startling trend in their locations. Actions are being taken to counteract their attempts. Do not worry.
Mission Report—January 2012
Agents on duty: M. Hollister, S. Barr
Location: New Mexico
Status: Op. Rental failed. YBC* and OBC* found alternate transport from AZ before we made contact. Backup plan instated. Followed to their meet with RBC*. Listening devices failed. Event location utilized cell blocks in-room. Face-to-face contact confirmed YBC, OBC, RBC, and LBBC* present. Too many witnesses for Op. Curtain Call.
Mission Report—March 2012
Agents on duty: C. Wolf, V. Smith
Location: New Jersey
Status: First contact established with GBC* and SFC*. RBC in attendance as well. One of the target’s recruits caught our tail. Executed erratic and impressive sweep through freeway traffic to lose us. Recruit has been tagged. Smith will do a follow up with her to use as possible inside agent for the region.
Mission Reports—April 2012
Agents on duty: C. Wolf, F. Williamson
Status: Op. abandoned. SFC spotted surveillance equipment and utilized a massive group of costumed civilians to keep us from gathering useful information.
Agents on duty: B. White, G. Robinson
Status: Suggest updating the photos on file. We could not locate RBC based on what we were sent and lost her in the air terminal. SFC was easier to spot. Bypassed pursuit and went straight to event. Observation only. Canadian counterparts refused to assist in Op. Curtain Call.
Mission Reports —May 2012
Agents on duty: M. Hollister, S. Barr
Status: Tailed RBC from TX border to DFW. Thought she made us, then realized she’d gotten lost—not an attempt to shake us despite driving in circles for an hour. SFC, GBC, and OBC arrived. Observation only during event, too many civilians. TSA agents failed to hold departing targets as requested, despite planting lead powder on seat OBC used in shuttle. Request inter-department meeting regarding this failure.
Agents on duty: V. Smith, D. Wiggins
Status: RBC flying solo. Attempted Op. Curtain Call. She vanished inside a gigantic fast food restaurant. Lost contact for six hours. Tracking on RBC vehicle has been compromised. Attempt to re-tag unsuccessful. Target too suspicious after suspicious attack hours south of locale. (Excuse me, sir, but who made that call?) Suggest agents in Pennsylvania make secondary attempt to plant bug on RBC vehicle.
* Decoded phrases are as follows:
- YBC – Yellow Brigade Commander
- OBC – Orange Brigade Commander
- RBC – Red Brigade Commander
- LBBC – Light Blue Brigade Commander
- GBC – Green Brigade Commander
- SFC – Special Forces Commander