From the earliest days of the Zombie Survival Crew, command has managed to successfully fend off numerous assaults by the Unnamed Government Agency (UGA),around our collective Z-poc and disaster preparation efforts. After several attempts in 2011, 2012 and early 2103, the UGA went fairly quiet…but we knew it was only a matter of time before they struck out again.
Recent events around ZSC commanders’ participation in a Kentucky event clearly demonstrate that the UGA remains active and interested in ZSC activities. Until ZSC Command is able to fully ascertain the UGA’s interest and intentions, we recommend the utmost caution by all ZSC members.
Consider the evidence from the recent appearance of ZSC Command members in Kentucky:
Red Brigade Sergeant at Arms Amy Sundberg was tailed by a white van, which she had previously spotted outside her residence, on the way to the airport for her journey to Kentucky. Sergeant at Arms Sundberg snapped a photo, and when the van’s occupants realized their cover was blown they passed her and got off the highway.
Both Sergeant at Arms Sundberg and Zombie Survival Crew commander-in-chief, yours truly, had close calls during our arrivals at the event location. Sundberg was faced with a non-English-speaking cab driver who took her through the same intersection three times, sparking concerns the ride might be a UGA kidnap attempt. Sundberg let the driver know she understood he was going in the wrong direction, and insisted she be taken immediately to her destination, prompting him to abort the obvious mission to detain.
As for me, my arrival at the host hotel involved a blatant attempt at destruction of ZSC commander gear by a UGA agent posing as a doorman. The person in question opened the trunk of our vehicle and proceeded to dump gear all over the street.
And that was before the weekend really began…
UGA operatives made their presence felt in the photo op lines, managing to cause significant confusion and frustration. Special Forces Commander Michael Rooker embarked on an impulse undercover mission during the photo ops assault and was ambushed while attempting to move stealthily through a side door. The ever-capable Rooker managed to escape capture and took temporary cover inside a neighborhood bistro.
In addition to blending lines and causing logistical chaos, one UGA operative managed to infiltrate the photo op booth. The agent posed as a hysterical female fan assaulted Sergeant at Arms Sundberg by “accidentally” tipping over Special Forces Commander Rooker’s full cup of hot coffee onto her feet and into the bag of valuable supplies she was guarding. The operative eluded capture in the ensuing chaos and could not be identified. No injury to Sundberg’s feet, significant damage to the contents of the bag.
The attacks didn’t stop ZSC Commanders from having a great time, with some timely assists from friendlies Jason Momoa, Joey Lauren Adams and Brian O’Halloran. Rooker, IronE Singleton, Lew Temple and Vincent Ward engaged in an impromptu football game to entertain waiting fans, and Rooker’s fighting edge was in full display when a fan asked him to “kick his butt.”
In a desperate attempt to thwart our operations, UGA agents managed to successfully shut down both Starbucks in the immediate area around noon on Sunday. Anyone who has spent time around me knows that a lack of coffee is truly cataclysmic. After a brief moment of confusion, ZSC cadres changed tactics and turned to Panera for our caffeine needs.
It is likely that UGA attempts will continue in the coming weeks and months….stay vigilant loyal ZSC members!!!
Since the mishap in Florida, we’ve been closely monitoring communication lines between UGA (Unnamed Government Agency) agents and their superior commanders. Things have been quiet on that front for the most part, until this past week. Below is the decoded message we intercepted from Agents Smith and Wiggins to the field office in northern Utah.
We are declaring a state of emergency for the South East quadrant. The serum released in May as an in-field study of our ZSF program has mutated and spread beyond what the lab techs predicted. Attempts to keep the attacks have been mostly successful, but we cannot contain this on our own.
Send assistance ASAP.
The field office sent the following reply:
In an effort to remain under the radar, we cannot at the present send additional forces to the South East quadrant without alerting the ZSC to our plans. Dispose of the infected and maintain efforts to keep the media silenced.
Further orders will be sent via usual channels.
We were correct to assume UGA interference in the current rash of strange news hitting the airwaves. What is project ZSF? How far has this serum of theirs spread? Rest assured that your ZSC commanders are looking into this current problem.
Again, we ask that if you witness unusual behavior, please contact local authorities. Double check your weapons and go bags, brigadiers. Plans have been put into motion to counteract the UGA threat. Remain vigilant and hopeful. We will get to the bottom of this.
From the laboratory of the Oracle Top Secret Alert Level: Orange
As you know, for quite some time we’ve been keeping an eye on our Orange Brigade Commander, RC Murphy. Her obsession with zombie bunnies and keeping them in the command center, despite the mischief they do, has been a cause for concern. I banned them from my laboratory last year … the third time they chewed through the top-secret communication lines was the last straw. There was much pleading and pouting, but I stood firm.
You’d have thought I was sending them all out to face a firing squad or something. *rolls eyes* Because of the delicate operations being conducted in my laboratory and all the top-secret communications being processed, compiled, and analyzed, I need a clean room environment and simply can’t have rabbit droppings everywhere. Out they scampered, little ears drooping, while following Commander Murphy as she shuffled in the lead. But enough of that ….
Our concern escalated when RC attended San Diego Comic-Con, ostensibly in stealth mode, but carrying her furry infatuation with her through the crowds. Please note the white fur-ball attached to her waist in the picture to the right. How she managed to pull off incognito while strapping a zombie to her side, even if it was a bunny, is beyond me, but it is a testament to Commander Murphy’s ninja skills. It is a known fact that zombies become excitable in crowds, like a busload of senior citizens when dropped off at a smorgasbord, so on the surface it would seem our Commander carried her fascination to the point of jeopardizing the security of the Zombie Survival Crew. However, there were no incidents. How did she convince the bunny to play dead, instead of undead?
To be clear—it is not Commander Murphy’s dedication to the Zombie Survival Crew that is in question. Her loyalty is beyond reproach. I have wondered, as the bunny horde has increased, whether or not one or more of them have been plants by the UGA (Unnamed Government Agency), exploiting the Commander’s love of small furry objects for their own nefarious ends. There has been a distinct behavioral change and Commander Murphy is not to be seen outside the command center without one of her pets lashed to her side. Come to think of it, even while IN the command center, she doesn’t move without at least one or two as her cadre.
In order to protect the Zombie Survival Crew and the safety of its members, I have taken matters into my own hands and have begun testing on the zombie bunnies. We need to know with certainty that our actions are not being reported, despite all precautionary measures, through these bunnies. So far, no recording devices, cameras, or anything foreign has been identified, but I will continue my investigation. Hmmmm—I am beginning to see why Commander Murphy has a fascination with them …
… they are EVIL CUTE.
The PROBLEM is that while they are cute, they are ALSO bunnies—which means we are quickly approaching bunny infestation level.
*ACTIVATES CRISIS MODE*
So here’s the deal *leans in and whispers* Don’t tell Commander Murphy … I have been keeping back those which I have vetted and ensured are nothing more than a normal zombie bunny. I don’t want to return them to the regular population—and they are too cute to kill—so the Zombie Survival Crew will let them go to a good home for $16.95. Let us know your brigade colors and we’ll make sure their bandages are brigade specific.
From Inside the Desk of RC Murphy Alert Level – Medium-High
For months now we’ve allowed Zombie Survival Crew brigadiers to assume that the danger from the Unnamed Government Agency (UGA) has been a low-level threat. That their persistence in “meeting” with commanders had ended. We cannot in good conscience allow this to continue.
Our new recruits are probably scratching their heads and asking, “Who the heck is the UGA?” Before the ZSC was formed, they contacted our commander-in-chief, Juliette Terzieff, and asked her to gather a crew of like-minded folks to help them determine the severity of the zombie threat and then teach the public important survival tips so that humanity isn’t wiped off the face of the earth. After that, they wanted the newly formed ZSC to expand, bringing in recruits to form a tight-knit group of “survivors”. During the recruiting process we encountered several problems with UGA agents. Shortly after, commanders Juliette and Anthony Guajardo were abducted. During a rescue mission ZSC forces discovered the UGA were actively experimenting on creating undead soldiers.
The ZSC promptly broke from the UGA and they’ve been on our trail ever since.
Below is a series of communications we’ve intercepted between various UGA agents and their command base, starting in January of this year. You will notice a startling trend in their locations. Actions are being taken to counteract their attempts. Do not worry.
Mission Report—January 2012
Agents on duty: M. Hollister, S. Barr
Location: New Mexico
Status: Op. Rental failed. YBC* and OBC* found alternate transport from AZ before we made contact. Backup plan instated. Followed to their meet with RBC*. Listening devices failed. Event location utilized cell blocks in-room. Face-to-face contact confirmed YBC, OBC, RBC, and LBBC* present. Too many witnesses for Op. Curtain Call.
Mission Report—March 2012
Agents on duty: C. Wolf, V. Smith
Location: New Jersey
Status: First contact established with GBC* and SFC*. RBC in attendance as well. One of the target’s recruits caught our tail. Executed erratic and impressive sweep through freeway traffic to lose us. Recruit has been tagged. Smith will do a follow up with her to use as possible inside agent for the region.
Mission Reports—April 2012
Agents on duty: C. Wolf, F. Williamson
Status: Op. abandoned. SFC spotted surveillance equipment and utilized a massive group of costumed civilians to keep us from gathering useful information.
Agents on duty: B. White, G. Robinson
Status: Suggest updating the photos on file. We could not locate RBC based on what we were sent and lost her in the air terminal. SFC was easier to spot. Bypassed pursuit and went straight to event. Observation only. Canadian counterparts refused to assist in Op. Curtain Call.
Mission Reports —May 2012
Agents on duty: M. Hollister, S. Barr
Status: Tailed RBC from TX border to DFW. Thought she made us, then realized she’d gotten lost—not an attempt to shake us despite driving in circles for an hour. SFC, GBC, and OBC arrived. Observation only during event, too many civilians. TSA agents failed to hold departing targets as requested, despite planting lead powder on seat OBC used in shuttle. Request inter-department meeting regarding this failure.
Agents on duty: V. Smith, D. Wiggins
Status: RBC flying solo. Attempted Op. Curtain Call. She vanished inside a gigantic fast food restaurant. Lost contact for six hours. Tracking on RBC vehicle has been compromised. Attempt to re-tag unsuccessful. Target too suspicious after suspicious attack hours south of locale. (Excuse me, sir, but who made that call?) Suggest agents in Pennsylvania make secondary attempt to plant bug on RBC vehicle.
By reading this message, you have granted Purple Brigade’s First Lieutenant Anthony Michael Hall temporary control of your mind.
Brains or brawn? Which would you choose? In survival situations, brawn may often win. The importance in being able to physically survive unexpected encounters with the undead can’t be understated… but neither can the ability to think and take intelligent, decisive action.
While First Lt. Hall has not yet been tested against the true horror of the endless shambling horde, this Boston native is surely as well-equipped as any of us to not only just survive, but to stand firm with the other Commanders and loyalists when the time comes. Working from an undisclosed location, Anthony’s movements are unpredictable and undetectable to the always present but rarely seen Unidentified Government Agency (UGA), making him an invaluable asset to the more covert operations within the ZSC. But even the most covert of operatives must eventually resurface.
Anthony recently made an appearance at Monster Mania 21 in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, where he was temporarily detained by one such UGA while attempting to secure top secret documentation for an upcoming international operation. In what surely could have developed into a truly perilous situation, he remained calm, put those cerebral talents to good use and slipped free from the grip of danger to arrive unscathed and smiling at MM21.
Anthony Michael Hall is perhaps most well-known for his role as the beloved Brian Johnson in John Hughes’ The Breakfast Club. An original member of the infamous Brat Pack in the 1980’s, he has taken on several television roles in addition to films, most notably the successful television adaptation of Stephen King’s The Dead Zone. He has also recently appeared in the popular television series Warehouse 13 and Community, and worked on the films Sexy Evil Genius and Cottonwood. Our undercover intel operatives have reported that Anthony is currently filming Dead in Tombstone, starring opposite veteran actors Danny Trejo and Micky Rourke.
The gauntlet of bright lights made it hard to keep track of the action, but I managed to catch some shots of Laurie Holden, Steve Yeun, Jeffrey DeMunn and other cast members before settling in for the much anticipated opening episode.
Now you’re not going to get any spoilers from me, so don’t even try…unless you happen to have a million bucks lying around and then maybe we can talk.
But I will say it was not what I was expecting – which is a good thing – and I almost tossed my complimentary popcorn onto the poor souls in front of me a couple of times – which is a great thing. And every time I thought “oh, there’s the ‘gotcha’ moment, thanks, let’s move on,” another one was around the corner, and it just got better and better. That’s not to say there aren’t some extremely telling character development moments that will shake viewers and touch their greatest fears, because…oof, The Walking Dead isn’t pulling any punches.
The opening episode will keep fans guessing and off-balance, confused and screaming (literally) for more. I could have sat there all night watching the entire season.
If you want to hear more than I’m willing to divulge, take a look at some of the production and cast interviews on the red carpet here.
Instead, I stumbled off, still nauseous from the viewing, to the after event where IronE snapped this picture with Steve Yeun that is just too cute for words. Him, not me. What a sweet, articulate, engaging young man he is….kind of reminds of Glen, actually.
ZSC Command not only survived the night, but came away from it having discussed future missions and creating updated strategies. Green brigade Commander IronE Singleton prepped a special mission for the Green Brigade and has the undying gratitude of ZSC Command in its entirety for his commitment to helping us all prepare for the onset of a zombiepocalypse.
Upon returning from Chicago, Yellow Brigade Commander Jinxie G not only got stuck in Chicago’s O’Hare airport, but it seems that the UGA may have been behind it. After dodging, ducking, and turning corners to get away from them, she’s made it back to her hometown, but not without consequences.
Here, she’s checking in to let us know she’s okay, but it’s clear that the UGA is more present now than ever.
And just like Jinxie says, that means the zombiepocalypse is ever closer.
Over the last several weeks we at Zombie Survival Crew command have been gathering, sorting and assessing zombie infiltration threats from ZSC loyalists and Commanders around the U.S. and the world.
There have been reports of zombie activity in Vermont, Texas and Illinois.
Confirmed sightings in Florida, Pennsylvania and New Jersey, as well as in Bulgaria and the U.K.
Our bottom line assessment is that the time to act is quickly approaching. With that in mind we prepared the following emergency dispatch PSA to alert Zombie Survival Crew members to the growing danger. But as you’ll see, our communications have been intercepted…several channels compromised. We believe we know who is behind the attack.
Zombie Survival Crew Command urges all members to make personal contact with Command at every opportunity. For those around Chicago next weekend, several senior ZSC commanders including myself, Jinxie G, Anthony Guajardo, Norman Reedus, Sean Patrick Flanery, David Della Rocco and Addy Miller, will be making appearances at the Wizard World Comicon. If you can beat the horde, please visit the official temporary Zombie Survival Crew command post at the event for a debriefing.
For those of you who are not – we hope you will be able to make personal contact over the coming months and rest assured The Oracle is working purple brigade magic to reestablish secure communications.
Some of you might have noticed that Commander Murphy has been a little quieter than usual lately. In the below video, you’ll see why that is. We kept her missing status quiet because we didn’t want the UGA to hear any rumblings in case they weren’t behind her disappearance. She will brief you on her full experience at a later time, but for now, please listen to her words of advice.
A special thanks to Commander Murphy for bravely sharing what happens when you trust the wrong informant. We love you, RC.
I knew I was taking a risk by flying a commercial airline to rendezvous with our fearless leader, Juliette, in Philadelphia. It was a risk which had to be taken, though. The UGA has been trying to get a bead on me for months, and I felt exposed as I drove up to the airport. Fortunately, there were enough people around that they didn’t attempt an outright snatch in broad daylight. And yes, I knew where the danger lay… the security checkpoint.
Why would the Purple Brigade Commander travel via commercial air when I have a working flux capacitor at my disposal, you ask? Well, the answer lies in keeping the flux capacitor under wraps until it is absolutely necessary. The UGA doubts that I have a working model, and I want to play to those doubts. If they had any idea of some of the modifications I’ve made… well, let’s just say I might become numero uno on their list of commanders to abduct–along with my gadget.
The sweat beaded my brow as I approached the license checkpoint. I arrived at the airport via a circuitous route, and was fairly certain I was not followed, but the security officer would alert the UGA immediately upon checking my identity, I was sure of that. After detaining me so bin stands could be moved from one place to the next, she waved me on to the security checkpoint. I took off my shoes, and placed them with my keys in one bin, and put all of my electronics in another bin. The tension mounted as the bins slid toward the scanner. An agent approached me from behind and said my bins could be consolidated, which she did. I quickly double checked to ensure nothing was planted among my possessions. Phew!!! I continued toward the scanner.
Once my articles were on the conveyor belt, I stepped through the people scanner and an alarm went off. I stepped back, my heart slightly accelerating. I KNEW I didn’t have any metal on my person and suspected foul play. But when I stepped back through the x-ray, I came through clean. Then it was a matter for waiting for my bin to come through. And that’s when they nearly had me.
<-- I have had one of those on my keychain. A pink plastic stick. Yes, I know it’s a kubaton which is potentially a weapon, but it’s pink and plastic for pete’s sake–how can anyone take it seriously?? But here’s where the genius of the UGA comes into play…I was right to suspect the agent who “assisted” me with the bins, and here’s why. Apparently, as long as airport security catches what they consider to be a contraband item prior to exiting the scanner, and you freely surrender the item, then no harm–no foul. BUT if it makes it all the way through the scanner and someone identifies that you have it after the fact, and you didn’t surrender it prior to going through the security check point, then you get a little trip to see the judge… in other words, you’re under arrest.
Fortunately for me, I was alert (I’m always preaching constant vigilance… and it pays off) and took note of everything that was happening, so that security, when they realized I would make them laughingstocks in front of the judge, decided that even though I did not surrender the mighty kubaton (and no I can’t say it without laughing) prior to going through the security checkpoint, that I was free to go. Why did they let me off? If they attempted to prosecute me, they would have had to explain how they not only missed stopping me 3 times, but also, I knew that at least 3 of their agents were unable to identify the kubaton as a weapon.
By the way, my electric toothbrush would be a much better weapon than a pink plastic stick… it has a sharp metal tip which is strong, vibrates at an extreme rate and would easily go through someone’s temple or throat. #justsayin Anyway, the first failure… the agent who scanned my license noticed the kubaton when I placed it in the bin and radioed to another agent to have him stop me. He failed to reach me prior to going through the security check point. Next failure, although I’m sure this agent was a UGA agent masquerading as airport security… the agent who moved my keys with the kubaton attached not only failed to note that it was a weapon, but definitely didn’t stop me. It was in her best interest that I be detained long enough to miss my flight. Oh and the UGA tampered with our fearless leader’s car as well, so she had difficulty in reaching our rendezvous point. The third failure? The agent scanning the items thought that the kubaton was a pencil, and let it go through unquestioned, but was sure my inhaler (from my recent bout with bronchitis) was a lethal weapon… until they looked. And then there was the discussion about whether the kubaton attached to my keys was “real” or not. Although the guard responsible for detaining me, took himself and the situation extremely seriously and accused me of knowing it was a weapon. Yes, I carry it for self-defense…and have never used it.
The kicker? I flew last month on business (non-ZSC business) and no one questioned the fact that I had a pink plastic stick on my keychain.