Doc spots a gigantic cheese wheel and takes a bite. Then Roberta and Addy push the sucker downhill, letting gravity take care of the undead parade. Vasquez helpfully suggests they head to a Mennonite community not far away. He’d been by there six months prior and saw survivors. Considering Serena can’t waddle five feet without projectile puking, it’s a good thing the community isn’t across the state. There’s a long, drawn out sequence covering Serena’s attempt to win gold in the Vomiting Olympics. Give the woman a medal and let’s move on, already. My lunch is trying to crawl up my throat. Note to self: leave the finger sandwiches for after the show.
After the worst of Serena’s morning sickness is over, the group is fired at, destroying the SUV they stole from the Zeroes. Vasquez takes a long-range radio as a souvenir. Serena saves the day, opening fire with an automatic rifle and cursing so much a sailor would be jealous. Hate to admit it, but as gross and annoying as she can be, I’d want her at my side during the apocalypse. If, you know, I still played for Team Living Folk.
Faced with yet another car problem, they simply steal the truck from the woman Serena killed and roll down to the Mennonite community. Vasquez and 10k scout ahead. 10k takes out a few zombies covered in what’s later revealed to be anthrax. Not exactly the fun kind of white powder. Vasquez takes a minute to steal food and listen to the stolen radio. Roberta makes the call to take a chance and enter the community to ask for help. Good thing, too. Not long after they make contact with the Mennonite leader, Jacob, 10k succumbs to anthrax poisoning and Serena’s water breaks. The baby is on the way. No one is prepared, least of all Murphy.
10k is shuffled off to a bunkhouse with other anthrax patients. There’s not enough Cipro, an antibiotic made for animals but still okay for human use, to cure the sick Mennonites and 10k. All they can do with their current supply is stave off death for a little longer. Addy and Vasquez take Jacob to a small town nearby in hopes of finding more antibiotics in the pharmacy. One problem, though; they aren’t the first to reach the pharmacy. Inside they find a junkie who has literally taken everything behind the counter in an attempt to kill himself. Obviously it didn’t work. The junkie asks them to kill him. When Addy declines, he desperately attacks Vasquez, who shoots him in the head. Jacob judges their actions harshly after Addy explains it’s just the way they have to do things now.
Back at the community, Serena and Murphy are flat-out ridiculous while dealing with her labor pains. Doc has no clue what to do between a sick 10k and the mother-to-be’s screaming. At one point Doc arms himself with a meat cleaver after witnessing the baby pushing through Serena’s stomach to say hello to her father. Murphy isn’t fazed. After Addy and Vasquez return, she succumbs to the anthrax, as well. Roberta is pushed into a corner. She can let two of her people die, jeopardizing the safety of Murphy and the baby who both carry the cure, or she can rob some very nice people and doom their sick to death. The latter option wins. There’s simply too much at stake—which she conveys to Jacob as they steal what little Cipro is left.
Back on baby watch, it’s time for the blessed event. This is one determined newborn. The little girl not only pulls herself from Serena’s womb—without injuring her mother—but she also chews through her umbilical cord. The crew aren’t the only ones to witness the birth. Zombies from everywhere flock to the barn, including three people leading a camel.
Yes, they snuck in a Jesus joke. You may applaud them for their audacity.
The zombies are riled up once Murphy holds his daughter. He can’t control the undead, they’re too focused on his daughter. Serena sacrifices herself, attacking the zombies so Murphy and the others can flee. Roberta stops to give her mercy after she turns. It’s unclear how, exactly, everyone makes it out of the barn unscathed considering 10k and Addy were too sick to move at the moment of the birth. Television magic, I guess.
Father and daughter have a nice bonding moment before Roberta orders everyone back into the truck so they can continue to dodge the nuclear fallout and head toward California. Murphy takes a second to give his little girl a proper name, Lucy, named after his mother.
And the moment is over when the camera cuts to the giant cheese wheel still mowing down everything in its path.
How fast can the group travel with a newborn on board? Hard to tell. Plus, there’s now the problem of feeding a baby without a mother or supplies. What does Lucy eat? We’ll probably find out soon. I’m going to guess baby doesn’t crave momma’s milk.
Slow your roll. This review contains spoilers. Are you ready?
The family is finally back on track with their original plan—pack everything they need and drive out to the desert to wait out the worst. That last part is hysterical. They’re not paying attention to what’s going on around them. Travis is convinced the government will find a way to fix the infected. Daniel is far more practical. He knows it’s “us versus them.” Which them, though? The infected and their mindless search for sustenance? The soldiers imprisoning them in the Safe Zone? The government doctors kidnapping anyone and everyone with symptoms of illness, both physical and mental? For Daniel, it doesn’t matter so long as he and Ofelia survive. The only reason he stays with Travis and Madison is because they’re heading to the medical facility to retrieve Liza and Nick. He won’t leave the city without Griselda. Daniel’s practicality demands they kill Adams so he doesn’t alert the remaining soldiers in the city. There’s an argument, of course. Travis wins the round, with an assist from cold-hearted Madison, and they take Adams along to provide a map for the military compound housing Exner’s clinic.
Except then the bleeding-heart lets Adams go. Why? Because Adams whines endlessly about being tortured. Cry me a river. Going from what we saw on-screen, Daniel gave him a couple paper cuts. This is why it was vital they establish the torture on-screen in episode five. Without it, the story line with Adams falls flat and makes no sense later on when Adams catches up with the group to confront Daniel. Why go back for revenge? Adams wasn’t permanently harmed. His wounds were entirely superficial. He showed no genuine mental anguish during or after the lackluster torture scenes. It’s another case of the writers drumming up tension without actually establishing any.
Not even the massive wave of infected in the second half of the episode manages to make an impression. As part of the plan to sneak into the military compound, Daniel utilizes the stadium overflowing with infected to distract the soldiers. There’s the usual footage starring clueless men shooting through a chain link fence. All the actual hand-to-teeth action is seen through Liza’s eyes as she’s preparing to evacuate with the clinic staff. In slow motion. While she stands still for two and a half minutes—I timed it—doing not a bloody thing. There are times for realism; any person faced with a zombie horde would freeze. However, with an already snail-paced first season and copious slow-mo shots, this was a bad call by the production crew. There’s no sense of urgency from the characters. They’re watching dozens die at the hands of people they assumed were just sick. Yet they stand around, twiddling their thumbs. Even when Liza discovers that Exner murdered the clinic patients who couldn’t be transported—the helicopter evacuation team tucks tail after discovering the infected horde—her reaction is, “Oh. Well, they’re dead. You, the woman who killed them, should come with my family.”
A lot of questionable behavior by the survivors gets swept under the rug. One exchange cannot be overlooked. While Travis, Madison, Daniel, and Ofelia are in the compound searching for their kidnapped family members, Chris and Alicia wait with the cars in an underground garage. Once the feces hits the fan, some of the soldiers tuck tail and run. A few find the kids and demand they hand over the keys to the SUV. Alicia and Chris fight back as best as they can. Then one of the soldiers stops and threatens to rape Alicia. This is not okay anymore. I’m tired of every man on TV with questionable morals resorting to rape in order to prove they’re not the good guys. Quite frankly, it’s lazy and predictable. Plus, it makes no sense. “Oh, we’re being chased by zombies? Let me stop and try to rape this chick.” Yeah, no. That’s simply not how the flight-or-fight trigger works. These men feared for their lives, not their libidos. Stopping to grab a little action before securing their safety goes against human nature. Writers, leave the rape threats on the cutting room floor. Surely as a group we’ve all moved past this bad-guy trope.
What about Nick? Well, he’s still got a friend in Strand—the well-dressed man he shares a cell with in the clinic. They break out after it’s obvious the soldiers are fleeing. Do they help anyone else? No. It’s another nail in Nick’s likeability coffin and doesn’t do a thing to make us find common footing with Strand. They’re sitting ducks in the compound, soldiers or not. The guy they needed to get a ride to freedom is somebody’s dinner. Then they walk the wrong way down a hallway with an automatically locking door. Luckily Liza happens to find them, and the others trying to save them, and unlocks the door. As reward for the assist, Strand takes them to his oceanfront property. They’re not staying in the gorgeous house. Strand is a nomad at heart. He knows setting up camp is a death sentence.
There’s business to take care of before they can leave the house for the yacht floating just off the coast. First, Ofelia has a bullet wound from Adams’ attempt at revenge. It’s not clear where, exactly, she is injured, just that it isn’t likely to kill her. Second, their only trained medical person was bitten in the rush to escape via a detour through the military compound’s kitchen. Liza takes a walk down to the beach. Nosey Madison follows. Turnabout is fair play in the apocalypse, spurring Liza to ask Madison to kill her before she turns—a talk which went the other way around about the time the Safe Zone was established. It takes so long for this talk, Travis finds the women. He ends up putting Liza down, despite both women agreeing it’d do irreparable damage to his fragile psyche. The episode ends with another drawn out set of slow-motion shots ranging from Travis’ anguished lament in the surf to Chris discovering his mother’s body.
That’s it. There’s no momentum catapulting these characters into season two. It’s inexcusable. They knew well in advance that FtWD would have a second season. It wasn’t like they wrote season one completely blind to the show’s future, as so many infant series do nowadays with fickle audiences and wary network executives. The Walking Dead franchise is more or less all AMC focuses on as their cash cow. So why end this show in particular in such a boring way? Yes, they kill a main character. Yes, it should be tragic. But it isn’t. Liza isn’t given enough screen time to make fans like her enough to mourn. The slow-motion ending drags down the tempo and Travis’ breakdown in the surf is almost parody. I do not have high hopes for season two. If this show sees a third season, it’s simply because AMC is milking this cow until the teats run dry, then putting it out of its misery.
The catch? It’s not as simple as going in, grabbing a few leaves, and dosing the infected. Oh no. Some brain trust used zombie to fertilize the plants in the greenhouse. Not only does the added nutrients add a kick to the Z-Weed, it also allows the greenhouse to create its own zombie breed—Phytozombies.
Essentially the greenhouse is one gigantic organism connected by vines, with Batch 47 as the brain. Did I mention Batch 47 is the supposed zombie cure? Or that it seriously doesn’t like anyone? The thing is so ferocious, Odengard—the man who found the greenhouse and its Z-Weed surprise—suckers hopeful survivors into braving the phytos and fetching seed pods from 47. Needless to say, a few phytos are made in the effort.
Impatient as always, Murphy strolls into Odengard’s lab, introduces himself, and takes over the harvesting mission. By the time he’s done convincing Odengard by leading him safely to 47 to grab a test seed pod, Roberta and the others catch up. They’re so busy plotting how to snag Murphy, they don’t realize they’ve become part of his plan to dodge endless needles by going to holistic route. Any port in a storm, right? They agree to help, spurred by a sick girl who doesn’t want to turn zombie after she dies from an antibiotic-resistant bacterial infection. Who can say no to a dying girl? Not these suckers.
Into the vines they go. Murphy leads the way, keeping everyone safe. I know, don’t die of shock. They reach 47 with little excitement. Things hit the fan once they start pulling leaves and pods from the plant. 47 uses its buddies to scare the group. Murphy steps up to control the phytos. 47 isn’t having any of it and fights back. The combined strength of the phytos is too much. The group takes what they gathered and leaves—after Murphy ditches them.
Someone has been tracking Murphy. Turns out its dread Dr. Kurian, who didn’t die in the nuclear blast as we thought. He breaks the bad news: Batch 47 won’t work. Matter of fact, Kurian’s stand on Murphy and his not-quite-zombie nature has changed. He thinks Murphy’s kind will rule and he wants in on the ground floor of a new civilization. They don’t get to plot a mad scheme. There’s no time. Kurian’s buddies, the Zeroes cartel, roll onto the scene. He’s not exactly their favorite person.
No one is the Zeroes’ favorite person, least of all Odengard. Escorpion, who we met in the previous episode, is their head bad-ass. He has no time for Odengard’s Batch 47 missions. To prove his point, Escorpion doses Odengard with powdered 47 delivered via a high-powered vape pen. First reaction? Ecstatic energy. Second reaction? Boom! Zombie Odengard. Escorpion gives him mercy, gathers whatever Z-Weed and Batch 47 is harvested, and orders his goons to torch the greenhouse.
Unaware of 47’s epic failure, Murphy attempts to save the plant. 47 untangles itself and chases Murphy through the greenhouse. Just as he’s almost out, the vines snag him. Roberta and Doc attempt to cut him free. Addy and 10k grab a few loose vines and feed them into an industrial fan. Smoothies, anyone? They drag a distraught Murphy to the car. Doc stops to give the dying girl a couple Batch 47 leaves to chew on the off-chance it’ll keep her from turning.
Serena finally finds her baby daddy. The little bundle of joy is just as excited to see Murphy. This is one story line I can’t wait to see through to the end.
Hold your horses! There’s spoilers in this review.
Travis attempts to grow a pair and confronts Moyers about Griselda and Nick’s abduction. Eventually he whines enough, Moyers gives in and takes Travis for a ride along with a seriously overworked unit. Their final destination is the military base camp and medical facility two miles east of the safe zone where Liza and Exner are holed up—one doctor and four nurses tending to every sick/injured civilian in Los Angeles. Travis and Moyers don’t see eye-to-eye on anything, most importantly the actual classification for the infected. Moyers knows they’re dead. Travis thinks there’s some wondrous cure on the way.
In an attempt to fix Travis’ point-of-view, the soldiers stop to dispatch an infected woman and invite him to take the shot. Hey, it’s only three points in their absurd zombie-killing game, but that’s good enough for Mr. Pacifist, right? Obviously Travis can’t take the shot. The second he spots the woman’s name tag, he steps away from the sniper’s rifle. One of the guys kills the woman and they’re on the road again.
Not for long. A distress call comes in. A unit is trapped in an overrun library. They take a detour to bail out their fellow soldiers. It’s a train wreck. Moyers is presumed dead. The others jump back in the vehicle and make it clear—Travis isn’t going to see Liza and Nick. They’ll drop him off near the fence before heading out to evacuate their families. If their families are still alive. So much for Travis’ attempt to exert power in his newfound position as mayor of safe zone number whatever.
Now let’s address the elephant in the room—Daniel torturing Ofelia’s soldierboy, Adams.
I had such high hopes after seeing this character turn to embrace necessity to Get Things Done. Problem is, producers failed this character horrifically. They destroyed his reputation as the old wise man to give him a darker twist, the man who’ll do anything to save his family.
This is the same ruthless breed which begat Rick Grimes from season 4. You know, the man who tore a man’s throat out with his teeth. At no point did they hesitate in Rick’s defining scene. Yet when it came to bringing Daniel around to the same character traits, they chickened out. Big time. The man tortured Adams. Daniel cut him open numerous times. We never clearly see the wounds. We don’t actually see more than ten seconds of active “torture.” There’s more detail in the episode 103 scene when he blows an infected man’s face off. Yet we’re supposed to believe it’s so bad his daughter runs away from him. Then they turn around and make Madison so blasé about the torture, it’s like Daniel just gave Adams a bad manicure.
What was the point of kidnapping and disfiguring Adams? Information. Namely about Cobalt, a call-sign Daniel hears repeatedly on Adams’ radio. The same call-sign is repeated while Travis is riding with Moyers and his unit. But what does it mean? The military will pull its forces at 0900 and “humanely” terminate the living within Los Angeles. Really? We waited the entire episode to learn that Cobalt is probably the same call-sign used in Atlanta before they blew it up? Which means these families will be caught in a similar scene as when Lori and Shane met Carol and Ed. Yawn. We already knew this is what would happen, writers. Did you hope fans somehow forgot? That we wouldn’t be able to predict this type of situation happening when it was clear in TWD; blowing everything up was the only solution the military could concoct to stem the rapidly spreading outbreak? Again, they built all this tension and fell far short of the goal line.
Now we know more-or-less what’ll happen in the first season finale. Do you hold out hopes they’ll actually manage to create a clever plot twist or have you given up on this show like so many fans who’ve turned their full attention back to waiting for TWD?
Given the amount of undead action on our plates, and the ferocity with which we love the shows, it’s only right to have a survival plan in place to make it through those rough episodes.
Note: this is not to replace your current go bags, escape routes, or safe haven plans.
Prepare your viewing room.
Remove any and all breakable items from the room. There may be random bouts of flailing or flinging things at the television screen. We don’t want to ruin anything important.
Ensure there’s a clear path to the bathroom. You’ve only got a couple minutes during commercial breaks to answer nature’s call. Don’t waste a second tripping over shoes or toys. Miss one second of the action and you may miss saying goodbye to a favorite character.
Build yourself a squishy fort. Load it with pillows and blankets. Pillows come in handy when you need to hug a character, yet can’t. Blankets provide the perfect Gore Shield, lest the blood and guts on screen become too much to handle.
Kleenex. Trash can. Need we say more?
Secure your noise-sensitive pets in a quiet room with their favorite toys and a goody or two. Some animals don’t react well when their owners randomly shout at the television.
Keep a roll of duct tape on the coffee table. Just in case you have that one friend over. You know, the one who stands and paces while yelling at the TV.
Refreshments. You need to keep your strength up.
The ideal foods to serve should be cold or room temperature. Soft, yet not too messy. This is in case you drop the food during a tense moment. Hot foods will burn your lap. Messy foods stain clothes/carpets/furniture. Hard foods, when thrown, have the potential to break glass. Like a TV.
Beverages should be cold to prevent burns. Preferably clear. Again, to prevent personal harm or property damage if spills happen in the heat of the moment.
Plastic or paper serving dishes, plates, and cups.
Avoid foods and drinks which resemble blood, internal organs, or raw meat if you have a weak stomach for gore.
Drink plenty of water. Exciting shows raise your heartrate and blood pressure—just like jogging*. Maintaining adequate hydration will keep you comfortable. (*Do not use TDW or FtWD as a replacement for your regular exercise program.)
Play nice with others.
Call dibs on bathroom use to avoid a stampede when commercial breaks hit.
Warn your neighbors if you feel you will yell at the show. This is especially important for apartment dwellers, those with noise-sensitive roommates, or folks living in otherwise quiet neighborhoods.
Do not, under any circumstance, discuss potential spoilers while the show is airing. Your viewing party pals may enjoy being surprised. Don’t ruin it for them.
The tortoise-pace they’re traveling at frustrates Murphy to no end. He takes it out on Citizen Z, demanding the compu-geek get his tail in gear and locate Dr. Marilyn Merch, the woman who gave him the zombie-virus vaccination back in the prison. Murphy’s anger comes out of left field. The entire drive, he’s been a suitcase, more or less—along for the ride and not doing much to help. Suddenly, he’s itching for revenge against Dr. Merch. It could be his deteriorating condition ramping up his frustration. Without open communication from California, he’s not getting any answers about what’s happening to him or what will happen a week from now, or years down the road. How much of Murphy will be left by the time they reach the lab?
If they reach the lab in California.
Yet again, the brain trust escorting Mankind’s Hope does something stupid and end up without access to their car. In the middle of a zombie-infested golf course. Why did it take all five of them to check a bridge? Roberta could’ve hopped out, jumped on the thing a few times to test it, then hope back in and drive on. But oh no, everyone piles from the SUV and onto the bridge, allowing a small zombie horde to cut them off from the car. Into the clubhouse they go. Except Murphy. He takes advantage of his new natural zombie appeal and snags a few practice swings on the course. Which means he isn’t present for the rescue-slash-meeting with a trio of new survivors. After bailing Roberta, 10k, Doc, and Cassandra out of a bind, the new guys—Frank, Janice, and Henry—invite everyone for a few drinks. One thing leads to a few too many drinks and Murphy spills the beans on his whole savior gig.
Somehow the next round of drinks ends up drugged. No clue how that happened. Murphy is abducted. Everyone else is handcuffed in an uncomfortable conga line with a zombie. Good thing there’s an umbrella handy. Does anyone else have a hard time suspending belief long enough to buy that any of the weapons used on the show would work to puncture a skull?
Fred and his gang drive Murphy into the middle of nowhere—not to be confused with the vast nowhere they’ve driven through for the entire show—and lay out their master plan. Mr. Savior will lead them into a pharmaceutical warehouse where they will load up on OxyContin. Because, as everyone knows, the only currency in the apocalypse is drugs. Only losers barter with food and other items essential to survival.
There’s one catch in the plan—the zombies aren’t the same run-of-the-mill undead they’ve run from since New York. Oh no. Half of the Zs are wired on Ritalin. Others, well, let’s just say the little blue pill doesn’t need a functioning circulatory system in order to affect a man. I’d like to thank the writers for sparing us from actually witnessing undead love-making. The reactions from Roberta and Doc were enough to sell the idea without crossing that line.
Murphy is one step ahead of everyone, concocting his own evil plan. First, he spits in Janice’s water. Then he works on her emotions, reminding her about her husband who died the last time they attempted to snag the drugs. Come to find out, Murphy’s mental mojo doesn’t just work on the undead. He controls Janice like a puppet, making her raise and lower her gun with a thought. Since it works so well, he takes the opportunity to scratch Henry, adding to his puppet army. Moments before he enters the drug company’s gates, Murphy bites Fred—insurance lest his plan go awry at any point.
Which, of course, it does.
Unaware that Murphy has his own escape plan in place, Roberta, Doc, 10k, and Cassandra barrel into the building. The distraction, plus the zombies following shortly after, gives Fred a chance to hold Murphy hostage. He’s the savior, after all. Killing him would put a damper in everyone’s day. Annoyed by being held like a damsel in distress, Murphy orders Fred to kill himself. The zombies take care of Henry and Janice. Everyone piles into a conveniently placed van and they drive off into the Colorado sunset.
It’s not the most meaningful episode, save Murphy’s Puppet Master routine and Cassandra’s dwindling health from the infection in her leg. But, hey, they’ve got yet another maybe-reliable car. Citizen Z thinks he’s on the right track to find Dr. Merch. Things might finally go right for Murphy and his escort team just in time for the finale.
As promised, Fear the Walking Dead starts with a little undead action. We find Nick Bennett in a church which has been turned into a shooting gallery for heroin addicts where they partake in “Junkie Communion.” He wakes, looking for Gloria, the girl he shot up with the night before. Unbeknownst to him, she’s already up and eating breakfast. Not too sure how much nutrition is in a guy’s face, but it doesn’t stop her from chowing down on a poor sap’s cheek and lips. Nick freaks, as one does when facing an aggressive cannibal with freaky eyes, and bolts from the flophouse. He’s hit by a car when he stupidly stops in the middle of the street to catch his breath.
In the first five minutes, they establish Nick as an unreliable narrator. This position is reinforced after he’s checked into the hospital. A cop asks Nick all the usual questions—what happened, why was he running, where’d he get the smack from? Despite being freaked out, Nick responds with sarcasm and lies, calling his delusional ramblings about blood and gore a, “Runner’s high.” The lies continue when he mother, Madison Bennett, arrives at the hospital. It isn’t until much later that Nick opens up to Madison’s boyfriend, Travis Manawa, about what he saw. He admits he’s terrified to think what he saw isn’t real, but cooked up by his drug-addled mind. “If that came out of me, then I’m insane, Travis. Yeah, insane. I really don’t want to be insane.”
The episode’s tempo drops drastically once Madison and her daughter Alicia leave the hospital and head to school. Alicia is a student at the school where Madison is the guidance counselor. Travis also works at the school as an English teacher. At this point in the show, Alicia is only present to show just how screwed up her brother is compared to a “normal” child raised under the same circumstances. She has a steady boyfriend, a place at Berkeley after she graduates, and a serious chip on her shoulder when it comes to trusting her druggie brother. The last, I’ll give them a pass. It’s gut-wrenching to see a sibling fall into drug dependency and unable to help them in any way that sticks. But couldn’t they do more with Alicia? Anytime she’s given decent screen time, she’s latched onto her boyfriend, repeating, “One more year,” referring to her great escape to college. And then the oh-so-essential personality point, her boyfriend, goes missing. At least she gets more screen time than Chris, Travis’s son, and his mother Liza. There is more zombie footage than their bit part in the episode.
The mid-episode doldrums grabbed hard and fast. In an eye-rolling attempt to break it up, the show kept zooming in on people facing away from the camera and playing, “OMG, this guy’s a zombie,” music. Or they latched onto Madison’s near-belligerent refusal to listen to Nick and Travis when they told her about Gloria and the murders in the church. For heaven’s sake, Travis put his hand in a gore puddle, yet it’s not enough to convince Madison there’s something going on. Instead, she accuses Travis of using her son as a Band-Aid on his broken relationship with Chris. It’s not until Nick breaks out of the hospital that Madison will consider going to the church to see what happened with her own eyes. Even then, she has a minimal reaction to the blood on the floor, yet completely breaks down over a needle in one of Nick’s books.
After Travis and Madison leave the church, they hit traffic—not unheard of on L.A.’s notoriously awful freeway system. They hear police warning people to stay in their cars and gunshots. Travis pulls onto the clearer road and they head home. The next day, however, we find out what happened on the freeway via a viral video the school’s staff watches together. After a car crash, EMT’s treat the victims. One man, lying on a backboard, attacks an EMT. Police beat him with batons, to no avail. Eventually they shoot him about eight times in the chest and, surprise, he stands again. Finally, an officer shoots the man in the head. This isn’t the first documented case of this nature. Tobias, a student Madison has taken under her wing because he’s prime bully bait, brings a knife to school the morning of Nick’s accident. He says, “We’re safer in numbers.” Madison asks why, but he doesn’t really answer. She voices her concern about his future if he continues acting out, bringing weapons to school. Tobias goes on to tell her, “No one’s going to college. No one’s doing anything they think they are.” The kids online are hip to what’s going down. All the adults have their head in the sand, apparently. Well, the adults and Alicia. She assumes the footage from the freeway incident is fake. When the police order the school to cut classes short, her belief wavers a little.
Nick’s a free man. So what’s the first thing he does? Call his drug dealer, Calvin. Madison and Travis think Cal is just Nick’s friend. Yeah, the only friend a junkie needs. Cal and Nick meet at a diner, then drive down to the Los Angeles River. Nick assumes he’s about to score dope. Cal assumes Nick is an idiot and plans to shoot him. They fight. Cal gets a bullet to the gut. Nick bolts like his stolen pants are on fire. Unsure what to do with the corpse, he calls Travis. Yes, because your mom’s boyfriend is always the first logical choice when dealing with murder. Being a good boyfriend, Travis brings Madison along and they all drive back down to the river. Only, there’s no body. Now Madison and Travis think Nick’s completely bonkers. That is until Cal shuffles up behind them when they go to leave. Madison tried to help. Cal mistakes her for a hamburger. Taking matters into his own hands, Nick runs over Cal twice to save his mother. It doesn’t kill the undead, just disables him enough he can’t attack anymore.
All Madison can say is, “What the hell’s happening?” Travis replies, “I have no idea.”
Which is pretty much how I feel after watching a ninety-minute episode for maybe twenty minutes of actual plot. This isn’t TWD, with its non-stop walker action, that’s for sure. But it’s also got a long ways to go in order to become a solid genre show which will keep fans in their seats instead of wandering off for snacks every time Alicia is on screen or Madison waves off Travis’ well-founded concerns for the thousandth time. They could have done so much more with the extra time for the pilot episode, and I don’t mean just cramming in more walkers or slow pans to show downtown Los Angeles.
Keep the fish in cold water until you’re ready to clean them. Fish spoils rapidly after death. Plan to catch, clean, and cook the fish within a two-hour span or less.
Prepare your cleaning table. Cover the table with newspaper. Set out everything you’ll need. Nothing is worse than getting fish goo all over your hands, then stopping to fetch the knife you forgot in the bottom of your go bag. Cleaning fish is messy. It’s best you don’t do this in camp, lest the residual mess you can’t clean attract wildlife.
Scaling the fish.
Grab your first fish and plop it on the cleaning table—keep the rest in cold water until it’s their turn. Hold the fish down by its head. Starting at the tail, use the butter knife or fish scaler to scrape the scales, working toward the head. Short, medium pressure strokes work best. Don’t press too hard, you’ll damage the flesh. Make sure to remove all the scales around the fins and gills.
Rinse the fish. Make sure all the loose scales are rinsed off. If you have more fish to work on, store the little fellow in clean water.
The First Cut:
Now is not the moment to be squeamish. Set the scaled fish down on the prep table. Hold it down firmly by the head, as before. Using the sharp knife, insert the blade tip into the fish’s anus—that’s down near the tail on the underside of the fish. Note: If you have a larger fish—one larger than a frying pan’s diameter—flip it onto its back for easier cutting.
Draw the knife along the fish’s belly, going from the tail toward the gills. Put the knife aside.
Now for the messy part.
Stick your fingers into the fish and scoop out everything inside. Dump the innards into the trash bowl. Note: Do not dispose of the innards near camp. All camp garbage should be stored elsewhere so it doesn’t attract wildlife.
Rinse the fish. Make sure to give it a good wash inside to remove anything which could potentially make you sick.
Off with its head! Some people are opposed to eating food that looks at them. If you want to, cut the head off behind the gills and give it another quick rinse.
Store the clean fish in cold, clean water until you’re ready to cook it. We suggest using Commander in Chief Juliette Terzieff’s quick and easy recipe.
Yawn if you’re as tired of the same recycled story line as I am.
The gang is back together again. Citizen Z actually did something right, leading everyone to the same underground bunker in Utah for a happy reunion and to grab supplies from Chester. Who happened to put a bullet in his brain not too long before they showed up. Oops. Oh well, the food and water are still there. Before the hugging and back-patting fest, Addy and Mack venture the tunnels alone, killing any stray zombies they came across. One already dispatched zombie is tied to a chair with a bag over his head. O . . . kay. Seems perfectly normal.
In another room, four zombies shamble around aimlessly. Addy takes the lead, dancing into the fray and singing a nursery rhyme with an apocalypse twist. Mack isn’t entertained. He’s concerned about the lingering effects from Addy’s breakdown at the river. (I’m still concerned about the lingering effects of that episode on my mind, as well, Mack.)
Mack asks Addy, “You couldn’t just give them Mercy?”
Addy replies, “What fun would that be?”
Not long after everyone is reunited, Addy takes a swing at Chester’s corpse. More than a few swings. It looks like she is warming up for the Home Run Derby. “Somebody got up on the wrong side of the apocalypse,” Murphy observes. Hey, Mack? Your girlfriend lost a cog or four after her little dream-fest. May want to see if you can find her professional help.
Good news, everyone! The scientists in California aren’t dead. Just when I thought for sure the gang would be left up Feces Creek with nothing but Murphy’s shining personality to paddle with, Citizen Z delivers the good news—their cross-country trek and the lives they’ve taken/loss aren’t a giant waste of time. Paired with the new-to-them SUV and they may just arrive in California with everyone safe and sound. Unless the writers decide to employ yet another vehicle mishap to delay the mission again.
On their way through Utah, west of Salt Lake City, the gang comes across a handful of zombie boys. Further up the road, they spot a live boy walking along like there’s no apocalypse. The boy is under the impression that he can simply walk into Mord—Salt Lake City and visit his father. After all, his mother says it’s okay. Roberta isn’t buying it. Why lie to the kid about the city being overrun? They pack the kid into the overly crowded SUV and drive down the road to talk to mommy dearest about her shining parenting skills.
Despite bringing back the kid safe and sound, the crew is met at the community’s gate by armed women. There’s not a man in sight. For a reason—there’s absolutely no men allowed inside the gates. Not even humanity’s savior. Murphy, Mack, Doc, and 10k remain outside while Roberta, Addy, and Cassandra head inside for a little R&R, supplies, and treatment for the infection on Cassandra’s leg. It takes no time at all for the community’s head sister-wife, Helen, to start manipulating Addy. She comes across as the ideal person for Addy to work through her problems with, begin healing the trauma she forgot for so long. Actually, Helen just wants another strong woman in her group.
The entire compound runs on the idea that men created the apocalypse. Helen murdered her abusive husband. Scouts from the group venture out to track abused women and bring them into the sister-wife fold. But they don’t just bring the women, oh no. They snag the men and dispense their particular brand of justice—feeding the abusers to a zombie bear without trial. At one point, they take Addy and Roberta along for one of these rescue missions. A motorcycle crew (MC) has two women bound and trapped in their sidecars. The sister-wives stage a broke-down car and wait. The MC guys take the bait, offering to help. They’re outnumbered. It doesn’t take much for the women to disarm and capture them, tying them all together. Then Helen puts her master plan to work, asking Addy to shoot an MC member. She uses Addy’s trauma from the cannibal fiasco to egg her on. Addy pulls the trigger and doesn’t flinch. The MC guys are left to fend for themselves against their newly undead buddy.
Back at the compound, Murphy has his own R&R time with a buxom blonde. On her way back inside the gate, the blonde is held hostage by the surviving MC member. Mack saves the day. But it doesn’t make him feel any better. Why? Addy wants to stay with Helen and the sister-wives. She’s certain if she continues on the mission to California, it’ll be the end of her . . . or Mack. Neither a prospect she can handle with her current mental problems. Should Addy find a safe place to hole up until Murphy’s cure is dispersed? Totally. Should she stay for Helen to use as her personal executioner? No way. Nothing Mack says changes Addy’s mind. He charges the gate to try one last time to convince her to leave. One of the sister-wives shoots him in the shoulder. Roberta tries to save him from himself. Mack pulls a gun on her. Eventually Roberta steps aside. Gunshots ring out. We have no clue what happens to Mack.
Two characters dropped off the mission. It’s not a huge loss considering Addy and Mack weren’t with the crew for several episodes. When they were, Addy’s mental hiccups prevented her from providing much help and Mack spent more time keeping her safe than protecting the asset—Murphy’s miraculous blood. Seems like things are back on track for Mission Save Everyone. Good thing. There’s only two episodes left.
The best survival plan begins long before you and your family comes face-to-gnashing-teeth with danger. Figuring out where you’ll live now that home-sweet-home is covered in zombie drool should be high on the priority list. For some, it’s not ideal to leave their home due to disability, young children and infants, elderly parents, etc. Others already have their evacuation plans in hand with every route mapped out so they hopefully land somewhere z-free with a place to settle down. For the record, we don’t suggest an old prison, it doesn’t seem to end well.
For any location you choose to settle down, there are a few basic things to do which will give you a little more time for fight or flight if the zombies find you.
Cover every single window. Ditto with doors, leaving two with a relatively easy way to exit just in case. We suggest using corrugated metal, 5/8″ exterior grade plywood, or marine plywood. Screwing the boards in place will make them stronger. You may want to pack a battery-powered drill in your supplies cache. If that’s not doable, hammer and long nails will work. Place the boards on the outside of the house—it’ll prevent a horde from using sheer weight to push them free. Don’t forget to secure the garage door! You’ll want the extra safe space, anyway.
Grab anything outside your safe house which can be used as a battering ram and bring it inside—trash cans, barbeque, lawn furniture, gardening equipment, etc. We’re not saying the zombies will be brighter than the dirt on their feet, but one must take into account possible human invasion as well. Particularly people who have grown desperate and angry over failure to secure a place of their own.
Take the time to do a little yardwork. Clearing away grass, shrubs, and trees within a 10-yard radius around the house will prevent accidental fires. The cleared wood (if dry, or set aside to dry) will come in handy, anyway. Plus, if you get rid of the lawn, there’s not much holding you back from finally using that flamethrower you picked up on a whim. I kid. Mostly.
Bring all of your supplies inside the safe house—water, tools, food, clothing lines, wash buckets, firewood, etc. If you cannot secure your vehicle(s) inside a connected garage, drain the gas and bring it inside, as well.
It may not look like much, but it could be home sweet home with the right planning and preparation.
Here are a few health safety tips to remember about your newly secured safe house:
Establish a clean room for cooking and food storage. In another room, create a clean place to tend to medical emergencies. I’d highly suggest using vinegar to clean these rooms, not bleach. With low water supplies, you may not be able to rinse away bleach to safe-to-handle levels. However, keep bleach on-hand to purify washing water.
Do not use a barbecue indoors! If you are without a propane stove, plan to create a secure, well-ventilated patio outside one of your two emergency exit doors. As a bonus, this can act as a staging area if you must evacuate from the safe house.
Keep the generator outside. Carbon monoxide poisoning isn’t pretty. This is the only survival item you must leave outside. Hey, if you build that patio, it can go there, as well.
Do not use kerosene for your indoor lamps. It smells awful and the impurities aren’t good for your lungs. Opt for lamp oil and make sure to read the label to see if the brand is safe for indoor use.
Keep all flames away from the secured windows/doors. If there is a breach, the flame will likely fall over. Don’t make the zombies’ job easier by giving them a way to burn you out of your safe house.
Signs of carbon monoxide poisoning: Nausea, dizziness, weakness, confusion, disorientation, vomiting, and sleepiness.
Doc spots a gigantic cheese wheel and takes a bite. Then Roberta and Addy push the sucker downhill, letting gravity take care of the undead parade. Vasquez helpfully suggests they head to a Mennonite community not far away. He’d been by there six months prior and saw survivors. Considering Serena can’t waddle five feet without projectile puking, it’s a good thing the community isn’t across the state. There’s a long, drawn out sequence covering Serena’s attempt to win gold in the Vomiting Olympics. Give the woman a medal and let’s move on, already. My lunch is trying to crawl up my throat. Note to self: leave the finger sandwiches for after the show.
Faced with yet another car problem, they simply steal the truck from the woman Serena killed and roll down to the Mennonite community. Vasquez and 10k scout ahead. 10k takes out a few zombies covered in what’s later revealed to be anthrax. Not exactly the fun kind of white powder. Vasquez takes a minute to steal food and listen to the stolen radio. Roberta makes the call to take a chance and enter the community to ask for help. Good thing, too. Not long after they make contact with the Mennonite leader, Jacob, 10k succumbs to anthrax poisoning and Serena’s water breaks. The baby is on the way. No one is prepared, least of all Murphy.
