Whether it’s through bad calls from the government, medical professionals, and police forces or if the mass panic in large cities like Los Angeles is the perfect breeding ground for new zombies. More often than not, I find myself watching the background action in every scene. Why continue to shove poorly written characters in our faces when the best part of the show happens without them? Numerous fans have told me they’d much rather the show follow Tobias. He seems to be the only one fully aware of the ramifications of these attacks and what it means for mankind’s future. But he’s only on screen for a few minutes total halfway through the season. It’s like the writers want to hide his intelligence after realizing how moronic the lead characters are when it comes to common sense.
Head’s up! There’s episode spoilers in the rest of this review.
Some of you surely think I’m overreacting, that there’s no way the same people who gave us Rick Grimes and company can produce such wholly flawed characters. I’m not talking flawed like Carol’s sociopathy or Daryl’s antisocial nature. We’re talking characters so poorly written, if they were actual people, they’d find it impossible to function in normal society without ending up injuring themselves or others. Madison in particular cannot operate under basic logic. In the beginning of this episode, not much time has passed since we left off in episode 2. So she should still feel the adrenaline rush—or at least the let-down from it—after bashing in Artie’s head with a fire extinguisher. You know, her friend and coworker. The man she risked her life to help despite Tobias’ warnings. At no point does reason say Madison should force her children to wait at the house for Travis and his family when she knows these infected people can and will hurt others. Not to mention, she watched an infected neighbor chow down on the birthday party crew, so she knows danger is at their door.
Does she make Captain Addict and Princess Stubborn climb into the car? No. Madison sits them down to play Monopoly. Her dingbattiness must be inherited by the kids.
When they hear a noise at the door, Nick just wanders over to open it, letting in a stray German shepherd. Hold that thought for a second. I have a bone to pick with the writers about that dog. It’s always been a big mystery on TWD: where are the animals? We’ve seen a few, either eaten later on or too feral to re-domesticate. It only makes sense that this show would attempt to show what happened to them. It doesn’t make sense to introduce a gorgeous dog, only to kill it off-screen minutes later. There’s no point in forcing fans to listen to a dog’s whimpering and yelping as its attacked. Matter of fact, that is flat out cruel. Yes, people react when animals die. It’s a lazy way to garner emotions from the audience when they aren’t connecting to the humans in the story. Make us care when people die. Quit using animals to make up for two-dimensional characters.
When the infected neighbor breaks into their house and kills the dog, Madison and the kids return the favor and break into the house next door. Nick steals their shotgun. Madison snags the shotgun shells. Alicia wanders around, wondering what’s going on because he mother refuses to tell her that zombies exist.
Across town, Travis, his family, and the Salazars are forced out of the barber shop by a fire in the strip mall. Griselda’s foot is broken when a police water cannon topples a scaffold. Luckily they just happen to be right next to Travis’ truck. Going to the hospital isn’t an option—duh. Hospitals are ground zero for all infections and viruses. We’ve always said the first institutions to fall would be anything medical. That’s one thing the writers for the show got right.
Unable to find help for the injured woman, Travis opts to bring them with him to the house. They arrive seconds after the dog dies. Madison attempts to cut them off before they find the infected neighbor inside the house. Despite hearing the munching noises, Travis strolls up to his undead buddy and almost gets the same treatment as the birthday party crew. Daniel saves Travis, despite Travis demanding no one shoot the shotgun. The makeup effects for the infected in this scene are amazing and detailed.
Back at the neighbor’s house, Alicia backtracks by herself to grab the shotgun shells Madison dropped. She’s attacked by their neighbor, Susan. Chris comes to her rescue and gets punched in the nose as thanks. With everyone together, they should be ready to head to the desert, right? Wrong. Travis demands they wait until daylight. The Salazars argue whether or not they should go with the others, considering Liza is going to school to be a nurse and may be the only medically-inclined person they can find given the scene at the hospital they passed on the way to the Clark house. Ofelia thinks that since the others are kind, it’ll mean they survive. “Good people are the first ones to die,” Daniel tells her. They’re still arguing when Travis and Madison finally get in the car and drive away in the morning. For a heart-stopping minute, I wanted them to just drive off and never be seen again. It doesn’t happen. Susan’s husband returns home. Madison rushes back to warn him. Too late. He reaches out to embrace Susan . . . splat! A soldier puts a round through Susan’s skull.
Half the National Guard suddenly appears in their little suburb, locking it down. They catalogue every living person in the neighborhood. The corpses are taken away in body bags. Now they’re stuck huddling in the middle of a crowded city where the infection rate is climbing.
They should’ve left the minute Madison got home with Artie’s brains on her jacket.
Yawn if you’re as tired of the same recycled story line as I am.
The gang is back together again. Citizen Z actually did something right, leading everyone to the same underground bunker in Utah for a happy reunion and to grab supplies from Chester. Who happened to put a bullet in his brain not too long before they showed up. Oops. Oh well, the food and water are still there. Before the hugging and back-patting fest, Addy and Mack venture the tunnels alone, killing any stray zombies they came across. One already dispatched zombie is tied to a chair with a bag over his head. O . . . kay. Seems perfectly normal.
In another room, four zombies shamble around aimlessly. Addy takes the lead, dancing into the fray and singing a nursery rhyme with an apocalypse twist. Mack isn’t entertained. He’s concerned about the lingering effects from Addy’s breakdown at the river. (I’m still concerned about the lingering effects of that episode on my mind, as well, Mack.)
Mack asks Addy, “You couldn’t just give them Mercy?”
Addy replies, “What fun would that be?”
Not long after everyone is reunited, Addy takes a swing at Chester’s corpse. More than a few swings. It looks like she is warming up for the Home Run Derby. “Somebody got up on the wrong side of the apocalypse,” Murphy observes. Hey, Mack? Your girlfriend lost a cog or four after her little dream-fest. May want to see if you can find her professional help.
Good news, everyone! The scientists in California aren’t dead. Just when I thought for sure the gang would be left up Feces Creek with nothing but Murphy’s shining personality to paddle with, Citizen Z delivers the good news—their cross-country trek and the lives they’ve taken/loss aren’t a giant waste of time. Paired with the new-to-them SUV and they may just arrive in California with everyone safe and sound. Unless the writers decide to employ yet another vehicle mishap to delay the mission again.
On their way through Utah, west of Salt Lake City, the gang comes across a handful of zombie boys. Further up the road, they spot a live boy walking along like there’s no apocalypse. The boy is under the impression that he can simply walk into Mord—Salt Lake City and visit his father. After all, his mother says it’s okay. Roberta isn’t buying it. Why lie to the kid about the city being overrun? They pack the kid into the overly crowded SUV and drive down the road to talk to mommy dearest about her shining parenting skills.
Despite bringing back the kid safe and sound, the crew is met at the community’s gate by armed women. There’s not a man in sight. For a reason—there’s absolutely no men allowed inside the gates. Not even humanity’s savior. Murphy, Mack, Doc, and 10k remain outside while Roberta, Addy, and Cassandra head inside for a little R&R, supplies, and treatment for the infection on Cassandra’s leg. It takes no time at all for the community’s head sister-wife, Helen, to start manipulating Addy. She comes across as the ideal person for Addy to work through her problems with, begin healing the trauma she forgot for so long. Actually, Helen just wants another strong woman in her group.
The entire compound runs on the idea that men created the apocalypse. Helen murdered her abusive husband. Scouts from the group venture out to track abused women and bring them into the sister-wife fold. But they don’t just bring the women, oh no. They snag the men and dispense their particular brand of justice—feeding the abusers to a zombie bear without trial. At one point, they take Addy and Roberta along for one of these rescue missions. A motorcycle crew (MC) has two women bound and trapped in their sidecars. The sister-wives stage a broke-down car and wait. The MC guys take the bait, offering to help. They’re outnumbered. It doesn’t take much for the women to disarm and capture them, tying them all together. Then Helen puts her master plan to work, asking Addy to shoot an MC member. She uses Addy’s trauma from the cannibal fiasco to egg her on. Addy pulls the trigger and doesn’t flinch. The MC guys are left to fend for themselves against their newly undead buddy.
Back at the compound, Murphy has his own R&R time with a buxom blonde. On her way back inside the gate, the blonde is held hostage by the surviving MC member. Mack saves the day. But it doesn’t make him feel any better. Why? Addy wants to stay with Helen and the sister-wives. She’s certain if she continues on the mission to California, it’ll be the end of her . . . or Mack. Neither a prospect she can handle with her current mental problems. Should Addy find a safe place to hole up until Murphy’s cure is dispersed? Totally. Should she stay for Helen to use as her personal executioner? No way. Nothing Mack says changes Addy’s mind. He charges the gate to try one last time to convince her to leave. One of the sister-wives shoots him in the shoulder. Roberta tries to save him from himself. Mack pulls a gun on her. Eventually Roberta steps aside. Gunshots ring out. We have no clue what happens to Mack.
Two characters dropped off the mission. It’s not a huge loss considering Addy and Mack weren’t with the crew for several episodes. When they were, Addy’s mental hiccups prevented her from providing much help and Mack spent more time keeping her safe than protecting the asset—Murphy’s miraculous blood. Seems like things are back on track for Mission Save Everyone. Good thing. There’s only two episodes left.
The episode focuses on Addy and Mack, who have yet to catch up with the escort crew after the zunami separated them. Citizen Z has tried and failed to reconnect them, leaving the couple in Four Corners, Utah with virtually no resources. Luckily, they find a creek to get water–at least they have a hand-up on the others, who relied on Murphy’s ruthlessness to obtain a two-day food/water supply.There’s trouble in paradise. Addy refuses to talk about the memories haunting her. Mack is frustrated. He doesn’t understand why she won’t open up to him, trust him with everything. Their argument is cut short when they move on from the creek. Addy wants to stay, it’s beautiful and relaxing next to the water. Mack points out, “Beauty attracts trouble. You should know that.” He’s got a point, even if it’s a slightly snippy way to say that Addy’s a magnet for trouble.
Maybe leaving the creek isn’t such a good idea. Their motorcycle runs out of gas down the road. The couple set up camp at a rundown warehouse—in front of said warehouse, not inside under an actual roof. Because that makes sense. Sleep out in the open with only a couple broken steel sheets to make a tent. The downtime gives Mack a chance to pry into Addy’s problem again. She finally tells him about the flashbacks. She thinks it’s a memory, but isn’t sure. Mack may be the guy fighting a zombie in these mental hiccups, but again she isn’t sure. With a total lack of nothing to go on, they devolve into an awkward game of Twenty Questions in which they realize they know nothing about each other—meanwhile they’ve failed to secure food, water, gas, and electricity so they can contact Citizen Z.
“We never stood a chance, Mack.” Addy points out that without the zombie apocalypse, they would have never made a logical couple. They have little to nothing in common. Heck, she doesn’t even fully remember the night they met. Addy can’t see a future for herself, let alone a future with Mack. Kids and marriage? Impossible. Mack wants to prove her wrong. He asks her out on a date. While he’s fashioning their meager supplies into a gourmet “dinner,” Addy sleeps in their makeshift tent. Mack comes back and opts to let her sleep. He dozes off, as well.
This is where the annoying part comes in. Everything from here on out is a series of dream sequences. Mack wakes and hears Addy scream. He runs after her, encountering a trail of dead zombies who’ve been bitten by something—a rattlesnake. There’s also one live zombie left. In each dream sequence, Mack fights the zombie in some way and dies. In dream four, he survives long enough to find a random wall with a door in the middle of a warehouse before he’s killed.
It’s not until dream number five that things notably change up. This time Addy is still in their tent when Mack wakes. He tells her he thinks he’s been dreaming about the future. They hear the same zombie roar from Mack’s dream. They run off, taking the same path from the dream, but everything is different. No dead zombies. No snake. The door is still there, along with the live zombie. They break through the boards on the inside of the door, but not in time. The zombie bites and kills Addy. Dream six, Addy is gone again. Mack goes straight to the mystery door. The zombie waits, but doesn’t interfere. The boards behind the door are gone, allowing him to rush down into a basement. There’s a dying kid, bitten by a female zombie who attacks Mack. He stabs her repeatedly in the torso.“Why won’t you die?”
Addy wakes Mack from the dream because he’s yelling at the dream zombie woman. He asks Addy where the necklace came from. Suddenly we’re in Addy’s dream sequence, not Mack’s. She goes to the door. She kills the male zombie which has killed Mack so many times.
Down in the basement, Addy is the one who stabs the female zombie. After the zombie finally dies, Addy opens her hand to reveal her necklace. Suddenly we’re back at the creek. Mack sleeps beside the motorcycle. Addy weeps hysterically down by the water. She remembers the first night of the zombie apocalypse now. Remembers she didn’t know how to kill a zombie and that her mother was the first she gave mercy. Forty minutes of a reoccurring nightmare—which we thought were Mack’s for thirty minutes—just to tell viewers she’s having issues about killing her mother. 10k killed his father and they handled it with two or three flashbacks.
Addy and Mack aren’t characters who can carry off their own episode, let alone an episode where the writers decided to play with weird story-telling techniques. The next episode better have more than two main characters. This was ridiculous and did nothing for the main plot.
The victim is Scott E, the guy who told Major he’d seen zombies after their group session together. At first it looks like Scott’s death is suicide. Ravi points out the obvious—there isn’t enough blood in the bathtub where Major found the corpse. The suicide is staged. At the lab, they discover that Scott overdosed before his wrists were cut by a crude shiv. Unfortunately, the medication in his system is one anyone on staff at the hospital can get their hands on, along with any patients not too keen on taking their pills as prescribed.
Their suspect list is, as always, too long to manage. For a heartbeat, Major is on that list. He tells Liv about Scott’s obsession with zombies and the video his deceased chess partner shot at Lake Washington the night Liv was turned—which he apparently sent to someone at a TV station. The only obvious option: Liv eats crazy brain and waits for a vision. Actual police work is so last year.
While Liv suffers the effects of Scott’s brain pretty quickly, the visions take a while to filter through. Through the first, they learn he’s been sleeping with a woman who wants a baby, despite his disapproval. It’s not the woman he was sleeping with at the hospital—Brie—and they’re back to no solid leads. That is until Johnny Frost, local weatherman and oddball supreme, comes in to identify Scott’s body. Hey, look, someone who may have the zombie video. Except, he doesn’t. Johnny does know where Scott hides important things. Off they go to commit crime, breaking into Scott’s apartment to find his laptop. They use the laptop to track Scott’s missing cell phone after failing to find the video. The search sends them to an orderly’s apartment, where they find not only the missing phone, but a bunch of pills and personal items stolen from hospital patients. Faced with serious time for drug possession with intent to sell, the orderly turns on Dr. Maddy Larson—Scott’s doctor and sometimes bed-buddy. Guess what? She’s pregnant. Dr. Larson admits to killing Scott, claiming she was afraid he’d tell her husband.
Throughout the case, Major dogs Liv’s steps. Checks himself out of the hospital. He talks to Clive more than her, digging deep to track down information on the zombies his deceased friend claimed to see. Eventually, Major ends up minutes behind Liv after she breaks into Scott’s house and leaves. He finds nothing, she took everything of note, but he does make an impressive climb from a window to avoid running into Blaine—who is likewise tracking the mythical zombie video to destroy it after paying a surprise visit to the morgue and chatting with Liv. After escaping Scott’s apartment, Major hides in Blaine’s trunk. Blaine unwittingly takes him right to the base of his operation. The following day, Major steals several coolers containing bits from an astronaut’s brain.
Or does he? See, the predominant side-effect from eating Scott’s brain came in the form of vivid hallucinations. Most in the form of a cartoon devil endlessly harassing Liv about case details he “knew” but she couldn’t figure out. At the end of the episode, we learn that Johnny Frost is likewise a hallucination. As well as Major. Well, in part at least. There’s the moment in this episode. The moment when Liv finally comes clean about Lake Washington and zombies. She and Major are finally on the same page. But the Major she confesses to and kisses isn’t real. The real Major is more focused on finding the truth himself. He barges into Liv’s apartment armed with Blaine’s coolers of astronaut brain, ruining the illusion from the night before, and declaring war on every zombie in existence.
The reveal is well done. At no point did anything not line up, giving up the truth through poor timeline handling or shoddy dialog. Where was this level of writing back in the baby-crazy episodes? At least this show is ramped to end the season on a higher note than it began.
Thirsty, hungry, and hesitant to stress their truck, the group hasn’t made it far from the massive zombie horde sweeping westward across the central states. Matter of fact, the horde moves faster than our heroes.
Well, except Murphy. Dehydration hasn’t done a thing to tarnish his shining personality.
Desperate to survive the zunami—zombie tsunami, coined by Citizen Z—everyone clambers into the town’s mortuary. Seeing as it’s made to store corpses, not keep animated ones out, the building isn’t anywhere near secure. Roberta has one choice: make her people climb into the morgue’s refrigerated body storage or watch them overrun and eaten alive. Again, except Murphy. Everyone reluctantly agrees to chill out and hide until the undead move on. They clear the storage shelves, making room for Doc, Cassandra, 10k, and some random guy who ran into the building with them. Roberta is left without a cubby to hide in when she fails her gut-check and can’t move a dead zombie. Left with no time to spare, Murphy tells her to climb into a body bag. It’s almost touching, Murphy standing over Roberta, his presence unnoticed by the dead as he protects her.
Then Murphy walks away.
His affinity for the dead guys gives him free pass to surf the zunami without care. In the minutes during the heaviest wave of the zunami, Murphy finds two survivors holed up in an apartment building, food and water, and his inner not-giving-a-damn. Yes, the savior of the human race robs a terrified mother and child, then leaves the building’s door open so the undead husband/father may rejoin his family. What a tender-hearted guy. I’m getting the warm-fuzzies.
It’s not all bad from Murphy. He doubles back to the mortuary. In the nick of time, too. A particularly bright zombie takes a closer look at Roberta’s body bag and realizes, “Ooo, a burrito!” Using his zombie mojo, Murphy calls the dead guy off and saves the day. The group, grateful for the water and food Murphy found, finally accepts him as more than a sarcastic burden to haul across the country. Their time is running short. Murphy is becoming more zombie than human. What does this mean for the cure?
Up in the middle of nowhere, things get weird . . . er. Citizen Z stops a cyber-attack on his system. Moments later, an unidentified object falls from the sky, landing near the NSA base. Turns out, there is a guy inside, an astronaut from the International Space Station who was stranded up there for three years during the zombie outbreak. Yuri is convinced the air isn’t safe in the base. Citizen Z brushes it off, inviting his new guest inside for copious amounts of vodka, video games, and a round of indoor golf.
No amount of distraction placates Yuri. His actions grow odder; what he says make no sense to Citizen Z—not because Yuri’s mother language isn’t Engligh. Yuri snaps, attacking Citizen Z, forcing him to listen to the same question over and over: What’s wrong with the dog? Turns out, the HVAC system for the base malfunctioned. There’s virtually no oxygen. Yuri never existed. He is a hallucination coughed up by an oxygen-starved mind.
I have to admit, it’s a cool way to mix up the scenes in the base. However, the repetitive dialog for these scenes makes it feel like it was written by someone likewise suffering oxygen deprivation.
Meat this week’s somewhat fresh corpse—a stomped on, fingerless and toothless John Doe. Ravi’s sleuthing narrow things down a little. The guy was in an Asian gang for at least five years, according to the tattoo on his arm. It’s not until Detective Babineaux walks in that the dead guy gets a name—Sammy Wong. Before Clive puts a name to the face, Ravi urges Liv to chow down so she can help with the case, calling it a “working lunch.” Only once they know who Sammy is, Clive calls off his attack psychic. He’s got this one under control. Which makes Liv twitchy as hell. Or maybe it is something she ate. How well can rice, brains, and rooster sauce sit in a zombie’s stomach? I have heartburn thinking about it.
The weird thing about Sammy and Clive is, they were in some shady dealings together. Liv catches glimpses of the two in the midst of watching the Blue Cobra gang torturing and beating anyone they think is a rat. Since Babineaux isn’t feeling too forthcoming, Liv goes digging in his old stomping grounds—vice. His old partner tells Liv, “Let’s just say, the thin blue line can get a lot thinner when you’re working vice.” When paired with the paranoia leaking into Liv’s brain from her lunch, that little tidbit, plus finding out Clive has been suspended from vice before moving to homicide, sends her into a panic. Desperate to find out if her detective pal is a dirty cop, Liv drags Ravi to a video store she saw the name of in her vision where she plays up having a fetish for Asian men. “Her life is like a whorey version of that movie, Momento,” Ravi improvises . . . poorly. Just so happens, the video store is the Blue Cobra’s headquarters and they’re not buying what the two are selling. Luckily reason wins over Liv’s indigestion and they leave. But now she’s on their radar and on Clive’s bad side.
During a confrontation in Liv’s apartment, Clive lets the truth fly—Sammy Wong had been in witness protection. He’d agreed to testify against the former Blue Cobra leader—father to the current leader, AJ—but came back because of a family matter. The gang found him and killed him for being a rat. Which is the same thing they’ll do to Clive’s ex-partner, Ray. The two had been in deep cover together. Clive got out. Ray didn’t. Before Sammy died, he gave Ray up, told the gang he is a cop. The instant Liv sees this in her vision, she has to trust Clive and tell him. They save the day and viewers finally see some depth to Babineaux. We also got to see Liv channeling some sweet martial arts skills from dearly departed Sammy Wong.
Due to the paranoia coursing through her dome, Liv ends up meddling even more in Major’s life—dragging Ravi along for the ride yet again. In order to prevent Major from asking Corinne, the woman he’s been seeing, to rent the recently vacant room, she cons her boss into taking it instead. Or rather, she tells Major that Ravi wants the place without bothering to inform him. Honestly, there are times one wonders how Liv’s family and friends cope with the weird thrown their way. It works out for the best, though. Ravi and Major bond over video games and high-quality televisions. They’ll make great roommates—and give Liv a reason to see Major more than she does already.
Blaine’s little brain-selling company has evolved greatly since Liv shot him down on the brain-harvesting proposal. He’s acquired two not-quite dumb-as-bricks goons to make deliveries. A café owner he turned stores bodies in her freezer and turns them into gourmet meals for his clients. Hell, he’s even got Jackie, a wealthy woman with a private beauty staff who artfully apply spray tan to hide their deathly pallor. The only hitch? Blaine’s goons aren’t happy. They want to break his monopoly on the brain business. Unfortunately they go to Blaine’s number one squeeze as their first potential client. Jackie’s answer comes in the form of two bullets from Blaine’s gun into their skulls. Luckily, he keeps spare goons in the freezer next to tomorrow’s lunch.
How long will it take for Liv to find one of Blaine’s brainless victims on the morgue’s table? I’m gonna guess sooner rather than later.
Philly Feast Review of “Z-Nation” 103 By A. Zombie
This episode is all about Cassandra’s past. Or is she Sunshine? Whatever name she goes by, her past isn’t easy to stomach.
First, let’s once again ponder why Citizen Z is necessary to the plot . . . . Done trying to come up with something viable? Essentially this character’s sole purpose is to be a long-distance safety net. Only the best he can do to actually provide aid is play music. There’s still no contact with the scientists the group is supposed to take Murphy to in California. Sure, one could argue that Citizen Z is present to demonstrate what isolation can do to a person. However, the writing is so bad, it’s still impossible to feel bad for this guy—who is his own worst enemy the longer he’s without human contact—when he’s pretty set for supplies and even has a dog to pal around with. A dog who eats better than I do.
The group ends up in Philadelphia on their trek toward California. They find the Liberty Bell strapped to a flatbed truck and defaced with graffiti. What are they to do to preserve this chunk of American history? Steal the truck and crash it two blocks down the road. How the hell do these people expect to make it anywhere if they keep killing cars at this rate? At this point, it’s questionable how they can realistically survive in the apocalypse. There’s a lot of TSTL—Too Stupid Too Live—behavior within the crew.
On the outskirts of town happens to be Cassandra/Sunshine’s old camp. It’s a cheery place. Led by a psychopath with an odd connection to a mute woman. For kicks they turn out the girls they bring into the camp, making them prostitutes and con artists. They’re stellar people, really. They’ll even give you the meat off their back if you’re hungry. Oh, sorry. I meant the meat off the back of the men they lure into camp with promises of easy women. It’s easy to get confused.
Of course the psychopath, Tobias, can’t let things lie when he finds out his precious Sunshine is nearby. His guys don’t come back with their target. Instead, they drag Addy back to camp and doll her up to earn her keep. Mack is furious. Warren and Garnett snap into action—threatening Cassandra until she opens up about the cult/camp she lived in before they found her. That’s always the best way to get information. Unfortunately the mystery-inducing dialog to draw out the tension before the big “They’re cannibals!” reveal consists of Cassandra repeating, “They’re worse than Zs. You don’t understand.”
I figured out the Big Secret long before the reveal. It’s not an uncommon one in post-apocalyptic stories.
The dialog in this episode is worse than the previous two, especially for Tobias and his followers. Most of the zombies in the big fight at the end move like bored teenagers. Honestly, the most believable part is when the main crew are scouting for supplies in Philadelphia and Doc has a moment remembering the internet and its special entertainment sites.
As inept as this group is, they’ll be carless and half dead by the end of episode four.
Full Metal Zombie Review of “Z Nation” 104 By A. Zombie
The brain trust SyFy thinks we want to follow through the zombie apocalypse is at it again. This time their antics start in Pennsylvania—smack dab in the middle of Amish country. Their mission is to locate the Emergency Headquarters Infection Control in McLean, Virginia. There’s more than a few hiccups along the way. Yup, you guessed it, more vehicle trouble. Plus, a special guest star. Like it makes up for all the poor decision-making skills demonstrated during the episode.
We get two glimpses into 10k’s past. Unfortunately they cover the same event in his life. The first instance is 10k simply telling the group about how he struggled after his father died—he couldn’t put him down for good even when he came back a zombie. The second instance comes later as a full-blown flashback to the moments before his father passed. Character development is great and all, but most of these characters get one solid tale in their backstory and everything about them leans heavily on that moment.
Unless it’s Citizen Z. We know nothing about this guy aside from he’s a NSA employee who missed a doomed flight out of the frozen tundra. He’s weird as hell and has developed a new hobby—cyber-stalking Addy. This character has gone from quirky to creep in a blink. He hacks into Addy’s social media page and proceeds to carry out hours of idle chit-chat with himself as her. I know he’s lonely and all, but his behavior is disconcerting. It’s also dangerous. Citizen Z mistakenly sends the group toward what looks like a functional helicopter in McLean, Virginia. If he’d paid attention, he should have easily seen the truth.
The car problems on this show have hit ridiculous levels. In this episode, they end up car-jacked and taking over the thieves’ broken-down VW Bug. Further down the road, they find the original thieves in the middle of another car-jacking, but this time a soccer mom, her husband, and their two kids are the ones who drive away in Warren and Garnett’s truck. Shortly after that, the zombies get the family and our survivors recover their truck. Even though they have wheels again, they still opt to locate the helicopter.
Enter, Bill Moseley. Yeah, the crazy face-wearing guy from House of 1000 Corpses. In this episode, he plays bat-poo crazy General McCandles. Doc is the only one who gets through to the general. After Doc sees not only McCandles’ mental condition, but the nasty zombie bite he’s sporting too, he realizes this may be a lost cause. Except, he doesn’t get to pass the word on. McCandles tosses Doc down an airshaft, where he makes friends with the last doctor to upset the general. By friends, I mean they share a joint and there’s a moment where the undead doctor isn’t trying to actively eat Doc’s face. For a little while, we think Doc got blown up for nothing—the helicopter has no propellers and is surrounded by crates of who-knows-what—but he emerges from the building looking way too close to a zombie for comfort.
So the fast-track to California is out. They’ll have to risk driving to California. With the way they go through cars, it’s honestly a miracle they’re still in possession of wheels not attached to roller skates.
A. Zombie Reviews . . . Z Nation S1E2 – “Fracking Zombies” By A. Zombie
We’re back with the ragtag group of survivors from SyFy’s Z Nation. At the end of the last episode, a bunch of folks who ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time were tasked with bringing the oh-so-charming Murphy to California so they can make more of the zombie vaccine floating in his veins. Pretty straight forward. If the plot got too complicated, viewers might think they tuned into the wrong channel. Can’t have that from the masters of cheesy late-night movies.
They need to find something to do with Citizen Z. His character essentially sits around twiddling his thumbs until it’s time to drag the plot along to the next step. He’s all alone. Has enough supplies to last at least ten years. And he’s losing his marbles. Somehow poor writing and direction turned what could’ve been a rather interesting look at isolation in the apocalypse turned into a wild dog chase. Or rather, a wild zombie dog chase. Citizen Z’s fellow NSA personnel didn’t stay dead—of course. At least one made it to his back door, along with a stray dog. Apparently the zombie dog materializes out of thin air around this time. The graphics for the dead dog weren’t bad. But once the “action” started, they’d ruined the effect. The dogs never really engage each other while fighting. There’s no real danger for Citizen Z as he sits perched atop a shipping crate. During the climax of the fight, it cuts out and comes back later to a blacked-out Citizen Z next to a mutilated zombie dog, denying viewers even a taste of action from the character. You know, the one who sits around doing nothing all day. Talk about compelling television.
The rest of the characters aren’t doing much better. Garnett, Warren, and the rest escorting Murphy run out of gas. There just so happens to be a guy they pick up who knows where to fill up their vehicles. Lucky them. Of course, the place is overrun by undead. And they can’t use guns because of the gas. And there’s a mysterious noise drawing zombies closer. Oh and don’t forget, the helpful new guy has this weird thing with Cassandra. See where this is going? Massive failure all around. The characters are too dumb to work out a plan to distract the zombies. They almost get blown up in the process, losing not only the gas they’d come for, but one of their vehicles as well. It’s like watching three-year-olds trying to put together a three-thousand piece puzzle. Eventually they end up mashing the pieces together, even though they don’t fit, and call it a masterpiece.
There was one interesting zombie gag. Early in the episode, the group must cross a zombie-infested bridge. In the process, one of the undead end up stuck in the wheel well of their truck. It’s one of the most detailed scenes in the show so far and one of the few practical effects not completely ruined by added computer-generated gore. The makeup for the frozen zombie was another highlight. Maybe I’ll watch episode three on mute and see if that makes me like it more.
Starring: Kris Holden-Ried, Emily Hampshire, Shawn Doyle, and Claudia Bassols
Rated: NR (Adult language, partial nudity, mild drug use) From Filmax International:
Kate (Emily Hampshire) works at the hospital in the Return Unit, helping those who have been infected by the virus that turns people into zombies. Kate’s dedication to her work is absolute, but few people realize that for her it is also a personal matter; Kate’s own husband, Alex (Kris Holden-Ried), has been returned.
After various brutal and prolific attacks at the hands of Anti-Return groups and rumours that the “Protein” stock is running dangerously low, Kate fears for Alex´s safety. Suspicious of the government’s order that all the returned should report to a secure medical facility ‘for their own safety’, the couple decides to flee, taking with them all the doses of “Return Protein” they have. At no point does the couple imagine that the real threat is a lot closer than they think…
The Returned came from the same house as the [Rec] series, and the quality shows. I went into the film expecting one of the random, low-budget films that are usually slid under my cell door. Boy was I in for a surprise. While The Returned isn’t a blockbuster, it’s not something to snub at a glance.
Let’s get down to it. The film starts with what feels like a random, bouncy flashback scene. It isn’t entirely clear why we’re seeing this scene until the final minutes where it becomes clear this is a pivotal moment in Kate’s life, one that shapes how she deals with the fallout of so many harsh decisions from those around her. The importance could’ve been made clearer. Possibly by cutting some of the post-production additions—all the “noise” added to make the footage feel old—and pushing the credits until the following scene set in the present time.
As for the characters, I’ve found a rare film in that none of them are, as I call it, Too Stupid To Live. Every decision made throughout the movie is thought out, or when done impulsively there’s decent character-driven reasons, as is the case for Jacob and Amber when they ultimately are forced to make a hard decision that may put them at odds with their friends, Alex and Kate.
There’s not a lot of zombie action on screen. The film instead focuses on society’s inability to adapt to change and accept a new species of people. Because, that’s what the Returned are, something new and unpredictable. Forced to rely on a daily dosage of drugs, the Returned are given the same treatment as homosexual AIDS patients by the media. What happens when they stop taking their treatments? What will they do to others without treatment? How fast will this disease spread if the government doesn’t step in and micromanage their lives? Wouldn’t it be better if they were all just killed—gunned down while idiots seek to coddle the monsters? We recoil at the truth of it—anything new and uncertain is automatically handed a death sentence. That’s the way humanity is hard-wired. Kill the unknown to spare the larger population. Never mind who is traumatized in the process.
The Returned is a slow-burner. The plot pushes steadily forward, forced along by the characters, their decisions and reactions, and not the evil undead waiting to tear them limb from limb. This is not an action film. It’s a statement on a society that cannot change without first destroying itself. If you want hack-and-slash, keep moving. However, if you’d like to think about the implications of how zombies would change everyday life, give The Returned a chance. I’m giving it 3.5 bloody scalps out of five.
Some of you surely think I’m overreacting, that there’s no way the same people who gave us Rick Grimes and company can produce such wholly flawed characters. I’m not talking flawed like Carol’s sociopathy or Daryl’s antisocial nature. We’re talking characters so poorly written, if they were actual people, they’d find it impossible to function in normal society without ending up injuring themselves or others. Madison in particular cannot operate under basic logic. In the beginning of this episode, not much time has passed since we left off in episode 2. So she should still feel the adrenaline rush—or at least the let-down from it—after bashing in Artie’s head with a fire extinguisher. You know, her friend and coworker. The man she risked her life to help despite Tobias’ warnings. At no point does reason say Madison should force her children to wait at the house for Travis and his family when she knows these infected people can and will hurt others. Not to mention, she watched an infected neighbor chow down on the birthday party crew, so she knows danger is at their door.
When they hear a noise at the door, Nick just wanders over to open it, letting in a stray German shepherd. Hold that thought for a second. I have a bone to pick with the writers about that dog. It’s always been a big mystery on TWD: where are the animals? We’ve seen a few, either eaten later on or too feral to re-domesticate. It only makes sense that this show would attempt to show what happened to them. It doesn’t make sense to introduce a gorgeous dog, only to kill it off-screen minutes later. There’s no point in forcing fans to listen to a dog’s whimpering and yelping as its attacked. Matter of fact, that is flat out cruel. Yes, people react when animals die. It’s a lazy way to garner emotions from the audience when they aren’t connecting to the humans in the story. Make us care when people die. Quit using animals to make up for two-dimensional characters.
First, let’s once again ponder why Citizen Z is necessary to the plot . . . . Done trying to come up with something viable? Essentially this character’s sole purpose is to be a long-distance safety net. Only the best he can do to actually provide aid is play music. There’s still no contact with the scientists the group is supposed to take Murphy to in California. Sure, one could argue that Citizen Z is present to demonstrate what isolation can do to a person. However, the writing is so bad, it’s still impossible to feel bad for this guy—who is his own worst enemy the longer he’s without human contact—when he’s pretty set for supplies and even has a dog to pal around with. A dog who eats better than I do.
Of course the psychopath, Tobias, can’t let things lie when he finds out his precious Sunshine is nearby. His guys don’t come back with their target. Instead, they drag Addy back to camp and doll her up to earn her keep. Mack is furious. Warren and Garnett snap into action—threatening Cassandra until she opens up about the cult/camp she lived in before they found her. That’s always the best way to get information. Unfortunately the mystery-inducing dialog to draw out the tension before the big “They’re cannibals!” reveal consists of Cassandra repeating, “They’re worse than Zs. You don’t understand.”
The brain trust SyFy thinks we want to follow through the zombie apocalypse is at it again. This time their antics start in Pennsylvania—smack dab in the middle of Amish country. Their mission is to locate the Emergency Headquarters Infection Control in McLean, Virginia. There’s more than a few hiccups along the way. Yup, you guessed it, more vehicle trouble. Plus, a special guest star. Like it makes up for all the poor decision-making skills demonstrated during the episode.
Unless it’s Citizen Z. We know nothing about this guy aside from he’s a NSA employee who missed a doomed flight out of the frozen tundra. He’s weird as hell and has developed a new hobby—cyber-stalking Addy. This character has gone from quirky to creep in a blink. He hacks into Addy’s social media page and proceeds to carry out hours of idle chit-chat with himself as her. I know he’s lonely and all, but his behavior is disconcerting. It’s also dangerous. Citizen Z mistakenly sends the group toward what looks like a functional helicopter in McLean, Virginia. If he’d paid attention, he should have easily seen the truth.
Enter, Bill Moseley. Yeah, the crazy face-wearing guy from House of 1000 Corpses. In this episode, he plays bat-poo crazy General McCandles. Doc is the only one who gets through to the general. After Doc sees not only McCandles’ mental condition, but the nasty zombie bite he’s sporting too, he realizes this may be a lost cause. Except, he doesn’t get to pass the word on. McCandles tosses Doc down an airshaft, where he makes friends with the last doctor to upset the general. By friends, I mean they share a joint and there’s a moment where the undead doctor isn’t trying to actively eat Doc’s face. For a little while, we think Doc got blown up for nothing—the helicopter has no propellers and is surrounded by crates of who-knows-what—but he emerges from the building looking way too close to a zombie for comfort.
They need to find something to do with Citizen Z. His character essentially sits around twiddling his thumbs until it’s time to drag the plot along to the next step. He’s all alone. Has enough supplies to last at least ten years. And he’s losing his marbles. Somehow poor writing and direction turned what could’ve been a rather interesting look at isolation in the apocalypse turned into a wild dog chase. Or rather, a wild zombie dog chase. Citizen Z’s fellow NSA personnel didn’t stay dead—of course. At least one made it to his back door, along with a stray dog. Apparently the zombie dog materializes out of thin air around this time. The graphics for the dead dog weren’t bad. But once the “action” started, they’d ruined the effect. The dogs never really engage each other while fighting. There’s no real danger for Citizen Z as he sits perched atop a shipping crate. During the climax of the fight, it cuts out and comes back later to a blacked-out Citizen Z next to a mutilated zombie dog, denying viewers even a taste of action from the character. You know, the one who sits around doing nothing all day. Talk about compelling television.
The rest of the characters aren’t doing much better. Garnett, Warren, and the rest escorting Murphy run out of gas. There just so happens to be a guy they pick up who knows where to fill up their vehicles. Lucky them. Of course, the place is overrun by undead. And they can’t use guns because of the gas. And there’s a mysterious noise drawing zombies closer. Oh and don’t forget, the helpful new guy has this weird thing with Cassandra. See where this is going? Massive failure all around. The characters are too dumb to work out a plan to distract the zombies. They almost get blown up in the process, losing not only the gas they’d come for, but one of their vehicles as well. It’s like watching three-year-olds trying to put together a three-thousand piece puzzle. Eventually they end up mashing the pieces together, even though they don’t fit, and call it a masterpiece.
There’s not a lot of zombie action on screen. The film instead focuses on society’s inability to adapt to change and accept a new species of people. Because, that’s what the Returned are, something new and unpredictable. Forced to rely on a daily dosage of drugs, the Returned are given the same treatment as homosexual AIDS patients by the media. What happens when they stop taking their treatments? What will they do to others without treatment? How fast will this disease spread if the government doesn’t step in and micromanage their lives? Wouldn’t it be better if they were all just killed—gunned down while idiots seek to coddle the monsters? We recoil at the truth of it—anything new and uncertain is automatically handed a death sentence. That’s the way humanity is hard-wired. Kill the unknown to spare the larger population. Never mind who is traumatized in the process.