As a result of events at Spooky Empire, Zombie Survival Crew, we now have a new standard operating procedure for all future Cons. ZSC cadres are requested to check in with Command as early as possible to set parameters for Command protection and integrity for the duration of the event.
Let me tell you why….
It was apparent pretty early on that Spooky Empire May-Hem was going to live up to its name.
My eventually successful attempt to retrieve Light Blue Brigade Commander Anthony Guajardo and his mother Lisa from the airport involved about 35 minutes of driving around in circles – which, I have to say is vastly less exhausting than running around in circles, but still kind of crazy. Shortly after we got to the resort, Lisa crashed in my room. Within minutes? Anthony crashed. Shortly thereafter yours truly was dreaming about sugar plum fairies.
When we awoke – now hopelessly late for set up and early meetings – we immediately discussed the possibility that the Unnamed Government Agency had somehow infiltrated the event and put us all out for reasons we probably wouldn’t want to guess.
Set up involved a crazy mad dash into the celebrity signing room where we would spend the weekend recruiting new members as personalities from The Walking Dead, Boondock Saints, Night of the Living Dead and Evil Dead thrilled the fans.
.
ZSC loyalist @buttrscotchboom (a.k.a. Leigh-Anne) showed up shortly after the event opened and adopted a defensive position to assist Command. And she got there just in time – as I was soon to fall victim to a gruesome attack by Bill Hinzman, better known as Zombie #1 from George Romero’s masterpiece Night of the Living Dead. I did manage to escape with an assist from Leigh-Anne and Lisa only to discover that Anthony was passed out on the ZSC table. We revived him – debriefed around the assault that left him incapacitated – and proceeded to scour the room for potential UGA moles.
By the time Norman arrived on the scene we were in full defensive deployment mode. We – with our allies from the Dixon’s Vixens – informed Blue Brigade Commander of the multiple attempted attacks just as a predator drone strike took aim at Norman. He was able to escape but inadvertently left Rocco in the line of fire. We bobbed. We weaved. We even retreated at one point to try and regroup. The UGA was relentless. I left Rocco and Anthony with armed guards Leigh-Anne and Lisa and ventured – at 3 a.m. – to find us some food to keep up our strength.
The food resupply was just what we needed to help us strategize – we crafted code words, evac plans and communications to aid us in predator evasion and keeping Command intact for the weekend.
With that, we were ready to face the hordes. Or so we thought ….
I’m going to say it was a sixth sense that led me to break ZSC Command protocol and answer the cell phone when the “BLOCKED” call came through.
“Is this the head of the company?” a gruff voice asked.
I almost hung up. But I’m no chicken. Yeah, yeah I am the head of the “company” so gotta keep it together.
It was the Texas Policemen and Sheriff’s Association.
He instructed me to pull off the side of the road.
“But I’m in Baton Rouge traffic and it says ‘shoulder closed’,” I told him. “This is totally illegal, dude, if a Louisiana cop shows up you’d better back me.”
He laughed long and hard, and I couldn’t stop chills from racing up my back and down my arms as I pulled the truck off to the side of the road. Considering it was about 94 degrees in the shade, that was saying something… but it’s not every day I get pulled over by a law enforcement official from a state away.
The Texas sheriff assured me if one of his Louisiana counterparts showed up I was to put the two of them on the phone and he would take care of it. “We need to talk now,” he told me.
As it turns out… the Association was looking for partners, and the ZSC has been chosen. I can’t divulge any details yet for strategic reasons. We’re due to have another conversation as soon as I stop shaking long enough to hold a phone again and I hope I can fill you all in.
First impressions say a lot. And when it comes to Anthony Michael Hall, you can toss what you think you know about his geeky yet charming on screen personae in movies like 16 Candles and The Breakfast Club – the man is sharp, engaging and dwarfs a room with the kind of shoulders built to bear weight.
And I have to admit I was taken aback when he followed up a standard polite greeting with a lean-in and whisper of: “So Zombie Survival Crew…what’s your command structure?”
As Zombie Survival Crew commander-in-chief I knew instantly that Anthony is a man we want on our side to help strategize and direct covert ops, as well as assist us in preparing for the onset of a cataclysmic event. And he is doing just that…
Zombie Survival Crew, please raise your weapons and welcome our newest First Lieutenant —
Anthony is busy working with ZSC Command to develop future missions. While you await finalization of mission assignments, catch Anthony at work in Last Man Standing airing June 6 on the Lifetime channel and in multiple upcoming episodes of Warehouse 13 on SyFy.
Our latest Command mission to assess the battle-readiness of Dallas, Texas has brought another experienced zombie slayer into the command structure.
Zombie Survival Crew Command is delighted to welcome our latest First Lieutenant:
James Gonzaba
Some ZSC members may not immediately recognize this vato –who was decked out on The Walking Dead with bandanas, baseball bats and pistols to battle walkers. The fact that James participated in the on-screen beat down of Blue Brigade Commander Norman “Daryl Dixon” Reedus? Command has decided to let that slide.
Check out James’ exclusive message to ZSC members –and raise your weapons for a new command member!
For the second time in a week Zombie Survival Crew has become embroiled in news of the zombie invasion nature. While the immediate threat levels remains, in ZSC Command’s informed assessment, low –the events in questions have made one thing perfectly clear: Now is the time to get prepared.
Last Saturday, Zombie Survival Crew cadres sprung into action after one of our own – Kim in TX – put out the word that “Sudden Zombie Attack” was trending. While our collective response was impressive even though the event was later determined not to be a zombie infestation, we identified some areas for improvement.
Then Wednesday news broke across the Internet of an official Center for Disease Control warning on preparation for a zombie pandemic*. (*note: the site takes a while to load, so please be patient. There are just that many people looking at it.)
The CDC’s preparation guide event tells ZSC Command two things:
1 – We have been right to suspect the UGA is not being completely honest with us, and may actually be working against us as we prepare to meet the onset of a cataclysmic event. After the CDC guide went viral the link stopped working. Government spokespeople blamed increased site traffic –our sources implicated the UGA’s hand. A few lucky souls were still able to access the CDC’s preparedness post. Feel free to keep trying here.
2 –There are those still within the government structures who agree with me and ZSC Command.
Zombie pandemic preparedness is serious business. The Zombiepocalypse may not unfold tomorrow, but an earthquake, war or other natural disaster could. Having a “go bag” and a pre-agreed escape plan is just plain smart.
Over the next several weeks ZSC Command will be rolling out official, brigade specific “go bag” packing lists in the Members Only area. Make sure to check in and see when your brigade goes up.
We’re also working on revamping our member skills/capabilities lists and escape routes to better accommodate our growing numbers.
And we need to move fast…zombie events are simply becoming too common to be a coincidence.
For a moment I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me when the tweet came through Saturday night. It was a loyal #zombiesurvivalcrew member with a stark warning: “Sudden Zombie Attack is trending!” We’ve had a few jokesters try to get one over on us. I calmly looked over to the side expecting to see that she’d misread something–
But she was right.
After a double take at Twitter to see that the trend was actually there, Command put out the word, and the Zombie Survival Crew cadres leapt into action.
Within 20 minutes of the distress call, Zombie Survival Crew members from across the United States and around the world raised their weapons. They were more than ready to back up @TheZSC Command as we sought to identify the source, gauge the risk level, and determine a course of action. Via Twitter, Facebook, and cell phone, ZSC cadres fed information into Command—allowing us to make the determination that the threat level was, in reality, minimal.
In other words – ZSC, you guys rocked!
Saturday’s exercise left Command with the following observations:
Our communication lines are pretty solid, but we are working on alternatives in case the Internet goes down.
Y’all are armed! Wow. From rifles to baseball bats, ZSC people are ready to fight off any challenge.
Those of you who do not have Go Bags need to get them ready. Command has brigade specific packing lists we will be putting up over the next few weeks in the Members Only area on the site. Feel free to pack according to your individual needs, but make sure your “Go Bag” has your brigade’s items.
Some Zombie Survival Crew members reported a startling lack of fellow crew members in their area – particularly in Europe and parts of South America. In order to ensure you aren’t left alone when the real event happens, we ask that you increase recruiting efforts in your neighborhoods. If the worst should happen and you do end up stranded, contact command @TheZSC, raise your weapons high so we can send help your way.
Also, we have a crew working hard on improved escape route maps. Utilize these maps to identify the closest concentrations of ZSC members in the United States.
Overall, your commanders are impressed with the speed in which you responded to a potential threat. Command salutes Kim, Kevin, Brooke, Christine and David for rapid deployment efforts on behalf of the ZSC!!!
Keep up the good work, guys!
::salutes with crossbow::
*For full access to ZSC Command dispatches and info, become a member here.
Convention season is upon us, ladies and gentlemen. Your commanders are packing their bags, checking their weapons, all in preparation to meet YOU, the ZSC faithful. Consider this our thanks to you for having our backs since day one.
Where will you find the Zombie Survival crew on our current string of missions through the end of June?
Can’t make it out to visit with us at one of the conventions? Don’t worry. The ZSC has a few contests lined up for you guys. Let’s not forget the Sideshow Collectibles contest to win a zombie to call your own that runs until May 20th.
And site members, be sure to hop over to the Members Only section. There you can leave questions for the commanders. We’ll answer anything you can think of (so long as we’re sure the UGA isn’t watching…)
Hope y’all are prepared for ZSC madness live and in person!
It’s your turn to take a shot at the Zombie Survival Crew commandersTM.
Put the bolts and the blades down – some of you look far too eager with those things – it’s not that kind of shot.The Zombie Survival CrewTM commanders are giving site members an exclusive opportunity: You get to interview us.
BUT this is an exclusive member’s only opportunity, so if you’re a site member, click this link and if you’re not a site member, then what are you waiting for – click this link to get started.
It’s your turn to take a shot at the Zombie Survival Crew commandersTM.
Put the bolts and the blades down – some of you look far too eager with those things – it’s not that kind of shot.The Zombie Survival CrewTM commanders are giving site members an exclusive opportunity: You get to interview us.
From May 11, 2011 through May 20, 2011 you can comment on this post, leaving any question you are itching to hear an answer to. Since we are still trying to remain under the UGA’s radar, please do not ask about the location of the ZSC home base, or anything that may give away personal details about your commanders. Too many of us have felt the sting of unwanted attention from our former allies.
We encourage you to think outside of the box with your questions. Take full advantage of this opportunity while it lasts. With the UGA closing in on our whereabouts it is unclear if we will be able to provide anyone with an inside look into the inner-workings of the Command Center in the future.
After all the questions have been collected, Command will do our best to answer the most pressing matters. Keep in mind, some of the commanders may be unavailable due to ongoing assignments, abduction, and/or mysterious internet connection problems.
Without having to steal, I mean, borrow LK’s flux capacitor, I took a trip back in time to better understand the origin of the weapons we’ve been encouraging you all to use in the event of the Zombiepocalypse. It was no small feat to travel back in time, either. I had to ride for an entire hour in an air-conditioned SUV to get there. What? It was a long hour, dangit!
Much like Juliette’s trip to the Dagorhir event, I made my way to the 22nd annual Tulare County Renaissance Faire in hopes of not only finding information on weaponry, but also recruit a few folks ready and able to survive a zombie attack. And boy oh boy did I find what I was looking for. Most of them were right there fighting on the battlefield, proving they knew how to handle a weapon. It was an impressive sight. I began to mentally picture the opposing army as zombies, though. The sun may have gotten to me a bit.
Let us tackle the big boys first, the cannons. For reenactment purposes the cannons at renaissance faires are not loaded. They do, however, actually use black powder. If you haven’t smelled black powder after its been ignited, it kinda smells like Lucifer himself his walking the battlefield, very sulfurous. Cannons are not very accurate. They do work well at whittling down armies to give foot soldiers a fighting chance and would cut down, say, a horde of zombies shambling across the field. A modern counterpart to the cannon has better aim and does more overall damage. The downfall is a lack of mobility unless the device is mounted on a vehicle.
For more mobile firepower, the Italian troops on the battlefield used matchlock muskets. As far as older guns go, the matchlock musket had the best firing mechanism was used everywhere and for a pretty long time. The downfall to the matchlock musket was that they take a long time to load. Often musketeers would be put into formations, giving them two to eight lines of men. The first line fired, moved to the back, and reloaded. Each subsequent line after would do the same. It worked well enough to take out armored soldiers on the opposite side, but like cannons there was no accuracy. For our purposes the load time on the musket would label someone “lunch”. But, modern guns are far more reliable and easier to use and reload. Remember, the ZSC’s number one weapon for the Zombiepocalypse is a rifle for a dang good reason.
Nothing gets me as jazzed about a fight as hearing the ringing clang of steel against steel. So, is it really that surprising that I’d mention swords in this? The Tudor era saw a few styles of sword blade. Thinner swords, designed to slip between joints in plate armor and pierce important parts of your opponent, were very useful as soldiers began to better resemble cans of tuna. Wide-bladed broadswords, as used in the battle I witnessed, were weighted to do the most amount of bludgeoning damage as they could. Fighters knocked their opponent senseless and used the slashing edge to cut up the other man. Lack of medical attention was usually what killed their opponent in the long run unless they got a clear deathblow in. Gangrene isn’t pretty. I’d rather take a sword to the head.
Speaking of oversized cans of tuna… There are a few layers to a full set of armor. First, clothes (don’t roll your eyes, this is an educational piece). On top of the clothes sits a chain mail shirt made of rings that have been riveted together. Chain mail makes it harder to pierce between the joints of the armor, but not impossible with the proper weapon. The suit of armor came last. The various pieces of the upper body all strapped together with leather belting. Leg armor wrapped around the soldier’s leg, held in place by more leather strapping and left a huge vulnerable spot if he were attacked from the rear. While a full set of armor weights upwards of 45 pounds, soldiers remain surprisingly agile. I’ve seen some of them doing somersaults on the battlefield with no problems whatsoever. The downfall of plate armor was that it provided little protection against bullets and arrows, a problem modern armor is designed specifically to protect again. However, with the exception of the exposed sections of leg, plate armor would be more effective to keep the undead from sinking their teeth into you.
Going back in time via a renaissance faire is an excellent way to learn more about the origins of the weaponry you all will be expected to use when the dead decide they’ve got a mad case of the munchies. Study up. And if you can, visit a local faire. The men and women there can tell you a lot, not only about weapons, but about how to survive in times without cell phones and computers.
Let me tell you why….
Shortly thereafter yours truly was dreaming about sugar plum fairies.
Set up involved a crazy mad dash into the celebrity signing room 
where we would spend the weekend recruiting new members as personalities from The Walking Dead, Boondock Saints, Night of the Living Dead and Evil Dead thrilled the fans.
Put simply? We knew we were in trouble.
Steve Yeun, Jon Bernthal and Chandler Riggs from The Walking Dead were kind enough to jump in and lend a hand on a quick ZSC mission with the Boondock Saints and ZSC First Lieutenant David Della Rocco – while we awaited reinforcements in the form of Blue Brigade Commander Norman Reedus and First Lieutenant Sean Patrick Flanery (both of whom were also waylaid by what we suspect was UGA-crafted roadblocks).
By the time Norman arrived on the scene we were in full defensive deployment mode. We – with our allies from the Dixon’s Vixens – informed Blue Brigade Commander of the multiple attempted attacks just as a predator drone strike took aim at Norman. He was able to escape but inadvertently left Rocco in the line of fire. We bobbed. We weaved. We even retreated at one point to try and regroup. The UGA was relentless. I left Rocco and Anthony with armed guards Leigh-Anne and Lisa and ventured – at 3 a.m. – to find us some food to keep up our strength.
The food resupply was just what we needed to help us strategize – we crafted code words, evac plans and communications to aid us in predator evasion and keeping Command intact for the weekend.
Dispatcher: Juliette Terzieff
