Over the course of the years, we’ve heard a lot of people claim they know the perfect way to avoid becoming a Happy Meal for the undead set. Sometimes these ideas seem so founded in fact that they may actually work when the Zombiepocalypse kicks into high gear. Unfortunately, after some digging most of these claims prove to be well thought out wishes, but provide little in the way of real safety.
In this series, your Zombie Survival Crew commanders will take a look at some of the more prevalent myths surrounding surviving once the earth is overrun by the undead.
Myth: Zombies can’t swim, so I’m going to live on a boat, yacht, island, etc.
Fact: To put it bluntly, this is a very naïve idea. If we all used this train of thought, people would be digging moats around their neighborhoods after the first zombies crawled out of their graves. All a moat would do is ensure other humans couldn’t gain access to the supplies you’ve stored. But it also isolates you, keeps you separated from those who are capable of helping to protect your family.
The truth is, zombies don’t breathe. Fear of drowning is what keeps a large percentage of people from learning how to swim or going into the water at all. However, after death there is nothing to stop them. Cadavers found in water are somewhat buoyant; they float near the surface during decomposition because of gasses trapped in the chest and abdomen. For normal bodies, this lasts for as long as it takes to dispel the gas. It is unknown how much of the gasses from decomposition stay in a zombie. So while the undead may lack the coordination to compete in the 100 meter freestyle in the Olympics, they can float and move around enough to execute a very basic “doggy paddle” to propel themselves through water.
“Well, what if the zombies don’t float?”
Then you will have a situation like in Land of the Dead (2005) where the zombies entered the water and sank like stones (which is what happens to the dead once their chest cavities burst and release built-up gasses anyways). Once submerged, the undead simply walked along the bottom of the lake. In this instance your only chance to use water to keep the zombies at bay is to find a chunk of land surrounded by swift-moving rivers. The force of the water would knock them downstream, but then you are back to my original point… isolation. How long could you survive on what you have stored and the limited hunting available on an island?
What zombie myths have you heard? Submit your myths in the comments below and we’ll do our best to prove if they are fact or just plain nonsense.
Video gaming industry insiders gathered Monday to kick off the four-day Electronic Entertainment Expo, or E3, in Los Angeles to give the public a sneak peak at what they plan to release console and game-wise during the next year. And like any good geek, yours truly happened to catch some of the news between writing up ZSC mission reports…
Only to set those reports aside and start writing this one.
The game play footage for Call of Duty Black Ops 2 is amazing, loud, bloody, and full of so much action that I couldn’t soak it all up in my first viewing. In the game, the main cast of characters struggles to escort the President of the United States safely through Los Angeles, which is under siege from futuristic, unmanned war machines and more enemy soldiers than you can shake a stick at.
But all that wasn’t what made me pause. A familiar voice came out of the television’s speakers during the game’s video package. A singular voice I heard just a few weeks ago in Dallas, Texas.
We have been unable to confirm if our Special Forces Commander Michael Rooker is indeed the voice I noted in Black Ops 2. He is on a top-secret mission and currently unavailable through normal lines of communication. As soon as we’re given word, we will let you know.
The game will be a great at-home training exercise for developing strategy and survival skills—and if it is indeed, as we suspect, Michael Rooker driving the game play, ZSC members and gamers can look forward to some intense sessions with our Special Forces head.
In the meantime, check out the game play footage and decide for yourself:
Earlier this week we brought you reports of a man in Miami, Florida that attacked and consumed his victim’s face before being shot and killed by local police. Official reports are stating that the attacker may have been suffering severe psychosis from use of a synthetic drug with the street name of “bath salts” (Not to be confused with the rose and lavender bath salts you gave your grandmother for Mother’s Day). As more witness statements are released, we realize that if the drugs are indeed to blame, then manufacturers may have found a way to turn living, breathing humans into the closest thing we’ve seen to a zombie.
On the heels of that startling attack comes another. In Baltimore, Maryland a college student claims to have murdered a man and then proceeded to eat portions of his brain and the entirety of his heart before dismembering his body. The assailant kept the head and hands, then disposed of the remaining pieces of the body in a dumpster at a nearby church. As of right now authorities are unsure if Alexander Kinyua actually ingested any portion of his victim—pending a full autopsy report from the coroner.
Unlike the Miami incident, there are no noticeable signs that drugs fueled the attack. Local police refused to comment or make assumptions on the mental health of Kinyua to determine if that factors into his disturbing behavior.
Kujoe Agyei-Kodie
What would push a seemingly healthy human to attack, kill, and supposedly eat someone that’d lived with his family for the last six months? This wasn’t the first time this month that Kinyua attacked another person. The first assault happened about a week prior to his cannibalistic confession. It was reported that, after sitting with a baseball bat clutched in his hands and muttering to himself for several minutes, Kinyua beat a fellow student. That victim was treated for severe injuries, including a fractured skull that cost him the sight in one of his eyes. Before that, classmates and neighbors considered Kinyua to be a decent guy, a little quirky, but always willing to help. His behavior did a full turnabout in the matter of weeks. But why? That is the most difficult part to figure out.
We’re growing increasingly concerned at the news reports coming across the Command Center desk. This report of cannibalism is not the second, but third, extremely violent incident in a matter of weeks—all located on the east coast.
Two of the locations coincide with the travel schedule of our leader, Juliette. Last weekend, she was just hours from Miami during the assault. This week, she made her way to Baltimore in preparation for the Philadelphia Comic-Con within days of the attack. She had no clue about it until we sent out a warning broadcast to commanders in the area.
Is there something in the water? The locations are too far spread out for any sensible source to be pinpointed. All we can do is warn brigadiers to remain vigilant.
If you see someone or something suspicious, do not engage. This is not an outbreak as far as we’ve determined. Report all incidents to local police. We will be monitoring things from ZSC Command. If any more details surface that alter our opinion on a possible outbreak, you will be notified.
Thank you for your patience during this brief delay. The developing story out of Miami over the weekend resulted in a scramble for possible action and all Commanders have been duly notified. While the situation appears to be under control at the moment, we remain watchful and remind you all to keep your go-bags handy. Our members’ constant vigilance and reporting of any possible undead sightings shows their quality time and time again, and for this we thank you. We now return to our regularly scheduled Commander Monday feature.
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This week’s Commander Monday feature brings us to another True Blood alumni, joining us fresh from the front lines of the battle against a small but not inconsiderable vampire presence among us. First Lieutenant Sam Trammell brings to the Zombie Survival Crew considerable experience with the undead as well a very unique and extremely rare talent – shapeshifting! Okay, so he doesn’t really transform into an adorable floppy-eared mutt at will, but his scruffy good looks, sweet disposition, intelligence, loyalty and undeniably sharp senses as well as considerable creative talents can only be a benefit to all in the dark days to come.
Sam Trammell is a native of West Virginia who attended Brown University before making his move onto the stage with his off-Broadway debut in Dealer’s Choice. Continuing onstage, he went on to appear in My Night With Reg and earned a Tony nomination for his part in the Broadway revival of Eugene O’Neill’s comedy Ah, Wilderness! Before landing the well-known role of beloved shape-shifter Sam Merlotte on HBO’s True Blood, Sam appeared in numerous television series, including Trinity, Going to California,Judging Amy, Dexter, Law and Order: Criminal Intent, and A Drop of True Blood. Sam has also appeared in the critically acclaimed film Beat alongside fellow ZSC Commander Norman Reedus. Sam has also been seen in AVPR: Aliens vs Predator – Requiem, The Details, Fear of Fiction and Guns, Girls & Gambling.
Coming soon:
Later this year, watch for Sam in the upcoming film Long Time Gone, and of course the anticipated return of True Blood on HBO.
_______________________________________________________________ Need information about the other ZSC commanders ?
From behind the zombie bunny cages of RC Murphy Alert Level: High
We interrupt our regularly scheduled Commander Monday segment to bring you vital information which may indicate the zombie apocalypse may be heating up.
Often we hear news tidbits that force us to double-check our go bags and weaponry. However, nothing caught our attention about the reality of what we’re facing in the near future like this news article from the Miami Herald.
Here’s a rundown of what the police have released so far. On Saturday May, 26th at approximately 2:00 PM local time, police received reports that two men were in an altercation on a bicycle path alongside a freeway off ramp. Police arrived on the scene and described the situation as a nude man hunched over another man…apparently eating his face.
Yes, you read that right. They claim that the attacker chowed down on the victim’s face. Police used verbal warnings to break up the situation. When that proved ineffective, they shot him. The first shot had no apparent affect. Five more shots were fired into the attacker, according to witness reports. The attacker died on the scene. Paramedics took the victim to a nearby hospital in serious condition—his face unrecognizable.
Police theories right now state that the attacker was suffering from “cocaine psychosis”, which drives a person insane as they literally cook from the inside out (this also explains why he was found nude during the assault).
The police are allowed their theories. We’re allowed ours. Numerous ZSC brigadiers brought this article to our attention, and we thank them for that. This may indeed be a drug-induced psychosis as Miami police claim. Or it could be the first wave in zombie activity. The fact that the man did not react as a human should when the first shot was fired is disconcerting. Lack of pain response is one of the first signs we look for when determining if a person is in fact infected by the zombie virus. It is very rare that psychotic rages push someone to the point of devouring a living human, despite what we’ve seen in the movies. There must be something more to the story than what they’re telling the public.
Also, it is significant to note this incident took place while our commander-in-chief, Juliette Terzieff, is at Spooky Empire May-hem educating the masses on how to respond during a zombie apocalypse. Coincidence? We don’t think so. The chief has checked in to assure everyone her go bag is with her and ready to go. She has given the pre-deployment signal to command, so we are standing by awaiting her further instructions at this time. We are on high alert, and this is NOT a drill.
Please, be on your guard. We will be keeping a close eye on any further reports from the Miami police regarding this situation.
Rating: Unrated (mild violence and adult language)
Starring: Dominic Monaghan, Ron Perlman and Larry Fessenden
I stepped outside my norm with this film. First, I Sell the Dead is a period piece. Secondly, this isn’t so much a zombie flick as it is a movie that happens to have zombies in it. Third, I let the casting sway my decision to watch. Hey, Dominic Monaghan made an impression in those movies about a ring or some such. Curiosity forced my hand. Good thing I’m not a cat, huh?
The film takes us through the career of a grave robber while he’s delivering his gallows speech to a no-nonsense priest. Right off the bat, what caught my attention was the humor laced in the script. There were moments that felt like one of those weird stage shows, very Waiting for Godot without all the, you know, waiting. Well there was some waiting, but that was me waiting for zombies (until I got impatient and looked in the mirror).
Via flashbacks we watch our friendly neighborhood grave robber become an apprentice and learn how, exactly, to break into a coffin. As time progresses he teams up with his mentor to grave rob as a full time job. They are forced by the tight grip of the law to look to other sources outside graveyards to procure corpses for the doctor that’s hired them. Their first try introduces the pair to the reality of vampires. After they successfully deliver the vampire’s body, the strange dead and undead begin to find them. Including the corpse of an alien, which sparks a turf war between rival grave robbing gangs. Apparently, being a ghoul is profitable enough to kill over. Who knew!
Eventually, as always happens, the final bit of fun and games happened when someone accidentally discovered packing crates filled with zombies. Our grave robbers are led into the fray by a pair of perky breasts disguising a ruthless heart and there’s a proverbial tug of war with the animated corpses that ends with someone losing their temper…and several important body parts.
While witty, some viewers may find the pacing of I Sell the Dead a bit of a turn off. This is not your usual horror flick with tons of jump scares, though it has a few moments where you don’t know whether to laugh or shriek. I give this movie three and a half severed arms out of five. If you want a dose of British humor with a swig of the morbid and dash of paranormal monsters, check out I Sell the Dead.
Once veteran actor Tony Todd stepped off the stage and into a the 1986 film Sleepwalk, it was only a matter of time before he slipped into our nightmares through Clive Barker’s terrifying Candyman and became one of the most recognizable icons of horror films worldwide. As William Bludworth in the Final Destination series, he shared with wide-eyed viewers his vast knowledge of death and offered up a few tips about how to cheat the Reaper himself. In the 1990 remake of Romero’s classic Night of the Living Dead, Tony came face to face with the shambling horde for the first time, awarding him first-hand knowledge and experience that would prove invaluable for the future. It is this knowledge and experience that makes him more than qualified for leadership in the Zombie Survival Crew. Tony’s versatility, charisma and quiet nature directly contrast his powerful presence, and one cannot help but wonder what lurks beneath the surface, or what hides behind the chilling, intelligent smile.
Towering over almost everybody at a statuesque 6 feet 5 inches, the imposing Tony Todd hails from our nation’s capital, and put in two years at the University of Connecticut before starting on a new path with a scholarship from the renowned Eugene O’Neill National Theatre Institute. Tony appeared in scores of theater performances with the Hartman Conservatory in Stamford, Connecticut and the Trinity Square Repertory Theatre Conservatory in Providence, Rhode Island. He also taught playwriting to high school students in the Hartford public school system. Tony has appeared in films, stage performances and TV series almost too numerous to mention, including Oliver Stone’s Academy Award-winning film Platoon, the title role in award-winning playwright August Wilson’s King Hedley II, and co-starring alongside Brandon Lee and Michael Wincott in the 1994 cult classic The Crow. On the smaller screen, we’ve seen Tony on Boston Public, NYPD Blue, Law & Order,Crossing Jordan, and The X-Files. He has had recurring roles in all three Star Trek franchises, episodes of CSI: Miami, and many other acclaimed television series.
Tony demonstrates the use of a baseball bat as a means of defense against the shambling horde.
Starring: Brandon Routh, Sam Huntington, Anita Briem, and Taye Diggs
Zombies, and vampires, and werewolves… oh hell.
Poking around the internet usually leads me to a few shining gems as far as zombie movies goes. This isn’t exactly a zombie movie, but yet another film that utilizes zombies in some fashion. Never one to discriminate against my fellow undead, I decided to give Dylan Dog: Dead of Night a chance.
The film follows a private detective, Dylan Dog, and his assistant Marcus as they are dragged back into the realm of the supernatural for a murder case. This isn’t Dylan’s first trip around the paranormal merry-go-round and his past quickly catches up to pay a visit as he uses old connections to investigate the death of his client’s father. Luckily he’s used to dealing with the dead, while working Marcus meets with the toothy side of a zombie and is turned, without losing an ounce of his sense of humor.
Apparently in the universe of the film there are two types of zombies, those who feed on humans and those who don’t. Zombies who abstain from flesh eat worms and other gross things to get necessary nutrition. They are somewhat frail and decay quicker than their flesh-eating counterparts. All of the zombie rules were run through pretty quickly after Marcus awakes in the morgue, conveniently run by a pair of the vegan-esque zombies. I’m glad to see that for once the undead aren’t the bad guys, but instead function as comedic relief and sidekicks. About time, if you ask me.
Despite Marcus’s undead state, he and Dylan go on to do their sleuth thing. They go toe to fang with vampires and werewolves, even taking on the mother of all zombies. Oh and insert random demon, because we didn’t have enough paranormal entities to keep track of. (I had to take notes, no kidding!)
Dylan Dog: Dead of Night had a lot of potential. Unfortunately this movie suffered from casting problems. Actually, only one big, glaring problem… Routh as the jaded Dylan Dog. The character was written for someone at least ten years older. Unless there is a plot point, such as Dylan has an extended lifespan and only appears to be around 30, there’s no way to believe some of the dialog coming from his mouth. He talks of old times with the vampires and I can’t help but think, “What, you were chatting up vampires in your Pampers, dude?” If they’d tweaked the character I would have enjoyed Routh’s performance more. Instead it felt like he tried to do a bad Constantine impression.
I’m going to give Dylan Dog:Dead of Night three and three-quarter decaying feet out of five. Most of that goes to Sam Huntington for amusing me so much as a newly dead zombie. Brought back fond memories.
For those of you who have been following the plight of Blue Brigade loyalist, Moira Jones, we received another communication from her last night. You may recall she sent the Zombie Survival Crew command a cry for help, and we are proud of our crew, because the response was immediate. Field reports came in and a rescue mission was mounted. Below is the communication record of a call received last night in the command center. While the situation seems dire for our brave crew member, we will not give up hope.
FLANERY: ZSC Command, Lieutenant Flanery. State your name and brigade.
JONES: Oh, my gosh! It works! THE PHONE WORKS!
*static*
JONES:Hello? Are you…
*static*
FLANERY: Name and brigade?
*static*
JONES: … me! It’s Moira!
FLANERY:Moira! Thank god. Are you alright?
JONES: I think so, but I need your help!
FLANERY:Commander Reedus and Rooker have put together a retrieval team. They’re on the way to you now. Just hang on.
*silence*
FLANERY: Moira? Are you okay?
*silence*
FLANERY: Have you been bitten or scratched?
JONES: No, but…
*static*
JONES: … scared.
FLANERY: Say again?
JONES: I said, I’m scared.
FLANERY: Oh kid. That’s okay. Hell, if you weren’t scared I’d be worried about you.
JONES: I wish Donut was here.
*barking*
FLANERY: She says, “Stay Dixon strong.”
JONES: Will you stay on the phone with me until the rescue team gets here?
FLANERY: Of course, I will, kid. We just need to make sure you’re as safe as possible. Are you in a contained space? Can the walkers get to you where you are?
JONES: I don’t think so. The only way up to the sixth floor now is the stairs and I blocked the door. I don’t think they can get in.
Well, no one can complain about the lack of walker action in the newest episode of The Walking Dead. I’ve seen enough leaking skulls to satisfy my bloodlust for another couple of weeks, so long as the writer’s promise to quit trying to make me cry. More on that later. We’re diving straight into the heart of this episode with Rick, Shane, and the showdown we’ve been waiting two seasons to see.
After Lori planted the seeds of doubt in Rick’s mind last week, it was only a matter of time before he took things to the source. Did anyone else get a mental image of Lori as a demon whispering in his ear? Creepy as heck. Anyways… Being Mr. Honorable, Rick took Shane out for a nice long drive and confronted him away from everyone else to give him a fair chance to say his piece. He gets it—understands that Shane loves Lori as a representation of life and love in his world of death. But he also knows his friend, sees that he’s dangling one foot over the edge of the Cliff of No Return. The amount of restraint shown by both men in that scene resolved none of the tension between them. We knew they’d have more to say about it, and boy did they.
One of the problems that’s sprouted up in this post-apocalyptic universe is the notion that your everyday Joe can, with the proper application of force and smarts, become God. Who gets to decide which of the living are fit to survive? Certainly not Shane, who goes into every decision gun first. At least Rick makes an effort to think things through. But is he any more fit to make that choice for someone else? Are any of us? In their shoes, I would have left Randall there. If he was determined enough to walk the eighteen plus miles to invade the camp, then I’d deal with it. Rich and Shane’s differing opinions boiled over, giving them an excuse to vent physically what neither man could cope with emotionally. I wonder what Lori will say when she learns what all her whispering caused. She nearly lost both of them.
Before we move to the really heavy subject that’s unavoidable thanks to this episode, I want to yet again theorize over what Jenner said to Rick before the CDC blew up. When they inspected the deputy walkers, Shane seemed at a loss for how they turned without being bitten. Rick, however knew that a scratch could change them. Has this happened before? I can’t remember. But it seems that the virus that reanimates the dead is adapting. Perhaps Jenner knew this would happen and warned Rick.
At the beginning of season two the writers touched on the issue of suicide. For Andrea, it seemed to be the only way to cope with her losses and escape an inevitable painful demise by walker. Dale took it upon himself to keep her from it. Daryl talked some sense into her, in his own way—with help from an unfortunate walker that’d hung himself before turning. Now they’ve circled back around to that issue with Beth, Hershel’s youngest daughter. Just like Andrea, her decision was taken away. Was Lori right to stop her? Do the same rules about suicide persist after death has thrown the rest of the rules to the wind?
Maggie tries like heck to make Beth see what losing her would do to the rest of the family. But she is so determined to take the easy path that she tries to convince Maggie to do it with her. Desperation makes a person’s mind search for the “easy button”. Suicide isn’t the way, though. Trying to make a pact with your loved ones to do the same is forcing them to follow the wrong path in their life.
Andrea and Lori have very different views about how to survive. Lori wants stability, to bury her head and do what she can to pretend there aren’t walkers outside. Andrea is trying to adapt, but for her survival isn’t worth it unless she is the one calling the shots. She went behind the “alpha” female’s back and gave Beth the opportunity to do as she wished. Actions like that come with a price. One that everyone involved has to pay.
Next week promises to be equally as tense. What will happen to the outsider, Randall? Chime in with your predictions in the comments.
Fact: To put it bluntly, this is a very naïve idea. If we all used this train of thought, people would be digging moats around their neighborhoods after the first zombies crawled out of their graves. All a moat would do is ensure other humans couldn’t gain access to the supplies you’ve stored. But it also isolates you, keeps you separated from those who are capable of helping to protect your family.
Often we hear news tidbits that force us to double-check our go bags and weaponry. However, nothing caught our attention about the reality of what we’re facing in the near future like this 
I stepped outside my norm with this film. First, I Sell the Dead is a period piece. Secondly, this isn’t so much a zombie flick as it is a movie that happens to have zombies in it. Third, I let the casting sway my decision to watch. Hey, Dominic Monaghan made an impression in those movies about a ring or some such. Curiosity forced my hand. Good thing I’m not a cat, huh?
Zombies, and vampires, and werewolves… oh hell.
FLANERY: Name and brigade?
Well, no one can complain about the lack of walker action in the newest episode of The Walking Dead. I’ve seen enough leaking skulls to satisfy my bloodlust for another couple of weeks, so long as the writer’s promise to quit trying to make me cry. More on that later. We’re diving straight into the heart of this episode with Rick, Shane, and the showdown we’ve been waiting two seasons to see.