Roughly 63% of households in the United States have at least one pet. What would happen if the zombie virus jumped species? Seventy-one million homes are at risk should this happen. Sure, no one is going to run screaming if the family goldfish turns. But maybe they should. The zombie virus would mean they could “survive” out of water, and maybe give them greater powers of locomotion. Putting aside the goldfish threat for the moment, most people have larger pets, like dogs, cats, parrots, etc. Fido with the uncontrollable hunger of the undead? Totally terrifying.
One of the reasons the zombie virus frightens us so much is because it strips away everything that makes a person human. In a matter of moments the virus renders a person nothing more than a ravenous animal. The question is; how would it affect creatures that are already in touch with their primal instincts?
Domesticated animals have been given human traits so that they are able to live amongst us without too many dangerous mishaps. Dogs are the perfect example of this process. In the wild, dogs (and their cousins) are pack animals. Domestication made them see humans as their pack instead of other dogs. Through time and training they adapted, learning our spoken and silent languages to fit in better. Stray dogs revert back to an all-dog pack mentality. However they still recognize humans as the dominant being in the urban forest.
If we strip away the domesticated parts of an animal, we are left with your basic wild beast. Even then they will see man as a predator and shy away from us with minimal confrontation. In humans the zombie virus overrides the fear instinct. Take that fear of predators from an animal and there is nothing holding them back from attacking. Wild animals are outfitted with some vicious weapons. Without the fear of being hurt or possessing pain receptors to be aware of injury once turned, they will put those claws and teeth to good use.
For most of us, the greatest problem would come from the animals we’ve brought in to our houses as pets. Pigs, for example, will eat almost anything even without being turned. In Hannibal by Thomas Harris, there are pigs that have been trained to eat humans. It’s not unheard of for domesticated animals to eat their owners outside of novels, either. Numerous accounts have been reported of cats eating the dead when they run out of food. They do what they have to in order to survive.
What if you lived near the local Zoo? It wouldn’t take long for an infected and crazed animal to force its way out of captivity. Images of tigers looking like the Doberman Pinschers from Resident Evil come to mind. Trust us when we say, you want to get as far away from zoos or wildlife centers after the first zombies have been found.
It is unclear how long it will take for the virus to jump species. However the potential for disaster is right there under our noses. If your animal is bitten while protecting the family, put it down in a humane manner. Vigilance will be what keeps the virus from crossing over sooner. Or so we hope. For all we know the virus could start with animals…
No one let that idea get further than this dispatch. We are under heavy surveillance and the UGA doesn’t need any new ideas.
The zombies have risen. Your friends, your family, everyone has been turned or is on the run to find a safe haven. Madness reigns on the streets. Death is on every corner. Miss Manners is probably chomping on little Billy from next door… Nevertheless, just because the world has gone to hell in a hand basket, that doesn’t mean you have to be rude. We’ve compiled a list of things you can do in order to not become “That guy (or gal)” during the Zombiepocalypse.
Hygiene – Soap will likely be in very short supply after the zombies rise. However, a dirty human and a dirty zombie start to look and smell the same after a couple of weeks without indoor plumbing and running water. A quick rinse-off and clothes wash might save your life. (See below)
Communication – There’ll be occasions when you run into someone who has not bathed, washed their clothing, or for some reason is covered in blood. We suggest trying to talk to anyone you might think may actually be a human. Killing the living is frowned upon in the Zombie Survival Crew, so please; communicate with others to avoid any unfortunate mishaps.
Call Your Shots – Ammunition in the Zombiepocalypse will be sparse. If you find yourself in a hunting group, call out which zombie you are aiming at. This way other members of your party can focus on the remaining undead shambling your way and no unnecessary shots are taken. Calling your shots ensures quick dispatch of the undead as well. You don’t want to linger too long in an infested area.
Sharing is Key – No; you haven’t been transported back to grade school. We believe that cooperation between the living will ensure that they remain healthy and without an uncontrollable desire to devour the flesh of their friends. So if you find yourself in possession of extra supplies, please do not hoard them. Share with your fellow man and in return they may give you something you are in need of. You never know when that extra bullet you gave away will be used to save your life.
Privacy – In most of the predictions we have witnessed of the coming zombie uprising, the living have been forced to live together in small communities. Sometimes several families find themselves sharing a house. Other times, as with The Walking Dead, the living are on the run and residing in tent cities. Nylon fabric doesn’t offer any privacy. It is up to you to turn an eye and allow your fellow human the idea of privacy when they are without. The Zombiepocalypse will expose us for what we really are, sometimes a moment without prying eyes is needed to regroup and maintain sanity.
Humor – A well-developed sense of humor will make the end of days easier to bear. We totally get that here at the ZSC. However, jokes need to be tempered to the situation. If your best friend was forced to put down his infected dog, that is not the moment to make an Old Yeller joke.
Don’t Toy With the Zombies – Remember, these creatures used to be your friends, neighbors, milkman, etc. Living people you knew and cared for before the undead rose. Please kill them humanely. Shooting off their arms and legs to watch them flail around is cruel! With most breeds of undead, a single shot to the head will suffice. Though, feel free to have a little fun should your mother-in-law join the shambling hordes. We’ll turn a blind eye just that once.
Chief’s Note: Newly promoted Special Agent, Premier Protection Enforcement Division (SAPPED) officer @Wulfie_ has observed the following recent activity within Zombie Survival Crew Command.
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SAPPED UPDATE:
At 9:32 PM on Feb 9th a group of ZSC members were gathered together in the Compound Mess Hall when something sped past us. Not everyone noticed, but a couple of us sensed that…something had moved through the room with such speed and stealth that it had to have been supernatural.
While inspecting the room Crew members discovered this message sent out via twitter by Sean Patrick Flanery:
“David Cameron sings it out…!!!!!!! …Amen, brother.”
Gibberish? Not if Command knows Sean. Drunk? We think not. It is far more likely one of two things. Sean was showing off his stealth abilities and decided to rub our noses in it by taking the time to leave us a note so we’d know it had been him. Or he has been captured by the same Unknown Government Agency that kidnapped Juliette and Anthony and left us a coded message informing us of the situation.
Personally, I hope Sean was just showing off and, at the same time, teaching us that we need to be on guard AT ALL TIMES. But if this isn’t the case, my guess is that LK Gardner-Griffie‘s Flux Capacitor is now in the hands of the Unknown Government Agency (UGA). LK may or may not be aware of the theft. She may or may not be working with UGA. Further investigation will be required before we’ll know.
A Flux Capacitor is the ONLY thing that explains the way Sean was able to move, undetected, in and out of a room filled with people. Because he has proven himself to be a highly regarded and trusted member of the ZSC I don’t believe he has betrayed us, or that he’s acting against us. It is far more likely that he has been kidnapped by UGA.
Sean is more than capable of avoiding capture by defending himself – as noted in my earlier report. However, being a loyalist to the ZSC, he is perfectly capable of allowing himself to be captured in an effort to locate Juliette and Anthony. It is my belief that Sean has been kidnapped by UGA and that he somehow managed to find and use LK’s Capacitor long enough to get a message to us, informing us of his abduction without being detected by the UGA. Clearly, he would not abandon Juliette and Anthony to UGA which is, probably, why he returned to wherever it is they’re all being held.
I recommend that a Red Alert be issued at once and that a full investigation begin including the following steps:
Find out if LK and/or her Flux Capacitor are missing. Stealing only the Capacitor would have been the smartest thing for UGA to do because we’d have no reason to suspect anything was wrong or that it was missing, especially if LK is all right.
Establish if Sean has been kidnapped and…who is taking care of Donut in his absence.
Decrypt the coded message Sean left us.
Ascertain if any of these events were the result of the ZSC having been infiltrated with spies and, if so, locate them.
It may be that there are no spies and that the ZSC Headquarters has been bugged.* If that’s the case we need to run a thorough sweep for all devices and remove them. It would be smart to leave several of these devices in place thus allowing UGA to believe we have no idea what’s going on. We may be able to reverse the spyware so that we can track the signal back to its origin. This may lead us to where the three victims are being held or it may only lead us to an UGA agent or two. If it leads to agents then I highly recommend allowing Neil Brown Jr., RC Murphy, and Norman Reedus to interview them in whatever manner they see fit.
Once everyone is cleared, assign protection details around the other Commanding Officers and First Lieutenants in order to protect them from being kidnapped as well.
Locate where Juliette, Anthony and Sean are, whether they’re being held together, and rescue them. It’s unlikely they’re being held together. At the very least Sean will be separated from them and, perhaps, kept unconscious because of his fighting abilities.
Find, retrieve, or destroy, the Flux Capacitor so that it cannot be used against us again. Perhaps LK, if she isn’t a victim of kidnapping/mind control, or a spy, can help with this plan. Surely she and Jim Burleson can put together a plan to enable us to do this. (If Jim Burleson hasn’t fallen victim and isn’t a spy.)
We need to kick the UGA’s ass once and for all.
*Be sure to check and get rid of the secret #zombiebunneh hidden in the main operations room – what better place for a bug than in the belly of a fuzzy wuzzy zombie bunneh? Whoever gets this job should be prepared to deal with RCMurphy by distracting her with chocolate, striped knee socks, or new blankets for her personal cave.
It is Valentine’s Day. Stow the groaning, folks. Trust me, when this assignment came across my desk I did the same thing. The hearts and candy routine really isn’t my thing. However, I found some disturbing Valentine’s coming into my mail box this week and felt you should be aware of the hidden dangers behind this holiday.
See, even zombies get lonely. They have a hard time holding on to significant others (once they gnaw their arms off…). Because of this lack of companionship, come Valentine’s Day zombies are pretty dang lonely. And hungry. Never forget how hungry a zombie can be.
So take our advice; grab your go bag. Valentine’s Day won’t be all stuffed animals and roses this year. The number of zombie sightings has increased tenfold this year. If you hear someone talking about candy hearts, they may actually be talking about candied hearts. Which are an undead delicacy.
Be safe. Be smart. And for goodness sake, if someone tries to give you a bunny don’t take it!
Chief’s Note: the decision to publish the following assessment from ZSC Member @Wulfie_ was not taken lightly. She has inadvertently uncovered internal Command structure and planning secrets. Retribution is not out of the question.
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Let’s face a few things here. No matter how the Zombie Apocalypse begins or ends it isn’t going to be pretty. Not all of us are going to make it.
Sure, we have the Zombie Survival Crew. We’re gathering forces, training, getting ready to defend ourselves. But there will be battles, and casualties. People we care about will go down and, if they rise up again, are we prepared to take them out? What would you do if one of our Commanders, or First Lieutenants, got infected and decided you’d make a nice snack?
Last week Neil Brown Jr. delivered a valuable dispatch designed to help us survive in the event of a cataclysmic global event. With that in mind I’ve written a report profiling the ZSC officers we look to for advice, protection and communications. Yes, they’re well trained, but if they become infected with the zombie virus, we need to know how to protect ourselves. This is especially true if the zombies we have to deal with aren’t just shamblers but intelligent walkers.
FIRST LIEUTENANTS:
David Della Rocco is the one who’s going to catch us off-guard because, while we’re rearing back from his zombie appearance, he’s going to be throwing out the funny one liners. Being stressed out by the apocalypse is going to have us off our game and one good joke will have us snickering, then chuckling, then laughing our backsides off. He’ll be making some wise crack about The Walking Dead. We’ll be trying to hold ourselves up because we’re laughing too hard and that’s when he’ll get us with his weapon of choice: the chainsaw. Watch out for the zombies who can make you laugh; they’ll kill you with the jokes first and their teeth later.
Jim Burleson is trouble from the get go as a zombie, or otherwise. He’s gifted at orchestrating major events which means he’ll be the one putting together the zombie attack plans. His secret weapon is a Ball Pein Hammer. Ouch. The problem in dealing with him as a zombie is that he’s smart enough to have designed a plan hidden within a plan that’s hidden within another plan. By the time you figure out something’s going on, you’ve got a hammer slamming you between the eyes. This one needs to go fast, if he’s turned, or we’re all dead.
If Neil Brown Jr. gets zombified, he’s going to be on the front lines of any planned attack because he can bring it. Our lead vato is going to go ballistic and run off in all directions trying to find out whose fault it was that Neil got turned. (It will probably be Jim Burleson’s fault because he’ll know what a strong zombie Neil will make.) Neil’s dangerous as a mere mortal; put him in a meat suit that doesn’t feel pain and he’s going to cut loose with his martial arts as soon as he’s used up his katana. If he isn’t drop kicking you into your next life, then he’s going to be charming you with that hypnotic voice and calm demeanor, and will probably talk you into believing that it’s a great idea if you allow him to bite one of your fingers; after all, you’ve got nine others, right? Either way – you’re dead meat.
Pauline Campos is our first female zombified Lieutenant. Don’t be fooled by her gender. She’s got a Mexi-fro that no man in his right mind could resist. While said male is distracted by that and trying to help her with her diaper bag, she’s going to be nibbling on his appendages and shooting anyone who tries to stop her with her .45 ACP pistol. As a former newswoman, she intuitively knows where the action is and the best place to position herself to get to the…meat of the matter. Watch out for this little hottie from hell should she be looking in your direction with zombie eyes.
Sean Patrick Flanery as a zombie? All I can say is head for the hills, kids! I’ve seen this guy in action and, the way he takes out a Jedi Warrior with his mad skills, none of us stand a chance. Jus’ sayin’. Besides, having 2 black belts in Karate and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, this guy is walking death to the walking living. After reviewing his portfolio, I’m betting that the first thing he’ll do if he becomes a zombie is to infect his specially trained assassin dog, Donut. Don’t let the name fool you. If you see Sean coming…shoot AND run because if you don’t take him down with the first shot, you’re just going to piss him off. Donut will catch you and be gnawing off your leg, while Sean sidles up to finish you off. If Sean goes Zombie, it’ll take a fleet of us to bring him down.
BRIGADE LEADERS:
LK Gardner-Griffie was abducted into the ZSC at the point of a crossbow. Not a good sign. If she’s zombified and teams up with Jim Burleson, we might as well give it up…unless they’ve been brain damaged. Because if their brains are in tact then, between the two of them, we’ve had the meat…er…become the meat. She’s got files on us and, if she happens to retain that information, she’s going to know exactly who each and every one of us are and where we live. She’ll assemble groups of Geeks to take us out one by one, moving from the most threatening down to us lesser munchies. If she actually happens to own a functioning flux capacitor…we might as well slit our own throats because the attacks will be like something out of Star Trek. Teams of zombies will be beaming in and out. We won’t know what bit us. In fact, it’s a safe bet that we’ll be zombiefied before we even realize we’re dead. LK will be at the very top of our Most Wanted list if she’s turned.
Don’t let Anthony Guajardo’s youth and pretty face fool you. He never goes anywhere without the protection of his dogs and is extremely dangerous, as proven by the fact that he has survived encounters with Daryl Dixon and “T-Dog”. He may look innocent, but he’s not. Be wary of him because when he’s not side-tracking you with the cuteness, he’s going to be hacking away with his machete looking for some finger food.
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RC Murphy’s weapon of choice of is the sword but she seems to have a somewhat unhealthy obsession with our fearless leader’s sacred crossbow. This one hides behind a facade of outrageously funny mood swings and ADD tendencies. The trouble here is that it’s a clever ruse masking the fact that she’s actually psychotic. Several of her other personalities are made of the stuff that no one, and I do mean NO-ONE, on the ZSC wants, or is prepared to deal with. Don’t be fooled by her mild mannered wife and mother persona. There’s some real evil in her lusting to break free and being zombified might be just the thing that does it. Watch out for this cutie. Trust me on that. Also…avoid the Z’s.
Ah yes, our beloved, multi-tasking and somewhat flighty Jinxie_G. Self-proclaimed creator and destroyer of worlds. On top of being an Amazon, she’s proficient with the compound bow. Being nocturnal and constantly pumped up on caffeine and nicotine makes her hyper-vigilant. As long as she’s one of us, we’re fine. But if she goes zombie, I’d suggest the duck and cover technique. A grenade, or explosive of some kind, might be our only choice in taking her down as a zombie. The problem with this is, she has a gaggle of supernatural buddies who can step in at any time and kick our collective butts. Our best bet is to make sure, she’s not Turned.
IronE Singleton’s weapon of choice is the up-close-and-personal hammer. YIKES! Add his willingness to get a bloody facial to his passion for work, life and family and he’s a formidable opponent. He’s one of the most huggable on the crew and that makes him more dangerous than all the others. The shortage of hugs during any apocalypse makes IronE (a.k.a. Mr. Huggy) particularly dangerous. Watch yourselves! He might look like a teddy bear but embracing this zombie is a fast-track to zombification.
Now we get to Norman Reedus. Oy! Norman’s weapons training, crossbow abilities, and his gift for remaining clear and focused on missions makes him a valuable commodity to the ZSC. He’s an expert survivalist which, I’m sure will save our butts if we’re on the run. He handles stress swiftly and directly – though I have to wonder what’s going on behind those eyes when he’s just sitting around in silence. I believe Norman would make the most dangerous zombie of us all. In character as Daryl Dixon he’s shown patience, reserve and a willingness and ability to set his personal feelings aside and just get on with surviving. But I think he’s got a long memory and is capable of a multitude of surprises that could prove dangerous if he’s pushed too far. Right now he’s on our side and doing his part. But all of us need to remember that he doesn’t need us and he might very well be better off without us. We’re liabilities to him and I’m sure he knows this. At the same time, in the event of a zombie attack, he’ll have a few bodies to throw at them while he makes his getaway. As a zombie…yeah…I’d be totally unable to predict what he’s capable of so let’s try to make sure he stays human – that’s dangerous enough.
Our fearless leader, Juliette Terzieff, the humanitarian. She is the official leader of the ZSC and that’s an understatement. She might be known for running around in circles screaming, but don’t let her fool you. She’s not flighty. She’s not overwhelmed. (Tired yes, overwhelmed, no.) There are things we don’t know about her; things she has hidden from us – a move any good leader should make, by the way. But let’s remember that she’s been in actual war zones and heavily involved in international politics. While her human heart is humanitarian, I’m positive her zombie heart would be zombitarian. As the leader of the ZSC, she’d be a primary target for an intelligent zombie invasion. She’s the one that knows everything about everyone, including information that the rest of us don’t have access to. Information that she may, or may not, share with those under her immediate command. She could turn zombie and set us all up for the biggest fall yet and none of us would know it. As a zombie she could infect each of those closest to her, until the rest of us are wiped out. If that happens it won’t be long before she’s giving out bags of human meat instead of the bags of chocolate that her human self awards us with. Keep an eye on Juliette. Don’t let her height fool you either; one round of ChaCha Ferrigno and you’d be zombie food.
Moral of this report, friends and neighbors? Watch your back and don’t forget for one second that, despite our best efforts to organize and band together in the event of the Zombie Apocalypse, any one of us could become a casualty.
When one hears the word Necromancer you tend to envision a guy in his mid 40’s sporting a cape and tux combo that would make Dracula drool in his coffin. We’re talking someone like Doctor Orpheus from The Venture Brothers, here. The stereotype of a necromancer is outlandish, so ridiculous that we have a hard time believing anyone would call themselves one at any point in history. Which is probably a good idea. Playing with the dead isn’t the smartest thing to do. Something always goes wrong.
Necromancy is a form of magic. Dark magic steeped in rituals used to call upon the dead. These rituals are long, exhausting, and involve sacrifices of blood. The amount of blood varies on the magic being conducted. Early necromancers believed that more was better. Accounts tell of practitioners standing before blood-drenched altars to work their magic. Some necromancers use the spirits of the dead to predict the future. Others recover the corpse and “push” their magic into it, creating an animated corpse to control and communicate with.
During the early Middle Ages, necromancy was both fodder of myths and reality. The Norse told tales of heroes contacting spirits of dead relatives and asking the dead to cast spells against their enemies. Another Norse saga depicted Skuld, a princess so skilled in magic and communicating with the dead that in the midst of battle she could force dead warriors to rise and continue their attacks. Skuld wielded and army of the undead, the likes of which we consider a big sign that the Zombiepocalypse is upon us. This undead army made her nearly invincible on the battlefield. A feat most men would be envious of and all feared.
Medieval necromancers believed that in order to raise the dead the Christian god had to be invoked during rituals. Because of this the vast majority of medieval necromancers were highly educated clergy members. There were few seminaries at the time and made knowledge of Holy Scripture rare unless one was taught under an apprenticeship. The common man would not have access to the Bible. Nor would he be able to read the Latin it was written in. This was long before the printing press and the idea that every household should have a copy of the Bible in order to be closer to God.
At this time necromancers began to believe that they were not calling forth the souls of the dead to reanimate bodies, but demons instead. The Roman Catholic Church forbade members from practicing the dark magic for this reason. However enforcing the ruling was near impossible given the amount of time it took to deliver missives to other countries.
Despite the Church’s declaration, necromancy was still widely practiced. Through time, necromancers used the stigma towards magic by Christian faithful to fuel their rituals. Necromancers were hunted as witches, driven further underground to conduct their rituals and raise their dead. They twisted Holy Scripture, uttered names of demons never meant to be spoken by good, God-fearing people.
Modern necromancy has returned to the idea that they are communicating with the souls of the dead. While some of the demonic still exists, it is more as a warning. Great care is taken to “protect” the area of ritual, usually with a circle of some sort, to keep “evil spirits” (demonic forces) at bay. Necromancers nowadays typically aren’t attempting to raise an army of undead from their graves. But you should never disregard the idea.
Armies of undead under the control of a necromancer will move together. Unlike a typical hoard of zombies, these won’t fight with each other while reaching for their goal. Think of them as decaying marionettes. The necromancer will use their power over the dead to manipulate zombies to do their will. It could be anything from petty theft to a string of murders. Because necromancy is a type of magic, there are repercussions to using the power. Sustaining the undead will drain them, leave them vulnerable to attack. If you can break the tie between zombie and necromancer, the zombie will return to the grave or attack the person that disturbed their rest. We suggest trying salt or salt water. If that fails, use fire. Zombie flambé, anyone?
You’re walking down the street on your way to work, same as you do every day. A stranger steps out of a shop and walks towards you. Even though you try to move out of the way, they crash into you. After a few muttered apologies, they leave. Only then do you notice that your forearm is bleeding from a small cut and going numb. Within minutes that entire side of your body loses sensation. A little while later you are unable to control any of your movements.
You’ve been made into a zombie.
How can it be that easy, you ask? If you lived in Haiti, where Voodoo reigns supreme, there would be no question about the existence of zombies. However, unlike other “breeds” of zombie we have explored here at ZSC, zombies created by Voodoo are living, breathing humans.
Victims are dosed with a neurotoxin. There has been extensive debate about which neurotoxin is actually used during the zombie making process. In The Serpent and the Rainbow, victims were given a dose of tetrodotoxin powder. Tetrodotoxin is found in puffer fish and its history of being extremely lethal puts the legitimacy of these claims into question. But for the sake of simplicity, we’ll use it here.
The tetrodotoxin works into the nervous system and shuts it down. The victim’s breathing will become shallow. Their body is unresponsive to stimulation. While they cannot feel, move, or breathe properly, most victims remain fully aware of what is happening to them in this state of living death.
Treatment of tetrodotoxin involves maintaining the body until it processes the chemical. Most villages don’t have the means to put someone on life support, let alone the manpower and supplies to do so when that person may pass away anyway. Tetrodotoxin has no known antidote. Once the physician sees no visible signs of life, they declare the patient deceased. The victim then ends up buried alive.
In the cover of darkness the Bokor, or sorcerer, will venture to the graveyard to dig up the victim. At this time the newly made zombie is given a powerful hallucinogenic. Most believe the substance to be derived from the datura plant. Datura causes violent hallucinations and photophobia (extreme sensitivity to light). One dose will affect the victim for approximately 48 hours.
The heavy influence of the Voodoo religion in the region is the key element to the zombie creation process. If the victim survives exposure to the various chemical compounds at play, they should recover themselves and become normal within days. Believers that go through the process convince themselves, with influence from the Bokor, that they are actually a zombie. These zombies will continue to work under the bokor for years. It is only when family members see them that legitimacy of their “undead” condition comes into question.
Bokors are believed to be able to manipulate the zombi astral, the spirit of a person. What we call the soul. Those that practice dark arts (making zombies, curses, etc…) are said to capture souls inside jars. Some will sell the jars as charms. Others gather them. The more captured souls in their control, the more powerful the bokor. To go against a powerful bokor is begging to be “cursed”. That is why so many of these living zombies strive to believe their conditions and remain in service to the bokor.
If the family recovers their loved one, they won’t find much of that person left. Years of believing yourself dead and exposure to powerful hallucinogenic drugs warps the brain. Zombies without a bokor riding herd on them often end up in asylums. Those who aren’t discovered tend to haunt graveyards, as they feel closer to the dead than the living.
We here at the Zombie Survival Crew consider these zombies to be victims. That is unless they attempt to harm a crewmember. Unfortunately it is difficult to tell them apart from the other breeds. Keep in mind that newly claimed zombies of this type would appear sweaty. Their eye movements will be erratic, and though it will be difficult to tell, they are breathing. If you think they are the victim of a Voodoo spell, report the zombie but do not dispatch them.
At the ZSC we are all about preparedness. With that in mind we have compiled a list of weapons that will be helpful when the undead rise.
13. Explosives
Zombies are pack animals, much like hyenas. If you find yourself surrounded toss a grenade into the crowd and run like hell. For more strategic use, lay out claymore mines. These use a remote detonator, keeping you out of harms way. Explosives are very handy. However, we do not suggest flinging a vial of nitroglycerin at the zombies. That’s just asking for trouble…
12. Salt
Should you be faced with a magical (voodoo) zombie, the easiest and best way to deal with them is with salt (or salt water). Magic practitioners use salt as a cleansing and protective agent. In the case of zombies, you need to pelt them with it, or put it in their mouth to break the connection with their creator. Salt water works easiest for this. Squirt guns, anyone?
11. Machete
This weapon has a short, sharp blade that makes it easy to wield. Put enough strength behind a blow with a machete and it should cut deep enough to destroy a zombie’s brain. If not, aim for the neck then stomp on the zombie’s head when it hits the dirt.
Yes, we know it’s a commercial, but honestly, what would you do in this situation? Would you make it to your car, or would you become zombie food?
For example, I (Jinxie) have an Avalanche. It’s pretty. Anyway, the key fob allows me to open one door or all doors. Don’t really want all doors unlocked when I’m trying to escape zombies and if I’m alone. Maybe zombies know how to open doors? You never know. Watch Land of the Dead. *shudders* So my ‘lanche allows me to open the only door I need in the event I must escape the shambling hordes. I’m not too concerned with key confusion, like the girl in this video. I don’t have that many keys on my key chain.
So, what would you do, dear crew? Do you have a plan for this?
We have received the following from R.C., who has located the detention facility where Anthony and Juliette are being held.
Command needs help from the Zombie Survival Crew brigades to craft a successful escape plan.
Take your best shot, get creative, get nasty . . . and post your escape strategy in the comment section or email it to Command at zombiesurvivalcrew (at) gmail (dot) com. You have until January 7.
Command will pick the best plan to execute, and its creator will get official ZSC gear (being unveiled publicly mid-January) as a prize!!
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Field Report: R.C. Murphy
You want something with a high level of difficulty? Try finding a living soul in the middle of a desert. No, tumbleweeds don’t count. Though by the end of my second day in New Mexico I sure wished they did.
The signal from Juliette’s GPS came from somewhere between Santa Fe and Albuquerque. I traced it to one of two locations. A run-down shack sitting all on its lonesome in the desert, or the hydroelectric power plant two miles away. Neither looked like a secret government agency’s stronghold, but as with most things looks can be deceiving.
I targeted two men to gather info. The first had been in and out of the shack frequently. The second worked at the power plant. On both I planted a small button camera. They should have been more careful with their coats while having a cup of joe.
The first, I’ll call him Glasses, drove to the shack after his caffeine fix. Inside wasn’t much, a typical storage shed. He headed for a red cabinet on the back wall. The doors opened and two armed soldiers greeted him. They stepped aside to expose two sets of elevators doors. Another single door sat to the side of those, marked “stairs.”
Glasses swiped an ID card over a black box on the wall. The elevator doors opened and he began the very long ride down. When the doors opened again, they showed three sets of double doors. Through the small windows I saw more soldiers.
The right door bore a sign reading “Administration”. The left, “Power plant”. Center, “Laboratory”.
He took the center doors. More men in white lab coats milled around. Like camouflage sprinkles in whipped cream were a few armed soldiers, stationed just far enough apart to not look too threatening despite the semi-autos hanging from their shoulders.
Glasses walked past rooms filled with medical equipment. A large steel door slipped by, “Cold Storage” the sign said. He went on to the end of the hall. There the doors were shut. His thumb slid over a fingerprint scanner and the window on the door opened.
Jesus, it was Anthony.
The footage after that was useless. Something blocked the camera’s eye. In desperation I pulled up the footage from the second man’s button cam. I named him Suspenders.
Suspenders approached the large steel door of the power plant and tapped a card against a small black panel identical to the elevator locks inside the shack. The door eased open; he gave a wave to one of the cameras keeping watch over the entrance.
A stairwell door and a pair of elevator doors waited. Suspenders took the elevator, his ride down just as long as Glasses’. When the doors opened I half expected to see the dreary circular room from before, but no. He was let out right smack dab in the midst of a bustling power plant.
Large machinery took up most of the space. What wasn’t filled with machines was taken over by people. Amongst them, some shrewd looking security officers. Their eyes took in everything, I mean everything.
One approached Suspenders, saying something I couldn’t read on his lips. My target followed him down the row of machines, passing more security and a few wary workers. At the end of the hall sat a double set of doors and a black ID scanner like the elevator locks. The guard opened the doors with his ID. Beyond was the circular room.
They took the door reading “Administration”. As soon as Suspenders hit the hallway a shadowy hand covered the button cam. Dangit!
The only other information I managed to find were blueprints for the power plant. It’s made of solid steel and enough concrete to fill in half an ocean. The other wings of the facility? It’s as though they don’t exist.
We have to get Juliette and Anthony out of there. This is where I need your help.
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This is the only photo R.C. was able to get to us. They’re locked down tight, folks.
If you’re not up for this challenge, have no fear. A variety of other contests are around the corner!
Roughly 63% of households in the United States have at least one pet. What would happen if the zombie virus jumped species? Seventy-one million homes are at risk should this happen. Sure, no one is going to run screaming if the family goldfish turns. But maybe they should. The zombie virus would mean they could “survive” out of water, and maybe give them greater powers of locomotion. Putting aside the goldfish threat for the moment, most people have larger pets, like dogs, cats, parrots, etc. Fido with the uncontrollable hunger of the undead? Totally terrifying.
In humans the zombie virus overrides the fear instinct. Take that fear of predators from an animal and there is nothing holding them back from attacking. Wild animals are outfitted with some vicious weapons. Without the fear of being hurt or possessing pain receptors to be aware of injury once turned, they will put those claws and teeth to good use.
What if you lived near the local Zoo? It wouldn’t take long for an infected and crazed animal to force its way out of captivity. Images of tigers looking like the Doberman Pinschers from Resident Evil come to mind. Trust us when we say, you want to get as far away from zoos or wildlife centers after the first zombies have been found. 
